“Now, now, darlin’, that would’ve been too easy and you do know me, Gisella. I couldn’t go through with it—I was chicken shit. Too many dead bodies I gotta live with already and I couldn’t face another so Ronan took ‘em out. I didn’t want him too and I woulda worked up the nerve to shoot the bastard but Ronan was quicker.”
They separated reluctantly and he started into her gorgeous eyes before she mouthed, “I love you.”
Cillian smiled before he attacked those gorgeous lips and she responded in turn. How could he have gotten so lucky with a beautiful woman and someone who just happened to know him inside out?
The question remained on his mind as Quinn and Bookie walked into the Club house and interrupted them.
“Bro, we got a situation on our hands. You’re ex-old lady just turned up, and she’s drunk out of her head. She’s probably high too and she’s demandin’ to see the kids.” Quinn, always the worrier, glared at him with crystal blue eyes.
“What are you telling us for?” Gisela responded though she knew an old lady’s smart mouth could land her in all kinds of trouble. “Let her in.”
Cillian grabbed her by the shoulders. “Babe, if she’s drunk and high, the kids shouldn’t see her like that—”
“She’s their mother. What the hell do we look like turning her away? Plus, half the people out there are drunk and high. Declan and Caitlin miss her and I can’t replace her either. Let them see her but we’ll just keep a close eye on her, all right?”
He hated when she was right but at the same time, he couldn’t help feeling like this was a bad idea.
Gisela grabbed his hand and her soft palm, so small and delicate in his own, gave him the strength he needed to walk out the Clubhouse doors and face the one woman he had no desire to see again.
Someone had let her in and she strolled around in a pair of black daisy duke shorts, which displayed long alabaster legs, a ripped Joan Jett and the Blackhearts tee with a black bra underneath and a pair of black four-inch mules. Her hair was a deep auburn with subtle blondish-auburn highlights and her steel-gray eyes looked around before she finally settled on her two children seated at a picnic table.
Declan dropped the hot dog back onto his plate, stood and ran to his mother while Caitlin also stood but she seemed confused and reluctant. His daughter walked over to him and Gisela before she grabbed the woman who had become her surrogate mother.
“Don’t you wanna see your ma? I bet you she drove all the way from Reno to see you.”
“I talk to her…every now and then.” Caitlin glanced up at her father. “She’s in Carson City now, Dad. I don’t…I can’t…I still love her but Gisela is like a mom to me now and I don’t want her to think I feel something I don’t.”
Cillian watched as Gisela knelt beside her and embraced her. “You’re like a daughter to me too but saying ‘Hello’ to your mother over there doesn’t offend me, baby. She gave you life, and no matter what anyone tells you about her, she’s still your mother.”
“You can say ‘Hi’ to her, Caitlin. She won’t take you away from us, I promise.”
The tone of Cillian’s voice had changed from friendly to a quiet order; both, which Gisela and Caitlin had picked up on.
The young girl smiled with bright hazel-green eyes, “Okay, Dad.”
He watched her walk over to Brianna before she gave her an awkward hug.
Gisela punched his arm. “Way to blackmail a kid, babe. She might not be ready to face her mother yet. She did abandon them, after all, and disappeared into thin air but at the end of the day, there was something vulnerable enough about that woman you made her your old lady.”
He dug out a cigarette and lit it. “Yeah, but my past isn’t exactly something I’m proud of.”
“Understandable but it still happened.”
Cillian remained silent as he watched his ex-old lady and thought it was strange how he felt nothing. After all the years they’d spent with one another, and the two children they shared together, looking at Brianna brought nothing to him except bad memories. He wished he could erase the years between them and start anew with Gisela.
“Listen, Caitlin looks uncomfortable. I’m going to walk over and make sure everything is okay.”
He shrugged his shoulders in apathy. “Suit yourself.”
Gisela began to walk away before she turned on him with lethal amber eyes. “No, I don’t think so. I’m trying to save your pathetic, worthless life at the moment so it’s not ‘suiting myself’ at all. The last thing you need are more enemies, Cillian. You need to make peace with your ex-old lady because this is never going to work if you don’t.”
She strolled closer to him and got into his face. “You wanna blame Brianna for everything that went wrong in your life but the onus is on you—not her! You dragged her here, and you made her your old lady because you didn’t want to be alone with your demons. You turned into a monster while you two were married but that is your fault. You let your father use you for his benefit and when everything soured, you looked for someone to blame and she was perfect, wasn’t she? What scares me the most about this whole twisted, fucked up situation is if you would ever turn on me just like that—”
“Don’t be stupid, babe. I love you—I never had the kind of feelings for her that we have for one another.”
“How very…fucking sad.” She shook her head. “Our ‘young love’ was so toxic and dangerous, we couldn’t even bring ourselves to like our bed partners. I remember feeling a distinct loathing for every man other than you who touched me sexually and it seems like you had a similar situation. We did it to ourselves, and now we have to pay the price. I’m not going to hate Brianna because what happened between you and I caused our demise and no one and nothing else. Like it or not, she will always be the mother of those children and I can’t replace her. The sooner you realize that sometimes you need to stop being so fucking pig-headed and just let life run its course, the happier you’ll be.”
Cillian felt like throwing the bottle of Bud Ice to the floor just to watch the glass explode but he got a handle on his temper and walked toward his boys. He needed to let loose and if that meant being away from Gisela while she kissed his ex-old lady’s ass then so be it.
No one ever said love was easy but as much as he adored and worshipped her, she could still be a right pain in his arse.
Cillian and Kink sat together in the Clubhouse, along with Ronan, Cricket, Bookie and Quinn. They were all quite drunk even though they’d eaten on top of the alcohol they’d consumed.
“I’m worried, bro.” Kink belched loudly and swallowed another shot of Jack Daniels before he chased it with a freshly opened bottle of Heineken.
“About what?” Ronan looked down at his iPhone and quickly replied to a text message.
“This. Us. You. Look at ya, cocksucker,” Kink sneered. “The bitch is outside textin’ you and we’re supposed to be bondin’ before we make our last run for meth. The party was a great way to cover up what’s really goin’ on tonight.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was bein’ a pussy for caring about my old lady. My bad.”
“Will you both shut the fuck up?” Quinn sighed and sipped from his Beck’s quietly. “We all agreed that this should go down one more time and then we’d have to end it. Dad’s medical bills weren’t cheap and even though we’ve got him some health insurance, we’re still responsible for forty percent of the cost. Sean and Brendan agreed with the run and said it had to happen.”
“Yeah, I know what happened, dickhead. Sean’s my father, remember?” Kink glared at Quinn with cold blue eyes.
“Sorry…I forget sometimes…you look like that Slavic Slapper who pushed you out her hole.”
“Shut the fuck up, Ronan.” Cillian breathed deeply and prayed for the rest of the night to go down okay.
“Fuck you,” Kink replied quietly. “My mother is half-Polish and half-Irish. She’s not a Slavic Slapper. And it wasn’t her fault my dad fell in love with a stri
pper and she decided to high-tail it before I was five. All I have is a faded snapshot of them together.”
“Your dad loved her.”
Everyone slowly turned their heads toward Bookie. He had acquired his name because of his love of books but he didn’t say much, not unless he had something constructive to add to a conversation.
“I guess—”
“Sean fucks Slappers—hell, I guess we all do with the exception of the Cox bros, and now you with Miranda bein’ back in your life and all—but he was in love with your mom. Mila Zawadzka Boyle was your father’s only love and if she walked through that door now, he’d take her back in a heartbeat.”
Cillian felt the tears gather in his eyes but he refused to cry in front of his boys. He stood, and said, “Bookie’s right. It’s the same between Gisela and I. In all my life, I’ve never been able to see past her.”
“Sometimes that’s how it is,” Cricket spoke up and stood too.
“Let’s get ready to head out.”
All the guys grabbed their gear while both Bookie and Quinn headed to the black van. Cillian, Kink, Cricket and Ronan would be on their bikes. It was supposed to be an in and out deal and then they would come back to the party and pretend like nothing happened.
However, as much as Cillian had drank, he had a bad feeling about this whole setup. They’d pressed their luck with those White Knight psychos more than enough times. Sooner or later, something was gonna kick off they weren’t going to be able to walk away from it when it did happen. He hated how he knew it might be tonight that would be the last deal, and the one they would fucking regret.
Kink slapped him on his shoulders before he got on his Harley. “What’s the matter, bro?”
“Something’s not right. I don’t know why I feel it but my gut is never wrong. I don’t like this setup.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to get a hold of himself and his thundering heart.
“You’re not high, are you?”
“Fuck no! My kids are here and can you imagine what Gisela would say?”
“Then let’s go so we can get this shit and get the hell back to the party.” Ronan turned on his Harley. “I have a bad feeling too and I don’t wanna be around those inbred hicks any longer than I have to be.”
“Agreed.” Cricket slipped on his helmet.
Cillian finally cranked up, put his helmet on and gave them the hand signal. They all took off in a trail of noise and exhaust fumes.
“So, you hear from that fuckin’ Bastard who shot my brother?”
Cillian glared at Jake with cold blue eyes. “Who? Lennon? He’s not even in the fuckin’ country.”
“Yeah, we know.” Jake smiled and displayed off-white teeth in an otherwise brutally handsome face. “He’s in Belfast and we know where he and his bitch are…but then my dad heard something very interesting.”
“Where’s all this going?” Ronan grabbed the duffel bag of money from Quinn and held it in one hand while he held his Desert Eagle in his other hand casually like it was a natural extension of his arm. “What are we? Demon’s Bastards’ keepers or some such shit? Why are you askin’ about Lennon anyway?”
Jake’s blue eyes held a twisted mirth in them. “Well…with Lennon not being a Bastard anymore…we heard he was a Saint. Now say it ain’t so.”
Cillian glared at Ronan, and cocked his head to the side before he arched one of his eyebrows.
Deny it.
Ronan was a lot more intelligent than many people gave him credit for. Hell, he would have his own charter one day with Cillian’s help. The guy was that sharp.
“Don’t know where you heard that bullshit rumor from. Why the fuck would we want that douchebag? Not to mention it’s unprecedented for members of MC to switch affiliations. It doesn’t happen. Stop usin’ so much of your own shit, Jake, you’re slippin’.”
“Not to ease up on the fuckin’ chit chat but we got other places to be. Somethin’ goin’ down here or not?” Kink questioned in his best “I could give a flyin’ fuck” voice.
“I heard you got rid of that nice piece of pussy you had, Killer,” Jake responded, ignoring Kink. “Ya know, she’s working at Essential Assets Gentlemen’s Club in Carson City, serving all those rich fucks. You can even buy her for the night if you want. I’m thinkin’ it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just ‘borrow’ her for the night but I gotta let Brooklyn and all the rest of the guys in on the fun too.”
Cillian’s temper was so close to exploding, his temples throbbed. “Oh yeah? You touch my ex-old lady and I will hunt you down and murder you myself. And I’ll finish off what Trey started in terms of Brooklyn…only I won’t miss and that asshole won’t be breathin’ when I get done with him.”
Jake looked back at Brooklyn who merely smiled. “We got Lennon covered and when we’re through with him and that skank bitch sister of ours who he’s fuckin’, believe me, if we find out he was takin’ a trip to the other side…thinkin’ ‘bout becomin’ a Saint like his old man, you don’t wanna see me because I will be staring at you down the barrel of a motherfuckin’ gun, you half-breed lovin’ shit for brains.”
Ronan laughed then. “Is that supposed to be some sort of racist joke? You’re a fuckin’ idiot, Jake—”
“—and you run your mouth too goddamn much, Ronan.” Brooklyn glared him down but he never flinched.
Jake threw a duffel bag at Kink. “Here are the motherfuckin’ drugs. Just what you asked for.”
Kink, their resident drug expert, opened it and grabbed a small vial of a chemical to test its potency level. The White Knights were a lot of things but there was a reason why they controlled the meth trade. Theirs was the best around, still made with the same ingredients as original Methamphetamine and not all the shit they used to dilute it nowadays with cold and flu medicine being harder to get a hold of in huge quantities.
Kink nodded. “It’s all good in the hood. Ronan, you can hand over the cash.”
Bookie quickly took the duffel bag from Kink and loaded it into the van before he and Quinn took off in a hurry.
Cillian had to stand there, his heart thundering in his chest as Jake counted the money, would make a joke with one of his cousins or Brooklyn, lose count, and then would have to start all over again.
Ronan cocked his Desert Eagle and all jokes stopped. “Listen, you can count that shit when you get home. You know where to find us if you want shit to go down, we’re out.”
Jake and Brooklyn looked at one another before both the brothers shrugged their shoulders.
“Then get the fuck out.” Brooklyn smirked. “Or did you forget you were in in Black Oak?”
Cillian nodded at Ronan and they slowly climbed on their bikes and stashed their helmets. No way did they want their back turned against these assholes with the kind of threats they’d just casually made.
He’d just turned on his Harley when Jake said, “Tell your Da he can be expectin’ his son’s head to come via Federal Express. Just as a parting gift from yours truly courtesy of Belfast. Trey will be dying in a matter of hours.”
Cillian finally put on his helmet and fastened it before he gave the signal and everyone left as they were ready. He was the last to leave but that he knew he could catch up with them easily.
He caught up and they drove back to the compound before they backed their bikes in and all hopped off.
“You better have your Dad call Trey and make sure he’s okay.” Kink slapped his back and caught up with his family.
It was only eight but it felt later. Soon, the kids would be off to bed and it would turn into an adults only party where the liquor would continue to flow but marijuana and cocaine would also make an appearance.
Dizzy didn’t like drugs but as long as one stayed a recreational user, he generally stayed out of his members’ affairs. However, now that he’d had a triple bypass and was dealing with two cokeheads running one of his major charters, he’d gotten paranoid about the drugs. Now, he generally frowned on anything harder than mari
juana being smoked.
This was a judgment call Cillian didn’t want to make but he had to tell his father about what was going on. Trey was in Belfast and he was supposed to be protected by the Lucifer Saints charter there but he was a grown ass man and could leave any time he wanted. There was nothing to stop him from wandering into the wrong area of Belfast. Something awful could go down that would not only hurt the Club but might end his father’s life.
Dizzy loved his children and he adored Cillian because he was the oldest but they all knew Trey Lennon had his heart. He’d been in love with Trey’s mother, the same kind of love he felt for Gisela. Although it hurt like a bitch to know his father played favorites, he understood where he was coming from. Surely if he’d been allowed to keep Conan and raise him as his son, he would be his favorite too. If anything ever happened to him, the pain would be felt just as deep, even if he’d never spent one day with his oldest progeny.
Conan was his and Gisela’s son, and no matter who raised him, that would never change.
Cillian was exhausted, and had absolutely no wish to stay at the Clubhouse. He wanted to go home, make love to his woman and fall asleep in their bed. He immediately sought out Gisela who was busy talking to Miranda and Naomi. Caitlin was on her lap, asleep.
“You ready to go, darlin’?”
She smiled and stood up after he picked up Caitlin and held her in his arms.
“I’ll go get Declan. I think he’s in the game room with Misty and that new guy she’s dating.”
“What new guy?”
“You met him earlier. Clooney…he’s a Demon’s Bastard—I’m not sure if they voted him in or if he’s a prospect. I didn’t get a chance to look at his cut.” Her soft hand grazed his forearm before she walked out of the main room and down the hallway.
He took the opportunity with her gone to see his father quickly. It surprised him when he opened the door to chapel and his parents were together, speaking quietly to one another. Bronaugh looked up and smiled slightly before she walked over to her son.
“Why don’t you let your Da and I take the wee ones’ home? You and Gisela can have a little privacy.”
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 35
