Finally, we pull into the compound. I skitter off the bike so quickly I end up on my ass in the dirt. I get to my feet swiftly, shove my helmet at Cade, turn and storm out of the gates toward my father’s house. I don’t look back, and Cade doesn’t follow. It’s for the best; we both know it too. I don’t need anything holding me back, and Cade clearly doesn’t want it. We made a mistake, having sex on the back of his bike earlier. We took that step from flirting to taking action, and taking action fucks things up. It confuses things. It makes things difficult and awkward. I should have ignored my lust, did what I had to do, and moved on.
But I didn’t, and that’s on me.
~*CHAPTER 7*~
PAST
I can smell his sweat as he moves over me; his body plunges inside of mine. Bile rises and falls over and over in my throat. I’ve learned to hold it down. There’s no point in letting it out; it’ll only make him angrier and the prick gets horny when he’s angry. I just hold my breath and let the drugs in my system take me to another world. It’s the only way to survive this. The only way to survive the suffocating feeling of having him all over me, having his body thrusting into mine, hearing his grunts. God, I wish it would end. I just want it to be over. Things would be so much easier if I were dead.
“What the fuck!”
I hear the sound, and I feel the mass of relief flood through my body. Billy. He came for me like he promised he would. Before I have the chance to open my eyes, Jasper is launched into a nearby wall. Billy has hold of his now limp cock and he twists it. The sound Jasper makes is that of pure agony, and yet it brings me complete comfort. Watching Jasper being lowered to his knees, is a sight I will never forget and will be forever grateful for. Billy leans down and drives his fist into Jasper’s nose over and over until thick red blood spurts out and coats the walls. I don’t even flinch. I have no feelings towards this, none at all.
“You ever fucking touch her again, I will come to you in the night and slice your cock off and fuck you with it until you’re bleeding, you rotten piece of shit. Do you understand me?”
Jasper grunts. His face is red and he’s sweating. “Fuck you!”
Billy twists Jasper’s cock so hard, the roar that comes from his mouth is ear splitting.
“Okay,” Jasper rasps, his voice broken. “I won’t touch her.”
“If it wasn’t for her Momma, you would be dead right now, you piece of shit. If you take this out on them though, mark my words, I’ll gut you.”
Jasper nods, his face bloated, red and now dripping. He’s panting, his mouth is twisted in a way that’s gone beyond pain. Billy lets him go, puts his foot to Jasper’s chest and sends him backwards into the wall. Jasper scrambles to his knees, and scurries out the door. When he’s gone, Billy turns to me. He’s literally shaking with rage and his brown eyes are flaring open and closed with emotion.
“How long?” he says in a voice so icy, I flinch.
“Since I was thirteen.”
“You never told me?” he roars and paces the room, fists clenched with rage.
“I didn’t want to risk my mother.”
“Your mother?” he bellows, spinning around. “That woman put you in this mess.”
I stand, pulling a sheet around myself. “And she is all I have. Without her, I won’t survive.”
“You’ll survive with me!”
“And what if that goes wrong?”
His eyes narrow and he runs a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. “Is that all you think of this? Of us?”
“I’ve seen what happens to love. I’ve seen married men come in and have their dicks sucked because their wives are tired or looking after children. I’ve seen women coming in looking for company, because their husbands work too much. I know where love goes, and I won’t risk it. So yes, that is what I think of this.”
He shakes his head sadly. “Addison, you’re letting this ruin you. One day, a man is going to come along and sweep you away. He’s going to give you that feeling you can’t go back on, that feeling that will change your world. You won’t think like this then.”
“It won’t happen,” I say, feeling my eyelids become heavy as I begin to come down from my high.
“Not even with me?”
I stare at him through hooded lashes. “You’re as close as I’ve ever come to love, Billy. It’s not enough though. I am what I am. You’re better off moving on and finding something worth fighting for.”
“You’re worth fighting for, Addison.”
“In your eyes, perhaps.”
He looks pained now. “Why don’t you stop him?”
I shrug, light up a cigarette and sit down. “What’s the point? He’s going to do it, even if I fight. He knows he’ll get what he wants, because without him, my mother and I are on the streets. He needs her, and with her comes me. He knows I won’t fight. It’s just quicker if I block it out.”
“He’s raping you,” he whispers, disgusted.
“Yeah, well, there are worse things in the world.”
“Addison, will there ever come a time you’ll let someone save you?”
I stand, walk past him and head toward my bedroom. At the door, I turn back to him. “Saving someone only works if that person wants or deserves to be saved.”
“Have you looked at yourself lately?” he yells. “Have you?”
“Yes!”
“No, you haven’t! Addison, you’re sinking. You need to take a good hard look at yourself, this isn’t how you want to be, God dammit, wake up.”
Before I know what he’s doing, he’s got me and drags me into the bathroom. He flicks on the light and shoves me in front of the broken glass. “Look!”
I stare at the girl in the mirror, the girl with hollow cheeks, dark rings under her eyes, and ratty hair that holds no color. She’s broken; she’s damaged. When did I let myself become so…so horrible? I swallow down the bile that rises in my throat. Who is that girl in front of me?
She’s not me.
I know what she is.
She’s a nothing.
~*PRESENT*~
“Have you seen Cade?” I ask Jackson one afternoon, about two weeks into my stay.
Cade hasn’t spoken a lot to me since I over reacted at him, and while I understand it, it’s kind of pissing me off.
Jackson nods, and points towards a small shed up the back of the lot.
“He’s workin’ on his bike.”
“Thanks.”
“What you need him for?” he asks, wiping some grease onto his jeans.
I avoid his gaze. “Just to chat.”
“No woman just chats with Cade. Be careful, Addison. He’s not the kind of man that will change your life.”
I stare up at him, and then I narrow my eyes. “Someone probably said that about you once, Jackson. It doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“Look where love got me.”
I turn and walk towards the small shed. “Who said love had anything to do with this?”
Jackson doesn’t get to answer, and that’s fine by me. I don’t want to hear his answer. Not right now. I know it’ll only be something that makes my heart hurt. I reach the small shed, and can hear the sounds of tools tinkering. I grip the handle, open the door and step inside. It’s only a small space, and in the middle, Cade’s bike is hoisted up and he’s standing underneath it, completely shirtless. I stop walking, and I let my eyes travel over his body. Hot damn, what a body it is. Cade is ripped in a way a girl can only dream about. Broad shoulders, tight chest, washboard abs and that sexy-as-sin man ‘V’. He’s covered from head to toe in streaks of grease.
“Jackson told me I would find you here,” I say, and he stops what he’s doing to turn and stare at me.
“If I wanted to be found,” he says, turning his spanner, “I wouldn’t be down here with the door closed.”
Well excuse me. I walk over and stop next to his bike. I run my fingers over the shiny paint. Cade stares at me, his head slightly tilted to the side. He drops his tools, an
d wipes his hands on his jeans before stepping in front of me.
“What do you want, sugar?”
Well, at least he’s calling me sugar, that’s a start.
“To apologize.”
He raises his brows. “Didn’t think you were the type to apologize.”
This just makes me angry. I’ve come in here to admit I’m wrong, yet he’s mocking me and playing games.
“You know what, if you’re going to be a jerk-off, I won’t apologize. Go fuck yourself, Cade.”
I turn, but he grips my arm and spins me back around. He presses my body to his, and I can feel his hot skin against what little of mine is exposed.
“You always run off when things don’t go your way?” he murmurs.
“I’m not a typical female, biker. I’m not going to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness. I’m not going to follow you around hoping you will talk to me again. If you’re pissed at me, then I’m not going to fight to change it.”
“So fuckin’ stubborn,” he says, and wraps an arm around my lower back. He presses me even closer.
“Do you mind? Let me go.”
“I don’t mind at all, and no.”
“Cade…”
“Sugar…”
“You’re so fucking frustrating,” I protest, squirming.
“And you’re so fuckin’ gorgeous, tryin’ to fight me all the time.”
I stare up at him, and he looks down at me with a heated expression. I can see his lust, heck, I can feel his lust. It’s pressing against my belly, hard and pulsing.
“Let me go,” I say, though my voice has lost its spark.
“You don’t really want that, sugar.”
“Yes, I do. Don’t flatter yourself into thinking I want you, Cade. You’re attractive. I liked being with you, but that’s where it ends. I was only coming to apologize for being a bitch the other day, end of story.”
“Such a fuckin’ liar,” he says, in a husky tone.
He’s staring at my lips now. Dammit. Why does he have to look at me like that? It weakens my resolve.
“You’re living a delusional life, biker.”
He gives me a lazy half smile. “And you’re thinkin’ about my cock all deep and hard inside you.”
I attempt to roll my eyes, but I have no doubt I look extremely spastic. This would be because my breath hitches at the same time my eyes move. The reason? Cade’s hand is now covering my pussy. The sneaky bastard managed to slip it around when I was arguing. He’s cupping me, pressing just enough to give me tingles of pleasure.
“You know I’m right,” he growls. “I can feel how fuckin’ wet you are.”
“Delusional,” I rasp.
“You’d like it if I bent you over right now, slipped those jeans down and slid my cock into that delectable little cunt.”
I swallow and my cheeks heat. I want to answer, but my body is pulsing and all I can feel is his hand rocking over my pussy.
“Yo’ Cade!”
Before I know what’s happening, Cade steps back, and I sway on my feet. The door swings open and two bikers step in. I’m still learning all their names, but from what I can remember, it’s Yank and Quinn. I don’t know why they call the tall man Yank, but most of the bikers have a nickname. Though I haven’t heard them call Cade by one.
“What the fuck do you want?” Cade grumbles.
“Jackson needs to talk with you.”
Of course he does. I sigh and turn. “I’ll see you later.”
“Wait up, sugar,” Cade says, but I don’t stop – let him think I don’t care.
I smile the entire way back to the compound, though he will never know that.
*~*~*~*~
“Give us another round, girl.”
I turn, hands full, and see another biker wanting beer. The girl I’m working with tonight, Mindy, is late. Again. The bitch never shows up on time. The only reason she still has a job, is because Jackson can’t convince any normal woman to work with a bunch of rude, feral bikers. I juggle the drinks already in my hand as I place them down on the counter and slide them towards the waiting biker. He flashes me a quick grin, then turns away. I begin to gather the next order, feeling sweat trickle down my face as I become flustered with the amount of work I’m trying to squeeze in.
“Okay, where are we at?”
I turn to see Mindy walking in, tits bulging out of her white top, shorts so tiny her ass cheeks hang out. I sigh, roll my eyes and then snap, “Did you ever think of coming to work on time?”
She puts her hands up, flicks her blonde hair over her shoulder and widens her blue eyes. “Hey, I was busy.”
“What was it this time, Mindy? Your dog died? Your cat ate your budgie? Oh wait, what was it yesterday? Oh, that’s right, all the tires on your car blew off.”
She crosses her arms. “They actually did all burst, someone punctured them.”
“Well, maybe you should show up to work instead of causing trouble and people wouldn’t feel the need to puncture your tires.”
She glares at me, turns and begins taking orders. Well, at least I can finally take my break. I throw the towel off my shoulder down onto the counter, and turn, yelling out as I walk off. I’m just about to turn down the hall, when a hand reaches out and grips me. I’m pulled into a hard, firm body and I break out in shivers all over as Cade presses me against a nearby wall. I’ve been making it my mission to avoid him since the afternoon in the shed. I know it’s annoying him, but I don’t want him to see that he affects me how he does. There’s going to come a point where I can no longer say no to him.
“What the hell, Cade? You can’t just pull me into a dark hall and do what you want!” I snarl.
“Sugar,” he growls. “You’re fuckin’ with me. You know I’m watching. You know it and you’re still doin’ it. Watching me from the corner of your eye, givin’ me those sexy little stares. I can see it, and fuck, you know I want it.”
“I am not…”
“Seein’ you out there, smilin’ at the men as you serve beers makes me fuckin’ angry. I want to take you, then and there, and slam you against the wall and let everyone here know you’re mine. I want to spread your legs and drive my cock deep, claiming you, owning you.”
“Cade, you’re insa…”
“Sugar, shut the fuck up. You know you’re my girl now. You’ve known that since the day I took you on the back of my bike. I don’t just take girls like that. If I wanna fuck, that’s just what I do, but it ain’t never like that. You’re callin’ for me, and I can’t look back. I need to claim you, and now you’re playin’ with me.”
“You might have claimed me,” I growl. “But I didn’t claim you.”
“Did you take my cock?”
“What? You know the answer to that,” I snap, frustrated.
“Then you claimed me, too.”
“Cade, you’re fucking delusion-”
“I warned you once,” he growls, cutting me off. “I won’t fuckin’ do it again. Shut the fuck up, sugar. Now, I’m gonna kiss you ‘coz I’ve been without those sweet lips while you play stupid little bullshit games with me. I won’t be without for another minute. Open your lips, baby, and kiss me.”
He doesn’t let me answer; he simply grips the back of my head, tangles his fingers into my hair, and pulls me close. I expect his lips to crash down over mine, but he just grazes them across, causing shivers to run down my spine. Cade knows I want him, he’s known since the day I laid on his bike and let him claim me. He sees something deep inside me, a want that I don’t recognize fully yet, and he’s pulling it from me, both hands wrapped tightly around it. I lean into him, wanting to deepen the kiss, but he pulls back. He tastes so good, just a touch, and I need more but he won’t give it to me. Instead, he just stares down at me with hungry eyes.
“My house, tonight. You be there, or I come and find you. Don’t think I’m fuckin’ kidding, Addison. Be there.”
“I don’t even know where you live,” I retort.
“You do, babe, ‘coz I fucked you on the bike right outside my front door.”
Ohhhh, so that was his house. Thank God for that.
I swallow, licking my bottom lip. He doesn’t give me a chance to argue any further. He lets me go and moves away before I can take my next breath. I stare at the empty space a moment longer, before letting out a rude snort. Cade Duke is going to see that he doesn’t get to order me around.
I won’t be at his house tonight.
Let’s see how he takes that.
~*CHAPTER 8*~
PAST
“Addison, baby, you’re killing me.”
I smile up at Billy. He reaches over, takes my hair in his fingers and twirls it. We’re driving, and for the first time in years, I feel completely at ease. I run my fingers up his thigh. When you’re nineteen years old – which we both are – that’s an extremely sexual gesture. He’s all stiff and squirming, begging me to stop teasing him. I’m giggling. I almost forgot what giggling felt like.
“I’m not doing anything,” I smile innocently.
He grins, flashing me his charming, crooked smile. His blonde hair blows in the wind and his eyes twinkle with amusement.
“I won’t be able to drop you off if you keep that up.”
I frown now. “I wish you didn’t have to drop me off.”
He gives me a pained smile. “I know, baby, but for now I can’t keep you. I have to get a place first.”
I nod, knowing that’s the truth. He’s trying. He’s trying to get out of his parents’ house and find a way to save me. I’m sure he will too. At least, I hope he will. Right now, he’s my light at the end of the tunnel. If that light snuffs out, I really don’t think I’ll find another one.
“We’ll be fine,” he assures me as he turns onto my street.
My heart sinks, that quickly. There’s nothing but darkness here.
“Thanks, for today,” I whisper as Billy comes to a stop.
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