“Mother fucker,” he snarls. “I’ll come before I fuck you, sugar, if you don’t stop.”
I don’t stop, I clench my teeth down harder around him and tease him with my tongue. My fingers tickle his heavy sack, and when I feel the swell of his cock in my mouth, I know he’s ready to come. That’s when I slide one finger into his ass. Her jerks so violently, completely shocked. I tilt my finger, finding the tiny sweet spot all men have. The first spurt of his release doesn’t shock me; I have read how hard this makes a man come. His roaring and the way he clenches the sheets beside him, his head thrown back, his chest heaving, tells me that the stories are true; it does make it more mind blowing for a man. I press again and he spurts once more, filling my mouth.
“Fuck! Holy fuck!” he groans.
When he stops pulsing, and his erection begins to die down, I remove my mouth and my finger, and I look up at him. He stares down at me, completely shocked and content.
“The fuck?” he says in a scratchy voice. His dark hair falls over his face, making him look completely dangerous and yet so young at the same time.
“I told you I could make you squeal,” I smile.
His face lights up, and he leans down grazing my head with his lips. “I told you I could make you smile. Guess we were both right, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I chuckle.
“Give me ten, sugar. I’ll be deep inside you…”
I flush and shift. Cade gets off me and falls down onto his back. We both stare at the ceiling for a long moment, both of us no doubt feeling the same rush of emotions. Cade fits me. There’s just something about him that fits. He molds into me in a way no one has before. It both frightens and thrills me. I roll towards him, sliding my fingers across his chest. He looks at me, his eyes intense.
“Somethin’ about you, sugar, it’s makin’ everything I believed in feel like it never existed.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m feeling it too, but don’t go getting all sappy on me, biker.”
He gives me a heated expression, then he rolls, dropping his mouth to my nipple. He closes it over the hard tip, sucks and gives it a flick with his tongue every now and then. I moan and let my head sink into the pillow. While his mouth is on my nipple, his hand gently massages my other breast. I whimper, never having felt so many bolts of pleasure shooting through my body just from nipple stimulation.
“Cade,” I whisper. “God, more.”
He lets his hand slide from my breast and he slides it down to my pants. He tugs at them, and I let him pull them off. When I’m in nothing but my panties, I feel my body begin to liven up again. He cups my pussy, pressing his palm into my damp mound.
“Fuckin’ wet, God, sugar, need my cock inside you, but not until I taste that sweet cunt again.”
I tremble as he grips my panties and tears them off in one, quick swipe. When I am exposed to him, he leans back and takes hold of my knees, spreading them.
“You’re shining for me, baby, so fuckin’ wet. Show me how you like it.”
I look up at him, and he’s giving me an expression that has my heart thudding.
“You want me to touch myself?”
“Yeah, babe, fuck…yeah.”
I slide my fingers down my belly, and when I reach my pussy, I slide my finger through my folds. Cade swallows and watches as I lift my finger out and bring it to my lips.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he rasps.
I stretch my finger out, and he leans forward, taking it into his mouth and sucking. The feeling of having someone suck your finger is fucking erotic. I clench, desperately needing attention. When my finger slips from his mouth, he gently takes my hands, placing them above my head.
“I’m going to make you come now, sugar, so keep your hands up there.”
I spread my legs further as he leans down. He takes hold of my hips and tilts them upwards. When his mouth closes over my pussy, the cry that escapes my throat is strangled and raw. He sucks my clit into his mouth, gently rotating it around and around until I’m wound up so tightly it almost hurts.
“Cade, please,” I beg, thrashing in his grips.
He slips a finger inside me, then two, and before I can think, he’s thrusting and sucking, thrusting and sucking. When I come, it’s out of this world. I shake, twist, cry out and jerk until every last jolt of pleasure has been wrung from my body. Cade crawls up over me, reaches over to the bedside table and pulls out a condom. He sits back and I watch as he slides it down his hard length. When he’s fully sheathed, he positions himself over me and wraps my legs around his hips before pressing against my entrance. I groan as he stretches and fills me with each gentle push inside.
“Fuck, Cade!”
“Sugar,” he groans, “you’re fuckin’ killin’ me.”
He slips deep inside, and the feeling of him filling me is so intense, I close my eyes and just enjoy the moment. Cade thrusts his hips, slides out and fills me again. His elbows rest beside my head, so I turn my head to the left and lick his biceps. He groans and tangles a hand in my hair, tugging gently. I whimper as I begin to swell around him; he’s tweaking the perfect spots inside me.
“Need you deeper,” he growls gripping my hips and rolling us.
We roll too far, and end up off the bed and thumping down onto the floor. I squeal, he laughs. The idea of moving only crosses my mind for a split second, but instead, I crush my lips against Cade’s and then we’re fucking like wild animals. The carpet rug is burning my back as I use the bed to press my feet against, so my legs are high and raised. Cade drives me hard, his fingers are tangled in my hair; our bodies are sweaty and we both heave and pant, our groans join together to make a primal, feral sound.
“Fuck, goin’ to come,” Cade rasps. “Come with me.”
I am gripping his back so hard I can feel warmth on my fingers. He grunts loudly as I drag my nails down his skin. I’m so close, God, I’m so close. Cade reaches between us and tweaks my clit, and that sends me over the edge. With a scream, I come. Cade is close behind me, and his primal bellow completely increases my release. We shudder together. My back burns; my body is on fire and I love it. I love every second of it. When his orgasm dies down, he drops his head into my shoulder, kissing it gently. He rolls us both to our sides, until we’re facing each other.
“Fuck, you got some nails, girl,” he murmurs. “My back hurts.”
“Mine too,” I groan, shifting.
“What’s wrong with yours?” he says, moving a piece of hair from my eyes.
“Carpet burn.”
He stares blankly at me, then bursts out laughing. I shove at his chest, but he grips my wrists and pulls me close.
“Sorry, baby, that was so unexpected.”
“I can’t believe we rolled off the bed.”
He grins, kissing me softly. “Wild cat.”
“Rebel.”
He sits us up, and then his hands are on me, gently, spinning me around. He runs his fingertips over my battered back. He leans in, kissing it softly, completely shocking me. To the rest of the world, Cade is terrifying, but here…in this moment…he’s completely beautiful.
“Let me get somethin’ to put on that.”
He stands, takes my hands and helps me up. My body aches in the most pleasant way; it’s a thrilling feeling. It’s a feeling I’ve never had before.
And it scares the hell out of me.
~*CHAPTER 11*~
PAST
“I tried to call you,” I say, when Billy finally comes around after four days of me desperately trying to contact him.
“I was busy,” he says, but his voice sounds off.
He’s sounded off for weeks. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to be here, but he’s too afraid to tell me so. He’s trying to save me, and I’m starting to feel more and more like a project than I am a girlfriend. He runs his fingers through his messy blonde hair and sighs. “Listen, Addison, we need to-”
“Don’t bother,” I snap, crossing my arms. “I know what you’re going
to say.”
He does look like it pains him to have to say what comes next, and that only makes my heart hurt more. I don’t doubt Billy cares about me, but I think it’s gone far beyond that. Sometimes caring just isn’t enough, and sometimes one’s lifestyle is unfixable. Perhaps that’s how he feels about my lifestyle, that I’ll never leave it, never get away. I swallow and square my shoulders. I’ve dealt with far worse than heart break. I don’t expect Billy to save me. How can I ever expect someone to change their world for me? That’s such a high expectation to have of another person, especially when what they’re fighting for, is completely fucked up to begin with.
“You know I love you, Addison,” he says gently.
I hate that line. You know I love you, but I’m going to leave you anyway. I thought love conquered all? Seems to me, if things get too hard, people run regardless of love. Whatever happened to through thick and thin? I don’t let Billy see the hurt that’s ripping through my chest right now. I won’t be the girl that begs. I’ve never been that girl and I won’t start now.
“You’re leaving,” I respond in a simple, emotionless tone.
Billy flinches, and I see his fingers twitching like he wants to reach out for me. He makes a loud, sighing sound and begins pacing the room.
“It’s work.”
What a fucking lie.
“No, it’s not.”
He stops pacing and turns to face me. He shoves his hands into his jean pockets.
“Addison, it’s just…look…I want a certain lifestyle and you’re not willing to walk away from this to be with me. I can’t keep trying to save a girl, who doesn’t want to be saved.”
“You think it’s so easy, don’t you?” I snap.
“No, I don’t think it’s easy. I’ve seen how hard it is for you. I know what you go through here but you won’t let me help you. You won’t walk away from her. You won’t walk away from Jasper, even after…”
His face scrunches in disgust, and that burns. It burns because that disgust isn’t just because of Jasper, it’s because of me. Because I allow it, because I stopped fighting.
“He hurts you, and you let him. Your mother treats you like a dog, and you let her. You won’t walk away because you’re scared if you do and we don’t work out, that you’ll have nothing.”
This hurts me. He has no idea how it is for me. I can’t walk away from this, because if I do, it could so easily backfire. If I step away from my mother, she won’t ever take me back. If it doesn’t work out with Billy, where does that leave me? Being forced to live like her? Being forced to sleep around to earn money? I have no skills. No one will take scum like me. It’s so easy for him to see the light at the end of the tunnel because he’s never had to walk in darkness.
“Have you ever spent a night on the streets, Billy?”
He scrunches up his face. “You know I haven’t.”
“Then you couldn’t begin to imagine how terrible it is. I would do anything to avoid ever having to go there again. You don’t understand my resistance, because you haven’t had to live the way I do.”
“If you would just trust me…”
“Trust isn’t the problem. The problem is that if you leave me, I have nothing.”
“You’re worrying about something that may never happen, Addison.”
“I have to protect myself, and if you’re not willing to wait…”
“I’ve waited over six months!” he yells. “How much longer do you need?”
I shake my head, swallowing down my emotions. “Never mind, Billy, do what you have to do.”
“Addison, this isn’t what I want, but your life is holding me back…”
I stare down at my hands and my eyes burn; they burn so badly I struggle to keep them open.
“Thanks for everything, Billy,” I whisper.
“Addison…”
“Please leave. If you’re going to leave, then walk out now because I can’t handle you standing here trying to make me feel better about the fact that you’re giving up on me.”
“God, Addison…”
“Leave.”
He does. He turns, walks to the door and only stops to whisper another sorry before he steps out. When he’s gone, the hot tears slip down my cheeks. My small chance of freedom just walked away from me, and there’s not a damned thing I can do to stop him. Not a single thing. I wrap my arms around my legs and rock backwards and forwards, fighting every part in me that screams to go after him. I can’t go after him. I know I can’t. Billy made it clear he’s not willing to fight. It’s just me now – I am all that I have left. How utterly pitiful.
“Well, well.”
I hear Jasper’s creepy voice, and snap my head up. He’s standing at the door Billy walked out of only five minutes earlier. He’s smiling, and it makes my stomach turn.
“Such a shame,” he purrs. “I thought he was a keeper.”
My blood goes cold. How did he know? Was he listening? Did he just stand there and wait for Billy to leave before he came in? I keep my hands firmly wrapped around my knees, not willing to move. Jasper walks in, running his fingers over the old mattered couch. I shudder, and not in a good way.
“What are we going to do now he’s gone?”
I swallow. For six month’s I’ve been free of Jasper. The idea of him touching me again makes me feel sick inside.
“Get lost,” I breathe. “I’ll call him and he’ll come back.”
Jasper throws his head back and laughs. “For scum like you? Oh snake, I don’t think so.”
“Just stay away from me!”
He grips his belt and begins undoing it.
“See, that’s not going to happen and you know it. You owe me.”
I close my eyes and pray that he dies right now of a heart attack, a stroke, anything. Anything to keep his filthy hands off me. I begin sobbing, which is so unlike me. I don’t sob. I don’t cry, I just go with everything that’s thrown at me. I don’t want to live in this nightmare anymore. There’s nothing left for me, nothing but darkness and pain. I shift off the couch, feeling my world spin as I back around behind it. Jasper continues to walk toward me, grinning. I reach into my bag and I pull out the pills my mother left behind this morning. I don’t know what they are, ecstasy maybe.
“That’s right snake, you know you can’t escape me.”
I pour all of them onto my hand, and I throw them into my mouth and swallow. Jasper’s eyes widen, and he lunges forward. I spin around, run into the bathroom, slam the door and lock it. I rush to the sink, lean over and swallow loads of water to make the process quicker. Then, I sink to the floor, hot tears pouring from my eyes.
“Open the door!” Jasper roars, pounding heavily with his fists.
I put my head in my hands and wait for darkness to win. I just want away from this pain. I’ll never be free of it. I honestly can’t think about anything but the gripping pain wrapping itself around my heart. There’s no escape, no matter which way I run. My only chance of survival is gone, and without even a ray of sunshine in my life, I’ve got nothing to hold onto. This is the only way.
The only way to find my light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.
~*PRESENT*~
“What happened to the man?”
I’m lying in Cade’s bed, my eyes heavy and my body relaxed.
“What man?” I ask, running my fingers up and down his taut arms.
“You said the other day that you’ve only been with a few men, one of them saved you.”
I swallow and turn my face up towards the ceiling.
“He left me.”
Cade’s quiet a moment.
“Then he’s a cunt.”
I snort a laugh, and roll towards him. He rolls too, and we adjust ourselves so we’re face to face, hands tangled together.
“That’s one way of putting it.”
“He left ‘coz your life was too hard, yeah?”
I nod, avoiding his gaze. He reaches up between us and grips my chin, forcing me t
o look back at him. “That’s a coward’s way out, you know that?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“Little prick broke part of you though, didn’t he?”
“He made me stop believing.”
Cade’s eyes scan my face, and his mouth tightens. “No one ever has the right to take that away from another person.”
“He was all I had. He stopped the rape. He made me think I had a way out. He didn’t want to wait. He didn’t understand that I couldn’t just leave the situation I was in. What if it didn’t work out? My mother would have never taken me back.”
“Men with nice lives will never understand what it’s like to live with nothing.”
“No,” I say simply. “They won’t.”
“So he left, and then your ma died?”
“A few months later, yeah.”
“Then you ran?”
“I left,” I correct him, but I hear the lie in my voice.
“Lyin’, babe.”
“Stop telling me I’m lying; you don’t know my story, Cade.”
“No,” he says, rolling to his back. “I don’t know your story, but I can see the fear in your eyes.”
“You see years and years of bad things in my eyes. It’s not fear.”
“It is fear.”
“No, it’s not.”
He rolls again and grips my chin. “Sugar, it is.”
I jerk my chin from his grip and roll off the bed. I get to my feet and yank on my top.
“Don’t go runnin’ ‘coz I raised somethin’ you’re tryin’ to hide.”
I glare at him. “I’m going home because I’m tired.”
He puts his hands behind his head and stares over at me. “You always run when things go bad?”
My anger is boiling inside of me. “Whatever, Cade, I’m going. Thanks for tonight.”
“You wanna leave in a hiss, go ahead. I ain’t chasin’ ya, sugar. It ain’t how I roll. You wanna get into the bed; I’ll talk to you. I’ll fuck you again and I’ll even hold you while you sleep, but if you wanna storm out, I’m not comin’ after you. I don’t play with women. If they want the good side of me, they get in and let me give it, but if they wanna run out in a mood, that ain’t my issue.”
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 67
