“I’m sorry, that would have been awful,” I say gently.
“It wasn’t nice.”
“Do you still care about him?”
She quickly glances out the window. “No,” she says, but I can see how her body stiffens. Ciara is in love with Spike; it’s written all over her.
“What’s his real name?” I ask, changing the subject.
She giggles. “You know, I didn’t know the answer to that until a few years ago.”
I smile. “Everyone calls him Spike; he clearly has no need for his name.”
“No, I suppose he doesn’t. It’s Danny.”
I giggle loudly. “How did they get Spike out of Danny?”
She flushes and I give her an ‘oh you have to tell’ look.
“Oh spill!” I urge.
“Well, Spike is known for his…well, spikes.”
“His spikes?”
“He has numerous, um, spikes in his…”
“Oh, Jesus!” I yell.
Ciara laughs. “He has to take every one of them out when he gets lucky, they’re literally sharp spikes. There’s about seven of them.”
“What is wrong with that man?” I laugh. “He’s got some seriously twisted fetishes.”
She nods. “I’ve heard. The piercings are one thing, but putting big spikes in them, is a whole other story.”
“It must get frustrating for him to have to take them out every time.”
She flushes again. “He makes it part of the…experience.”
“I’m sorry what?”
“He makes it a task for women, or at least I’ve heard that’s what he does. He has them remove them, while they’re…you know…sucking him.”
“La la la la la!” I cry, pressing one hand to my ear. “Don’t wanna know!”
Ciara laughs. “No one said the man was normal.”
“Clearly, he’s not normal,” I chuckle.
Ciara and I chat the entire way to the old warehouse the Heaven’s Sinners have decided to shack up at. We park the car outside the large gates, and slip out. Ciara looks nervous as we walk towards the gates, her hands are fumbling together over and over.
“It’s going to be fine,” I say, though I’m not sure it is. Even my heart is thudding now. I know it’s a risk coming here, and I know if Cade finds out, I’m dead. God, me and my stubborn head.
“I hope so,” she murmurs.
When we reach the gates, I rattle them loudly and call out, “SPIKE!”
Ciara stares at me, completely shocked. “Aren’t you worried about screaming at the fence of a massive MC lot?”
“No.”
I watch as a group of bikers walk out of the warehouse, guns in the air. Spike walks out behind them, looking as utterly breathtaking as he always does. I wave to him, giving him a grin. “It’s me!” I yell in a singsong voice. I’m being sarcastic, of course, but I’m just trying to lighten the mood.
Ciara gapes at me. “Are you asking to get shot?”
“Spike won’t shoot me. If he wanted to, he would have. Trust me,” I murmur.
Spike waves his hand, and the men lower their guns. He pulls a pair of sunglasses over his head and begins walking towards us. When his gazes fall on Ciara, he stops. He just stops dead in his tracks.
“The fuck are you doin’ here?” he barks at her.
“Play nice, Spike. She only wants to talk,” I say.
He turns to glare at me. “What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
“Visiting my old pal.”
He raises his brows at me. “You got far too much sass, girl.”
I grin at him. “Just admit it, you want to be my friend.”
His lips twitch, and there’s something about Spike that makes me feel completely safe around him. He’s kind of like Cade; he acts tough, and I have no doubt he is, but he’s also gentle inside. It’s written all over him. For someone like me, that’s lived a life around evil, I can pick the people that have black hearts and the ones who are just putting on a show.
“You’re lucky your man paid me my money.”
“You and I both know you never wanted to hurt me, Spike.”
He raises his brows. “I’m reconsidering that decision.”
I grin again, and watch as he turns back to Ciara. She’s just watching him. I can’t see her expression or his, because they’re both wearing sunglasses.
“Why are you here, Ciara? Ain’t got nothin’ to fuckin’ say to you.”
His voice is hard, but I can hear a hint of pain behind his anger.
“I just wanted to talk with you.”
“As I said,” he growls, “ain’t got nothin’ to fuckin’ say.”
“If you’ll just let me…”
“What part of that don’t you understand?” he barks. “You’re nothin’ to me. You never were. You were no more than a revenge fuck. Stop tryin’ to be my friend; it’s too late for that. You let your folks drag me through hell to get vengeance for your sister. You made my life a living hell. I couldn’t care less if you dropped off the face of this earth.”
My mouth drops open, and Ciara nods weakly. “I understand. I do. I just wanted to say sorry. I wanted you to know I forgive you.”
“Forgive me?” he roars, storming over and gripping the fence. He shakes it hard. “Forgive me for what? For tryin’ to protect her? That other cunt is more to blame than me. I never wanted her to leave the fuckin’ house. You forgave him right away, so don’t you fuckin’ come in here and try to make yourself feel better. That’s all you’re fuckin’ doin’, is makin’ your own demons go away. Fuck you, Ciara.”
Spike spins around, storming towards the warehouse.
“Spike, please, you know I care about you!” she calls, her voice raw and broken.
“Go and fuckin’ die!” he roars, throwing the rude finger up over his shoulder. Well, that went well.
Ciara turns, rushing off towards the car. I just stand at the gate for a moment, before yelling, “Hey you!”
Spike stops and turns, looking at me. He’s panting, his body trembling with rage and emotion.
“You’re a fucking jerk! If I could get past this gate, I would kick your ass! I know you’re better than that, Spike, it’s written all over you. Stop living behind that shield, it’s so fucking see through.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond. I turn on my heel and walk off towards the truck. When I get in, Ciara is crying. I reach across and grip her hands.
“He’ll come around, just give him time.”
God, I hope I’m right.
Because it’s clear as day to me – Spike and Ciara have some serious feelings for each other.
******
I arrive back at the compound an hour later for my shift. I know I’m late, but that’s not uncommon for the girls that work there; it’s about time I got my turn. When I arrive, Cade is pacing outside the front doors. Uh oh. He turns when he hears my boots crunching, and he comes storming over. I guess he figured out what I just did, either that or he’s just pissed I went out and didn’t tell him where. When he reaches me, I can see his eyes flaring. Shit, he’s pissed.
“What. The. Fuck,” he barks.
“What?” I say, in a casual tone.
“You fuckin’ went behind my back, and took Ciara to the Heaven’s Sinners lot.”
God, he knows everything.
“She wanted to see Spike,” I snap. “She had the right.”
“I fuckin’ gave you a direct, mother fuckin’ order.”
“You don’t own me, Cade! We might be together, I might be your Old Lady, but you don’t fucking own me!”
He’s panting with rage now. “Do you have any fuckin’ idea how bad that could have gone? Do you have any clue what those men could have done to you?”
“They weren’t going to hurt me,” I yell.
“Fuck it, Addison,” he roars. “When are you goin’ to fuckin’ grow up?”
“Stop treating me like this,” I cry. “You think you can just tell
me what to do all the time, but you can’t!”
“I fuckin’ can, and I fuckin’ will.”
“No!”
He steps closer, gripping my shoulders. “I protect what’s mine, you fuckin’ know that. You runnin’ off like that, you put yourself and me in danger. If you don’t fuckin’ care about yourself, fine, but you should fuckin’ care about this club. What would you have done if Spike decided he didn’t like you on his territory? What would you have done if he decided to start a fuckin’ war? What if someone you loved got hurt, because of you? That could have happened far more easily than you could fuckin’ imagine. Wake up to yourself, Addison, the world don’t fuckin’ revolve around you.”
He lets me go, and storms away. My heart is thudding, and his words burn me to my very core.
Because they’re true.
They’re so horribly, painfully, true.
~*CHAPTER 18*~
PRESENT
“Order up!” I yell, sliding a tray of beer towards Mindy.
She spins, grips the tray and takes it to the group of bikers sitting on the table to the left of us. I begin pouring another lot of beers. I hear the rumble of Harley’s coming into the compound, and I realize my father and the guys are back from their trip to find Jasper. I finish up with the beers, and walk out to greet them. When my father sees me, he puts a smile on his face, but it’s fake. I can see right through him.
“You didn’t find him, did you?” I say when I get close.
“No, we couldn’t find him.”
My chest tightens, but I force a smile. “It will be fine. He’ll show up.”
“He could be hiring anyone to find you now Spike has pulled out.”
“Did you ever think of asking Spike to tell him where I am, and luring him close?”
“Thought of it, but it’s too risky. If one of us isn’t on our game, just for a second, he could have you.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m goin’ to talk to Spike.”
“Why?”
“Because he can make contact, might be able to track the bastard.”
“He will come out, Dad, you shouldn’t be risking so much trying to find him.”
Jackson gives me a sharp look. “The fucker raped my baby girl and made her life a living hell. I’m going to kill him, slowly. I’ll put every waking minute into finding him.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I whisper, sounding far more vulnerable than I would like.
Jackson meets my gaze, and he gives me the best smile he can muster up. “If I died defending you, Addi, then I would die knowing I finally did what was right by you.”
I nod, though my chest hurts after his words. Jackson leans down, brushing his lips across my head. I close my eyes and just let the moment sink in; it’s a moment I’ve waited my entire life for. The moment, where everyone who should love you, does. When Jackson pulls back, I give him my best attempt at a smile, which isn’t great, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing, right?
He gives me one last smile, then disappears into the compound with the guys. I am just about to head in after them, but I see Cade standing at the door of his shed. He’s still angry at me, and yes, I can see why. I deserve everything I got from him. I wave to him, but he simply turns and walks inside. Sighing, I stomp across the dirt until I reach the shed door. I step inside and see him fiddling with his bike. I don’t honestly know what to say to make this better. A simple apology just won’t do it.
“I fucked up,” I begin, and he looks up from his bike. His green eyes meet mine. “You’re right, I could have put everyone in danger. I was thinking of myself, and my determination to avoid being controlled. I don’t have an excuse for that. I won’t use my past, because I don’t live in it anymore. I should have listened to you, but I didn’t, for that I’m sorry.”
His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“I’ve lived so long avoiding being controlled, that it’s almost built into me. I want to be with you, Cade, but I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t get a say so in my own life.”
“Picked the wrong fuckin’ man then.”
“Cade,” I snap. “Don’t…just listen…”
“I’m listening, sugar,” he rasps. “I’m fuckin’ listenin’ to every word. I know what you’re sayin’. I feel what you’re sayin’, but it doesn’t mean I’m goin’ to back down. I am what I am, and when it comes to protectin’ you, I’ll do what I have to fuckin’ do, even if you don’t like it. You gotta learn to trust that, or you’ll just end up hatin’ me.”
He’s right, I hate it, but I know he’s right. Every time he’s told me to back down, it’s been for a damn good reason. I need to let go, or I’ll end up hurt and without anybody to protect me.
“You’re right, I do need to trust you, and I do. What I did, it was fucked up and wrong. It could have ended badly. I’m only lucky it didn’t.”
“You gonna start listenin’ to me?”
I nod. “If you start being nicer about it.”
“If I think you’re makin’ a mistake, I ain’t gonna be fuckin’ nice about it. Don’t mean I don’t care about you, ‘coz I fuckin’ do. The reason I do it, is ‘coz the idea of losin’ you, is somethin’ I can’t fuckin’ live with.”
And there it is. The words I so desperately needed to hear. I walk over, gripping his face. He grumbles as I bring my lips down over his. He reaches up, tangling his hands in my hair, and deepening the kiss. Our tongues slide against one another’s, and my body aches for him. He presses against me, hard and aching, and I want him. I need him.
“I want you,” I murmur against his lips.
“Take me then, baby,” he growls.
I begin lowering to my knees, and his eyes grow hooded. He knows what I want. I know what I want, and so I’m just going to take it. I grip his belt, yanking it off before unbuttoning his jeans. His hard cock springs free as soon as I slide them down just a touch. He tangles his fingers into my hair again, and rasps, “Suck me, baby, hard.”
God, yes! I lean forward, snaking my tongue out and sliding it across his head. He hisses and tugs my hair tighter, bringing my lips down over his cock. I wrap them around it, letting him slide into my warm depths. With a groan, he pulls his cock back out, and slides it in again, and again, and again.
“Fuck, sugar, so fuckin’ good.”
I whimper around him, and continue sucking hard and fast. My saliva lubricates him as the pace begins to quicken. I reach up, cupping his balls in my hand and rolling them, gently massaging.
“Fuck,” he groans.
I gently squeeze the tight sack, and he growls loudly. My head bobs harder, faster, until my mouth is sliding up and down his length with perfect rhythm.
“Fuck, goin’ to come, baby.”
I feel his cock swell against my tongue, then he comes, hot and hard, deep into my throat. I take all of him, swallowing every last drop and relishing in his growls and hisses of pleasure. When he’s gone soft, and he’s completely content, I slip my mouth from him, and he pulls his jeans up before taking hold of my shoulders and bringing my body up so we’re flush together. His lips graze my head, and he holds me close like that for a while. I can hear his heart thudding against my ear.
“Fuckin’ hate fighting with you,” he rasps. “But fuck, makin’ up is worth every second.”
I giggle.
So typical.
~*CHAPTER 19*~
PRESENT
“I didn’t talk to the fuckin’ pimp,” Spike says, taking a deep puff of his cigarette.
Cade growls at him, and Jackson pulls him back.
“Don’t play bullshit with me, Spike. You fuckin’ did talk to him.”
Spike smirks. “No, I didn’t. I spoke to his minions, who relayed his messages to me.”
“Then give us the fuckin’ minions numbers,” Cade snarls.
“Well,” Spike chuckles. “All you had to do was ask, buddy.”
“Don’t fuckin’ play with me, Spike.”
I put my hand on Cade’s arm, and he gives me a brief look. Spike watches the two of us for a moment, then he digs out his phone and rattles off a bunch of numbers. Cade takes note, then he turns to Jackson.
“Let’s go.”
“Thanks, Spike,” Jackson says, his voice gruff.
Spike shakes his head and then turns, heading towards the gates. Usually a Heaven’s Sinner wouldn’t be allowed in the compound, but Jackson made an exception for my safety. When Cade begins heading inside, I tell him I’ll just be a moment, then I turn and rush after Spike. He hears my boots crunching behind him, and I notice his shoulders tense up.
“What do you want, precious?”
I smile, completely enjoying the fact that he knew it was me even before I said anything. If Spike ever let me in, I imagine we could actually be good friends.
“Why are you such a jerk to him?”
He snorts, but keeps walking. I catch up, until I fall in step beside him. He looks at me from the corner of his eye.
“He deserves it.”
“He didn’t kill Cheyenne,” I dare to say.
Spike’s entire body stiffens, and he spins around, glaring down at me. “Don’t say her fuckin’ name. That name means jack shit to me now, and so does Cade.”
“We both know that’s not true. You’re as broken as he is.”
Spike lashes out, gripping my shoulder and hurling me up close. “Don’t pretend to fuckin’ know me. You’ll never know what I feel. You have no fuckin’ idea what pain is, girl.”
“I do,” I grate out between breaths. He’s hurting me, his fingers are pressing so deeply into my skin it burns. “I know because I’ve lived through pain. I know because I’ve put hate in front of feelings, so I didn’t have to deal with them. You’re not a bad person, Spike, and neither is Cade. He made a mistake; he lives with that every day. He sees her face each time he sleeps. He made a bad call, but he made it because he was trying to pull you out of a fucked up situation, that you put yourself in.”
A Ride or Die Kind of Love Page 73
