by Beca Lewis
Leif and Sarah stepped outside into the late afternoon sun. Nothing was said for a few minutes, and then Leif said, “You can do this Sarah. You can block him. We’ll help. And when you go back into that room, you can get everyone else to do it too.”
“And Johnny?” Sarah asked.
“Johnny is a smart kid. He could tell someone wanted him to hurt Pete, and he knew right away that couldn’t be right, so he left the restaurant and hid. He is blocking Joe’s thoughts which means he is also blocking me, only because he doesn’t know if it is safe to let anyone in. We just have to find him before Joe does.”
They could both hear the rowdy singing going on in the other room, and Sarah started laughing. “What a song to sing. Perfect. Even the kids know that one. And it’s working.”
“Yes, it is. You go take care of the group, and I’ll see what I can do,” Leif said as he faded away.
Sarah took another moment to gather her thoughts and returned to the room. When she opened the door, everyone was laughing at Eric trying to clap his hands and stamp his feet, and no one looked sick.
Fifty
Johnny stumbled in the dark. Branches grabbed at him, and roots tripped him. He fell to his knees and started sobbing. He was terrified. Of himself.
Back in the Diner, something horrible had happened. Pete and Barbara were closing up shop so they could all go out to Ava’s. Johnny was looking forward to seeing his brother and his mom. He knew that Pete and Hank were keeping him busy so he couldn’t wallow in how bad he felt about his dad. That’s when it happened. Something terrifying.
Up until that moment, the day had been fantastic. Hank had taken him and Manny, Tina’s son, out to the job site on Emily’s hill. They spent the morning helping the crew. The crew members were great. They’d call him over and show him how to use a tool, or hold a board properly. Johnny even got to run the bulldozer for a minute with Hank sitting beside him to make sure he didn’t run into anything. It was the perfect morning.
Hank’s crew had finished the outside of the barn and were nearing completion on the inside. Hank said not to tell Emily yet that they had also started working on her deck. It was a surprise. Johnny thought Emily could use the good news right now, but he kept that thought to himself. He didn’t want to ruin the morning. It was just too perfect.
And then Hank got a phone call, and everything got weird. Hank told the crew to take the rest of the day off. They said they wanted to finish what they were working on, so Hank put one of them in charge and said he would see them on Monday.
Hank dropped Johnny off at Pete’s. He told Johnny it was because Pete had called and needed help. Johnny didn’t believe it for a minute.
Hank took Manny to Ava’s instead of taking him home. All the kids were at Ava’s because the women were going with Tina out to the prison. Johnny wished that they would get over themselves and tell him what was going on. It was his life too. It was his dad that died, and he knew they were going to the prison to get some answers about that.
Johnny was pretty sure that Pete had given him the job just to keep him busy and to keep him from asking too many questions. Both Pete and Barbara were distressed about something, but once again they thought they were doing him a favor by not telling him. Johnny felt that not knowing was worse than trying to figure it out. Besides he would be eighteen in June. It was time for them to treat him like a young adult. That’s what he was thinking as he chopped vegetables. Normal stuff.
And then without warning, he had the worst thought. He started thinking about taking the knife and stabbing Pete. He could see himself doing it. He could see himself enjoying it. He could imagine how Pete would grunt and then fall to the floor with the knife sticking out of his back and blood seeping out over the tile. Johnny imagined how good that would feel.
It was terrible. It was like looking at a horror movie inside his head. Like he was a puppet, and someone was pulling his strings. There was no one in the Diner at that moment except him and Pete. Barbara was upstairs changing clothes, and the last customer had paid and had wished them a good Friday night.
“Now is the time. Do it now,” the voice kept saying. Pete had his back turned to Johnny. It would be easy.
So Johnny ran. He went out the back door without even grabbing his jacket and started running to get as far away from Pete as possible, ignoring the voice that told him to go back and do it because there was still time. Johnny ran until he was out of breath and then hunkered down behind a house in a grove of evergreens. He had no idea how long he stayed there. It had gotten dark. Then the voice found him again. It asked him why he was running. It suggested that if he didn’t want to use the knife on Pete, he could use it on himself.
And that’s when Johnny woke up and realized that it wasn’t him having those thoughts. It was someone else talking to him in his head. With that realization he heard his mom’s gentle voice reminding him that he wasn’t his bad thoughts, he was his good ones. Last summer, Grant had done the same thing to him. Told him it was good to set off the fireworks. He said no one would get hurt. Someone did though. The next year Grant had killed Jay. All because Johnny had helped Grant escape.
“Think good thoughts,” his mom had said. “Think about who you love. Think about how much I love you.”
That’s what Johnny started doing. Thinking of his mom telling him she loved him. Of the nights she cuddled with him and Lex on the sofa as they watched their favorite movies together.
Slowly the other voice faded, and Johnny imagined slamming the door on it and locking it so it couldn’t get back in.
Once the voice was entirely gone, Johnny realized he still had the knife clutched in his hand. While turning in a circle to orientate himself, Johnny noticed a trash can in the back of someone’s house. He dropped the knife into it, promising himself he would get Pete a new one. But there was no way he was keeping it.
At first, he didn’t know where to go, but then he remembered the bike trail. It was finished up to Ava’s house. He could find his way in the dark, and in case someone was looking for him, he could stay just a little way off of it. He had a tiny light attached to his keychain. That would keep him on track.
Johnny quickly found the trail. But staying on it in the dark was harder than he thought it would be, and when the memories started flooding back, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. Was he that person? Would he hurt the people at Ava’s if he went there?
He sat in the middle of the trail and sobbed. And then Hannah stood in front of him.
“What are you doing here?” Johnny screamed. “Is that really you?”
“Oh, silly. I’m not here. I’m at home. And yes, of course, it’s really me. Hannah, your friend. I came to tell you to keep moving. No one is after you right now, everyone knows what is happening, and they have blocked that bad man from sending bad thoughts.”
“You’re not here?”
“No. See.” Hannah reached out and touched Johnny, and he saw her hand go through his shoulder. He shuddered and backed away.
“Now don’t be a scaredy cat, Johnny. Just come to Ava’s, and you’ll see what’s happening. Just follow me until you see Leif. He’s waiting around the corner.
You are going to be able to see him now ‘cause he said it was necessary. I have to go. Mom is going to wonder why I am not paying attention if I stay here too long.”
Johnny stood up looking dazed. “How do I know you aren’t coming from that bad place. You could be pretending to be Hannah.”
“Hum. Good question. Okay, could a bad person do this?”
Within seconds Johnny felt an overwhelming rush of pure love. For everything. The forest came alive. The roots that tripped him and said they were sorry they had only wanted him to slow down. He heard the thoughts of trees and knew what the bird had said as it sang its last note for the day.
Whe
n it was over, he was speechless. And changed.
Hannah smiled at him and motioned for him to follow. Still basking in the glow of that feeling, Johnny wasn’t afraid. He was ready to stand up to that voice, to whoever was hurting his family. But he wouldn’t stand up in fear, he would stand in that feeling of love, and that would banish the evil.
Around the corner, as Hannah promised, Leif was waiting for him.
“Good job, Johnny,” Leif said. “The world can use a man like you.”
Tears leaked down Johnny’s face. This time not from fear or pain, but from joy.
Fifty-One
Sarah closed the door of her little home and dropped onto the deep mauve soft couch in her living room that looked out into her garden. The sun had just started peeking up over the back fence weaving its way through the morning glories that snaked up the trellis mounted onto the fence. As the sun’s rays touched each bloom, they opened to greet the day. It was Sunday morning, the perfect day for rest and reflection. Mostly rest. She was exhausted.
It had been a long night at Ava’s. They had stayed together through the night taking turns with the children and then staying with them until they fell asleep peacefully. Even then someone remained in their room as they slept. Everyone knew that they would need to find a way to teach the children how to stop attacks like that.
How to do it without scaring them would be the subject of a discussion among the grownups. On the other hand, they knew that it wasn’t the children that had been attacked. The attack was aimed at them. The children were being used as instruments against them. What did the person want them to do? Stop investigating? Would they?
When Johnny found his way to the house, Valerie was overcome with tears, and couldn’t speak. They sat together for a long time silently crying together and holding hands. Sarah knew that a bond had been forged that night between the two of them. Johnny had become a man who understood that his heart and his actions were always going to be on the side of good. For a time he had doubted his ability to know the difference. After his experience, he didn’t question that anymore.
The grownups sat with Johnny listening to what happened and then answering his questions the best that they could. No, they didn’t know for sure who was trying to take control of his thoughts, but whoever it was didn’t succeed, and that was what he needed to remember. Now he could practice.
Johnny’s question, “Practice what? Practice how?” led into a lengthy discussion of the need for sitting in silence in whatever form most worked for him and the situation. Practice moving slowly. Think before reacting. Only respond. Practice choosing to focus on what is good, and not be seduced by the claims of quick money, revenge, or easy distractions.
Tina and Valerie had never heard that kind of talk before, so like Johnny, they drank it in. Holding Johnny’s hand, Valerie asked if perhaps there could be a training, or class, that she and her children could attend. Valerie said she wanted help and thought that others like her also needed a community to practice within.
And that question led to a discussion about the details of that kind of training. By then, everyone was drooping, running out of ideas, and ready for sleep.
Ava offered to house everyone for the night if they wanted to stay. They had plenty of room. The younger children were already asleep, so both Tina and Valerie knew they would stay with them. Hank and Melvin headed to their rooms in the bunkhouse. Everyone else said they needed to go home, and yes, they would be careful driving. Hugs were exchanged all around as goodbyes and whispered words of “be careful” were exchanged. Craig barely participated, which he thought no one noticed, and yet everyone did.
After everyone else had gone to bed or gone home, the only ones remaining were Johnny, Pete, Barbara, and Sarah. Johnny had asked Sarah to stay while he talked with Pete and Barbara. She agreed but sat in a chair away from the discussion. She knew she could support Johnny, but couldn’t do it for him. He needed to do it himself.
For a moment Johnny just sat in front of Pete trying to gather his thoughts. To Pete’s credit, he didn’t rush him, just waited patiently with as open a heart as he knew how to make it. His heart, Barbara knew, was as wide as a heart could go.
Finally, Johnny said. “Pete, you have taught me so much this past year. About what being a man looks like. What responsibility looks like. What belief in someone else looks like. You, Sam, and Hank gave me a chance to walk a better path.
“But you didn’t just support me. You and Hank are teaching me physical things to do, too. I can cook now. I am learning how to build things. I am becoming useful.
“If you wouldn’t have been there, I might have been sucked up into the life that Grant was offering. And I would have been lost. Maybe forever.”
Taking a deep breath, Johnny continued, “So you must know that I would never have been able to hurt you, or anyone else, but especially you. But that is because of what I learned from you. A year ago, I might have thought I was that other person. The person trying to get attention any way that I could. The boy reacting against the world instead of looking for the good and protecting and encouraging it.
“The best way I can thank you, Pete, is to be more like you.”
Pete, big man that he was, burst into tears and grabbed Johnny and hugged him tightly. Barbara’s arms went around the two of them, and they stood together for another minute until Barbara pulled away and handed them both tissues.
“You do us proud, boy,” Pete said. “You are always family to us. Whatever you need, we’re here for you and your mom and brother.”
Yes, it had been a long night, Sarah thought. Actually, it had been a long couple months. Sarah dropped sideways onto her couch, closed her eyes, and was asleep within minutes. She hadn’t even taken off her coat. Leif leaned over and whispered to her that he loved her and that she had done well. “Sleep my love,” he said. He knew that her work had only just begun.
Fifty-Two
Hank and Melvin didn’t stay for breakfast even though they knew that in spite of everything, Ava would be making Sunday morning crepes. They wanted to go home. Both of them had slept for a few hours which was enough rest to get them back to the farmhouse.
They thought everyone else was still asleep so as they walked down the new gravel path to the back patio they were both startled when Evan whispered, “Hey, want coffee before you go?”
“Couldn’t sleep, either?” Hank whispered back.
Evan just shook his head and gestured towards the kitchen. “I left two to-go cups out for you. Figured you both would be up and leaving and could use coffee to help get you home.”
All three men knew enough talking had been done the night before, so Hank squeezed Evan’s shoulder on his way to the kitchen, and Melvin and Evan exchanged nods.
Evan remained outside, with a cup of cold coffee on the table, staring into the distance.
Hank knew that Evan was wondering the same thing that Hank was running over and over in his mind. How could he protect the ones he loved when he couldn’t see what was coming at him? It was an invisible, and powerful enemy. Was there a defense? What was it?
Neither Melvin or Hank said anything on the way home. If Melvin could have found the desire to speak, he would have explained that there were too many emotions tangled up inside of him to make sense of anything.
They didn’t talk when they got home either. They both headed to their bedrooms and quietly shut the door. Hank lived in Jay’s old bedroom now, the one that used to be Melvin’s son’s room. Now it was Hank’s. He had no time to think about what any of that meant. He barely had time to take off his boots before sleep took over. It was a relief from thinking.
Melvin didn’t go right to sleep. He needed to talk to Sally. After being around Hank and his friends, Melvin no longer thought it was strange that he spoke to his dead wife, or often heard her voice. He used to th
ink it was his imagination, wishing she was still with him.
After the last year’s events with Jay, Melvin had opened to the possibility that he didn’t just wish it to be true, but that it was. Lately, he heard her more often, and once in a while, he could swear he saw her standing there smiling at him, wearing his favorite dress. Perhaps it was because he was closer to the door to whatever came after death. Melvin never was afraid of death, but now he thought of it as a trip he was going to take, and at the end of it he would be once again united with the love of his life.
Or if his friends were right, she was the love of many of his lives. Something he now believed to be true, too. Either way, she was the one he wanted to see. He knew he would. She was waiting.
She was waiting for him tonight too. As he knelt by his bed in prayer, he heard her voice telling him not to be afraid.
“I’m not afraid for myself, Sally,” Melvin said. It’s for my friends and their children. I am afraid for anyone that is within the sight lines of someone like Dr. Joe. Because it is Joe, isn’t it?
“I can’t tell you.” Sally said. “However, no matter what, there is still no reason to be afraid. Surround yourself and everyone you think about with light. You can hide from darkness in light, and when darkness touches that light, it dissolves.”
“Is it that simple?” Melvin asked. “Not that remembering to do that, or doing it well is simple, but is light always the answer?”
“It is,” Sally answered. “It’s the visible expression of Love. And Love is always more powerful than what claims to be another power. Evil. Which is only the belief in the absence of Love.”
Melvin crawled up into his bed and sank into it in relief. He knew about love. Love was something he understood and knew how to do.
