“Hey, stop frowning. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I’m sorry,” Bethaney said as she looked at me with concern in her eyes.
“You didn’t. I’m just now realizing that I’m fucked when it comes to Logan.” I dropped my head down onto the table in defeat.
“Don’t freak out just yet. You have no idea what the future will bring. Just focus on the time you do have with him this summer and then go from there. Things will work out.”
“I hope so,” I said as I sat back up.
It was nice to be able to talk to someone again, especially another woman. I loved Eric, but I could never tell him some things, and Logan definitely fell into that category. Chloe had been around, but I would never talk to her about Logan. There were just too many fuck-ups between them for me to feel comfortable discussing my feelings with her. I missed Bethaney more than I’d realized.
“I’ve missed you so much, Beth. I don’t know how I made it the last six years without you.”
“I’ve missed you, too, big sister. So, how long do you plan on staying?”
I shrugged. “That depends on you. If you want me, I can stay for a couple of months. We’ve been staying at a hotel in town, but I’d like to find something a little more permanent while I’m here.”
“Of course I want you, you idiot,” Beth said, frowning at me.
“After yesterday, I wasn’t sure if you would or not.”
“You were a first-class jackass yesterday, but you’re still my sister. I definitely want you around.”
“Then, I guess Logan and I will start looking for a place to rent.”
“Good.” She paused before grinning at me. “Now, about Eric…”
After we finished up our lunch, Bethaney and I spent the rest of the afternoon walking around Crossville. We talked about the things we’d seen and done over the past six years. She loved listening to my stories of how Adam would get himself in trouble, and one of us would have to bail his dumbass out.
When I’d told her about Drake’s cocaine problem, she had been shocked. Apart from our little group of friends, no one knew what he had gone through. The label had been very careful to keep his problems private. I cried when I told her about the night he’d overdosed. I thought I’d lost him then, and reliving the memories of that night nearly brought me to my knees. Even though he seemed truly happy with Chloe, I knew I’d watch him for a long time. I would never let him go back to how he had been.
When it was almost dark, I finally called Logan to pick us up. Bethaney and I had ended up at the old playground, and that was where Logan found us, sitting on the swings. Logan dropped Bethaney off at Lily’s, and I promised her that we would get together in a few days. I needed to find a place for Logan and me to stay until we were ready to go home. Since we only wanted to rent for two months, I knew we’d have very few places to choose from.
Once we dropped her off, Logan and I stopped at a diner for dinner. It was a small family-run business that I’d only been in a few times before. My goal while I was here was to stay away from all the places where I used to hang out. I didn’t want someone from the past to see me. I didn’t want to explain why I’d left or what I’d been up to the last few years. I was here to see Bethaney, and that was it. I wasn’t interested in seeing old friends. None of them mattered to me anymore.
“So, how did things go with your sister?” Logan asked after we’d placed our orders.
“It was actually good. She wants me to stick around, so I thought you and I could go hunting tomorrow for a place to stay while we’re here.”
“Works for me. As much as I like our hotel room, it’d be nice to have an actual apartment or house to stay in.”
“Agreed. The hotel room is way too tiny. Hopefully, we can find someplace with a washer and dryer. I’m tired of using Laundromats. I hate washing my clothes where a complete stranger’s underwear was before.”
Logan laughed. “You’re so strange. I never noticed before.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“Not at all. It’s cute and refreshing.”
“Oh, okay. Good,” I said.
I had no idea where strong, independent Jade had gone, but she needed to get her ass back here pronto. I wasn’t used to second-guessing myself the way I did around Logan, and it sucked.
“What are you thinking?” Logan asked.
I looked up, realizing that I’d been staring down at the table in front of me for longer than I should have. “Nothing. Just thinking.”
“Jade…”
“Ugh, fine. I was just wondering why I’m always second-guessing myself around you. I’m not usually like this. You make me nervous, and I’m always worried that I’m going to say or do something that’s going to make you rethink this whole thing with me.”
“Jade, never doubt yourself, especially around me. I like you just the way you are. Nothing you do or say is going to change that, okay? Just be who you are.”
Our food arrived, and we ate in silence. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at him every few minutes. He was just…perfect. He was sweet and kind on the inside and sexy as hell on the outside. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d be sitting here with him. Men like him were one in a million, and I’d never been the kind of girl who would normally have a chance with a guy like him.
I realized that my stepdad had really fucked with me. That thought angered me. He’d damaged me so long ago, killing my self-esteem, and I was still fighting with myself to get over the things he’d beat into me.
“You ready?” Logan asked once we finished.
“Yeah.” I pulled out a few bills and dropped them on the table, ignoring the glare Logan was sending my way.
He wrapped his arm around me as we walked outside to where he’d parked the car. I snuggled into him, loving the feel of his body pressed against mine.
He stopped on my side of the car and kissed me gently. “I missed you today,” he said quietly.
“I missed you, too.”
He grinned before walking around to his side of the car.
All the way back to the hotel, he kept bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing it. I couldn’t help but smile at his sweetness. We were both so different, yet we clicked. I was the hard-ass who would go balls to the wall on everything while he was the quiet, sweet type. We complemented each other’s personality perfectly.
When we arrived at the hotel, I stepped out of the car and stretched. I squealed when Logan scooped me up and started carrying me to our room.
“Put me down!” I yelped.
He ignored my protests as he stopped at our door and stuck the key card into the slot. He opened the door and stepped inside. The minute the door closed, he had me pressed up against it, and he began kissing me until I couldn’t breathe. His hands cupped my bottom, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer.
“I’ve been waiting all day to get you alone,” he whispered before kissing his way up to my ear.
I moaned softly when he nibbled on my earlobe.
“Is that so?” I asked.
“Mmhmm…” He kissed down my neck.
He turned and carried me to one of the beds. Before he pushed me down, he grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. As soon as I was lying down, he climbed on top of me and resumed kissing me. He dropped kisses along my collarbone and then down to the swells of my breasts. His tongue darted out and traced the top of my bra. I arched my back and unsnapped my bra. I tossed it aside as he ripped off his shirt. Then, he was back on top of me, and the rest of the world ceased to exist.
“I wanted to go slow, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” He sucked my nipple into his mouth.
Everywhere he touched made my skin feel like it was on fire.
“Fuck slow,” I muttered as I pressed my body up against his.
He released my nipple and slowly kissed his way down my body. I threw my head back as he ran his tongue across my most sensitive areas. I
’d pictured this moment over and over again in my head all day. Now that I was living it, the buildup was more than I could handle.
I grabbed his shoulders and pulled until he finally gave in. He kissed his way up my body. When we were face-to-face, I pushed him until he was lying on his back beside me. I rolled over so that I was on top of him and started kissing his neck.
“I can’t wait, Logan.” I flicked my tongue across his nipple.
“Condoms are in the drawer,” he said.
I reached over and pulled open the drawer. I couldn’t hide the laugh escaping me when I saw it was full of condoms. I grabbed one and shoved the drawer shut. Turning back to him, I raised an eyebrow.
“What? I stopped at the store today while you were with your sister. I thought we might need them.” He gave me an innocent grin.
I ripped the package with my teeth and pulled out the condom. “Oh, I guarantee we’ll need them, all of them.” I grabbed him and ran my hand up and down his shaft.
He hissed as his hips came up off the bed. “Jesus, Jade.”
I grinned as I slowly rolled on the condom. By the time I finished, he was breathing heavily. I climbed on top and slid down onto his shaft. A moan escaped me as I felt him filling me. Neither of us moved for a minute until I adjusted to his size. Once I was ready, I slowly started moving my hips. I rested my hands on his stomach as I raised and lowered my body over his.
As I increased my pace, my body came alive. Sweat beaded across my forehead, and my arms began to shake, but I never slowed down. Just as I reached the edge, he flipped me over, so he was on top of me. Without a word, he slammed into me. I cried out as my hips rose to meet his thrusts.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said as he continued to pound into me.
He brought his hand between us and started to rub my clit. That was all it took to send me flying into my orgasm. I cried out his name as my body tightened around him. He moaned as he gave one final thrust, and he followed me into my release.
“Do we really have to get out of bed?” Logan asked as he ran his fingertips back and forth across my arm.
I snuggled closer to him, unwilling to let our morning of bliss end. We’d spent the last few hours tangled up in each other. It was well after noon, and we had yet to drag our tired bodies out of bed to search for a new place to stay.
“Not really. We could just lie in bed all day together, but we do kind of need to look for an apartment or a house,” I mumbled.
“I guess we do, but I really don’t want to move. Truthfully, I don’t think I can move at this point.”
I laughed quietly. “Why? Did I wear you out or something?”
“Or something.” He grinned down at me. His expression turned thoughtful, and he looked away.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
He hesitated before turning back to me. “I’m not sure if you’ll like it or if it’ll piss you off.”
“I’m too tired to get pissed at this point. Try me.”
He sighed. “I was thinking about you and…well, Chloe.”
My body tensed. “What about us?”
“It’s different being with you compared to how things were with her. When I was with her, I always felt like there was this barrier between us, like she wasn’t completely comfortable with me, even when we…even when we had sex. Jesus, I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this.”
“I told you before that you could talk to me about anything, and I meant it. I know your history with her. Nothing you tell me will take me by surprise. I want you to be honest with me,” I whispered.
“You’re pretty damn incredible, you know that? Any other girl would have shoved me out the door, still naked, if I’d brought up another girl. I just…I feel closer to you than I ever did with her. That scares the fuck out of me, but it makes me happy at the same time. I thought what I had with her was it for me, but I’m starting to realize that it was nothing compared to what I could have.”
“I feel the same way when I think about you and Mikey. Sometimes, we have to put things in perspective to realize that they’re not perfect. I think that you did love Chloe when you were with her and that it was the happiest you’d ever been. After what happened though, I think you realized that things weren’t as good as you’d thought they were.”
“I think you’re right,” he murmured. “I spent almost all my teenage years chasing after her. I’d wanted her for so long that I didn’t even stop to think about how things felt once we were together. At that point, I didn’t care. Did you know I lost my virginity trying to make her jealous?”
I propped my head up with my arm. “Do tell.”
He frowned. “I was dating this chick, Angie, my sophomore year of high school. She asked me out, and I said yes because I was tired of waiting for Chloe to notice me. Angie was the kind of girl who would screw anything that moved. We were together for, like, a week, and then she started trying to convince me to have sex with her. I was sixteen and a guy, so naturally, she didn’t have to try very hard. I told Chloe what happened, hoping that she’d get jealous, but instead, she was excited for me. That stung my pride like a bitch.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Oh, Logan, you’re so fucking cute.”
He looked at me like I was nuts. “I tell you a story like that, and you think I’m cute? You might want to get your head checked out.”
“I’m trying to picture a sixteen-year-old you. I bet you were even sweeter then than you are now.”
He frowned. “I’m not perfect, Jade. I know how you see me. I’m the nice guy, the guy who would do anything for anyone. I’m fucked-up, too, though. I hope you realize that.”
It was my turn to frown. “I know that, Logan. We’re all fucked-up one way or another. We’re human. I never said I thought you were perfect. I don’t want perfect. All I want is you.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. “Same here. I’m not sure how I ended up with you, but I’m not complaining.”
I fell back as he continued to kiss me senseless. The feel of his lips on mine made me forget the rest of the world. Apartment hunting could wait.
“Well, this one is definitely better than the last two. The door actually locks,” Logan said as he inspected the door in front of us.
Once we’d finally managed to crawl out of bed, we’d started our search for a new place to stay. Since we would only need it for a month or two, our choices were limited. Most places required us to sign a lease for at least six months. While I had the money to pay for it, I didn’t really feel like just throwing it away. I guessed spending years living on almost nothing could do that to a girl.
“So far, it’s a lot cleaner than the other two,” I said as I looked around.
We were standing in a tiny living room. The carpet was a dark brown, not a color I would choose, but it looked clean enough. A worn-out brown leather couch sat against the far wall. Besides a small flat-screen television and a dark brown table sitting in front of the couch, the room was empty.
I turned to the left and walked into a postage stamp–sized kitchen. A few cabinets, an electric stove, a refrigerator, a microwave, and a cheap-looking table and chairs were in the room. Unfortunately, the room was so small that it could barely fit even those things inside it comfortably.
I walked back into the living room and made a left toward two doors. I opened the first one to see a small bathroom. The next door was the one and only bedroom. The queen-sized bed made me like this place a little more. A dresser was sitting in the far corner next to a window. Two nightstands sat on either side of the bed.
Overall, the place was tiny and a little outdated, but it was clean.
“I kind of like it,” I told Logan as I watched him walk out of the kitchen.
“It’s a hell of a lot better than the others,” Logan said as he stopped beside me.
“I don’t think we’re going to find anything better than this. I say we take it.”
Logan fak
e-sniffled. “It’s our first home together. I think I’m going to cry.”
I elbowed him in the ribs, trying not to laugh. Then, what he’d just said hit me.
Our first home together.
He’d said it like there would be more after this one, like he planned on us being together for a long time. My stomach fluttered in excitement, but I forced myself not to get ahead of myself. I had no idea where Logan and I were going, and I didn’t want to think about it. If I did, I would remember that I had to leave him in two months…unless he would want to go to L.A. with me.
“I’ll go find the guy and sign the paperwork,” I said as I headed for the door.
I closed it softly behind me and walked back down the stairs.
The apartment was in a two-story building across town from where my sister was staying. Crossville really didn’t have a bad part of town, but it did have portions that had mostly lower-income families. The apartment was smack dab in the middle of the low-income side.
I reached the main floor and walked to where I’d talked to the owner of the building, Joe, earlier. I knocked on the open door before stepping inside.
He glanced up and smiled at me. “Did you like it?”
“It’s perfect and fits what I’m looking for. I wanted to sign for two months.” I sat down in the chair across from him.
Joe seemed like a nice enough guy. He was older, probably in his mid-sixties, with a big build. His skin had that leathered look someone gets from being out in the sun for years. His hair was snow white, and his eyes were a pale blue. For some reason, I didn’t think he was the type to try to rip me off. He reminded me of someone’s nice grandpa. Maybe if I were really nice, he’d give me cookies or some shit like that.
“Great!” He reached down and opened one of his desk drawers. After grabbing a folder out of it, he closed the drawer and pulled papers out of the folder. “This is the lease agreement. I can set you up for two months. If you want to renew after that, just come see me.”
Toxic: Logan's Story Page 14
