James touched the tip of my nose with his finger and grinned down at me. "I may be a guy, but I do know how to treat a woman. You and me are going out for supper. And not the Holmes's Crossing Café either. Heading over to Freeman where there's a fancy-schmancy new restaurant that apparently serves champagne."
"You never cease to surprise me," I said as I got into the truck.
He grinned and closed the door. Twenty minutes later he dropped me off at the door to my house and told me he would pick me up in half an hour.
"Is that long enough for you?" he asked.
"My dear boy, you forget I live with four guys. I'm lucky if I can take a two-minute shower without someone banging on the door asking me when I'll be done. I can be ready in ten."
"That may well be, but I can keep Neil and Carter busy enough so I think you've got more than two minutes. Take your time, and I'll be back here in half an hour."
I got out of the truck still smiling about our afternoon adventure.
The whole time I was getting ready, I couldn't stop a sense of expectation. I had a lot of fun this afternoon, which was a surprise to me. And now I had a supper to look forward to that was a wonderful balance to the rough-and-ready time we'd just had.
James truly was a man and a guy who was full of surprises.
I was putting on my mascara when my phone rang again. With a guilty start I pulled it out of my purse, which was parked beside me in my bedroom. Years ago I put my makeup table in my bedroom so I wouldn't have to listen to my brother's teasing as I exfoliated and moisturized and contoured.
It was Les calling again. I pressed my lips together, wondering what to do. Hoping he wasn't phoning to ask me out.
At one time you would've been thrilled if he was.
I chewed one corner of my lip, considering what to do.
You're heading out on a date with James.
So once again, I let the phone go to voicemail. I would have to talk to him sooner or later. If he was calling about the job, he could leave a message.
And if he was calling to tell you got it, then what?
I pushed that question aside. I wasn't sure I was ready to face that. For now I was heading out for a fun time with a fun guy. And right about now that was good enough for me.
"Why are you stopping here?" I asked as James pulled into a side road that headed to the lookout point. It was a silly question, given we had such a wonderful evening, I guess he wasn't ready for it to end. Neither was I.
The supper we enjoyed together was incredible, we had lovely conversation and even discussed Schubert and the poems of Robert Frost. He recited his favourite one and I could still hear his deep voice intoning "The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep."
I had asked him why it was his favourite poem. He shrugged, And told me he loved the rhythm of it. Then he was quiet a moment and told me that he had his own promises he felt he had to keep. His own miles he had to put on.
I wanted to ask what those promises were, but he was so serious when he spoke. I sensed I might not like the answer. So I didn't ask.
Now we were bumping our way over another rough road, his headlights shining on the trees.
We broke out into the open and I saw the setting sun reflected in the water of the river flowing below us.
"You do realize who goes to this place and for what reason," I told him with a shaky laugh.
"Your brothers told me about it," he said, turning off the engine, then resting his elbow on the steering wheel and turning to me. "They said you came here a time or two in high school."
I pulled my head back, rather shocked. "And how would they know?"
"Apparently you used to date one of their friends. He told them. Not very chivalrous of him to kiss and tell, I don't think, but I figured if this was a familiar place to you it wouldn't be a big deal if I brought you here either."
I was glad for the gathering dusk. My cheeks were red, but I felt the unwelcome thrum of sorrow. Why was I thinking about Wyatt right now?
Because like it or not, James was similar to him.
I shook my head to dismiss the unwelcome thoughts. James was older, more mature.
And he rides rodeo.
Then James's hand was on my arm, gently pulling me closer to him. His truck didn't have a console, so it took little to end up right beside him. Then his arms were around me, and his lips on mine and all thoughts of Wyatt fled.
A few moments later he pulled away and leaned back against the door, still holding me close.
I lay against his chest, feeling a curious sense of peace.
"I like being with you," James said, stroking my hair with gentle fingers. "I like being with you more than I've ever liked being with any other girl."
"Words to warm the coldest of hearts," I teased him.
"Yeah. That was repetitive and not as romantic as Robert Frost." He chuckled and I felt the rumble of his laugh under my ear.
And then, of course, my phone rang again. I sighed and let it ring. It finally stopped and then it started up again. And then once more.
"I better get this," I said to James, reluctantly pulling away.
"You did your best," he said with a smile as I reached into my purse, wishing I had shut the dumb thing off. Call display showed me it was Les Steglund again. He hadn't left a voice mail the last time he called, and I knew I couldn't put him off forever. This taking things one moment at a time had to end sooner or later.
"Hello, Les," I said as I answered the call. "What can I do for you?"
"You're a hard one to get hold of," he said with forced heartiness.
"Yeah, my job keeps me hopping."
"Of course. But I was wondering if you could come in for a second interview."
My mind went blank, not sure what to think of this.
"A second interview," I repeated. “Well...I...I guess...I'd have to check my schedule."
"We could do a FaceTime call otherwise. Dan's boss wants to chat with you."
"Oh." I sensed James sitting up and then his hand was on my neck, a distraction I could do without. "Sure. FaceTime could work." I swallowed as his fingers toyed with my hair, tangling it.
"Okay. I'll text you the time and we can set something up that won't interfere with your regular job."
"Thanks. Okay." I couldn't say much more than that, James was now leaning closer, brushing his lips over my cheek. Was he trying to sabotage this? "Thanks. I'll be waiting for that."
Les said goodbye, and I said goodbye and then I leaned away from James to drop my phone in my purse.
"So. Important call?"
"Kind of." I turned and gave him a tight smile, still not sure what to make of him and our situation. I felt a distinct confusion that was unwelcome and, at the same time, exhilarating.
James expression grew serious.
"Is it about that city job?"
"Yes, actually, it is."
"You going to take it?"
"I don't know."
He laughed, but it was without humour. "I can't see you moving to some fancy job where men wear suits all the time and order grande non-fat lattés, no foam with room from a barista at some coffee bar who acts like knowing how to do this makes him all suave when really, it's still just coffee."
"And this is a bad thing?" I thought of Les and the coffee we'd had together.
"No, but I don't think this is your thing."
I stared at him, frustration and attraction vying with each other for my attention.
"How do you know what my thing is?"
He shrugged. "I can't see you living in the city. I don't think you belong there."
He spoke the words with an assurance that annoyed me.
"And you know me that well?" I couldn't keep the faint annoyance out of my voice.
"I think I know you pretty good."
"This is exactly the attitude I've been fighting for years," I said, knowing that he had distracted me
but feeling like I needed to say my piece. "Maybe I want to move to the city and work at a civilized job. Maybe I want to be able to order a stupid cappuccino and not get a blank look. Maybe I want to go to plays and, for the first time in my life, dress up in a velvet dress, put on full makeup and go to the Nutcracker Suite at Christmas. Maybe I want to do all this instead of sitting in a chilly hockey arena cheering on a bunch of brawling brutes, who will end up at the bar celebrating their win or commiserating with each other over their loss." I caught myself. I was heading into nuclear territory that made my brothers look down and slink away.
"You sound annoyed with me. I didn't mean for that to happen."
Definitely over-reacted. He made me feel so many things and I didn't like the uncertainty about my future that he created.
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little tired of everyone seeming to assume they know what's best for me."
James didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. All he did was touch my cheek ever so lightly as if he understood. "You're right. I shouldn't have assumed but I can't help but think no matter what you say I doubt that working in a high rise doing clean, tidy work that only benefits a select few will make you feel as fulfilled as your current job does."
I stared at him. "And what do you know about my current job?"
James moved his head closer, but I didn't budge. I would not be intimidated. "I know you work too hard, that your boss is a jerk, that you should tell him where to get off and that I think it's easier for you to run away to the city than it is to face some of the things you should be facing right here, right now."
"I face them every day. It's all about changing the things I can and that whole serenity prayer thing. I want a safe, stable and tame life."
"Do you really? When I saw you racing across the field on that horse of yours, I didn't see a safe, tame girl. I saw someone who enjoyed pushing boundaries. When I saw you on that go-kart grinning like some crazy fool, I knew you weren't the girly-girl you always think you are. I think you like a wild and uncertain world. You need to learn to control it instead of running away from it."
A memory surfaced. My brothers pushing me to get back on a horse that had just bucked me off. I was crying and afraid and angry with them, but we were miles from nowhere and the only way to get back was to walk, or ride. So, with tears running down my cheeks, I got back on the horse. For the first mile I trembled and jumped each time the horse did. Finally, I was so worn out and angry, I made the horse trot. By the time we got home, I was upset with my brothers, but, at the same time, exhilarated that I had overcome this fear.
James touched my face, trying to draw out a confession. "I know your job is challenging and hard and dirty and nasty and that if you didn't do it, then maybe someone else would, but most social workers like you, who really care about their clients, are a gift. I know you have a gift from God to care about people and to help them, and that you're good at your job."
I looked at him as his words washed over me in a wave of leashed anger and frustration, yet something lay deeper than his words. Some emotion I hardly dared acknowledge, because that would mean backing out, proving my brothers right.
Proving James right.
He pulled in a long slow breath as if to slow himself down. "Now that we've traded soliloquies, I need to tell you that I don't think you'll be happier with that job, Dani. I think you'll miss the things that make you frustrated with your work now. You'll miss the challenges. The need to do something that makes a difference. Much as you say you don't seek it, I think you'll miss living on the edge."
I looked at James, holding his gaze that was now intently fixed on me. "I won't miss my boss."
"Then change that." His hand moved up, tangling itself in my hair, anchoring my head to his hand. I wanted him to stop, but I didn't want to move away.
I didn't know what I wanted anymore, only that being here, so close to James, was like puzzle pieces clicking into place.
"I can't change him. I can't get rid of him. So how can I stay...not liking my boss...not liking where my life is now." I was stuttering, but I didn't know how to tell him how frightened his words were making me.
"You're not as powerless as you think, Dani. You can do something about your circumstances."
"Like what?" My former frustration returned, the same feeling of being locked into a place where I wasn't happy or content, a place I could see no way around but to escape. "Arrange for a mysterious accident? Besides breaking the sixth commandment, it's illegal."
James slipped his hand through my hair, loosening his grip on me for a moment. "Look at what happened with your brothers the other evening. Did you ever think you would see the day that they did the dishes or babysat?"
"They didn't do it on their own," I protested, struggling to keep my mind focused while his finger traced circles over my neck. His face, inches from mine, tangled my emotions and thoughts.
"Exactly," James said, his deep voice growing quieter. More intimate. "You told them what they needed to do. You pushed them. Guys need that whether we want to admit it or not."
I was growing bewildered and, to tell the truth, scared. I had a plan. It was sound. To abandon it now, to try something else, to stay here created a low-level panic in me. I had to think.
"Why are you trying to change my mind?" I asked. "What's in it for you?"
He held my gaze, his eyes growing soft, a faint smile teasing his well-shaped lips.
"I care about you, Danielle," he whispered. "And I care that you're not happy right now. I've been there and I know what it feels like, but I've learned to make changes where I can and adjustments where I can't."
His words fell into the lonely and empty and yearning part of me.
But I didn't dare take too big a step. There were things we still had to resolve. Things about his life I wasn't happy with.
"I think we should go home," was all I could say.
James pulled back, looking disappointed that his speeches hadn't made me change my mind. Hadn't affected me.
But he was wrong. What he said echoed in my mind as he reversed away from the lookout point and drove back to the highway and back to the farm.
I couldn't get them out of my mind.
And when he stopped in front of the house, I felt like he needed to know.
"I had a great day," I told him before I got out of the truck. "I had a lot of fun. And, you were right. I enjoyed being on the go-kart."
He smiled at that but before he could kiss me again, confuse me again, I opened the door and got out of the truck. I tossed off a wave then walked up the sidewalk, swinging my purse, wishing I felt as confident as I hoped I looked.
I closed the door and leaned against it, closing my eyes. Too many thoughts roiled through my head. Thankfully the guys were still at James's, Chip was still gone and Dad was in bed. I wouldn't have to deal with the third degree from my brothers, or their curious questions.
I slipped into my bedroom and dropped onto my bed.
All I could do was say, "Help me Lord. Help me make a decision for me. Not for my brothers, my father or James."
Because no matter what James said, I knew I had to step out and choose for myself.
14
"So you able to stop by the house after work?" James was asking.
I switched my cell phone to my other ear and looked at the files piling up on my desk thanks to Casey Brashears, and I eased out a sigh. "Define this vague term, After Work."
My Monday had been a steady litany of complaints and telephone calls. The peace from yesterday's church service had dissipated the moment I came home. The boys had made breakfast and had left a note on the messy table telling me they had taken Dad out for a drive.
I had felt a mixture of thankfulness that they were looking out for Dad and annoyance that they hadn't cleared the table.
James's little lecture from the other night had sifted back over my frustration. So I left the mess the way it was and went upstairs and changed. Then drove to David and T
racy's.
Though part of me had hoped I could connect with James, his truck was gone when I came home from church and he hadn't attended. I was disappointed and wondered if he was just out for a drive or if he was with my brothers. And what they might be doing.
It wasn't any of my business but I couldn't stop the faint thrum of disappointment at his lack of church attendance and, if I were honest, attendance to me.
And then he called this afternoon.
"For most people that comes around five-thirty," James was saying. "When they tell their boss they're done for the day and then they go home."
"Such are the dreams of the self-employed." Which made me wonder how the financing for his training facility was coming. We hadn't talked about it when we were together.
Other things on your mind. Other things James wanted to talk about.
I tried to dismiss the thoughts. Saturday night, after our conversation, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about his declaration. He cared about me. I mattered to him.
But I felt he was trying to influence my decision.
Or give you good advice.
"Well, are you able to come whenever you can make it kind of sort of work?" James asked.
I smiled at the convoluted request. "Why? Do you need a babysitter?" I asked, determined to keep this conversation light and easy. I didn't want to go as in-depth as we had Saturday. I wanted to keep my options open but being around James was narrowing those.
"Now that you mention it..."
"Um. No."
"And you call yourself generous."
"Generous not stupid. Besides you've been ragging on me to stand up for myself. I just did."
“I meant with other people. Not me."
Yeah. That seemed about right.
I stopped that thought. One day at a time, I reminded myself. There were still issues in his life I wasn't comfortable with. Things we needed to talk about.
But for now...
"I think I could make that work," I said. "I have to make supper for the guys, and then I can come over."
"I think they can make supper. I mean, if I can make lasagna..." He let the sentence trail off, and I heard the chuckle in his voice.
Any Man of Mine (Holmes Crossing Book 5) Page 18
