CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lily
I WAS SWEATING BULLETS. THIS WAS the worst idea ever. Jace's hands on my inner thighs had me feeling on edge. He had adjusted the climbing harness at least three times. At this point, I was sure he was just trying to cop a feel. "All right, I'm done. I hate this," I blurted out.
"Already, we've only been at it for like thirty minutes, Lil." Jace's voice held some incredulity.
"Yeah." I started to unbuckle myself.
"Let me—"
"No way, buddy, hands to yourself," I said with a bit more severity than was necessary.
"O… kay." Jace drew out the word like he was talking to a small child. He was such an ass. I didn't know what I was thinking going on a date with him. Dinner was a joke; the whole time all he did was talk about himself. How he was so good at everything he did. Barf. He was winking at me so much that I started to think he had something in his eye, but then I realized, nope, he's just a conceited asshole. Not to mention the fact that the entire time I was with him, all I could think about was Todd. Jace couldn't stop talking about Todd either. He told me horrible stories about Todd and how his "reputation" was epic. It made me physically ill listening to all the tales of Todd's sexual prowess.
I quickly got ready to leave and waited for Jace by the front doors. The cold unspring-like weather was getting worse after the sun had set. A cold gust of air hit my bare legs as someone entered the climbing gym. I needed to stop wearing shorts.
"Your place or mine?" Jace held the gym door open for me. He had to be kidding.
"I think I'm going to just call it a night." I made a show of yawning. "I'm drained. The first week of work really killed me."
Jace's jaw compressed. "Let's get one drink." he persisted.
"Look, I had a nice time, but I don't—"
"Stop, don't say it," he interrupted. "Let's just call it a night. I'll drop you off, and we can try again another night." Jace's smile didn't touch his eye, and it felt a bit off. I felt guilty though. I didn't want to date Jace, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. He was so much nicer when he wasn't trying to get in my pants.
"I don't know. I probably shouldn't date people I work with — unnecessary drama, you know?" I tapped my feet on the concrete. It was getting cold.
"Oh shit! Sorry, Lily. Here get in." The beep of his car unlocking signaled me that the torture of standing in the cold was over. Praise the heavens. Once in the car, I had hoped the conversation was over. I was wrong.
"So?"
"I don't know, Jace. Let me sleep on it, okay?" I should've just been straight with him instead of trying to spare his feelings. The guy really did need to be knocked down a notch anyway. I just didn't want to be the one to do it.
"That sounds good." He smiled his fake smile at me again. The rest of the drive home was filled with awkward silence, and the ride to my house couldn't have taken any longer. Jace jumped out of the car and practically ran to open my door. He took my hand and helped me out of the car.
"You don't have to walk me to the door. Thanks for everything." I quickly moved my feet, one in front of the other, trying to create space. Jace grumbled under his breath as the door to his car slammed shut. I didn't want to give him any false hope by giving him a goodnight kiss. I slowed my pace and watched him drive away. I stopped for a minute at the end of my driveway and looked up at the clear sky and wondered what my dad would be doing right now if he were alive. We'd probably be sitting on the back porch listening to Van Morrison and drinking beer while the cicadas sang in the background. We'd be laughing and talking about what a shitty date that was. I took a deep breath loving how the clean air filled my lungs. It was getting late, and I was ready for bed.
I was about to head inside when Todd's silver 4Runner pulled up to the curb. My heart rate began to sprint. What was he doing here? He turned off the truck, and I watched as his hard frame moved toward me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked with irritated confusion. Why did he think he could just show up like this? I meant nothing to him.
"Wanted to make sure you got home okay." His deep voice vibrated through the cold, quiet air.
"Why?" Was he worried about me? My voice trembled as he moved closer, our bodies just a small fraction apart. The heat radiated from his body. He looked sexy in the dark gray T-shirt that stretched across his broad chest and fitted jeans. Todd's arms were so stunning. The cut muscle was only amplified by the artwork that scrolled across it. I loved how the ink was brightly colored on one side and dark on the other. I had a feeling there was a deeper meaning behind that choice. Ugh, I shouldn't want to know anything deeper about Todd. He was a playboy, and I needed to remember that. Still just the sight of him had me nervous and my stomach twisted in knots.
"Why?" His right eyebrow turned up. "Lily, Jace is a shit. I told you that I was worried."
He seemed different tonight, softer somehow.
"Oh," I mumbled lamely. I didn't know what to say, this man was such a puzzle. He put two fingers under my chin, lifting my face and giving me no other choice but to meet his gaze.
"I don't want you to go out with him again," Todd's voice was an imposing whisper.
"I don't think you have a say in the matter." I sounded unsure. He moved his hand to the side of my cheek, and without thinking, I leaned into the caress. The pull between us was surreal. The electricity in the air was almost visible.
"Oh, I think I do." He leaned down and placed his mouth softly to mine. He kissed my upper lip first, and then lightly pulled at the bottom lip, sending shivers down my spine and heat to my belly. He bound his other arm around my waist and pulled me tight against his body. I craved his hard touch. Our kiss became aggressive, and his tongue mingled with mine. Todd twisted his hand into my hair, pulling my head back making it easier for him to kiss me intensely. He kissed me deeper than I'd ever been kissed before, and a needy moan escaped my mouth. Todd pressed his hips against my body, and I felt his arousal against my stomach.
"Fuck." His coarse word rumbled into my mouth.
"Do you want to come inside?" I asked, sounding more desperate than I thought possible. I hated that he made me feel out of control, but at the same time I was tired of always keeping it together. I wanted a moment of irrationality. Just one moment.
"Is that what you want?" He pinned my eyes. "It's late, you need to go to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep. I want you." I grinned and pushed my hips into his. He groaned. "Ugh, I forgot. I live with my damn sister. Could we go to your place?"
"Lily, is that—"
"What I want? Yes." What was it with all this hesitation? He wanted me, I could tell. Why else would he be here?
Todd exhaled noisily. The chocolate of his eyes appeared darker; he seemed tired all of a sudden. "All right, I'm driving though."
The minute he conceded I knew I had hurt him, and I didn't know why.
ON THE WAY OVER, TODD TALKED to me… like really talked to me. I found out that Todd had a brother named Colby, who played football for a University up north and was dating Todd's best friend, Cameron. He told me about his family and his friend Liz and her husband, and about how cute their baby was. How he couldn't believe that they had made an actual human being. It was so cute how he was dumbfounded by the simple mechanics of procreation. He had me belly laughing the whole way. I noticed, though, he talked about Liz with a certain reverence. I had a feeling Liz had some part in breaking this boy down. Todd's jaw constricted a bit when he spoke of her, his grip on the steering wheel was tighter than necessary. Yeah, Liz had done a number on him. I was grateful for this small peek into his closed off world. For a second, I thought that maybe he chose to sleep around as a way to forget. Todd wasn't a womanizer, of this I was now sure. He was just broken.
The tension in the car was thick as we pulled up to his condo. I felt as if he'd opened up to me, and now I was going to cheapen it by sleeping with him. But for some reason, I needed him to want me. The attraction between
us was so overwhelming. I couldn't get him out of my brain, and then he rejected me. He said he didn't do anything with that stupid blonde, and I believed him. I wanted to believe in him. I wanted a piece of who he was. His dismissal cut me more than it should have, and now I had to have some small part of him, no matter the cost.
He dropped his keys into a giant bowl of condoms and candy that sat on the sideboard table in the entryway as we walked into the house. My anxiety picked up a notch, and my heart was beating so hard in my chest I was sure the neighbors could hear it.
"So, where's Seth?" I asked while I took in my surroundings. . It was decorated simply as a bachelor pad would be. The living room we were standing in had large, soft looking gray couches, and the walls had exquisite black and white photos. All the photography appeared to be landscapes of some of the local state parks. The entertainment center had a large television and at least two gaming consoles. Yep, men lived here.
"He's out. He's hardly here on the weekend nights. He won't bring chicks here." Todd plopped down onto the sofa. I could have died and been fine with never knowing that tiny bit of info on Seth. "We watching a movie or something?" He smiled up at me. His grin was sweet.
"Or something?" I smiled back suggestively, and his grin fell slightly. I almost thought I imagined it.
"I think we need to slow down. I mean, we hardly know each other, maybe —"
"Why did you drive me over here then?" He was rejecting me again, and it pissed me off how much that hurt.
"Lily… I know, okay, I get it. But I think us…" He swayed his hand back and forth gesturing to himself and then me. "…hooking up, could be a bad idea." He stood from the couch bringing his body just inches from mine. His dark brown eyes pierced through me. "Trust me. Like I've said before, you don't want my baggage."
I was confused and getting angrier. "Then why the fuck did you bring me here?" My voice was louder than I meant it to be. He stepped away from me with a shocked look.
"Damn it, Lily. At first, it was because I got so wrapped up in you. Kissing you is like a drug. I can't fucking think." He shook his head. "Lily, I can't do this shit with you. I'm still getting over some things, and I'll just screw it up like I always do." His hands fisted.
I should've been listening to his warnings, but my stupid ego was too wounded to care. "I don't get it! You'll screw random chicks that throw themselves at you, but you won't get physical with me? What is that about? What… am I not good enough for you, Todd? I'm not Liz or some easy slut so you won't give me the time of day?" Todd's eyes narrowed into slits, he looked like he hated me. I'd taken that small piece of him that he gave me on the ride over and threw it in his face. I was being such a bitch. I couldn't believe how livid I was. What was it about him that made me care this much? My cheeks heated and my pulse beat heavy in my chest. One minute he was hot, all over me, making me feel sexier than I'd ever felt, and then next he was just as cold. This back and forth, this jealous bullshit, it was exhausting.
"Are you serious right now?" He took two massive steps and caged me against his living room wall. "Lily, what do you want from me?" Todd's voice was low. It felt as if he was asking me for forever, but all I needed was right now.
"I want you to want me like you do all those other girls." I couldn't meet his eyes, letting him know how much I needed this – him. He made me feel insecure.
He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me hard. I could tell he was fighting his temper. He pulled roughly at my lips, and I loved every minute of it. The coarse hair from his short, clipped beard burned my lips in the most wonderful way. I savored the peppermint flavor of his lips. The flavor I had begun to crave. Todd's now familiar scent invaded my senses and started me on fire, a slow burn, but worth every bit of pain it was sure to cause after the fact.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Todd
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?" I kissed her deeply, tracing my tongue along her bottom lip. My teeth grazed the soft surface of her neck. "Is it, Lily?" My voice was strained, my throat dry. I wouldn't be able to say no to her. I would take her any way I could, even if it killed me later.
"Yes," she whispered. My hand clasped around the back of her neck pulling her close as she bit her lip with anticipation. I needed her to want me more than anything she's ever needed in her life. I opened myself up to her tonight, telling her about Liz, but she still gave me nothing. I wanted to be deep inside her, filling all that emptiness that was obviously drowning her. This girl was damaged. Why else would she seek me out? All I knew about her was she had recently lost her dad. Maybe she felt alone? Maybe she needed to feel something other than the pain she carried, even if it wasn't real. Just like me, reducing herself with meaningless sex.
I needed more than just a one-night stand. I was done sinking. I wanted her to keep me afloat, and that scared the shit out of me. I hated that it hurt me when she chose to come home with me, chose to be like "all of the other girls."
"Why? Why do you want this? Me?" I grasped her face in my hands. I tilted her head up making her gaze lock with mine.
"What?" Her voice was faint and her breath tasted sweet against my lips. She was too far gone with desire to give me a straight answer. She leaned in and our lips crashed together. She took over and guided us to the couch, and I felt her knees hit the cushion. My hands trailed softly down the slope of her neck, and I felt her shiver under my fingertips. She was so fucking ready.
"Tell me, Lily? Do you want me to fuck you?" Her lips touched my neck and the small gasp from her mouth gave me the answer I needed.
"Yes." Lily's otherworldly eyes met mine. "I want you." Her hands traced down my abs, and my dick strained against my jeans. She started to lift my shirt, and I let her. I couldn't remember why I should stop this. I didn't give a shit anymore. If this is what she wanted from me, then I'd give it to her, I'd show her what it was like to be with me. If this was all I was good for, then I would give her everything I had.
"Turn around." My voice was rough. She hesitated at first but did as I asked. I kissed her neck as I brought my hands down her sides. She shuddered at the touch. I was trying to enjoy it, the power I had over her, but I didn't want this. I wanted more. My anger flared. I stepped away from her waiting form.
"Todd?" her voice pleaded.
This is all she wants. This is all I'm worth.
"Bend over and place both of your hands on the back of the couch." My voice shook with suppressed fury, but there was no turning back. She did as I asked; her round soft ass sticking up in the air was perfection in all its glory. She stood and bent over as I reached around her small waist and unclasped the button of her shorts. At first, I slowly peeled them off, wanting to savor the moment, but then I remembered she wanted to be fucked, not cherished. I could have done both if she'd given me the chance.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Lily
TODD WRENCHED MY SHORTS DOWN COMPLETELY. Naked from the waist down, I felt overly exposed, but then I heard him exhale quietly and felt secure in the fact that he liked what he saw. I heard the buckle of his belt jingle, the sound of his jeans hitting the floor, and the distinct noise of a foil wrapper being torn open. The anticipation had me aching for him; I wanted to turn so I could see his face. I started to turn around when, suddenly, Todd grabbed my hips.
"Don't move, baby. Stay just like this." I felt his finger pull across the sensitive skin of my core. My legs started to tremble as he pushed two fingers inside of me. "You're so ready, this is what you wanted." His rhythm picked up, bringing me close to the edge, and, just as I was about to come, I felt his tip at my entrance, his fingers gone. He grabbed my left hip with his hand and pushed hard inside of me without hesitation. The movement was so rough that I cried out. He pulled back and pushed in again with a growl, completely filling me. Todd's strong hands gripped firmly on the soft flesh of my hips. My body adjusted to his size seamlessly, and the pain became pleasure. Todd was relentless, his hands on each hip pulling me back and forth, thrusting into me angrily. It was
the most delicious pain I'd ever felt.
"Kneel down, baby." Todd's voice was thick with desire, and it spurred me on. I let my knees fall into the forgiving cushions. "That's it." He pressed the front of my body flush against the back of the couch. My hands were firmly planted on the wall as he kneeled behind me driving himself into my body, my muscles tightening around him. I was so close. My breath was erratic, and my moans felt embarrassingly loud. He reached around and found the spot I needed for my final release. I cried out, and his strokes became furiously hard. My name growled from his lips.
I felt him everywhere. This position had him completely wrapped around my body. He was deep inside me as I pushed against his final strokes. He thrust his hips, enfolding his hand in my hair and pulling me back forcefully as his body went rigid. He kissed my neck dragging his teeth across the surface. His stubble felt perfect against my tender skin. My legs shook as the overwhelming feeling of him engulfed me.
We were both out of breath, my back to his chest — our labored breathing felt synchronized. He pulled away just enough to rest his forehead on the back of my hair. I could feel his hot breath moving in and out of his mouth. I wanted to turn around and kiss his full, flawless lips. I was about to turn around when he spoke.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this, Lily. Our first time shouldn't have been like this. I never wanted to fuck you like a whore." Todd's deep timbre trembled with feeling.
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