Still Water

by A. M. Johnson

  Eve gave me a look like she wasn't sure she wanted to tell me the truth. It was then I realized what she was crying about. "Is it Pam?"

  She nodded. "I haven't heard from mom for five years, Lily." She sniffled and rubbed her tissue across her nose. "I mean where the hell does she get off calling me? Who the hell does she think she is?"

  Pam was our mother. I wasn't sure if I could call the woman who left me at the age of three to go live another life — live a life with her other daughter and husband — a real mother. She disappeared five years ago with some biker. Simply left Frank, Eve, and me behind. We meant shit to her, and I could give a crap about what she wanted now.

  I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. You going to be okay?" Eve stood and ran her fingers through her hair, trying hopelessly to tame the wild curls. We got our hair from our mother. She ran the palms of her hands down the front of her shirt in an attempt to pull herself together. Her nostrils flared, and she laughed bitterly.

  "No, Lil, I'm not okay. She wants money, can you believe the nerve?" My sister reached out for Christopher.

  I wish I could say I could, but I hardly knew the lady. I handed her the baby and quickly checked for stray snot on my clothes. Pam was never a mother to me. At least she got some time with her. I didn't know what to say to comfort her. I was at a loss.

  "I—I don't know what to tell you. Did she sound like she was in trouble?" I prayed that Todd would get here soon. It was too early for this drama.

  "She's always in trouble, Lily." My sister's tone was scolding. I didn't let it bother me; it wasn't me she was mad at.

  "You going to give her the money?" I asked.

  She nodded. "I'm going to wire it to her. She's somewhere overseas, I guess. She couldn't or wouldn't give me details… Somewhere in France she said. Said this money could get her back to the states. She sounded awful. And at church we are talking about forgiveness and maybe—"

  She was cut off by a loud knock on the door. My heart jumped. Todd.

  "That's my ride. Can we talk about this later?" I moved toward the door. I was thankful to not have to finish the conversation.

  "Sure, you going somewhere this early?" Eve's appraisal was scrutinizing.

  "Yup, breakfast date." I smiled, as she looked at me in disbelief.

  "Well, the other night went well then?" She followed behind as I walked to the front door, and I rolled my eyes. I didn't want her to make assumptions about Todd. He was a good guy, but Eve was the type to judge a book by its cover. I didn't feel like hearing her misconceptions later when I got home. She disliked anything that had to do with guitars, tattoos… hell, music in general. She blamed her dad, I think, for everything that went wrong in her life.

  "Different guy, sis." I grabbed my bag from the hook by the front door.

  She inhaled sharply, "Well."

  "Well, what?" I turned on my heel and looked her straight in the eyes. "Well, what? Eve?"

  Christopher cried out, and Eve bounced him on her hip. "Nothing… Let's meet him then." Her lips mashed into a hard line.

  This was going to be awkward to say the least. I faltered as I opened the door and Todd came into view. I was used to seeing him in T-shirts and worn jeans. Today he looked… different. His hair was artfully tousled, and he must have trimmed his beard back because, today, it was much shorter, putting his sharp jawline on show. The dark black V-neck sweater he had on fit him like a glove and displayed his strong chest and broad shoulders. The dark blue jeans hugged his fit thighs, and I literally gulped as my eyes struggled to take him all in. His quiet chuckle brought me back down to earth.

  "Hi." He smiled so big that both dimples popped out, and I swear I heard Eve gasp.

  My mouth spread into a huge grin on its own accord. He looked so good.

  "Hi." I felt shy, and I had no idea why. I'd had sex with this guy just a few nights ago, but it was like we were starting from scratch, like that night only existed on some other plane, some other universe. This… this was the Todd that was hiding beneath all his pain, and I couldn't wait to meet him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Todd

  LILY WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE I was a different person, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. I wanted this to work so damn bad. Maybe I over did it? I didn't have time to dwell on it too much because her sister, at least I thought it was her sister, gasped and the little boy she was carrying on her hip squealed. On a second glance, I decided it had to be her sister; her hair was lighter than, but just as wild as, Lily's. Lily smiled as she greeted me, and I decided to put on my game face. I couldn't let my stupid, insecure bullshit, fuck this up for me.

  "You ready, baby?" I didn't miss how Lily's sister cleared her throat, begging for attention.

  Lily frowned. "Todd, this is my sister, Eve."

  I smiled and waved. Eve just stared at me, what the hell? "Nice to meet you, Eve, and who's this little cutie?"

  "This is Christopher, my son." She smiled down at him. "Nice to meet you, Todd. She moved past Lily into the doorway and shook my hand. This Christopher kid was cute as hell. He had almost white blond hair that curled in the back and the fattest cheeks I'd ever seen. I pinched his cheek, and he squealed again. I couldn't help but laugh. I liked babies, so sue me.

  "That's adorable. You guys should stay here, I can make you breakfast." Eve smiled at me, and I watched as Lily's eyes opened wide in horror.

  "Um, that sounds awful actually. Todd, let's get going." She pulled her bag onto her shoulder and pushed past her sister.

  Eve laughed uncomfortably. "Well, next time maybe?" she called out from the doorway as Lily pulled me down the front steps.

  "Oh. My. God. What was that? You're like a lady magnet. My sister hates everyone, but she sure as hell liked you." I laughed, and she scowled at me as I opened the door of my truck.

  I waved again at her sister and climbed into the 4Runner. The keys turned in the ignition as I glanced over at a pouting Lily. She was wearing a peach hoodie, and the color looked stunning on her. She wasn't wearing a stitch of make-up, but somehow her skin appeared to glow, her freckles on full blast. I liked it. No fuck that, I loved it.

  "You look beautiful." My palm gripped around her thigh, and I watched as she visibly relaxed. The pout on her full lips gone. Lily looked at me again like she had in the doorway of her house, like I was new and shiny. It made me feel hopeful, and that was something that could ruin me. I leaned over and brushed my lips across hers. I pulled away, and her eyes were bright. It took all my strength not to take her mouth again, but I wanted to do this right. She would be mine; I'd have her like I should have the first time, but no matter what my stupid ass wanted, I needed to take it slow.

  "Thank you," she whispered. "You look amazing. You clean up nice." She gave me a sideways smile, and I grinned back in response.

  "Thanks. You hungry? Because I'm hungry as hell." I reversed the truck and headed to the diner.

  "I could eat." She looked down nervously again at her hands that were wringing together. I reached across the console and took one of her hands in mine, tangling our fingers, and gently squeezed. Her chest rose and then fell slowly in a deep exhale.

  "Good, Kim's Café has the best damn scones."

  "Scones? You don't strike me as the tea and scones type of guy." She laughed, and her brow crinkled in confusion.

  "Tea? What the hell? Please tell me you know what a scone is?" I was about to lose my shit. How could she not know what a scone was?

  "Apparently I don't know what a scone is, enlighten me." She giggled at my obvious irritation.

  "Holy shit. You really don't know, do you? This is messed up. I might have to turn around and take you back home. Not sure I can hang with you anymore. It's very disappointing." I was almost serious, but then she laughed so deeply my whole body felt warm.

  She squeezed my hand, "Shut up, and just drive."

  LILY MOANED AS SHE took her first bite of the fried bread and honey butter. It was the sexiest thing I'
d ever heard. She closed her eyes and smiled as she slowly swallowed. Everything about this chick made my cock twitch. I readjusted myself, thankfully under the table.

  "You like it?" I smiled as she nodded her head.

  "It's so freaking incredible. I can't… dear God, this is good." She spoke with her mouth full of food, and I didn't care.

  "Told you." I had the smuggest smirk on my face.

  "You did, and Sir… you are very correct. I haven't lived really, but now… now I can die a happy woman because I ate a scone." She chuckled.

  "Whatever. You about just had an orgasm over there, don't play like I'm crazy."

  Lily threw her napkin at me. "Shut up, I did not." She laughed, and I watched as the blush in her cheeks went from pink to rose red.

  "You so did. I liked it. I'd like to show you how much I liked it." My grin widened as the color in her cheeks deepened. Hell. Yeah.

  "Todd," she whispered. She shook her head and smiled coyly at me, and, damn it, I wanted to leave right then and take her back to my place — to taste her and devour her until I had her crying out my name while her legs shook with pleasure. I wanted to give her everything, all of me. Show her how fucking beautiful she was.

  She met my eyes, and it was like she was thinking the same thing. Her breathing was quick, and her hand trembled as it hovered over her father's ring. She cleared her throat and took a sip of water.

  "So are we going to the studio today?" She met my hungry stare. I initially wanted to record today, but now I couldn't see past the lust polluting my veins.

  "What do you want to do, Lily?" I trapped her in my stare; I wasn't making this easy for her. It was her choice though in the end.

  "I want to spend the day with you. I don't care what we do." Her eyes softened as her full lips split into a small smile. "That okay with you?"

  "Sounds good to me." I wasn't sure what was going to happen today, but I couldn't wait to see how it ended.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Lily

  TODD WAS STARING AT me like he wanted to eat me alive. I was so overheated that I could barely sit still. I took another sip of water to calm my ragingly aroused hormones. Todd was filling up all the vacant space I'd kept hidden for so long. I wasn't sure I was ready for all this, but I wanted to put the past behind me. I needed to move on.

  "Am I making you nervous again?" Todd's easy, flirty smile calmed my anxiety. He had me all over the place. He was chaos, and I wanted nothing more than to lose control with him.

  "You want to get out of here?" I don't know how those words escaped my lips, but they had.

  Todd's smile turned up a notch, and his deep brown eyes darkened with desire.

  "Are you sure?" He was giving me another out, but I didn't want it. This attraction was too intense. We needed this, each other. We needed to get it out of our system. Although, deep down I wasn't sure that once I really had Todd, I'd ever get him out of my system.

  "If you are?" I wanted this to be his choice, too. We both needed to be sure if this was really going to work.

  "Let's get out of here then."

  He paid the check, and we made our way back to Todd's place. I kept sneaking glances at him while he sang "Fall at Your Feet" by Saint Raymond as it played through the speakers. Todd's voice was sexy and caused a pleasant burn of anticipation in my belly. He seemed happy, and that made me smile.

  "You have such a great voice, I feel like I'm getting my own personal concert," I teased.

  His deep laugh made my heart skip a beat. "Well, thank you. I've got nothing on you, though." He turned down the radio as we made a left into his condo's driveway. Insecurity and apprehension had my pulse beating in an irregular pattern. I really didn't know him. I mean he knew nothing about me really. I was so wrong about Derrick; I could be screwing up again. My breakfast started to churn in my gut as I walked through the familiar door. My gaze fell onto the couch, and my cheeks instantly heated. I was so torn between what I physically wanted and what my mind kept telling me, which was slow down. I had a feeling though that my mind was going to lose the argument.

  I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed Todd watching me.

  "You okay, Lily?" He looked at me with such concern; I wanted nothing more than to fully trust him.

  "I'm just—"

  "What the fuck! It's way too damn early, could you not slam the goddamn door?" Seth appeared from around the corner wearing nothing but boxer briefs. I almost died. Seth's long muscles and bare torso were on full display along with his crazy inked up arms.

  "Oh shit. Sorry, didn't know you had company." He gave me a devious grin.

  "Go put some clothes on, man. What the hell!" Todd looked as if he was suppressing laughter.

  "On it. Don't worry. I have a second interview today, so I'll be out of here in a few. You kids have plans?" He emphasized the word plans and raised his eyebrows.

  Todd clenched his jaw before he spoke, "Get the hell dressed, dude. No one needs to see your limp dick."

  "Hey, don't talk shit about my dick. It's fantastic… well, that's what I hear at least." Seth's laugh was contagious, and we all started to laugh, relieving the awkwardness that had fallen. "I'm outta here. I need to get ready." Seth walked past me and smiled like the Cheshire cat. He was so odd; I couldn't figure that one out… at all.

  Todd took my hand in his and led me to his room and shut the door. I suddenly felt claustrophobic.

  "What's up, Lily? You look uneasy again. No… you look terrified. We — we can just hang out — chill — and watch a movie. We don't have to do anything." He pulled me close to his body. He placed his two fingers under my chin, demanding my attention in his own familiar way; his eyes searched my face and finally met my gaze. "I want you so badly, but I can wait. I can wait for you as long as you need, because I just know once I've had you, once your mine, I won't be able to turn back. So I want you to be sure, be ready for me, for this…" He used his other hand to point at his chest, "…because I'm sure as fuck ready for you." He bent down and kissed me soft at first, his lips coaxed mine tenderly. I kissed his top lip, licking it slightly. He tasted like he always did, but today it was mixed with honey, and it stoked the fire in me that only he seemed to ignite. A deep groan escaped his lips, and the kiss became rough. In this second, this crazy lust had us all tied up in knots. I wanted to give in — I wanted to let go.

  His hands trailed down my arms and a warm shiver erupted across my body. I had to make the choice. I didn't know much about him, but he wouldn't make this choice for me ever again. This was different from the other night. Todd was putting himself out there; he was taking the chance on me, on us. Todd's lips grazed my jaw as he moved down to my neck. I didn't think I could ever get used to how amazing his fingers felt against the flesh of my arms.

  "We can stop this. It's your decision," he whispered before he pulled my earlobe between his teeth. I shuddered.

  "I want this… I want us to work." I took a deep breath and the heaviness from early lifted. Todd's lips stilled, and he pulled back just enough to give me full eye contact. It was only a second, but his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

  "Hell, yes." His grin was cocky, and I loved it.

  He pulled me in, colliding his lips with mine. The kiss was violent, rough, hungry… perfect. Once the kiss slowed, I stepped back from him and lifted my hoodie over my head. I let it drop to the ground as I watched Todd drink me in like he was desperately thirsty. I ran my fingers under his sweater and lifted. He complied and lifted it off. Todd's sculpted chest and stomach pulled with the motion. I craved this — him — he was more than I could have ever wanted.

  We watched each other for a quiet moment; the air was thick with need. All I could hear was our breathing, and it turned me on beyond anything I thought possible. I felt brave. I unhooked my bra, letting it slide slowly down my shoulders, and then dropped forward carefully letting the bra fall to the floor as I moved to slide my jeans and panties down. I heard Todd's inta
ke of breath as I raised my eyes to meet his. I liked how his eyes swept over my naked form, how his jaw tightened with desire, how his control started to slowly slip. He moved toward me deliberately, as if he was afraid that I wasn't real. Never, not once in my whole life, had I felt this wanted. This was too much, too fast, but this moment with him… it was the chaos I needed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Todd

  LILY WAS COMPLETELY BARE TO ME as I lowered her body down onto my bed. The crème color of her skin and the small smattering of freckles across her body had me fucking captivated. I wanted to kiss each one. I couldn't wait for my lips to discover every part of her and taste that flawless skin. Kneeling at the side of the bed, I grabbed her waist and pulled her body toward mine. Lily's gasp at the sudden movement was quickly silenced as my hands moved down the sides of her hips to her thighs. I gently pushed her legs apart. I couldn't stop myself from smiling; she was all mine.

  "What?" she asked breathlessly, leaning up to look at me on her elbows.

  "You're fucking gorgeous, and I'm going to make this mine. Possess it. Take every bit you have to give, and give you everything I have." I didn't give a shit anymore that I hardly knew this girl — that she had me all mixed up. I was finally getting something I wanted. Finally, I was someone's choice. Leaning forward, my palm ran all the way down her body, starting between her full breasts, down her stomach, and across the curve of her pubic bone. She arched her back and moaned at my touch. I slid two fingers inside her and groaned at how ready she was for me. My arousal was painful, but she was so wet, and I had to know what she tasted like. There was nothing left to hold me back. My need could wait.

  I spread her legs further apart and took her into my mouth. She bowed her back again as the sweet taste covered my tongue. Lily whimpered softly at first, but then she began to pull my hair. She cried out my name, begging me, as I licked lazy figure eights across her sensitive flesh. Lily's legs started to tremble, and I increased the pressure. My fingers moved deeply inside her as she came into my mouth. I savored every drop of her. I'd never had anything better, and I knew the minute my lips tasted her… she was going to be my new addiction.