Kevin, in his own anxiety, missed the tone in his brother’s voice. “Ok, I’ll come with you,” he started.
“No, Kev. You can’t, Bud.”
“Ryan, please . . . .”
“I said no!”
Tears stung Kevin’s eyes again as Sean came up behind him, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Why not?” Kevin pressed.
“You just can’t, Kev’bo. Not this time. I’m sorry,” Ryan spoke gently now. He tried to urge Danny forward, but Kevin clung to his arm.
“Why can’t I come, Ryan?” he demanded desperately. “Why?” Ryan took hold of Kevin’s arm, and looked at him earnestly.
“Because, Bro, it’s not a social call,” he said quietly, his face turning beet red.
“What?” Kevin looked at him in amazement. “What do you mean?” Both his brothers were a deep crimson now and Kevin’s stomach turned as he looked at them.
“Look, Kev,” Ryan soothed, affected by his little brother’s anguished expression, “everything’s going to be all right, ok? But you have to let us go. Let us go,” he commanded softly. Too shocked to argue, Kevin took his hand from Ryan’s arm. Ryan urged Danny forward once more, and in a daze Danny obeyed, swallowing hard to keep his tears back just a little longer.
“Ryan,” Kevin tried to follow again as they neared the top of the stairs, but Sean held him back. “Ryan . . .,” Kevin called, but neither of his brothers looked at him. He could see that Danny was just barely holding it together. “What did you mean?” The question came out so softly that even Kevin wasn’t sure if his brothers had heard him, but they did, and it was with an aching heart that Ryan ignored his pleas, and continued down the hallway, pushing Danny in front of him.
Finally, they stood outside their big brother’s door, and Ryan paused, swallowing hard as his emotions started to get the better of him. This room had never been anything, but a warm and inviting place to go since Steve had assumed the presidency at the beginning of the year. Now, his stomach was in knots. He knew, as he looked at him, that his younger brother was having similar thoughts, and he kept his hand on Danny’s shoulder as he finally got up the courage to knock. After a minute, Steve opened the door, and Ryan hung his head as his brother looked reproachfully at him. He had seen that look in Steve’s eyes many times, but rarely had it been directed at him.
The fraternity president regarded his little brothers silently for a moment, and then grimly stood aside to let them in, closing the door with an ominous click behind them.
File Five
The Break Down
"When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
-Henry J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak)
It was with considerable consternation that Kevin watched his big brothers disappear, and now he looked pleadingly up into Sean’s face. “What did Ryan mean, Sean? When he said it’s not a social call?” Sean tightened his grip on Kevin’s shoulder and met his eyes.
“They’re in trouble, Kev,” he said softly.
“What? Trouble for what? What do you mean, trouble?” Kevin inquired anxiously. Sean sought his little brother’s eyes, and Jesse’s throat tightened as Kevin too looked his way. For a long moment, nobody said anything as Sean and Jesse struggled with their emotions. Then, finally, Jesse looked at Kevin.
“They’re going to get licks, Kid,” he whispered, and tears filled his eyes as the blood drained from Kevin’s face.
“What?!” Kevin looked back at Sean and Sean nodded, tears welling in his eyes too. “No!” Kevin regarded his brothers’ best friends in disbelief. “No! I don’t believe you!”
“Kev,” Sean tried to quiet him.
“No!” Kevin jerked his arm away and glowered at them. “Steve wouldn’t do that! Not to them! What could they possibly have done . . .?” Kevin’s voice caught in his throat as he looked at Sean and Jesse’s tortured expressions. “But why?” he sobbed. “Why? What did they do?”
“It’s ok, Kev,” Sean put his arm around him again, and Kevin hid his face and clung to Ryan’s best friend.
“What did they do?” Kevin repeated.
“They got in a fight with Mcarthy,” Jesse grumbled as he stood looking on awkwardly.
“What?! When did that happen?”
“About three weeks ago.” Sean pulled him closer and dropped his chin to the top of his head.
“That long ago? Why didn’t they tell me?”
“They knew they were going to be in trouble, Kev’bo,” Sean replied gently. “They didn’t want you to worry.”
“Well, where the hell was I? How did I not hear about this?”
“It was around the time of the meeting, Kev,” Jesse returned softly. “You were a little distracted, and afterwards Ryan and Danny made sure everyone knew they better zip it around you.”
“Around the time of The Meeting?” Gregg scoffed from the other room. “Around that time? If I recall correctly, it was the same damn day!”
“Stay out of it, you piece of shit!” Mike warned.
“Just making sure the kid has all the facts,” Gregg countered smugly as Steve’s friends glowered at him.
Kevin looked disconcertedly up to meet first Sean and then Jesse’s eyes. “It was the same day?” he croaked. “What were they fighting about?” There was silence and Sean squeezed Kevin’s shoulder harder as he met Jesse’s eyes once more.
“No,” Kevin looked at each of his brothers’ friends in turn, reading their expressions. “NO! Oh my God!” he wailed. “It was my fault? They were fighting about me?”
“No, Kev, it wasn’t your fault!” Jesse assured.
“There’s nothing you could have done to stop it,” Sean agreed.
“I can’t believe this is happening!” Kevin sobbed, turning for the stairs.
Sean pulled him back. “Where are you going, Kevin?” he asked, gently.
“To stop this!” Kevin cried. “This is crazy! Let me go!” he pleaded as Sean once again hauled him off the stairs.
“You can’t stop it, Kev!” Ryan’s best friend uttered brokenly. “Jess and I already tried, right after it happened. We begged Steve to go easy, but I guess he felt, given the circumstances, he couldn’t let it go.”
“Well I can’t just sit here!” Kevin pushed at him, struggling to free himself from Sean’s strong grip. “Let me go, Sean, please!”
Sean took a firmer hold of his arm and drew him to the side, away from the door, in an effort to escape the prying eyes of the common room. “Look at me, Kev,” he directed. Danny’s little brother was still looking at the stairs and straining against him. “Look at me please,” he repeated, taking him by the shoulders now, and finally Kevin did, turning sulky, resentful eyes on him. “If you go up there, it will only make things worse!” Sean’s voice caught again as he continued. “You will embarrass your brothers, and in the end, you will only prolong the inevitable.”
“But there must be something we can do!” Kevin protested desperately, looking at Jesse as Danny’s best friend came up beside them.
Jesse shook his head. “Let them get it over with, Kev’bo,” he choked.
“No!” Kevin stared incredulously at them. “How can you just stand there and let this happen?” He twisted to get away, and Sean tightened his grasp. “Let me go!” he raged. “Let me go!” He shoved at Sean again, throwing him off balance, and Sean fell back against the wall. His grip loosened slightly and with one desperate twist, Kevin ripped himself free, and headed for the stairs. Sean, however, was not that easily defeated and as he regained his balance he reached ou
t and grabbed Kevin from behind, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against him. “No!” Kevin howled. “Let me go, Sean! Let me go!” He fought with everything he had, and for a time Sean successfully contained him as Kevin kicked, squirmed, and strained against him. Finally, though, Ryan’s friend started to tire. Kevin successfully negotiated the first step of the stairs, and as Sean lifted him off, he kicked back, accidentally catching his brother’s best friend in the groin. Sean dropped him quickly and bent low, clutching himself as the shot of agonizing pain sucked all the air from his lungs.
“Fuck! Oww!” he finally uttered through clenched teeth. “Jesus Christ, that hurt!”
“Are you all right?” Jesse’s concern for his brother made him forget Kevin who was already sprinting up the staircase.
“Yes . . .God! . . .Yes,” Sean barely managed, squatting lower in pain. “Go!” Jesse looked at him in confusion. “Kevin!” Sean reminded, but in that instant Andy tore past them and up the stairway. Pat was close on his heels, and Jesse chose to leave Danny’s younger brother to their friends as he dropped to his knees beside Sean and put a hand on his arm.
“Steve!” they could already hear Kevin calling, “Steve!”, and as Sean finally got his breath back he began to sob.
“You all right, Man?” Kurt asked softly, coming to the door of the common room.
“No!” Sean seethed, falling back against the wall, and covering his face with his hands. “This is exactly the kind of scene Ryan and Danny don’t need!”
“Steve, don’t!” Kevin was pounding on Steve’s door now, and his screams of frustration filled the air as Andy lifted him off his feet and away from the entrance to his oldest brother’s room. Sean drew up his knees, hugging them to his chest, and hiding his face. Jesse had been bolstered, up until now, mainly by the strength of his big brother, and as Sean collapsed so did he. Sagging against the wall, he too brought his knees to his chest and hid his face. For a moment Kurt remained quiet as he gazed fondly down at his little brothers. Finally, as the sounds of Kevin’s fury continued to fill the air, he moved into the hallway, and sat down on the other side of Sean. Sean had been holding back a long time, and now as he felt his brother’s arm come around him, he turned his face into Kurt’s shoulder and really let go. Both of Kurt’s brothers had endured all they could possibly endure. Now, as they finally broke down, their poignant sobs combined with Kevin’s shrieks of rage to send a chill through the otherwise silent house.
“Come on now, you two,” Kurt prodded gently. He took his hand briefly from Sean’s shoulder to squeeze Jesse’s shoulder bracingly. “Jess, come on,” he comforted. “I know this is hard, but after all, Danny and Ryan are not the first to ever receive a summons. They are Steve’s brothers, and that makes it a tad awkward, for everyone, but they made what was actually a fairly serious mistake, and they deserve to be punished, just the same as anybody else.”
“What the fuck is the meeting all about, then?” Sean demanded hostilely. “If they are going to be subjected to the summons anyway, why should they have to endure that? It’s not fair!”
“The meeting’s not really about them,” Kurt replied calmly.
“Not about them?” Jesse challenged in a tone of incredulity, looking up at his oldest brother with accusing eyes. “Just who the fuck is it about then?”
“All of us,” Kurt replied simply. “The meeting is about setting standards for the fraternity as a whole. The president and his brothers are expected to lead the way, and to set that example. It’s a tough night, I know, but it doesn’t give Danny and Ryan a pass to do whatever they want afterwards. If anything, they should be even more cognizant of their behavior. Small things can be overlooked from time to time, but when they pick a fight with a senior it has to be dealt with.”
“THEY didn’t pick it!” Jesse returned aggressively.
“I’m not going to get into this with you right now, Jess,” Kurt maintained his level tone. “The fact is, they initiated the fight by throwing the first and only punches. They have to be punished for that. Steve had absolutely no room to consider other alternatives.”
“Well it didn’t have to be like this!” Sean railed.
“Like what?” Kurt asked gently.
“Like this!” Sean repeated in frustration. “A whole big spectacle, right at the end of the semester! This sucks! Why did he wait so long, Kurt? Jess and I thought maybe he had changed his mind.”
Kurt sighed as he began to understand more fully what his brothers were feeling. He and Mike had been in the loop all along, and had known this was coming. Ryan and Danny had known too, but Sean, Jesse, Andy, and Pat had been in the dark. Danny and Ryan had begged Steve not to tell anyone, even Kevin. Not that anyone was privy to that information anyway, but this situation was problematic. Typically, when a summons was issued, it concerned only two of four brothers. There was always one big brother left to handle things. In this case, though, all of Kevin’s brothers were occupied. It had been gently suggested to Ryan and Danny that they let Sean and Jesse know what was happening, but they had stoutly refused. They thought, and eventually they had convinced Steve, that if they planned carefully enough, there would be no reason anybody had to know. Kurt saw how foolish that was now.
“We should have handled it differently,” he squeezed his brother’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. Steve certainly didn’t intend for it to come down like this. Danny and Ryan, understandably, didn’t want anyone to know, and you know how Steve is about them. He has a very hard time putting his foot down, but he should have in this case. It wasn’t fair to you guys or to Kevin. Don’t feel like it was unexpected on Danny and Ryan’s part, though,” he soothed. “Steve made it very clear to them what to expect and when to expect it. He waited, I think, primarily because he didn’t want to
catch anymore flack from Coach, but also to give Danny some time to repair his relationship with Kevin.”
“Well that was a fucking great idea!” Jesse interjected. “The kid’s going to have a nervous break down, no doubt. I hope Steve will be satisfied then!” Kevin’s tempestuous wails were still echoing throughout the house, and Jesse’s comment brought a slight smirk to Kurt’s face despite himself.
“Yeah,” he agreed, biting on his lip, “that once again might not have been the best way to handle things. I think Steve was thinking more of Danny in that case, than of Kevin.”
“I’m sure he’s thinking of Kevin now!” Jesse remarked sarcastically.
“I’m sure he is,” Kurt agreed. “How did you guys find out?” he asked quietly after a minute. “From Mcarthy?”
Sean shook his head. “That’s how Pat and Andy found out. I was with Ryan when he checked his mail this morning.”
Kurt frowned. “So you guys have been carrying this around with you all day?”
Sean nodded against his shoulder. “We spent all damn day looking for Kevin just so we could prevent . . . well, . . .this! We looked fucking everywhere! Who would have thought the little fucker would be in the library three days before the end of the semester! We just wanted them to be able to get this over with, without the whole world knowing, and now thanks to Mcarthy and Kevin this is as bad as things could possibly be, and worse than Jess and I even imagined!”
Kurt was quiet for a minute. “We should have told you, Sean,” he said finally. “There’s no doubt about it! We fucked up! Ultimately, this is our fault for not planning better. Even if we had just prepared you and Jess, without Danny and Ryan having to know about it, that obviously, now, would have been the smart thing to do. Then the two of you could have handled Kevin, but what’s done is done. Unfortunately, we can’t reverse the damage Mcarthy has done, but he’ll get his! Trust me! He really stepped in
it this time. As for Kevin, given the circumstances, he’s not hurting anything.”
“Are you kidding me?” Jesse lowered through his tears. “With all that racket? He’s making them the center of attention!”
“Now, come
on, Jess,” Kurt responded indulgently, “what do you think they were all doing in there, before,” he indicated the common room, “studying?” Jesse remained silent as he hid his face again, and hugged his knees harder. “He’ll calm down,” Kurt went on soothingly. “He’ll get tired soon, and when the tantrum has finally run its course he’ll realize that somehow the world has not come to an end, and he’ll go cry the rest of it off in his room. The day will pass. Danny and Ryan will be fine, a little sore undoubtedly, but fine. In another couple of days the semester will be over, and when we come back everyone will have more important things to focus on. This will blow over eventually as these things always do,” he tried to assure his distraught little brothers, but he began to wonder. A tantrum was just exactly what Kevin Kramer was having, and as the sounds of his misery continued without abating, Kurt uneasily started to think that he could possibly be wrong.
File Six
The Reprimand
"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, whether you like it or not."
-Thomas Henry Huxley
Steve tried to ignore the pang in his heart as his brothers faced him, doing their best to look him in the eye. They looked scared to death. He had wished many times over the past several weeks that he could go back and erase the events preceding the night of his youngest brother’s punishment. He wished it more than ever now. If there had been any way for him to prevent this moment from coming, he would have, at almost any cost, but come it had. Now, there was nothing to do, but get it over with.
With a deep inward breath, he mustered all the severity he could, and regarded Danny and Ryan sternly. “You’re late,” he scolded, raising his hand to brandish the small wooden paddle that Matt had, on more than one occasion, used to discipline all three of his brothers. Danny and Ryan recognized it immediately, and both turned pasty white as Matt too frowned at them in an intimidating manner.
The Fraternity Files Page 22
