“I’m not sure I really want to talk about this right now, guys,” Matt replied gently. “Maybe some other time.”
“Fine!” Danny retorted. “Whatever! Don’t know why we should have expected any different!” He reached down to the floor beside the bed where
his boxers had fallen, and picking them up, he raised himself to sit gingerly on the side of the bed, gritting his teeth as he bent slowly to pull his underwear on.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Matt replied just a little edgily as Danny got stiffly to his feet and pulled his shorts all the way up.
“Nothing,” Danny replied bitterly, turning to face his oldest brother with eyes that were once again accusing. “Just forget it!”
“I don’t want to forget it, Dan. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Danny bit his lip and tears welled in his eyes once more as he evaded Matt’s steady, empathetic gaze. “It’s just . . .,” his voice cracked.
“Just what?” Matt prompted softly.
“You never let your guard down, Matt!” Danny accused, finally looking back at him. “Never! Not for anything. Not even now! It would just be nice to know sometimes that you are not always so . . . so . . . . ”
“So what?” Matt urged once more.
“So perfect!” Danny choked. “It would just be nice to know that there were times in your life that you weren’t so fucking perfect!” Danny swiped at his cheeks and Matt hung his head, stunned. He was too stunned to even correct Danny’s language. The idea that the kid idolized him to such an extent was startling and a little disconcerting.
“I’m not perfect, Danny,” he started at last, looking up again, only to find that Danny was halfway to the Correction Room door. “Where do you think you’re going?” he inquired gently, getting to his feet.
“To see Ryan,” Danny answered huskily.
“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea, right now, Bro,” Matt replied quietly, moving in front of the door.
“I don’t care what you think!” Danny returned, trying to reach around his older brother to the doorknob. “I want to see him!”
“I said no,” Matt responded not unkindly.
“Matt, please!” Danny pleaded. “I just want to make sure he’s ok!”
“He’s ok, Dan,” Matt assured.
“Oh yeah!?” Danny shoved at him. “Why should I believe you?? You’re the one who did it to him, aren’t you!? He sounded like he was dying in there, Matt! The whole fucking house probably heard him! How could you do that to him, Man? How could you do that?” Danny pushed once more to get by him, but Matt would not allow it. Danny was no match for Matt’s strength under any circumstances, and now it would have taken nothing for Matt to force him back once and for all from the door. Matt, however, could see the excruciating pain his little brother was in, and he
was worried about the kid’s state of mind. Danny was in no shape to endure the shoving match he was now trying to instigate, and Matt knew his little brother wanted nothing more than for him to respond; he would not give him the excuse to lash out that he was looking for. “Matt, Please!” Danny pleaded as Matt placed his hand over the doorknob. “I just want to see him!”
“Calm down, Dan,” Matt instructed as Danny continued to push at him, but his words went unheeded and a moment later his little brother was trying to pry his fingers from the doorknob. “Dan, I said stop!” Matt repeated more firmly.
“Let me see him! I want to see him!” Danny was working himself into a frenzy now and finally Matt took him by the shoulders.
“Look at me,” he commanded. It was a moment before the words registered but finally Danny did as he was asked. “You need to calm down, stop and think about what you are doing,” Matt instructed as he looked with concern into Danny’s weepy eyes. “You are not helping Ryan or yourself right now.”
“But why can’t I see him?” Danny protested.
“First of all, he’s asleep,” Matt replied, “and that really is the best thing for him. There is nothing you can do right now. It’s better if he just gets some rest . . . .”
“I know but I won’t wake him! I promise! I just want to see that he’s ok . . .”
“Second,” Matt cut Danny off, “Steve and Ryan need some time to themselves right now.”
“Please, Matt! Please! I need to see him! I need to! The way he was screaming! Please, please!” Danny was beginning to panic again and finally Matt just folded him in his arms, holding him close as he collapsed against him. For several long minutes Danny clung and Matt held him, thinking hard about what to do, now. ‘What would be best for everyone?’ he wondered. He glanced at the bed where Kevin was still gripping the pillows, his disconcerted eyes now on Danny. ‘What was going through the kid’s mind?’ It would be good to have another chance to connect with him and that would be easier to do if Danny was not around. Also, there was no question that Steve was worried about their two youngest brothers. It might be good for him to have some time to fuss over Danny. It would distract him perhaps a little from Ryan’s predicament. Danny was calming down some, now, and finally Matt made up his mind.
He tightened his arm around his little brother’s shoulders, and Danny, still snuggled against his chest looked up hopefully to meet his big brother’s earnest expression. “You promise me, you won’t wake him?” he asked quietly. Danny brushed at his tears and nodded. “And you also promise me you will not give Steve a hard time?”
“I won’t,” Danny shook his head.
“Tell me again who was responsible for this mess you and Ryan ended up in.”
“We were.”
“Did Steve have anything to do with it?”
“No,” Danny choked.
“Tell me why you got in trouble.”
“We acted impulsively, without thinking, and we broke The Code,” Danny sobbed.
Matt squeezed his shoulder again. “Do you understand why the consequences were so severe?” Danny nodded against his chest. “Tell me why, Bro,” Matt whispered.
“Because we were sposed to be setting an example.” The answer came out in another half muffled sob.
“What should you have done instead? And what can you do if Mcarthy continues to hassle you in the future?”
“Make sure not to hit him,” Danny replied and Matt couldn’t help smirking.
“And . . .,” he tried to prompt while doing his best to keep a straight face.
“And if he is really getting on our case, we need to let you or Steve know.”
“That’s right, Bro. You can come to us with anything, ok? Don’t let that guy or anybody else work you over. If he is gettin’ down and dirty like he did that day in the common room, you just bring it to us and let us handle it. He’s not worth your spit, all right? Capiche?” Danny nodded again and Matt hugged him close for another moment. “All right, Bud,” he whispered finally, and moving away from the door he opened it. “Go on, then, and tell Steve I’ll be back in a bit.”
For a moment Danny didn’t move. He just looked at his oldest brother incredulously. ‘Could it really be true? Had he really persuaded Matt to see his point of view?’ Danny couldn’t remember the last time that had happened.
“Go on,” Matt prompted his little brother once more, “before I change my mind.”
Danny needed no further urging, but he hadn’t gotten very far before Matt called him back. “Come here, Bro,” he beckoned with his arm. “Come here for just one more minute.” Danny hesitated, looking wistfully at the black curtain that stood between him and his brothers. He’d known it was too good to be true. He wasn’t going to get to see Ryan after all. He looked back at Matt, and his brother stretched out his arm. “Come here, Bud.” Danny sighed, and then, with one last longing look towards the curtain, he made his way back to Matt.
“Look at me, Dan,” Matt coached as he put his arm around his little brother and drew him close to his side once more. Danny obeyed and Matt looked seriously into the
brimming brown eyes. “Mark my words, Little Bro,” Matt lowered his voice, intending that only Danny should hear him. “As sore as you are right now, if I come back here to find that you have stressed Steve out in the least little way, I will not hesitate to turn you over my knee. Do you understand?” Danny’s face flushed and his eyes shifted towards the door. “Dan,” Matt prompted, and automatically Danny looked back at him. He was crimson now. “I asked if we had an understanding,” Matt repeated. Danny nodded, but he turned (if it was possible) still a deeper shade of red and his eyes shifted once more to the door. Matt followed his gaze and bit his lip to see his youngest brother standing in the doorway, a look of amazement on his face. He held Danny closer to his side, squeezing his shoulder once more. “All right, then, Bro,” he whispered, keeping his eyes on Kevin. “Go on.” Glad now for the excuse to get away as well as eager to see his big brother, Danny turned once more for the curtained doorway.
*************************************************************
Steve looked up as the slight movement of the curtain caught his attention and a wave of emotion washed over him. “Hey, Bro,” he greeted quietly. Danny was standing just inside the doorway, his back against the wall. His face was drawn and pale, and his eyes were fixed on Ryan’s unmoving form. “Come here,” Steve invited huskily. Danny’s eyes filled with tears as he shifted them just slightly to meet those of his older brother. “He’s ok,” Steve encouraged softly, reading the unspoken question. “Come on.”
No further urging was required and the next moment found Danny on his knees beside his brothers, his face buried in the only available portion of Steve’s chest. “Hey Bro, Hey . . . .” Steve brought his free hand up to lay it
gently on the back of Danny’s head. “It’s ok . . .,” he started again hesitantly as his little brother really started to cry. He was feeling a bit taken aback. Ryan had always been openly affectionate with him, but his relationship with Danny hadn’t come as easily. Danny was more intense, more passionate about everything. His temper, under normal circumstances, was more likely to heat up, and he was less forgiving than Ryan was; he did not appreciate having his shortcomings pointed out to him. This was the first time Steve could ever remember that Danny had actively sought his comfort. “You’re ok,” he murmured again now. “It’s over.”
“What about Ryan?” Danny sobbed.
“He’s ok, Bro,” Steve assured softly. “You can see for yourself.”
“He’s all covered up,” Danny protested in a muffled whisper as he suddenly remembered the warning Matt had given him. “It must have been really bad if you can’t even put the blanket down on him all the way.” Tears welled in Steve’s eyes at this assertion and he bit his lip to try and keep them back. He was unable to answer right away and his silence prompted Danny to look up into his now glistening eyes. “It was bad, wasn’t it?” he choked again. Steve still seemed unable to speak and Danny hid his face again as tears started to streak his older brother’s cheeks. Steve’s fingers trailed through his younger brother’s hair and Danny clung to him. That silent comfort was all that Steve was capable of giving at the moment as he tried desperately to keep his own emotions in check.
“Why’d you have to be so hard on him?” Danny sobbed, forgetting Matt’s warning once more and really letting loose. “Why? It was my fault! If I wasn’t such a stupid asshole none of this would have happened! He was protecting me! It’s my fault! It’s all my fault . . . .” A gentle hand on his shoulder at that point stopped the self-deprecating rant he was on, but as much as that touch meant to him, and as much as he longed for the reassurance and forgiveness he knew he would find in the blue eyes that awaited him, he could not make himself look up; he was too ashamed. For a few more minutes both his brothers offered him what quiet comfort they could until finally Danny grew a little calmer.
“Hey Bro, look at me,” the tired but steady voice urged at last. Danny clutched Steve’s shirt tighter, balling his fists and refusing still to look up. “Danny, look at me please . . . .”
“No!” Danny sobbed. “God! Go back to sleep! Matt’s going to kill me!”
Ryan and Steve traded puzzled looks and Steve questioned softly, “Why, Dan? Why would you think that Matt’s going to kill you?”
“Because!” Danny sobbed. “He only asked me not to do two things before he let me come in here and I’ve done them both in the first five minutes.”
“What is it you’ve done, Bro?” Ryan inquired in the same soothing tone Steve had used.
“Woke you up and stressed out, Steve! It’s not funny!” he cried as he finally turned his head to find Ryan battling the smirk which had become so familiar to him. “He was VERY clear about what I was and was not to do if you know what I mean . . . .”
“He threatened to spank you?” Steve inquired incredulously. He did not find the idea quite as humorous as Ryan seemed to. He adored his big brother, and relied on him implicitly, but there were times when his over-protectiveness pricked and this was definitely one of them.
Danny nodded miserably, brushing at his eyes and Ryan squeezed his shoulder as empathy and concern pushed aside the little bit of humor he had found in the situation. “Well, I’ll vouch for you, kid,” he promised. “I wasn’t really asleep. I’ve been dozing in and out for a while now, and you can’t wake me if I’m not asleep to begin with, can you?”
“And you didn’t stress me out, Danny,” Steve added, unable to keep the irritation from his voice. “No more so than I already was, anyway, and no more than any of us were. I’ll talk to him.”
“Kevin heard him,” Danny choked, moving on to his next concern now that the first one seemed to have been handled.
“Kevin heard Matt threaten you?” Ryan cried unable now to contain the note of delight that slipped into his tone. Danny turned once more to look at him and the indignant expression on his little brother’s face forced Ryan to burrow further into Steve’s chest as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.
“Shut up, Man!” Danny gave him a little shove. “It’s not funny! It’s fucking embarrassing!”
“There goes the ‘Only Once’ fantasy he’s been carrying around,” was the only response Ryan could manage.
“What?! What are you talking about?” Danny demanded.
“Well, I mean come on, Danny,” Steve started. He too was battling now to keep a straight face as Danny turned his indignant glare on him. It was just so good to hear Ryan laugh, and it was kind of funny, after all. “You don’t really imagine you’re the only one to be compromised by this, do you? And maybe it is for the best.”
“What do you mean?” Danny demanded again in frustration.
“Well don’t you think Kevin probably asked Matt about it?”
“Yeah, probably! So?? That’s why it’s so embarrassing!”
“Well, don’t be embarrassed, Bud,” Steve couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped. “I’m sure that Ryan’s cover was blown seconds after yours was.”
“Really, you think so?” That idea, which had honestly never occurred to him, was at least a little comforting.
“I can guarantee it, Bro!” Steve assured affectionately, combing his fingers through Danny’s hair once more as his little brother snuggled against him to think about it.
“Me too,” Ryan sighed a little as his laughter finally slowed. “The way that kid asks questions,” he finally did redden just a little, “I’m sure he knows it all by now.”
“About Steve too?” Danny queried in a tone of disbelief. “Do you think Matt told him about . . . about . . . well about you guys?” he turned wide eyes on his oldest brother once more.
Matt and Ryan both hesitated to answer that one; they themselves were not sure. “I don’t know,” Steve responded finally, looking fondly into the deep brown eyes that were now gazing curiously up at him. “Could be . . . .” ‘But I doubt it,’ he finished the thought in his head and all of a sudden he was glad for those over-protective feelings th
at he had been seething about a few minutes ago.
“Naw, I don’t think so,” Ryan voiced his skepticism out loud. “Matt never talks about that to anybody. Hell, we found out by accident. I don’t think he’s ever going to volunteer that information to Kevin.”
“Well, whatever he’s told him,” Steve continued seriously, “you can be sure of one thing, and that’s that Kevin would not have been allowed to dwell for more than a couple of seconds on anybody else’s misery before Matt handily brought him round to his more personal concern in the matter, and as Ryan was implying, stripped him of that ‘only once’ theory that I probably should never have put in his head to begin with,” Steve finished repentantly. “I just wasn’t thinking about what Matt might have to say about that.”
Ryan and Danny remained quiet and Steve too became pensive as his little brothers snuggled closer. The emotions of the day had exhausted them all. ‘What WAS Matt saying to Kevin?’ Steve wondered as they all fell away into their own trains of thought, ‘and how would Kevin react to whatever was being said?’
*************************************************************
Kevin continued to gape at Matt for a moment after his big brother had disappeared, and then he too headed for the back of the room. “Hold up, Bro,” Matt took hold of his arm and hauled him back. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“With Danny,” Kevin responded in a genuinely bewildered tone.
“Oh, no,” Matt countered, keeping hold of his arm and hustling him out of the room. “I don’t think so. You and I have other things to do.”
“But I want to see Ryan, too,” Kevin protested, pulling to get away as Matt closed the door behind them.
“You can see him later.”
“I want to see him now!”
“I said ‘no,’ Kevin,” Matt remained firm, pushing his youngest brother back as he attempted once more to open the door. “Let’s give those guys some time to themselves.”
“Matt, please!” Matt raised his eyebrows and as Kevin saw that this was a battle he was not going to win his pleading expression turned to a glower. “It’s not fair!” He stamped his foot, and Matt narrowed his eyes.
The Fraternity Files Page 30
