by M Dauphin
The door locks behind me and I don’t feel bad for shutting him out at all. Nor do I feel bad for making John wait for Leigh to get here.
Nope.
Not one bit.
The shower is hot. Scalding, really. I couldn’t seem to get it hot enough while I was captive, but this time I can and I scrub.
Hard.
I need to rid myself of those memories if I’m ever going to make it out of this in one piece. I notice the water start to go cold just as the first tear streaks down my face.
Why me? I’m nothing special, why did this happen to me?
The harder I cry, the harder I scrub, and eventually the water is running ice cold but the pellets of ice feel like luke warm water hitting my skin. There’s no pain…there’s nothing.
“Harp?” He knocks gently on the door but I ignore him and end up crying harder.
My body goes weak, tears blurring my vision, and I slide down the shower wall. I don’t cry, I fucking hate it, but there’s no other way for me to get this out so I’m letting it flow. The man on the other side of that door hurt me. Destroyed me. I don’t want to let him go, but I think I’m going to have to. Whatever he did…or didn’t do…at the base of it all he lied to me.
A lie I don’t know if I can walk past and ignore.
A sob escapes me and I bring my knees to my chest, letting the cold water from the shower fall down on me.
“Harper?” I hear him wiggle the lock and roll my eyes.
Stop caring, Knox. This will make it so much easier if you just stop caring.
“I’m coming in, Harp.”
Of course he is.
The lock disengages and I curse myself for ever telling him where the bathroom key is. I close my eyes, not wanting to see him right now. Even in the car, watching him stew the entire ride home, I found myself softening to his actions.
He fucking lied to me. He’s fucking married!
“Fuck Harper,” he whispers, dropping to his knees by the side of the tub. “I’m sorry baby.”
Baby?
His words make me want to love him and hate him…punch him and never let go of him. Mother fucker!
“No!” I scream, tears rolling down my cheeks as I recoil from his touch. “No.” I say with a little more resolve to my voice. His face falls and it looks like he’s lost his will to fight anymore.
Well good. You fucking destroyed me.
Standing, I turn off the water quickly and dry my face and glare at him.
“You’re not allowed to talk, Knox.” I step out of the bathtub, wrapping a towel around me. Still dripping, I storm straight to my bedroom. The door slams behind me. He won’t be so ballsy as to follow me in here. I think I’m being surprisingly nice to him at this point. All things considered. I throw on the first pair of comfortable clothes I see and fall into bed. I let the tears roll until sleep overcomes me.
“Obviously she doesn’t want to see you right now man…what the hell did you do?” I open my eyes to Leigh’s voice out in the hallway. Glancing at the clock, it’s only been an hour since I closed my eyes but it feels like I’ve been sleeping for days. That haze of too much sleep keeps my body right where it is…comfy and in my own bed.
“I…” I strain my ears for Knox’s response and wait.
He lied.
He’s married.
He has a sex club.
He’s married.
Something about him not doing a job so she did it?
At that point I had already tuned out everything around me, but I have a feeling that there’s more to this story than him being married.
I’m worried it’s going to make me hate him even more.
“Can you just go check on her? Please,” he huffs. I hear the emotion in his voice…something I’m not used to hearing.
Well good. I hope you rot in misery for what you put me through.
My door creaks open and when my eyes lock with Leigh’s he immediately tears up.
“Harper, doll,” he whispers. Clicking the door shut tight, he comes straight to bed with me, pulling the covers aside and sliding in. Plenty of times we’ve snuggled like this but never under these circumstances. His outstretched arms take me in and I curl into him and cry, promising myself this is the last time I’m going to let tears fall. After this I have to stay strong, because what I have to do later is going to be harder than what I’ve been through.
It took me a week without him, and seeing him again worn down and on edge due to worry about my safety, to realize one thing about Knox Gregory.
I love him.
And now I have to let him go.
“You want to talk about it?” Leigh whispers once my tears start to slow. He brings his fingers up to dry the final tears that slip down my cheeks and waits for me to start talking.
Where do I start?
“You can’t get mad, ok?” I whisper. Leigh gets protective over me and I’ve seen him get mad before. I need him here with me right now…not out there in the hallway pummeling Knox.
He grunts and adjusts to get more comfortable.
“He’s married, Leigh,” I whisper. He tenses, but my hold on him tightens and I keep going without giving him the time to react. “His wife…she took me. Why, I don’t know…but the things they did to me,” I pause.
“Did they?” He looks at me and nods down and I shake my head.
“No. Not that far…but the other things. She kept me locked in a fucking room. At the end I wasn’t allowed clothes. It was embarrassing, degrading, and just plain terrible. Then they put me on stage and—”
“Wait…stage?”
“The club. It’s some type of sex club.”
“The one Knox owns?”
“Yeah. Well…honestly I don’t know anymore about that. Leigh, it sounded like he was in on this whole thing too. And between that and the whole ‘married’ thing…fuck,” I huff. “I don’t even want to talk to him anymore. I just want him gone.”
“I know, babe,” he whispers, his arms wrapped around me.
“Why didn’t you do anything, Leigh? Why didn’t you save me?” I quietly cry.
“Knox promised me. He fucking promised you’d be ok. I kept looking but I came up empty handed. When he was shot, I never stopped looking. Every time I went to call the cops, I was assured by John and Knox that you were ok and not being hurt.” He huffs. “They fucking told me you were ok.”
“He fucking lied, Leigh. About everything. He’s a liar… how can you trust a liar?”
“I know. It was stupid but… I believed him. John assured me, Knox assured me.”
He stays silent for a moment then takes a breath.
“Can I tell you something without you getting mad at me?”
“Tread carefully,” I mumble.
“I just…don’t throw it away before giving him the chance to explain everything Harp. You didn’t know what he was like when you were gone. It was like a piece of him had been cut off. I’ve known Knox for a while and the happiest I’ve ever seen him is when you two are together. The way he watches you…hell I wish John would look at me like that. He adores you and I don’t think he’d ever do anything to hurt you on purpose. I truly believe he thought you were safe wherever you were. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me come get you. I don’t know why he didn’t just call the cops… I don’t know any of it. But I know he loves you. Madly.”
“He’s married, Leigh.”
“Yeah…and? Obviously there was trouble in paradise before he moved in here or else his ‘wife’ wouldn’t have let him live with a hot single chick. Give the man a chance to explain.”
I sigh, leaving out the part that it sounded like he was involved in my kidnapping. I’m not certain I’d be able to get past it if that is the case, but I don’t want to make it weird for Leigh who lives with Knox’s right hand man.
“I just don’t want you jumping to any conclusions. I know you want a friend to bitch about him while chugging cheap wine and downing boxes of ice cream, and I’ll
totally be that friend…but after you let him in and talk to him.”
“I know…” I trail off. There’s nothing else I can say about it. He’s right…I do need to talk to him. I need to hear him out; I need to know the truth. I can’t help but think why he wouldn’t just discount her claims of being her husband right there, though. Isn’t he more worried about losing me? If it’s not true…or if there is trouble in paradise…wouldn’t he have just come out and told me?
He takes a breath and sits up. “Right after we file the police report.” He’s holding out his phone and I look at him like he’s lost a head.
“I’m not filing a police report,” I mumble, pulling the covers around me tighter. “I don’t want to relive it.”
“The fuck you’re not,” Leigh shrieks. “She stole you, Harper! She needs to be locked away!”
I sigh and roll over to meet his glare.
“Leigh please. I’ve been through too much that I never want to talk about again. I was never raped. They fed me every day. I only have minimal bruising and scrapes from my own stubborn ways. I don’t want to relive this. Please,” I whisper.
He takes a moment to glare at me, the wheels turning in his head. Leigh is anything but a rule breaker. He is a firm believer in the law so I know this isn’t going to be over just because I say it is…but I can put it off long enough so that the courts won’t be able to do anything about it. Years…many many years. Maybe never. He doesn’t tell me what to do, I do. And all I want to do now is lay in this bed and sleep for a few weeks until everything is sunshine and fucking rainbows again.
“I’m not happy about this, Harper. I will go along with it for now…but I’m not happy about it. Right now, you’re going to come out to the living room, and you two need to talk about this.” He stands and huffs. “I have to go home and see why my boyfriend has worked for a sex club this whole time and never once told me about it.” He rolls his eyes and blows me a kiss. “Call me.”
“Thanks, Leigh.”
“Come on out with me.”
I grin slightly at him. He doesn’t trust me to leave my room…and honestly I don’t feel like it either.
I guess it’s time to get this conversation over with.
One decision was all it took to ruin my life. It’s crazy just how simple a decision can seem, but after all is said and done it ends up destroying everything you love.
I love Harper.
I never loved Kayla.
I’m married to Kayla legally. That’s about the only thing that binds us together and unfortunately it’s the tightest of bonds.
The minute Kayla walked into the room at the club I knew it was all over. I knew, and I have yet to try to defend myself at all to Harper who more than likely hates me now. Each time she looks at me I see the disappointment and hatred in her eyes. I see the hurt. I know I shattered her world just about as much as I shattered mine.
And all it took was one simple decision.
“Mother fucker,” I grumble, punching the banister. She went inside her room and slammed the door. Then to top it off, she lets Leigh in and not me! I mean, I fucking deserve it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any fucking less.
She’s never going to let me in again. I feel it. I couldn’t stay inside the apartment, knowing she’s hurting, and not be able to help her. I want to punch a fucking hole in the wall, but I can’t because it’s not my place! What the fuck good did Kayla think that was going to do? Nothing. It did nothing but make Harper hate me even more.
I guess that was Kayla’s goal all along.
This was never a ‘give Knox the club’ mission for her. It was to find someone that could break me. She knew it all along. She knew moving me in with a beautiful girl with a promise of using her as a toy would ruin me. She knew I was never up to the challenge.
Seeing her in the shower like that broke pieces of me that I didn’t know could break anymore. I feel shattered that it’s because of me that she went through all of this.
Because my lifestyle brought her there…and my lifestyle has ruined hers.
I head inside and grab a beer to bide my time with while Leigh tries to fix my broken girl. Cracking the cap off the bottle, I toss the lid in the small ‘beer’ cap collector she has sitting on the counter and look around.
I’ve lived with her for three months and in those three months we’ve made this place ‘ours’ without ever trying to. Our phones charge right next to each other on the counter. Our shoes sit with each other’s by the door. My smoothie maker is sitting right next to her toaster on the counter.
It’s all been ours. Even this dumb fucking bottle cap collector is ours. We bought it at a trip to mother fucking Ikea last month when she got tired of me leaving them around the apartment all the time.
All this time we’ve put into being ‘us’, and it’s over just like that. I was going to have to leave anyway. I have…well, HAD…a club to run. Now that everything is in the gutter I have no job and a ‘wife’ that owns it all because I didn’t find her a plaything.
Goddamned Kayla.… Fuck!
I’m divorcing her fucking ass as soon as I can. If I’m losing everything I may as well go all out. I don’t need her in order to rise to the top again.
I’m just finishing the beer, deciding what to start packing first, when Leigh walks out of her bedroom and doesn’t shut the door behind him. That’s a good sign, right? The minute his eyes hit mine he pauses then walks back in. I hear him tell her to follow him out of the room and grin.
At least she didn’t make him hate me.
“Thanks man,” I say as he moves towards me.
“I told you not to fucking hurt her,” he growls. “If this isn’t solved by tonight I will fucking kill you. Got it?”
I’ve never been intimidated by a dude before…but the way he’s looking at me, tense as fuck, makes me rethink my typical ‘fuck off’ comment any other guy would get.
“I’m sorry man. I’m trying to make this right.”
“You better.” He saunters towards the door. “I want to like you, Knox.” He opens the door and leaves me alone in the room.
“Hey,” her small voice breaks the silence and I spin to see her. So goddamned beautiful. Even in my t-shirt and her tiny shorts that barely peek out under it.
“My shirt,” I say, grinning. I’m so scared to move, though. I want to run over to her and take her in my arms, but I don’t know if she’d punch me or accept me.
Probably the former.
“Yeah, sorry.” She picks at the bottom and looks down at her hands.
“You hungry?” Maybe food first…maybe. Food helps, right?
“No thank you,” she whispers. Her eyes meet mine and she makes a face before finally walking closer to me.
Without any notice, she walks straight up to me and lays her head on my chest. It takes me off guard, but it’s welcome. I let my arms go around her and relish in the warmth of her body. I’ve missed it…I’m going to miss it.
“Come on, let’s go sit down,” I murmur in her ear. I want nothing more than to strip her bare and take her to my bed right now; show her how much I love her…but I can’t. She’s been through too much and I have too much talking to do.
She sits on the opposite side of the sofa from me, feet tucked under her. My shirt so large on her frame she could probably tuck her knees inside of it as a blanket. I grin at how goddamned cute she is and doesn’t even realize it.
“I need you to talk. I want to know things, I’m so fucking confused...but I need you to tell me everything because I can’t stand to talk to you right now. I… Fuck Knox what the fuck?” She looks over at me, eyes dry and face more pissed than I’ve ever seen it.
Fuck me this isn’t going to go as planned.
“Harp, I—”
“No Harp, Knox. No nicknames. No lovey dovey shit. I need facts. Hard, cold, not sugar coated facts.” She crosses her arms and glares at me.
“Okay,” I sigh. “I’m married, Harper.” Deciding to start fro
m the beginning, the harsh sting of my words makes her growl but she doesn’t say anything. “We’ve been married for nine years. When I was young I was in need of help…she was there. The club is…well…was both of ours.”
“Was?” She chokes out, obviously holding back tears.
“Hers. They are hers now. That’s…just…listen Harper that’s not the point. The point is I never loved her. Ever. We were never romantic, I never really knew what love was until you…” Fuck. Her eyes go wide and her mouth falls open
“Why would you marry someone you didn’t love?”
“I was young. I needed money, Harper. She came from money. I had these grand illusions and no money to get me there. The money helped.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I never told you. Our marriage has only been just that. Legally bonded together. There are no emotions of love and lust when it comes to her, though. I promise.”
She nods silently, picking at her fingernails. I don’t know what else to tell her about the marriage. It was convenience. Simple as that.
“Do you guys still have sex?” her voice is barely a whisper and I hurt for how much I’ve hurt her today.
Hell, this entire week has been my fault.
“Not anymore,” I answer honestly. “We haven’t in about a year. She, well let’s just say I’m not her type after all.” I let out a chuckle and look over at Harper. Her eyes go wide; a realization crosses her face. Something dawns on her and I am afraid to know what it is.
“So it’s true, then. I was only meant to be a plaything for her?”
I blink. The words hit me right in the gut. I hate that term…plaything. Fucking hate it.
“Not…uh…” How the hell do I answer this without getting punched out?
“It is, isn’t it?” The betrayal crossing her features now ruins me.
“Harper I’m so fucking sorry…this isn’t how it all started out.”
“Oh please, Knox! Please, enlighten me to your real plan of attack. Take me while I was sleeping? Were you going to kidnap me and that’s why she did it, because you chickened out? Or were you going to make me go ‘willingly?’” She stands and starts pacing. “Talk!” She barks, throwing her fingers in her hair.
