by Julia Quinn
“Will I see you in London?” he asked.
She looked up at him then, her eyes finally meeting his. She was searching for something. She was searching for something in him, and he did not think she found it.
She looked too somber, too tired.
Too not like her.
“I expect you shall,” she replied. “But it won’t be the same. I am engaged, you see.”
“Practically engaged,” he reminded her, smiling.
“No.” She shook her head, slow and resigned. “I truly am now. That is why Richard came to fetch me home. My uncle has finalized the agreements. I believe the banns will be read soon. It is done.”
His lips parted with surprise. “I see,” he said, and his mind raced. And raced and raced, and got absolutely nowhere. “I wish you the best,” he said, because what else could he say?
She nodded, then tilted her head toward the wide green lawn in front of the house. “I believe I shall take a turn around the garden. I have a long ride ahead of me.”
“Of course,” he said, giving her a polite bow. She did not wish for his company. She could not have made herself more clear if she had spoken the words.
“It has been lovely knowing you,” she said. Her eyes caught his, and for the first time in the conversation, he saw her, saw right down to everything inside of her, weary and bruised.
And he saw that she was saying goodbye.
“I am sorry…” She stopped, looked to the side. At a stone wall. “I am sorry that everything did not work out as you had hoped.”
I’m not, he thought, and he realized that it was true. He had a sudden flash of his life married to Hermione Watson, and he was…
Bored.
Good God, how was it he was only just now realizing it? He and Miss Watson were not suited at all, and in truth, he had made a narrow escape.
He wasn’t likely to trust his judgment next time when it came to matters of the heart, but that seemed far more preferable to a dull marriage. He supposed he had Lady Lucinda to thank for that, although he wasn’t sure why. She had not prevented his marriage to Miss Watson; in fact, she had encouraged it at every turn.
But somehow she was responsible for his coming to his senses. If there was any one true thing to be known that morning, that was it.
Lucy motioned to the lawn again. “I shall take that stroll,” she said.
He nodded his greeting and watched her as she walked off. Her hair was smoothed neatly into a bun, the blond strands catching the sunlight like honey and butter.
He waited for quite some time, not because he expected her to turn around, or even because he hoped she would.
It was just in case.
Because she might. She might turn around, and she might have something to say to him, and then he might reply, and she might—
But she didn’t. She kept on walking. She did not turn, did not look back, and so he spent his final minutes watching the back of her neck. And all he could think was—
Something is not right.
But for the life of him, he did not know what.
Thirteen
In which Our Heroine sees a glimpse of her future.
One month later
The food was exquisite, the table settings magnificent, the surroundings beyond opulent.
Lucy, however, was miserable.
Lord Haselby and his father, the Earl of Davenport, had come to Fennsworth House in London for supper. It had been Lucy’s idea, a fact which she now found painfully ironic. Her wedding was a mere week away, and yet until this night she hadn’t even seen her future husband. Not since the wedding had shifted from probable to imminent, anyway.
She and her uncle had arrived in London a fortnight earlier, and after eleven days had passed without a glimpse of her intended, she had approached her uncle and asked if they might arrange some sort of gathering. He had looked rather irritated, although not, Lucy was fairly certain, because he thought the request foolish. No, her mere presence was all it required to bring on such an expression. She was standing in front of him, and he had been forced to look up.
Uncle Robert did not like to be interrupted.
But he apparently saw the wisdom in allowing an affianced couple to share a word or two before they met at a church, so he had curtly told her that he would make the arrangements.
Buoyed by her small victory, Lucy had also asked if she might attend one of the many social events that were taking place practically right outside her door. The London social season had begun, and each night Lucy stood at her window, watching the elegant carriages roll by. Once there had been a party directly across St. James’s Square from Fennsworth House. The line of carriages had snaked around the square, and Lucy had snuffed the candles in her room so that she would not be silhouetted in the window as she watched the proceedings. A number of partygoers had grown impatient with the wait, and since the weather was so fine, they had disembarked on her side of the square and walked the rest of the way.
Lucy had told herself that she just wanted to see the gowns, but in her heart she knew the truth.
She was looking for Mr. Bridgerton.
She didn’t know what she would do if she actually saw him. Duck out of sight, she supposed. He had to know that this was her home, and surely he would be curious enough to glance at the façade, even if her presence in London was not a widely known fact.
But he didn’t attend that party, or if he did, his carriage had deposited him right at the front doorstep.
Or maybe he wasn’t in London at all. Lucy had no way of knowing. She was trapped in the house with her uncle and her aging, slightly deaf aunt Harriet, who had been brought in for the sake of propriety. Lucy left the house for trips to the dressmaker and walks in the park, but other than that, she was completely on her own, with an uncle who did not speak, and an aunt who could not hear.
So she was not generally privy to gossip. About Gregory Bridgerton or anyone, for that matter.
And even on the odd occasion when she did see someone she knew, she couldn’t very well ask after him. People would think she was interested, which of course she was, but no one, absolutely no one, could ever know of it.
She was marrying someone else. In a week. And even if she weren’t, Gregory Bridgerton had shown no sign that he might be interested in taking Haselby’s place.
He had kissed her, that was true, and he had seemed concerned for her welfare, but if he was of the belief that a kiss demanded a proposal of marriage, he had made no indication. He had not known that her engagement to Haselby had been finalized—not when he’d kissed her, and not the following morning when they had stood awkwardly in the drive. He could only have believed that he was kissing a girl who was entirely unattached. One simply did not do such a thing unless one was ready and willing to step up to the altar.
But not Gregory. When she had finally told him, he hadn’t looked stricken. He hadn’t even looked mildly upset. There had been no pleas to reconsider, or to try to find a way out of it. All she’d seen in his face—and she had looked, oh, how she’d looked—was…nothing.
His face, his eyes—they had been almost blank. Maybe a touch of surprise, but no sorrow or relief. Nothing to indicate that her engagement meant anything to him, one way or another.
Oh, she did not think him a cad, and she was quite sure he would have married her, had it been necessary. But no one had seen them, and thus, as far as the rest of the world was concerned, it had never happened.
There were no consequences. For either of them.
But wouldn’t it have been nice if he’d seemed just a little bit upset? He’d kissed her, and the earth had shook—surely he’d felt it. Shouldn’t he have wanted more? Shouldn’t he have wanted, if not to marry her, then at least the possibility of doing so?
Instead he’d said, “I wish you the best,” and it had sounded so final. As she’d stood there, watching her trunks being loaded into the carriage, she had felt her heart breaking. Felt it, right there in her ch
est. It had hurt. And as she walked away, it had just got worse, pressing and squeezing until she thought it would steal her very breath. She’d begun to move faster—as fast as she could while maintaining a normal gait, and then finally she rounded a corner and collapsed onto a bench, letting her face fall helplessly into her hands.
And prayed that no one saw her.
She’d wanted to look back. She’d wanted to steal one last glance at him and memorize his stance—that singular way he held himself when he stood, hands behind his back, legs slightly apart. Lucy knew that hundreds of men stood the same way, but on him it was different. He could be facing the other direction, yards and yards away, and she would know it was he.
He walked differently, too, a little bit loose and easygoing, as if a small part of his heart was still seven years old. It was in the shoulders, the hips maybe—the sort of thing almost no one would notice, but Lucy had always paid attention to details.
But she hadn’t looked back. It would have only made it worse. He probably wasn’t watching her, but if he were…and he saw her turn around…
It would have been devastating. She wasn’t sure why, but it would. She didn’t want him to see her face. She had managed to remain composed through their conversation, but once she turned away, she had felt herself change. Her lips had parted, and she’d sucked in a huge breath, and it was as if she had hollowed herself out.
It was awful. And she didn’t want him to see it.
Besides, he wasn’t interested. He had all but fallen over himself to apologize for the kiss. She knew it was what he had to do; society dictated it (or if not that, then a quick trip to the altar). But it hurt all the same. She’d wanted to think he’d felt at least a tiny fraction of what she had. Not that anything could come of it, but it would have made her feel better.
Or maybe worse.
And in the end, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what her heart did or didn’t know, because she couldn’t do anything with it. What was the point of feelings if one couldn’t use them toward a tangible end? She had to be practical. It was what she was. It was her only constant in a world that was spinning far too quickly for her comfort.
But still—here in London—she wanted to see him. It was silly and it was foolish and it was most certainly unadvisable, but she wanted it all the same. She didn’t even have to speak with him. In fact she probably shouldn’t speak with him. But a glimpse…
A glimpse wouldn’t hurt anyone.
But when she had asked Uncle Robert if she might attend a party, he had refused, stating that there was little point in wasting time or money on the season when she was already in possession of the desired outcome—a proposal of marriage.
Furthermore, he informed her, Lord Davenport wished for Lucy to be introduced to society as Lady Haselby, not as Lady Lucinda Abernathy. Lucy wasn’t sure why this was important, especially as quite a few members of society already knew her as Lady Lucinda Abernathy, both from school and the “polishing” she and Hermione had undergone that spring. But Uncle Robert had indicated (in his inimitable manner, that is to say, without a word) that the interview was over, and he had already returned his attention to the papers on his desk.
For a brief moment, Lucy had remained in place. If she said his name, he might look up. Or he might not. But if he did, his patience would be thin, and she would feel like an annoyance, and she wouldn’t receive any answers to her questions, anyway.
So she just nodded and left the room. Although heaven only knew why she had bothered to nod. Uncle Robert never looked back up once he dismissed her.
And now here she was, at the supper she herself had requested, and she was wishing—fervently—that she had never opened her mouth. Haselby was fine, perfectly pleasant even. But his father…
Lucy prayed that she would not be living at the Davenport residence. Please please let Haselby have his own home.
In Wales. Or maybe France.
Lord Davenport had, after complaining about the weather, the House of Commons, and the opera (which he found, respectively, rainy, full of ill-bred idiots, and by God not even in English!) then turned his critical eye on her.
It had taken all of Lucy’s fortitude not to back up as he descended upon her. He looked rather like an overweight fish, with bulbous eyes and thick, fleshy lips. Truly, Lucy would not have been surprised if he had torn off his shirt to reveal gills and scales.
And then…eeeeuhh…she shuddered just to remember it. He stepped close, so close that his hot, stale breath puffed around her face.
She stood rigidly, with the perfect posture that had been drilled into her since birth.
He told her to show her teeth.
It had been humiliating.
Lord Davenport had inspected her like a broodmare, even going so far as to place his hands on her hips to measure them for potential childbirth! Lucy had gasped and glanced frantically at her uncle for help, but he was stone-faced and staring resolutely at a spot that was not her face.
And now that they had sat to eat…good heavens! Lord Davenport was interrogating her. He had asked every conceivable question about her health, covering areas she was quite certain were not suitable for mixed company, and then, just when she thought the worst of it was over—
“Can you do your tables?”
Lucy blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
“Your tables,” he said impatiently. “Sixes, sevens.”
For a moment Lucy could not speak. He wanted her to do maths?
“Well?” he demanded.
“Of course,” she stammered. She looked again to her uncle, but he was maintaining his expression of determined disinterest.
“Show me.” Davenport’s mouth settled into a firm line in his jowly cheeks. “Sevens will do.”
“I…ah…” Utterly desperate, she even tried to catch Aunt Harriet’s eye, but she was completely oblivious to the proceedings and in fact had not uttered a word since the evening had begun.
“Father,” Haselby interrupted, “surely you—”
“It’s all about breeding,” Lord Davenport said curtly. “The future of the family lies in her womb. We have a right to know what we’re getting.”
Lucy’s lips parted in shock. Then she realized she’d moved a hand to her abdomen. Hastily she allowed it to drop. Her eyes shot back and forth between father and son, not sure whether she was supposed to speak.
“The last thing you want is a woman who thinks too much,” Lord Davenport was saying, “but she ought to be able to do something as basic as multiplication. Good God, son, think of the ramifications.”
Lucy looked to Haselby. He looked back. Apologetically.
She swallowed and shut her eyes for a fortifying moment. When she opened them, Lord Davenport was staring straight at her, and his lips were parting, and she realized he was going to speak again, which she positively could not bear, and—
“Seven, fourteen, twenty-one,” she blurted out, cutting him off as best she could. “Twenty-eight, thirty-five, forty-two…”
She wondered what he would do if she botched it. Would he call off the marriage?
“…forty-nine, fifty-six…”
It was tempting. So tempting.
“…sixty-three, seventy, seventy-seven…”
She looked at her uncle. He was eating. He wasn’t even looking at her.
“…eighty-two, eighty-nine…”
“Eh, that’s enough,” Lord Davenport announced, coming in right atop the eighty-two.
The giddy feeling in her chest quickly drained away. She’d rebelled—possibly for the first time in her entire life—and no one had noticed. She’d waited too long.
She wondered what else she should have done already.
“Well done,” Haselby said, with an encouraging smile.
Lucy managed a little smile in return. He really wasn’t bad. In fact, if not for Gregory, she would have thought him a rather fine choice. Haselby’s hair was perhaps a little thin, and actually he was a little th
in as well, but that wasn’t really anything to complain about. Especially as his personality—surely the most important aspect of any man—was perfectly agreeable. They had managed a short conversation before supper while his father and her uncle were discussing politics, and he had been quite charming. He’d even made a dry, sideways sort of joke about his father, accompanied by a roll of the eyes that had made Lucy chuckle.
Truly, she shouldn’t complain.
And she didn’t. She wouldn’t. She just wished for something else.
“I trust you acquitted yourself acceptably at Miss Moss’s?” Lord Davenport asked, his eyes narrowed just enough to make his query not precisely friendly.
“Yes, of course,” Lucy replied, blinking with surprise. She’d thought the conversation had veered away from her.
“Excellent institution,” Davenport said, chewing on a piece of roasted lamb. “They know what a girl should and should not know. Winslow’s daughter went there. Fordham’s, too.”
“Yes,” Lucy murmured, since a reply seemed to be expected. “They are both very sweet girls,” she lied. Sybilla Winslow was a nasty little tyrant who thought it good fun to pinch the upper arms of the younger students.
But for the first time that evening, Lord Davenport appeared to be pleased with her. “You know them well, then?” he asked.
“Er, somewhat,” Lucy hedged. “Lady Joanna was a bit older, but it’s not a large school. One can’t really not know the other students.”
“Good.” Lord Davenport nodded approvingly, his jowls quivering with the movement.
Lucy tried not to look.
“These are the people you will need to know,” he went on. “Connections that you must cultivate.”
Lucy nodded dutifully, all the while making a mental list of all the places she would rather be. Paris, Venice, Greece, although weren’t they at war? No matter. She would still rather be in Greece.
“…responsibility to the name…certain standards of behavior…”
Was it very hot in the Orient? She’d always admired Chinese vases.
“…will not tolerate any deviation from…”
