by Wendy Wax
Nikki attempted to swallow back the panic. “But . . . I’m waiting for Joe. I don’t want to have them until Joe gets here.”
Dr. Payne was already halfway out the door and did not turn back.
“Oh, God. I knew I shouldn’t have relaxed. Why isn’t Joe here?” Nikki squeezed Maddie’s hand harder, only stopping when Maddie grimaced.
“Shhh,” Maddie soothed. “You know the Giraldis went to meet his plane in Orlando a good while ago. The man has gone through hell and back to get here.”
“But . . .” Nikki said as they raised the rails on each side of her bed and began to wheel her out of the room. “I’m not ready. I don’t want to do this yet.” This thing that she’d been waiting for so long was now moving far too quickly.
Maddie walked along beside her shushing and soothing for all she was worth. But Nikki couldn’t think of anything that could calm her now.
“It’s all right, Nikki,” Maddie said again. “It’ll all be over soon. And then you’ll have those two little ones in your arms.”
The hallway rushed by. She tried to quash the panic and the tears that threatened. She was a grown woman, not a child. And she was about to be a mother. Still, her heart beat too wildly. The absence of pain felt oddly disturbing as if she were coming untethered to what was happening.
A man in scrubs and mask was waiting just outside the operating room. Only his eyes and a small patch of forehead were visible. “I’ll take her from here,” he said to Maddie in a muffled voice. Maddie smiled, gave Nikki’s hand a final squeeze, and leaned over to kiss her forehead.
“No, don’t go. I don’t want to be alone. I’ve been waiting for . . .” Tears welled again, this time at Joe’s absence. She took a deep breath to banish them, but they blurred her vision.
“You’ll be fine,” Maddie said as she stepped back. “You’re in good hands. The best.” She looked up at the nameless, faceless doctor. “We’ll be in the waiting room.”
Then they were through the doors and inside the operating room. The medical staff stepped into place around her, Dr. Payne at her feet, the new doctor at her head. A drape was placed over her stomach. She swallowed and reminded herself that women did this every day. “Ready?” Dr. Payne smiled and stepped closer. She wasn’t, not really. But she nodded. Moments later she felt movement, a slight tugging on her stomach. Her head lolled to the side. The new doctor leaned over her and she looked into the eyes above the mask. They were dark and intelligent. They glinted with an odd mixture of warmth and . . . amusement?
Her heart beat now with gladness and relief. She reached out. Joe took her hand in his. “Relax, Nik,” Joe said. “It’s showtime. I can hardly wait to meet our daughters.”
• • •
They’d arrived in the family lounge at various times and now took turns pacing and fretting as they waited for news of Nikki’s delivery.
“What’s taking so long?” Bitsy had lost track of how many times she’d asked this question. Having never given birth, she had no yardstick for comparison.
“It’s barely been thirty minutes,” Maddie replied though she, too, sounded somewhat on edge. “I’m sure we’ll hear any minute.”
Joe Senior and Gabriella held hands. Nonna Sofia’s knitting needles clicked rhythmically, producing something long and neon pink. Avery had arrived a short time ago with a pained expression on her face and joined in the pacing.
Bitsy paced halfheartedly, unable to shake the guilt she felt for falling asleep in her cottage and for leaving Nikki alone. “Joe is going to go ballistic all over me when this is over,” she fretted. “And I wouldn’t blame him. I was just so exhausted, I pretty much passed out. God, if it weren’t for Sherlock’s impressive Lassie imitation, she might be giving birth on the lawn at the Sunshine right now.”
“Yeah, well, Chase went ballistic on me just a few hours ago and it definitely sucks,” Avery said. “It sucks even more when you know you screwed up.”
“Yeah.” Bitsy nodded glumly. “It would almost be a relief if Joe did yell at me.”
“Chase will calm down once he finds Jason. There’s nothing worse than the fear of something happening to your child,” Maddie said. “And I don’t believe Joe’s going to be angry with you, Bitsy,” Maddie said. “It was a bit of a perfect storm with him stranded, the showdown zapping everybody, and Nikki’s cell phone battery giving up at the worst possible moment. Fortunately, you got her here with no harm done to her or the babies. It’s a miracle Joe made it back in time.”
Joe Senior smiled and patted his wife’s hand. Nonna Sofia nodded and knitted. Joe had, in fact, skied cross-country to a specified spot where an agent friend had gotten him onto a private plane that had been routed to Orlando.
“I daresay this is a birthday story that will be told in the family for a long time,” Joe’s mother said. “We may have to give Sherlock a Giraldi family medal.”
Bitsy laughed. “I still don’t understand how he managed to nudge the door open and get inside. Or how he knew to take my clothes between his teeth and keep tugging and growling until I finally woke up. That dog has determination. I’m ashamed that I never saw him as anything but Bertie’s until we were abandoned together.”
“Well, I plan to make him his very own plate of osso buco,” Sofia said. “Once the meat is gone, he’ll have the bones to gnaw on.”
“I hope he shares some with me,” Bitsy said at a small growl from her stomach. “Whether I deserve it or not.”
“It’s nice to be in a hospital for a happy occasion,” Avery said a short time later, no doubt thinking of Deirdre, who hadn’t even made it to the hospital.
“That’s for sure,” Maddie agreed. “I remember sitting with Max Golden in Miami. I was glad we were with him. But it is lovely to be here to celebrate new life.”
“Yeah,” Avery said, cheering. “And it’s practically a miracle that Joe got here just in the nick of time.”
“She really didn’t want to have them until he got there,” Maddie said. “I think she was already attempting to talk them into staying put when they wheeled her into the operating room.”
Bitsy was on her third cup of coffee and eyeing the nearby vending machine when Joe came into the room in the scrubs he’d worn. The mask hung down on his neck. His face bore the hallmarks of exhaustion as he ran a large hand through his dark hair, but a huge smile of unadulterated joy creased his face. He gave them a thumbs-up, handed his father a cigar, and hugged his mother and grandmother.
“Nikki’s resting right now. Come see the girls. They are absolutely gorgeous.” He led them into the nursery and up to the plate glass. A nurse carried two babies to the glass window, each swaddled in a pink baby blanket, one cradled in each arm. “That’s Sofia, Nonna.” He motioned to the baby on the left with the thatch of black hair. “Nikki wanted her to have your name.” The other baby was auburn-haired like Nicole. Her face was scrunched up and she was crying. “That’s Baby Girl Number Two,” he said with a grin. “Nicole conked out right in the middle of the negotiation.”
Twenty-nine
“I’m so sorry.”
Nikki had lost track of the number of times Bitsy had apologized over the last two days. She’d apologized to Nikki and to Joe and pretty much anyone who stood still long enough to listen. She might have even whispered her mea culpa into the twins’ tiny shell-shaped ears.
“I really am so sorry. I just can’t believe I conked out like that.” Bitsy stood at the foot of Nikki’s hospital bed wringing her hands.
“It is kind of hard to believe you outdrank all of us without any noticeable effect and then just fell asleep on the job,” Avery said without her usual heat or her signature eye roll.
“It was unfortunate, but it’s not all on you,” Maddie said firmly. “I knew how exhausted you were. We were all dead on our feet. I could have waited for you to get back to Nikki’s before we left. Or stayed with
her myself. Or at least made sure her cell phone was charged.”
Bitsy turned her eyes on Nikki, but Nikki didn’t have the strength or the brain cells required to give her the shit she seemed to think she deserved. “Everything worked out,” she said. “You need to get over it.” Just as she needed to get with the program, get comfortable with the realities of motherhood.
Joe arrived smiling the smile that had been permanently affixed to his face since the twins had been delivered. His eyes shone with happiness as he leaned over to kiss Nikki. “It did more than work out.”
“But I’d like to do something to make it up to both of you,” Bitsy insisted.
“There’s no need and nothing for you to do,” Joe said.
“Unless you have a lead on the Mack truck that snuck into the delivery room and ran over me. Like a license plate number or identifying marker,” Nikki said, catching a glimpse of her face in the mirror behind Bitsy. “Or the name of the tattoo artist who must have jumped out of that truck to ink these dark circles under my eyes.”
Joe laughed easily and shot her a wink she was unable to return. When he excused himself to go check on the twins, she knew she would have given anything to feel the unadulterated joy that she saw reflected so clearly on his face.
Maddie poured a glass of water and placed it on the bedside tray. “Clearly Bitsy feels she deserves to be punished. But I think we need to make sure the punishment fits the crime.”
“This should be interesting,” Avery said. “I vote for permanent diaper duty. Or full-time baby nurse while Joe’s at work or has to travel.”
“I’m totally prepared to be on call twenty-four/seven,” Bitsy said. “Or I could sleep on the couch. Just to be safe.”
Nikki swallowed hard. Even the idea of being left alone with the babies filled her with terror.
“You should be an old hand at parenting,” Avery said. “After taking care of Malcolm.”
Nikki shuddered slightly at the mention of her felonious brother. “I’d just turned six when he was born, so I didn’t handle him that much when he was an infant.” She remembered the day he’d been brought home from the hospital and her mother had settled Nikki just so in a chair and then placed him briefly and reverently in her arms as if he were a great and miraculous gift. It was only years later, when their father had died and their mother had been frantically working multiple jobs, that Nikki had mothered Malcolm. And somehow created a self-absorbed, conscienceless monster. “I . . . I’m amazed and relieved that everything went okay. That both of the babies are healthy. I just . . . I don’t know. I feel so . . . overwhelmed.” She managed not to mention the deep-seated panic that had burrowed its way inside her.
Maddie resettled the pillow behind Nikki’s head. “You’re tired and you’ve had surgery. You need to cut yourself some slack.”
Nikki dug her elbows into the mattress and attempted to reposition herself, but had to bite back a groan. Moving hurt. Holding the babies up against her stomach hurt. Walking, which they kept making her do, hurt even more. Laughing was the worst, so maybe it was a good thing she had no inclination to emit so much as a giggle.
“It’ll take some time to recuperate physically. Then it’s just a matter of figuring out what they want and giving it to them,” Maddie said.
“I don’t know if you noticed, but they don’t talk,” Nikki said. “And it’s hard to think clearly when their faces are all scrunched up so pitifully and they’re screaming.” She closed her eyes for a moment, intent on beating back the panic.
Avery nodded. “Sofia and Number Two have some serious lung power.”
“True,” Maddie agreed. “But that’s their only real means of communication right now. And you’ve got lots of people here eager to help you interpret what they’re saying, including Joe.”
“Yeah,” Avery said, her tone wistful. “He doesn’t seem the least bit upset or intimidated. And I’m pretty sure that smile on his face is permanent.”
Maddie smiled at that.
“Maybe if I’d had FBI training, I’d be better at all this,” Nikki said, ashamed that she was not only frightened of her own children, but jealous of Joe’s uncomplicated happiness.
“No, you and the girls just have to get used to each other. And you have to realize that they’re not going to break.” Maddie stood and laid a reassuring hand on Nikki’s. “The time will come when you wondered what you were ever worried about. And you’ll be the only thing they need.”
There were footsteps. She looked up to see Joe walking back into the room with one baby cradled gently in each arm, the nurse beaming at him in approval. Her eyes were drawn to the pink swaddled three-day-olds, who looked so tiny and fragile in their father’s muscled arms.
“But I just fed them.” The words were out before she could stop them. The chasm of panic opened inside her. “I don’t . . . I can’t . . .”
“We’re going to do skin-to-skin contact,” Joe said, clearly thrilled that the daily ritual in which each of them sat with an upright and largely naked baby against their own naked chest was about to begin.
Nikki looked up at the wall clock, back down at her hands. She’d lost track of time, had thought she’d have more time to prepare herself for the bonding exercise that was supposed to promote feelings of closeness between parent and child, increase breast milk supply and confidence in their ability to care for their babies. Joe had bonded with both girls at first sight and they had seemed to do the same the moment they were placed in his arms while Nikki grew alarmed at each snuffle, felt her pulse and heart race at each movement, and couldn’t seem to catch her breath while their warm little bodies were pressed so tightly to hers. Kangaroo Care, as the nurses liked to call it, only made the panic spread inside her.
Maddie, Avery, and Bitsy were already excusing themselves as the nurse took the babies. Nikki sat up and managed to lever her legs over the side of the bed as Joe eagerly unbuttoned his shirt.
“I, um, I . . .” She managed to get out of bed then stood for a brief moment clinging to the bed rail as Joe took Sofia from the nurse, unwrapped the pink baby blanket, and pressed the diapered baby against his broad chest before pulling the side of his shirt over her. “My stomach is . . . something’s not right. I . . . do you mind taking them both while I . . . I need to go into the bathroom.”
The nurse shot her a small frown, but Joe’s eyes were on the still unnamed “Number Two.” “No problem. Take your time,” he said as the nurse unwrapped the baby and settled her in Joe’s lap, her head up against the other side of his chest.
She watched them in the mirror as she made her way to the bathroom on unsteady legs. He looked completely calm and at peace. The twins’ eyes were closed, their breathing soft and easy. Neither moved a muscle or emitted a sound as Nikki closed the bathroom door behind her then lowered herself onto the closed toilet seat. Where she cried as quietly as she could so as not to disturb them.
• • •
Avery drove to Tampa the next day to pick up more clothes, check on Jeff, and possibly, if the opportunity arose, apologize once more to Chase. She was angry and hurt at the way he’d shut her out and then been so cold and merciless, but she also knew just how badly she’d handled Jason and how wrong she’d been to keep his behavior secret. As it turned out, Bitsy wasn’t the only one who needed to be forgiven.
She drove slowly, barely resisting the urge to turn around. When she arrived at the Hardins’ house and spotted Chase’s truck in the driveway, she forced herself out of the car and up to the front door. Instead of reaching for the key in her pocket, she rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer it.
Chase stood in the doorway with a scowl twisting his handsome face.
“May I come in?”
He stepped aside and motioned her in with a wave of his hand. The scowl remained.
“I came to apologize.”
He stared
at her mutely, the anger evident in his eyes.
“Because I am sorry, Chase. Truly sorry.”
Still he made no comment.
“But if you really can’t forgive me and move on, then I guess I’m here to get the rest of my things.” She made herself look up into his eyes, which were dark and glittery and as hard as his jaw.
There was a sound. Jeff wheeled into the foyer, his back straight. “Don’t be a fool, Chase.”
“Don’t stick your nose in this, Dad.”
“Well, somebody has to. Avery made a mistake not telling you what she should have soon enough and she’s said so.”
“Right, so we should just pretend nothing ever happened,” Chase snapped.
“Is Jason here now?” she asked. “Is he all right?”
Chase looked down at Avery. “Did you know he went on his last escapade with money he stole from Dad’s wallet and mine? Or that it was only after we promised to send him away for the summer and that he would never contact her or come within a hundred yards of her that that girl’s parents agreed not to swear out a complaint?”
She shook her head and her own jaw hardened. “How could I possibly know when you refuse to talk to me?”
“None of that is Avery’s fault and you know it,” Jeff said to his son. He moved closer. “Jason is a handful and it’s going to take more than the Outward Bound program he’s been accepted into for the summer to straighten him out. It’s going to take all of us. This is not the time to shove away someone we have always considered family. Certainly not someone that you love and who I think, if you’re lucky, still loves you.”
Jeff looked now to Avery, but she stood mute, her eyes locked on Chase’s. The seconds ticked out in rhythm with the dull thud of her heart.
“Got it. I’ll just grab the rest of my things and get going.” She brushed by him, offered Jeff a tremulous smile on her way to Chase’s bedroom, where she pulled her suitcase out of the closet and began to shove her things into it. When she lugged it back out to the entry, Chase had disappeared.
