‘She-we were to be married in less than four weeks.’ He spoke half to himself. ‘She must have known how she felt before this. She must.’
Alison thought so too, but could find nothing to say.
Julian turned away in a sudden passion of misery.
‘She did it on purpose. She staged it.’ He gave a furious little laugh that made Alison wince. ‘Well, she’s done me one good turn. She’s cured me of my madness for her at last. I could never care for her again. Never!’
‘Don’t, Julian!’
Alison felt she couldn’t bear to see him snatch at that little rag of pretence, to hide the naked misery of his humiliation.
He sat down heavily, and just for a moment he put his head in his hands.
‘It’s true.’ He spoke sullenly. ‘I don’t care about her as a person any more-not after such baseness. All I care about is the unspeakable way she’s broken everything up. I can’t take on the South American job now. I can’t get away.’ He said that last sentence with a sort of angry forlornness that brought the tears to Alison’s eyes.
‘Julian,’ she said gently, longing to put her hand on his hair, but not daring to touch him… ‘Julian, the first awfulness will pass, you know. It couldn’t feel like this for very long.’
‘I’m not thinking of that part of it,’ he insisted with dreary, childish obstinacy. ‘I’m thinking of my lost chance in Buenos Aires -that job I can’t take unless I’m married. I don’t care a damn about losing Rosalie as a person. I’m concerned about losing her as a wife.’
There was a long, heavy silence, which neither of them seemed able to break.
And then it was Alison who spoke.
‘I suppose I wouldn’t do?’
CHAPTER IV
THERE was another long silence, which seemed to Alison to last for hours.
Then slowly he raised his head.
‘What did you say?’ he got out at last.
She didn’t repeat it. She couldn’t. Besides, she could see from his face that he had heard.
Her hands were shaking so that she had to clasp them together. And after a moment she sank down on the rug in front of him, partly because her legs refused to support her any longer.
He took hold of her wrist suddenly and jerked her round to face him.
‘Did you mean that-what you said?’
‘Yes.’
She didn’t look up. She stared at the firelight on the amber satin of her frock, while he stared at the firelight on the pale gold satin of her hair.
Then he gave an impatient little exclamation and almost pushed her away.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he told her roughly. ‘You’re only a schoolgirl.’
‘I’m not I’m twenty. And-and I’d do anything to get away from here.’ Better to put it on that footing at once, and, in any case, her passionate sincerity gave point to it.
She saw his expression change a little, but he only said curtly, ‘Well, chasing over the world with a man you scarcely know isn’t a good solution.’
‘I only thought-’
Alison stopped, and bit her lip, wondering rather wildly how she had got herself involved in this awful discussion.
‘What did you think?’ He looked a little disagreeable, but singularly unperturbed for a man who had just received a proposal.
‘I thought,’ Alison said in a very low voice, ‘I thought-it might be a business arrangement that suited us both.’
‘So your idea is that you would escape from your aunt’s petty tyranny and I should be able to take my South American job-and by mutual consent we should look on it as nothing more than a business deal?’
‘Yes.’ Alison’s voice sounded very small, even to her own ears.
‘Well, you’re a silly little fool,’ he told her uncompromisingly. ‘It’s the sort of idea that sounds excellent in theory and just doesn’t work in practice.’
‘Oh, but why?’ Alison spoke with the boldness of desperation.
‘Because it’s a false and ridiculous position for any ordinary man and girl. And now that every link with Rosalie has been broken’-his mouth tightened-’you and I have no other connection. That’s all we are to each other. Any ordinary man and girl.’
He meant it as a dash of cold water, she knew, but it had quite the opposite effect. Something in that phrase made her senses tingle oddly, made her realise how completely he had put himself outside Rosalie’s life at last. She stared into the fire so that he shouldn’t see the sudden light in her eyes, or the agitated colour in her cheeks.
‘Well then,’ she said quietly, ‘as an ordinary girl to an ordinary man, I suggest that we both stand to gain and not lose by the arrangement. I don’t want to sound calculating’ -he smiled slightly, perhaps because he saw how childishly her hands were trembling-’but I can’t help seeing that life as your-I mean, life out there-would be infinitely preferable to my life here. And, on your side, you either have to marry someone or else give up the job and stay here to watch Rosalie and her new fiancé.’
She saw from the angry way he winced that the last sentence had found its mark, and impulsively she put her hand on his.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, only it’s the truth.’
‘I know, I know,’ he said with an impatient sigh. Then he took her by the shoulders, not ungently, and turned her towards him again.
‘I wish I knew how much of this is angry impulse which you’ll bitterly regret.’
She wouldn’t look at him, but she said very earnestly, It’s not just impulse-really. And I shouldn’t regret it. It seems to me it’s just-just common sense.’
‘Oh, no,’ he said with a short laugh. ‘Whatever else it is, it isn’t that.’
‘But, Julian,’-she spoke his name timidly-’it isn’t as though we aren’t both a good deal afraid of the future as it is now.’
‘You mean we don’t either of us stand to lose much?’ He smiled grimly again. ‘No, I suppose we don’t.’
‘It’s simply a-a question of whether you think getting that job in Buenos Aires is worth the risk of marrying me.’
‘Not only that, Alison,’ he said. ‘There’s another side to it too.’
‘What?’
‘Look at me.’ His voice was quiet but peremptory, and reluctantly she raised her scared brown eyes to his face. There’s the question of whether you think escaping from your life here is worth the risk of marrying me.’
‘But I’ve told you-’ Alison whispered.
He stared unsmilingly at her, and then all at once he drew her against him.
‘Poor little Alison. You’re terribly scared really, aren’t you?’
But for a moment she felt him put his cheek down against the top of her head as though it were he, and not she, who needed comforting.
‘I’m not scared-exactly,’ she said, with a shaky little laugh. ‘Only it’s rather a shock to find you’ve proposed to someone.’
He laughed a little, too, at that. ‘Good lord, I suppose that is what you did. And I haven’t really even accepted you yet, have I?’
She moved slightly in a circle of his arm.
‘Do you realise what you’re taking on, I wonder?’ He spoke much more gently now. ‘I’m not a very easy man to live with, you know. I think Rosalie would tell you I’m violent and unreasonable and difficult.’
‘I’m not interested in Rosalie’s opinion of you,’ Alison said quietly. ‘We’re not likely to see eye to eye on anything-least of all on you.’
For some reason, that seemed to please him. He tightened his arm impulsively and said, ‘You’re a darling, Alison-and extraordinarily comforting.’
‘I’m very glad.’ She moved her hand rather shyly up and down his arm with a little caressing movement. ‘I-I meant to be comforting,’ she said gently, ‘but I think I must just have sounded aggressive and rather shameless.’
He laughed softly, even a little teasingly. ‘Not aggressive exactly. Merely as though you were sure
you knew what was best for us. And as for being shameless, why, the only time you raised your eyes to my face was when I deliberately told you to.’
‘Oh.’ She coloured.
Then she saw suddenly that he was not noticing her any more. An idea seemed to have struck him. He put her away from him, gently but quite firmly, and, getting up, began to walk up and down the room.
She watched him nervously, and, when he stopped abruptly in front of her, she got hastily to her feet as though feeling a little foolish at discovering that she was still crouching there.
‘Would you be very much afraid if I took you back into that room with me now, and told them I was engaged to you?’ His curiously light grey eyes looked cold and brilliant in his dark face.
‘Why, of course not,’ she said gently. ‘At least-if you think that is the best way to do it, I’m quite ready. It’s going to be rather a shock for them, whichever way we choose.’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘it’s going to be rather a shock.’ And, at the expression on his face, Alison caught herself hoping nervously that she would never make him look like that. He was a good hater, she could see.
‘Give me your hand, Alison,’ he said abruptly.
‘My hand? Why?’
He looked a little drily amused at that.
‘Why do you think?’ he said as he drew off his signet ring.
‘Oh!’ Alison went scarlet and then white.
‘It’s only a makeshift, of course. I’ll buy you a real one to-morrow-whatever you like. But I’m going to make them all believe that Rosalie and I parted by mutual consent, because we both wanted someone else.’
She bit her lip sharply. There was something of the angry, hurt boy about this feverish, transparent effort to ease his crushed pride, to take away the sting of the frightful humiliation Rosalie had put on him.
‘I think it’s a good idea,’ she said in a resolutely matter-of-fact tone, and was touched again to see the relief in his face.
She held out her left hand, the fingers spread out a little, and he put his signet ring on her finger.
It was large for her and slipped round, so that only the plain gold band of the inside showed.
‘Prophetic,’ remarked Julian, and laughed slightly.
‘Yes,’ Alison said, but her voice was only a whisper, for an odd lump seemed to have lodged in her throat.
Then he drew her arm lightly through his, and they went out of the room together.
The first person they met was Uncle Theodore, who was crossing the hall.
‘Julian, I’m dreadfully sorry about this disgraceful business,’ he began. Then, as he noticed Alison’s insignificant presence: ‘Run along, Alison. I want to speak to Mr. Tyndrum a moment.’
She would have gone at once, used as she was to effacing herself, but Julian pressed his arm against his side so that she couldn’t withdraw her hand.
‘You really mustn’t distress yourself about it, Mr. Leadburn,’ he said pleasantly and casually. ‘I’m afraid you’ve heard only half of the story-especially since you suggest that Alison should leave us.’
‘Alison?’ Uncle Theodore had evidently never supposed that his niece counted for much in any domestic crisis.
‘Certainly.’ Julian was smiling a little now, and he calmly drew his arm away, to put it lightly round her. ‘Alison and I are engaged.’
‘Alison and you!’ Uncle Theodore looked stupefied, and Alison thought irrelevantly that she had never seen his expression change so often in so short a time.
‘Yes.’ Julian glanced down at her with an appearance of tenderness which shook her badly. ‘Rosalie’s-courageous frankness about her preference for Myrton served my happiness as well as hers. It left me free to admit that I too had made a mistake which I was anxious to repair.’
‘Rosalie’s what’?’ said Uncle Theodore contemptuously. ‘You know as well as I do that her motive was just selfish spite.’
‘But need we examine Rosalie’s motives so closely,’ Julian said mildly, ‘since we are all quite happy at what has happened?’
Alison marvelled at the calm way he withstood her uncle’s penetrating look. She herself trembled a little when it was turned to her.
‘And what have you to say about it, Alison?’ Her uncle’s tone was not unkindly; only puzzled.
‘I’m very happy,’ she said softly. And she supposed that in a sense that was true.
‘Hm! Been eating your heart out for Julian all along, I suppose?’ he said drily.
She couldn’t quite make herself answer that in words. It was too uncomfortably near the truth. So she just nodded, and stared hard at the ground.
‘Well’-her uncle turned back to Julian, his air not un-tinged with amusement-’I suppose I don’t need to tell you that I think you’re less to be pitied than Myrton.’
‘I assure you I don’t feel in any need of pity,’ Julian said, smiling. And Alison was oddly certain that it gave immense satisfaction to his battered self-respect to be able to say that.
‘Have you told my wife yet?’
‘No. Events followed too quickly on each other, you see.’ Julian was imperturbable still. ‘But I think we must go and tell her now.’
‘Yes, by all means let us go and tell her,’ agreed Uncle Theodore.
When they came into the room, a few couples were drifting about the floor to the strains of dance-music from the radio. But most of the company was gathered about Rosalie, laughing and talking.
For a second Alison felt Julian’s hand tightened unbearably on her arm. She gasped slightly, not so much with the pain of his grip as the pain of knowing that the very sight of another girl could move him so profoundly.
He murmured a word of apology, and at that moment Rosalie saw him. She was evidently taken aback at seeing him still there after his dismissal, but, recovering herself immediately, she addressed him a little defiantly across the room.
‘Won’t you come and drink to my happy engagement, too, Julian?’
In the startled, amused hush that fell upon the others, he came slowly forward.
‘Of course.’ He took the glass steadily from her fingers. ‘And in return you must drink to mine.’
‘What-do you mean?’
Rosalie’s own glass shook, so that some of the wine spilled and ran down over her fingers.
‘Simply that our mutual decision earlier in the evening left us both free to repair a-mutual mistake.’ Julian smiled full at her-not insolently, but with a sort of dangerous courtesy. ‘While I drink to your happiness with Myrton, you must drink to my happiness with Alison.’ And he bowed slightly to her over the rim of his glass.
‘Alison!’
Rosalie turned quite pale with shocked anger, while a little ripple of laughter and something like applause went round the group.
‘Are you surprised? Then I must have hidden my feelings better than I knew. But now you know, I’m sure you will not grudge us your congratulations. Your health and happiness, Rosalie-and you too, Myrton.’ And he turned for a moment to the blond youngster who was Rosalie’s latest acquisition.
‘Very well done,’ murmured Uncle Theodore to no one in particular. But Alison heard him.
She supposed she ought to find some sort of satisfaction in this turning of the tables on Rosalie. But she felt no such thing. Instead, there was just a scared distress in her heart, a cold sense of apprehension. For it was her engagement- her one precious, fragile link with Julian-that was the subject of this frightening duel.
It seemed an odd way to celebrate marriage, she thought unhappily.
As for Aunt Lydia ’s reaction, that was entirely unexpected-until Alison realised that she was doing her best to convert Rosalie’s blank and furious dismay into a decent retreat.
‘My dear child!’ Aunt Lydia bumped her cheek gently against Alison’s in simulation of a kiss. ‘Well, I must say I am exceedingly surprised. Aren’t you, Theodore?’
‘Not in the least,’ her husband said drily, and he glanced across at
Rosalie with such patent dislike that even Aunt Lydia was checked for a moment in her flow of conventional eloquence.
‘Poor Aunt Lydia,’ thought Alison dispassionately. ‘Her family aren’t standing by her very well.’
‘I’m a good deal surprised myself, Aunt Lydia,’ she said timidly. ‘But-but it’s a very nice surprise.’
‘Very.’ Aunt Lydia ’s supply of synthetic sympathy was running out. ‘A little breathtaking, though,’ she added.
‘Rather like matrimonial "Family Coach",’ observed one of the guests. But Aunt Lydia only paid that the tribute of a very bleak smile.
‘It will have to be a very short engagement, won’t it?’ remarked someone else.
‘Oh, yes. But we don’t mind that.’ Julian put his arm round Alison again and drew her to his side. ‘Do we?’
Alison shook her head wordlessly.
Then he whispered, ‘Don’t tremble so.’ And his voice was so gentle that she suddenly wanted to weep.
Perhaps he guessed how overwrought she was, because he glanced round and said, ‘But we’re wasting all our evening, standing about talking. Why aren’t we dancing?’
And a moment later, Alison found herself swung away from the group to dance with Julian, and, when the others found that the tenseness of the crisis was passing, they soon followed suit.
‘Feeling better?’ His voice sounded quietly just above. her head.
‘Yes, thank you.’
‘Could you manage to smile a little, then?’
She looked up quickly and smiled unsteadily at him. It was curiously like the very first evening of all, only this time it was his pride that must be saved, she thought with fierce determination.
‘That’s better. You’re a good, brave child, Alison,’ he said. ‘You backed me up splendidly.’
‘I don’t think I did much,’ replied Alison honestly. ‘And anyway, I was terrified.’
‘Were you? Well, I think you might well be excused on the grounds of having used up all your courage in the library.’
She knew he was smiling a little at that, but she didn’t dare look up, because his words brought back that incredible scene so clearly.
‘Does the idea of this rush engagement scare you, Alison?’ he asked after a moment.
Nobody Asked Me Page 8
