“I’ll be back in the morning to check on you. Now try to get some rest.” His deep blue eyes roamed over me, filled with sadness and compassion.
Just then Chivas came bounding into the room, skidding to a halt at Eric’s feet. She looked up at her master, cocked her head and sat down. She pushed his hand with her nose, then licked him gently and settled down at his feet. She may be a young pup, but I think she knew that something was very wrong.
June 11
“I can’t thank you enough for helping me clean up last night, Amanda,” I said, giving her a gentle hug. The gentleness was for me, I ached all over! I was relieved when she showed up after the bodies were removed to help me clean and put the house back to rights.
“Anything else we can do?” she asked, her big brown eyes sweeping over me with such sadness. Jason was so quiet I almost forgot he was there.
“Yes, there is. Knock it off!” Amanda and Jason both looked startled.
“Yes my face is bruised and it hurts. I got slugged! And the rest of me aches because that weirdo fell on me! Otherwise I’m fine, okay?” I crossed my arms defiantly. “Go check on your brother, he’s the one with the broken bones.” I gave them a forced smile and shooed them out the door.
I was glad to finally be alone. The emptiness left behind when the adrenaline finally dissipates in the system can be overwhelming. I could feel myself starting to shake, and those darn tears were prickling behind my eyelids, threatening to escape in a body-wracking sob.
I heard a car pull up in the driveway. My sob-fest would have to wait.
* * *
Mark shined a light in my eyes. “How are you feeling this morning? Any headaches? Nausea?” He gently probed the developing bruise. “How did you sleep?”
“If you stop asking questions, I’ll answer!” I protested then laughed. Laughter was better than the tears that were still threatening. “No headaches, no nausea, except when I think about those scumbags touching my granddaughter! And I slept restlessly, I ache everywhere. I think I’m going to soak in a hot tub tonight.”
“How are you feeling emotionally, Allexa?” Mark asked gently, obviously concerned. “It isn’t every day you kill someone.”
“Is this a professional visit, doctor, with all the confidentiality in place?”
He looked at me for a moment, the concern back in his eyes, and then said, “Yes, of course.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “I’m familiar with how adrenaline reacts in the body during stress or extreme fear. It gives us the strength to do things otherwise difficult, if not impossible.”
“That pretty much sums it up.”
“That can be physical strength or emotional strength, and I think I had a jolt of both yesterday. The rebound effect, that adrenaline dump, has left me shaky and on the edge of tears,” I said. “But… this isn’t the first time I’ve had to kill a person, Mark, and I certainly don’t want to think that it’s going to get easier.”
“What happened, Allex?” he asked in a whisper.
I told him all about Bill Harris and the events that led up to my shooting him last December. When I was finished, I wiped my eyes, embarrassed.
“What did Jason say after that happened?” Mark asked.
“I haven’t told anyone this, not even John,” I replied. “Only my brother knew, and Ken and Karen.” All the dark emotion I’d been harboring slowly drained out of me. It was good to unburden the memory.
“You’ve kept all this bottled up inside for months? You’re stronger than I gave you credit for.”
“Well, I don’t feel strong,” I snapped. “I feel weak and vulnerable. I feel stupid and girly for wanting to cry.”
He laughed. “You are a girl though, a very nice one I might add. If you want to cry, then cry, Allexa. You’re experiencing a form of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and that doesn’t go away overnight. In the ER back in Saginaw, I’ve seen seasoned cops fall apart after a shooting. Don’t be hard on yourself, just feel those emotions, whether it’s anger, regret or guilt, and you should go through all of those feelings, just feel them, know it’s normal, and then let it go.”
Mark reached toward me, hesitated, then with one finger, lifted my chin so my eyes met his. “Now that I know, if you ever need to talk, don’t hesitate to call. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He looked at me for a minute and stood. “This might be unprofessional of me, but I think you need this.” He wrapped his arms around me for a very satisfying hug and I leaned into his strength.
* * *
“We ran the plates, and the van was stolen in Wisconsin. No surprise there. Identifying these two pieces of trash was easy, they both had wallets,” Karen said when she stopped over to give me an update. She shook her head in disbelief. “The big guy, the one who, ahem, died of blood loss, was a registered pedophile. The other one was clean, no record at all, though I’m guessing he had just never been caught.”
“What about the children?”
“There are two very relieved and thankful parents in Crystal Falls. The children are brother and sister by the way, ten and eleven years old,” Karen answered. “From what we can piece together, and it’s all speculation mind you, is that these two stole the van, crossed over the state line in a small town to avoid the checkpoints, and headed to another small town to… hunt. They grabbed the two kids at a park yesterday morning.” She sipped the coffee I set down in front of her. “We figure they were looking for a quiet, remote spot to… finish whatever they had planned when they spotted Emilee and couldn’t resist taking one more.” I could hear the disgust in her voice.
“Those children must have been terrified,” I mumbled, my breath not filling my lungs.
“Yeah, they’re going to have nightmares for a long time.”
CHAPTER 15
June 12
“Hey sleepy head,” John teased. It was almost ten o’clock and I had finally fallen into a deep sleep only a few hours earlier. “I was worried when you didn’t pick me up for rotation.”
I turned to face him and the smile on his face instantly disappeared.
“My God, Allex, what happened to you?” John asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He trailed his rough fingers down my cheek and across my swollen lower lip.
“We had a bit of trouble, John. Day before yesterday, two guys tried to kidnap Emilee.”
His hand stilled. “Is she alright?”
“Yes, she’s fine. That little girl is a real trooper.” I smiled, and then winced. “Eric has several bruised and fractured ribs, and I got beat up, but we fared better than the other two.” I took his hand in mine. “I killed a man, John, stabbed him.”
“You stabbed someone to death?” he asked in disbelief.
“Actually, I disemboweled him,” I said with a forced matter-of-factness. I’d been dealing with these events, and I didn’t want to lose my tenuous reign of control by getting too emotional.
He brushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes with a tender touch, while examining the purple bruise on my face.
“Remind me to never piss you off,” he said softly, then gave me one of his special smiles, and I smiled back.
“I doubt you would ever attack me or hurt my family in any way, so you’re safe. I can be a real mother bear when someone I love is threatened.” I leaned into him, resting my forehead on his chest. “Will you hold me please?”
John stood, stripped his clothes off, and slid beneath the covers. He wrapped his strong arms around me, spooning his body to mine. His body heat soothed my aching muscles; his presence soothed my aching soul. We both drifted off to sleep.
* * *
“Time to get up, John,” I said, nudging him gently. His blue eyes opened with a smile, and then the smile faded when he again took in my bruised and swollen face.
“I was hoping this was just a bad dream,” he said as he reached out to my face, dropping his hand before making contact.
“It will be all healed in no time,
so don’t worry about it.”
“It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. The boys will be here soon,” I told him. “We have something very special planned.”
“Do I have time for a shower?” John asked.
* * *
“We need to collect fish and water lilies for the pond,” Jason was explaining to John over a late cup of coffee. “Eric and I decided it would be a nice day to include a family picnic down at McKenna’s Bay into our gathering session. I know we can all use a pleasant diversion.”
In view of the recent events, we were all keeping the children closely watched, though Ken and Karen tried to reassure us this was an isolated incident.
“What kind of fish are you trying to catch?” John asked.
“I’m thinking perch. Even though they can be aggressive, they would be less so with their own species. That’s why I think one type would be best to stick with,” Jason said. “Of course, goldfish would be best, though I doubt something like that would be available. Goldfish are another type of carp, and the hardiest in captivity.”
“Too bad we can’t find some catfish,” John lamented.
“While we’re waiting for Eric and Emilee,” Jason said, “I’d like to show you what we’ve done so far, John.” Jason gave me a quick smile, and the three of us went to look at the finished greenhouse.
John stopped about ten feet from the protruding edge of the new structure and stared.
“Come on, just wait to you see the inside,” I said, tugging on his hand.
Over the past few days, when I had the time and the energy, I had sorted out the gardening stuff in the barn, knowing much of it could be better used in here. Hanging from the wall was now an assortment of trowels, forks and other gardening tools, watering cans and a basket full of odds and ends. Jason had attached hooks to the upper exposed beams which allowed me to hang pots. Although the pots were still empty, I could visualize vining tomatoes spilling out with juicy red fruit for us to enjoy during the winter, maybe even some flowers to brighten the room.
“What’s the matter, John?” I said. “You’re not saying anything.”
“I’m … I’m speechless! This is just wonderful, Allex, I can see now why you wanted it.” John turned to Jason. “You are a magician, Jason. I would never have believed so much could be done in so little time.” He turned slowly in a circle, stopping to look at the fish pond. “That is just beautiful. How are the plants staying in place?”
“That was Mom’s idea,” Jason told him. “We put large rocks in the bottom for the fish habitat, and wired the cattail roots to them. The Marsh Marigolds are almost a floating island. There are some rocks built higher there. We put several rocks in the bottom of a pair of pantyhose along with the flower clump. So far the mesh of the pantyhose is keeping the dirt in place. It’s resting on the top of the rock pile, unsecured, like a floating island.” He grinned at the solution we had come up with.
We were all silent for a moment, listening to the water cascading into the pond from the little figurine perched on the side.
“Where did you get that?” John asked, taking in the statue of the miner panning for gold. The water was pumped up a tube to just behind the miner’s feet, and then it ran over the pan and back down into the pond, ever circulating.
“I’ve had that for over twenty years. It’s part of my favorite bird bath. I guess I’ve always wanted a miner in my life,” I said, smiling up at John. “All this wouldn’t have been possible without you, you know, so you have the place of honor - guarding the fish tank.” We all laughed at that.
“And I see that you came up with a solution to the glass, too, Jason. Where did you get it?”
“They are all glass doors we removed from vacant houses. I then took them apart to use singly. There’s one double hung window at either end that can open for heat ventilation when needed. I’m just glad we got all of it hung before Eric got hurt. I never would have been able to put those high pieces in place by myself,” Jason replied, just as Eric and Emi came across the road.
* * *
Over at McKenna’s Bay, John joined Jason and a bruised and slow moving Eric catching minnows with a seining net, while Amanda and I moved one of the picnic tables closer to the shore so we could watch Emi and Jacob play in the cold water. It might be well into June, however, the lake water here heated slowly.
“Jacob is so happy to have someone to play with,” Amanda remarked. “Most of the kids in the school are older, and even if Jacob is academically equal, he’s too young to play the way they do and would rather play alone or with just one other. I worry about him, Mom.”
“I know, Amanda, we all do. I remember reading that many of these problems and quirks he has right now are just a stage that he’ll grow out of in time,” I tried to reassure her, just as Jacob started splashing Emilee, like a normal little boy would do to his cousin.
I watched the three men in my life, thankful we were all together. Not everyone was so lucky. They were off to the side now, near the lily pads. Jason had retrieved my scuba mask from the shed before we left, and had it on now. He reached down and felt the stalk of a plant, then took a deep breath, submerging into the cold water. A moment later he surfaced, took another breath and went under again. This time when he came up he had the bulb root in hand. I would have at least one pink lily in my new pond. Then, surprising me, John took the mask and repeated the dive, retrieving yet another lily for me. Eric stood off to the side, I’m sure to not be in the path of any jostling, although he was the one son who shared my love of scuba diving. I knew it must be hard for him to only watch.
* * *
The bucket of little fish was dumped into a long, flat pan so we could check them over. Both Eric and Jason grew up fishing so were able to quickly identify and separate the species. With the discarded fish returned to the lake and fresh water in the bucket, the dozen little perch and the deep pink lilies were taken to their new home in my greenhouse.
CHAPTER 16
June 13
“Oh,” I stated flatly, stunned by John’s announcement.
“It’s only for a few days, I promise. I really want to see my daughter and my mom. Please understand, Allex,” John pleaded.
“Oh, John, I do understand, really. It’s just that this is so unexpected. I’m being selfish for wanting you here with me for all of your spare time. Perhaps a visit down south should be worked into each rotation,” I suggested.
“That’s a good idea, but maybe every other rotation would be enough,” he stopped pacing and sat down across from me, searching my face. “The bruise is already turning yellowish, and your lip is almost healed.” He grinned, and leaned forward to kiss the other side of my mouth. “By the time I come back, you’ll be good as new.”
“Which brings up, when are you leaving?” I asked, not hiding my disappointment.
“I think on Friday and come back on Tuesday, which will still leave us another six days before I have to report back in. Is that okay with you?”
I reached across the polished wooden table and took his rough hand in mine. “John, you don’t need my permission. Part of our arrangement here is that we both have lives to live; lives that don’t always include the other. We both know that and accepted that right from the beginning. Yes, I will be here waiting for you when you come back.” Then I smiled at him and saw the relief in his blue eyes.
“Right now, I need to see Dr. Mark to get the stiches removed from my shin. Do you want to come with me?”
* * *
“I’m glad I caught you in, Mark. Do you have time to take these stitches out?” I asked when I walked into the new medical clinic, interrupting his paperwork.
“Yes, of course,” Mark replied a touch too curtly when he saw I wasn’t alone.
“John, this is Mark Robbins, our new doctor in town,” I made the introductions, noticing how Mark and John eyed each other warily, or maybe it was hostilely.
“Come into the exam room, Allexa, and have a seat.” He turned
to John and dismissively said, “This will only take a few minutes.”
John got that stony look on his face that I’d come to recognize as him seething, as Mark closed the door.
“Is that my competition, Allexa?” Mark asked. He wiped the area of the stitches with some alcohol and set out tweezers and fine-nosed scissors, not looking at me.
“Yes it is, and would you please open the door,” I stated bluntly.
He looked up at me in surprise. “Yes, of course.”
Once the door was opened, I could see John sitting stiffly in full view, and I invited him into the room with us. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door jamb to watch.
“This healed very nicely, Allexa. Did you do anything special to the wound?” Mark commented as he snipped and tugged each stitch out.
“I used comfrey poultices on it every day. They were very soothing and I think helped to prevent any infection.”
“Interesting. Well, you still need to be more careful about injuring yourself,” Mark stated, to which John grunted in agreement. “Now, let’s look at that face.” He gently probed my cheek for any tenderness. “Have you been doing the same poultices on your cheek?”
“Yes, except I’ve made them chilled instead of warm, to help with the swelling.”
“Well, it’s done wonders. I wouldn’t have expected this to be so welled healed so soon after taking a punch to the mouth,” Mark cast a quick accusatory glance over to John. “The lip will take a few more days though.” He put his instruments in a metal pan and dropped the gauze with the stitches in the trash.
The Journal: Ash Fall Page 11
