‘What about the book?’
‘Haven’t you just about all the information you need now?’
‘I suppose so, more or less.’
‘In the future,’ Caroline said firmly, standing up, ‘I think you’d be much better advised to stick to historical novels.’ The door closed behind her and Laura smiled faintly. Poor Caroline, she obviously didn’t fancy the idea of Lewis as a brother-in-law.
The sound of the front door reached her, and Edward’s voice in the hall. A few minutes later he tapped on the door and came over to the bed, staring down at her with an anxious frown.
‘Whatever brought this on, Laura? Toby and Janet were just saying how much better you seemed.’
‘The doctor says it’s an infection of some sort.’ She felt a sudden rush of warmth for him, so solid, so dependable and so genuinely concerned about her. She turned her hand palm up on the counterpane and he accepted the silent invitation by sitting down and taking hold of it.
‘How did the dinner go?’
‘The food wasn’t too bad, but there were the usual long, boring speeches afterwards. I didn’t get back to Toby’s till after one—he’d given me a key, of course—and then young Lucy woke screaming about five, so all in all it wasn’t a very good night! But what about you? When did this start?’
‘In the night. It wasn’t a good one for me, either.’
‘I believe Lewis was here for dinner?’
‘Yes.’
‘Laura—’
‘Caroline’s just warned me not to have so much to do with him, but it was all your idea, you know, in the first place.’
‘I didn’t know what I was letting us all in for,’ Edward said grimly. ‘I didn’t really know him very well before, but I can’t say that I’m very impressed with him on closer acquaintance. Anyway, I suppose it’s good of him to help you as he has and it won’t be going on much longer, will it, once you’ve finished the book. Which reminds me, there was another letter from Fenella Gray this morning.’ His hand tightened on hers as the uncontrollable shudder ran through her. In Noel’s absence, Lewis’s confession of Clive Sandilands’ murder seemed grotesque, unbelievable. If only she could tell Edward—
‘I know Clive’s death upset you,’ he was saying gently, ‘but Fenella’s adjusting quite well to being on her own. The book is nearly finished. She sent you her best wishes and wants to know how yours is coming along. Will you drop her a line?’
She said in a choked voice, ‘If I hadn’t wanted to hear about his work, he wouldn’t have invited us for dinner, or—’ spoken about Noel’s death in front of Lewis, which was what had really sealed his fate.
‘Laura, you must stop blaming yourself. It was just one of those terrible, senseless things which unfortunately happen all too often.’ He patted her hand and stood up. ‘Caroline said dinner was nearly ready so I’d better go down. She also asked me to remind you that it’s time for your pills. Do you have a drink with them?’
He handed her the glass and the brightly coloured capsules and Laura meekly took them. They couldn’t possibly do the slightest good, but they were unlikely to harm her and at least they reassured Edward and Caroline.
By the next day, as they had all so glibly prophesied, Laura had recovered sufficiently to go downstairs, and gradually her strength returned, but from that day forward she was in no doubt of the power which Noel could exercise over her if she chose.
Lewis still came to Four Winds most evenings, but Edward’s cordiality was noticeably strained and Caroline usually found things to do elsewhere while he was there. Gradually and against her conscious will, Laura found herself growing closer to Lewis and she no longer had the strength to resist. It was as though she had summoned all her reserves to combat Noel’s desire to injure Caroline and having used them up, she had been unable to build up any more.
Noel came and went as she chose, though she usually confined her possession to Lewis’s visits. One evening, when Laura had been more successful than usual in fighting her off, she made her presence felt more definitely than ever before, materializing in a thick, cold mist which flowed towards Laura as she cowered on the bed, filling her eyes, her nose and her mouth with suffocating vapour until she was blinded and gasping for breath. Then, abruptly, the mist dispersed and she came to with a terrifying sense of strangeness. She flung herself off the bed with some half formed intention of rushing in to Edward, but she was halted in mid-flight by a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror across the room.
In dazed disbelief her hands went up to her face, the fingers moving in shrinking fear over unfamiliar features, and as her stumbling feet drew her nearer to the glass, it was with a despairing sense of inevitability that she saw Noel’s serene, triumphant face staring back at her.
It was soon after that incident that Laura suddenly decided to change her hair style, sweeping the fine hair away from her face and up into a smooth French pleat. It changed her appearance considerably, making her seem older, sleeker, altogether more poised. The impact on Lewis was immediate. He stood staring at her as she walked across the grass to join him, his eyes burning in the sudden sallowness of his face, and as she reached him, he took hold of both her hands, crushing them in his as his eyes raked endlessly over her face.
‘Hi, Lew!’ she said softly.
Paul, however, disapproved very strongly of Laura’s changed appearance. ‘What have you done to yourself?’ he demanded angrily. ‘You look ten years older!’
‘I’m sorry if you don’t like it,’ she replied primly.
‘Too right I don’t! What’s come over you, Laura? You’re not yourself at all!’
Indeed she was not. Paul started the car with a jerk and they drove in silence along the country lanes beyond Brocklehurst. After a while he said abruptly, ‘Term ends in another couple of weeks. My family expects me to go up north.’
She looked at him, aware of a pang at the thought of his going away. ‘I’ll miss you, Paul.’
‘Will you? I wish I could believe that. Look, it’s no good, I’ve got to ask. Just what is there between you and Lewis Castleton?’
She twisted her hands on her lap. ‘I’m writing his biography. You know that.’
Paul swerved to a halt and swivelled in his seat to face her. ‘Look, love, that answer may sound reasonable to you, but it’s not good enough for me. I remember only too well how you reacted the first time you saw him. Shall I tell you what I think? I think he’s trying to turn you into a replica of someone he once knew. All right, it sounds insane, I know, but—God, Laura, I lie awake night after night thinking about it.’
She sat without moving, staring straight ahead.
‘Haven’t you anything to say to that?’
‘Only that it would be better for you not to waste your time thinking about me,’ she answered in a low voice. He reached out and very gently began to pull the pins from her hair until it fell loose about her face again in a soft cloud.
‘That’s better,’ he said quietly. ‘I only wish it was as easy to undo everything else. I know you made me promise not to say anything about those conversations we had, the atmosphere you felt in the house, and so on, but I really don’t feel justified in keeping quiet any longer. I’m asking you to release me from that promise. Will you, Laura?’
She turned then to look at him. He was staring at her with an expression of helpless, rather angry vulnerability in his eyes and her heart ached for him.
‘No,’ she said softly. ‘I’m sorry, but no.’
‘But I can’t go off to Huddersfield leaving you in this condition! Heaven knows what might happen while I’m away.’
‘There’s nothing you can do, Paul.’ She looked down at the pile of hairpins in her lap. ‘I can always pin up my hair again. Anyway that’s only an “outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual—”’
‘Not “grace,” ’ he interrupted grimly. ‘ “Evil” would be more appropriate!’
‘Not evil either, really.’
; ‘So there is something?’
‘Between Lewis and me? Yes, there’s certainly something.’
His voice was harsh. ‘Is he trying to make out he’s in love with you?’
‘In a way, I suppose.’
‘And what about you?’
She looked at him helplessly, knowing he couldn’t be expected to accept it as she must. ‘I need him, Paul.’ And, at the spasm of hurt which crossed his face, she added inadequately, ‘I’m sorry.’
He moved fractionally away from her. ‘I seem to have been making rather a fool of myself,’ he said stiffly. ‘I beg your pardon. I’d better take you home.’
Her eyes brimmed suddenly. ‘You will write, won’t you, while you’re away?’
‘There doesn’t seem to be much point.’
‘Please!’
‘God, Laura, what are you trying to do to me? If you want Castleton, at least let me go!’
‘I’m sorry, I’m being very stupid.’ A feeling of desolation lapped over her. What would she do if Paul abandoned her? If she lost him—Noel, losing interest, slipped away and in the same moment Paul turned his head.
‘Well, don’t cry!’ he said roughly. ‘All right, I admit even that long-distance contact would be better than nothing. I’ll write.’ Gently his fingers wiped away the tears on her cheek. ‘Okay?’
She nodded and tried to smile. He drew in his breath sharply and with a sudden movement pulled her into his arms and started to kiss her, deeply but tenderly. Clinging to him, she felt confusedly that she had come home after a long and dangerous journey. But that, of course, was an illusion. This was just a temporary respite which Noel had carelessly granted her. She had no right to let Paul think there was any chance for him.
Sensing her hesitant withdrawal, he released her, looking down at her with a shaky laugh. ‘Well, that’s put my cards on the table in no uncertain manner! I presume I need hardly say I hadn’t intended that to happen.’
She sat up and he watched her anxiously. ‘Laura, you must have known for some time how I felt about you. I know I’m not much of a catch, but I think I could make you happy. Won’t you give me the chance?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t, Paul; it’s simply not possible. Please don’t ask me.’
‘But surely—’
‘No!’ In rising panic, her hands flew up to her head. ‘No, no, no!’
When at last she could look at him, his eyes had changed and hardened.
‘Then it seems I owe you another apology. Obviously it’s my day for making a nuisance of myself.’ A muscle jerked at the corner of his mouth. ‘Are you going to marry Castleton?’
Her heart gave a painful twist. She heard herself reply, ‘I suppose so.’
‘You don’t sound exactly delirious with joy at the prospect.’ She didn’t answer and he added flatly, ‘There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?’
‘It isn’t my mind, Paul.’
‘What do you mean?’ His voice was sharp and she pulled herself together hastily. She had answered him without thinking.
‘Nothing.’ Slowly her hands went up to her hair and began to twist it back into place. He watched her with a kind of dull misery. When she had finished, she said quietly, ‘Thank you, Paul. For everything.’
‘I don’t seem to have done anything except upset you.’
This parting seemed frighteningly final. She said tentatively, ‘Will I see you again before you go up north?’
‘I shouldn’t think so. I imagine it would be better for both of us if I kept away. Are you sure you still want me to write?’
‘Yes, please.’
‘Very well.’ He started the car, turned it in the narrow lane and they drove slowly back. Already she felt as if he had gone from her, and was filled with an overwhelming sense of bereavement. He seemed suddenly incredibly dear to her and at the same time completely inaccessible. He dropped her at the gate of Four Winds and they exchanged a few embarrassed phrases before he drove off. Laura was painfully aware of the tears which now streamed unchecked down her cheeks. She even started, futilely, to run after him, but it was too late and his car was already out of sight. Those few steps had taken her beyond the gateway and she went on walking, scarcely knowing what she was doing, down the hill into Brocklehurst village, silent and deserted on half-day closing. Wednesday afternoons with Paul had been a pleasurable landmark for her. Now they would have no meaning. Her footsteps quickened as subconsciously she went to meet Lewis.
She was almost running by the time she emerged on the far side of the village and turned into the lane leading to Gillet’s cottage. The day was cooler than average, with low clouds and the sun had never broken through. Shivering in her thin dress, she pushed open the door without stopping to knock, finding herself directly in the small living-room. Lewis was sitting at the desk. He didn’t seem surprised to see her.
‘Hello, darling.’ He held out his hand and she went over to him, standing close behind him and looking over his shoulder at the notes he was making.
‘Still working on the seaside resorts?’
‘It’s a long series! I’ve covered quite a lot of ground since our day in Eastbourne. Just hang on for a moment, will you, while I finish this passage.’
‘Surely.’ She moved away, conscious of Noel and almost welcoming her, since it blotted out the pain of her parting from Paul. She noted approvingly that the photograph which had been removed from the scrapbook was now framed and standing on the desk. The hair style in the photograph was identical with the one she now wore and even the dress, more tailored than Laura’s usual choice, was similar. She smoothed it down with a feeling of satisfaction. Despite Paul’s disapproval, she had much more of an air about her now and the knowledge gave her confidence.
She glanced over at Lewis to find him watching her with a smile.
‘What’s so funny?’
‘You, my love! You’re prinking and preening like a peacock!’
‘I was only thinking my appearance has improved lately.’
‘Indeed it has! The little English ugly duckling has changed into my beautiful American swan!’
Paul’s uneasy words echoed in her head and to drown them she said quickly, ‘Are you nearly through? Shall I fix some coffee?’
Lewis drew in his breath. ‘Oh, Noel! Laura would have suggested tea!’
‘I’ll make tea if you’d rather.’
‘No, of course not. Have you any idea what it means to me to have found you again?’
She went to him quickly and his arm came round her.
‘You’re not frightened any more?’ she asked anxiously.
‘How can I be frightened of a real, flesh-and-blood woman?’
She had been right, then! She felt a thrust of triumphant excitement. Now that she had rid herself of the importunate Paul, there was nothing to stand in her way. She rested her cheek momentarily on his dark head, and as she did so, something in one of the small drawers inside the desk caught her eye. It was a small silver powder compact. Lewis was completely still as she turned it towards the grey light from the window to read the inscription: ‘Noel—Lewis—Always.’
The blood was thundering in her ears and behind her eyes. When had she last held this? She began to tremble and Lewis’s arm held her fast.
‘Remember when you handed me this?’ She swayed a little and he repeated urgently, ‘Do you, Noel?’
Her tongue was dry and burning. ‘I think so.’
‘Tell me!’
She struggled to free herself. ‘Lewis—let me go!’
‘Tell me!’
‘It was that last night, wasn’t it?’ Her voice seemed to hum in her ears, far away and singsong. His laboured breathing shuddered through the stillness and she noticed detachedly the beads of perspiration on his face.
‘Go on.’
She stared down at the little compact and the disjointed memory came to her of a visit to a fortune-teller once who had held some object belonging to her and received vibrations f
rom it. She said haltingly, ‘It’s hard to remember—I was so sick and dizzy—’
‘Think, Noel, think! It’s vital that you should remember this!’
Another tremor shook her violently, rattling her teeth. ‘We were crossing to the car and a speck of dust blew in your eye. I felt in my purse and handed it to you so you could use the mirror to remove it.’
He said almost to himself, ‘Laura could never have known that.’ He laughed suddenly and the sound was somehow shocking, making her flinch. ‘I must have slipped it into my pocket without thinking. just as well—if I’d given it back to you, it might possibly have withstood the flames and then the fat would have been in the fire.’
Mesmerized, her eyes went back to the inscription. ‘Yes, it’s all there, isn’t it? May I keep it now?’
‘Of course.’
Still moving in a dream, she dropped the compact into the open handbag on the chair. His hands dug into her shoulders as they turned her back to face him. ‘Noel—my love—’
But suddenly, frantically, Laura was struggling through, twisting herself away from his hold. He gazed at her blankly, uncomprehendingly, as she fought to retain her grasp on her own personality.
‘She’s gone!’ she gasped. ‘Oh, Lewis, I thought I wasn’t going to be able to get back! I—needed to see you—myself. I let her come because I was—miserable, but it—was too much.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed tonelessly after a minute, ‘it was too much. Poor little Laura. Sit down and tell me why you were miserable.’
Shakily she let him lead her to a chair and sank down into it. ‘I was with Paul.’
‘I see. Did he upset you?’
‘We upset each other.’
He was watching her keenly. ‘I was right, wasn’t I? He is in love with you.’
‘Yes.’
‘And you told him he hadn’t a hope?’
Her eyes filled again. ‘More or less.’
He patted her hand. ‘Never mind, sweetheart, he’ll get over it.’
She said slowly, ‘You tend to belittle everyone’s love except your own, don’t you, Lewis?’
‘Do I? Perhaps. But I did admit that even my love had become a little muted as time passed.’
Laura Possessed Page 17
