I find my mother almost instantly, but not because she looks like the woman I once knew. I recognize her because she looks just like my sister, only a little older. The woman I used to know would have her hair died so dark that it would match the black makeup she used to circle around her eyes.
This woman is all natural just like Henley. She has golden hair and beaming blue eyes, nothing at all how I remember, but she looks a million times better than the horrible images stored in my memory.
As she walks my way, her eyes roam over me, taking in the man that I’ve become compared to the boy that she once knew. As she gets closer and her eyes fill with warmth and excitement, guilt pours through me. All these years she’s been rotting away in prison because of a decision that I made. If I had known the truth and known that it was my father behind it all, I never would have done it.
I have so much to make up for.
I always knew my father was a snake. He recruited me into his ranks when I was just eight years old. I saw things that no kid should ever see, but he would tell me that it makes me stronger, makes me a soldier, but never would I have thought that he'd do something like that to my mother.
Anton was always telling me how important blood is, yet that’s how he treats my blood, how he made me treat my own blood.
By the age of twelve when I’d done the unthinkable, it was water off a duck’s back. I barely had a second thought for what I’d done to my mother. I was dark. I wasn’t the kid that she once knew. She needed to be punished for her crimes and I thought it was my duty to make it happen.
I was Anton’s soldier.
I didn’t learn what it truly meant to be a soldier until I joined the Military and I was able to find some sort of peace within myself. I took my time at war as a punishment for what I’d done, and fuck, it was certainly a brutal punishment, but it’s what I needed.
I forgave myself and the second that happened, the darkness lifted off my shoulders and I was finally free. It’s the exact feeling I’m getting from my mother right now.
I expected her to come at me with anger and fury for doing this to her, but it’s as though that doesn’t exist.
As she steps up to the table, I rise from my seat and watch as she tilts her head up when I tower over her. Pride surges in her eyes and I’m oddly struck by just how similar she looks to Henley. We really are related. I never doubted it before but seeing and hearing are two very different things.
“Samuel,” mom whispers, holding back tears.
“You look good, mom.”
We both stand face to face, staring at the other for a silent moment before emotions take over and I throw my arms around her, crushing her into my chest and holding her close for all the years we missed out on.
Mom’s arms wrap around me and she cries silent tears. “You’re so big now,” she murmurs against my chest. “Nothing at all like the little boy I remember.”
“I’m so sorry, mom,” I tell her, hating the gut-wrenching grief that comes over me knowing I was the one who did this to her. How could she ever forgive me? How can she bear to have my arms wrapped around her? Surely, she must hate me.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, son,” she tells me, pulling back and roaming her eyes over me. “Now let me get a good look at you. I’ve missed you like you could never know.”
I look at her in shock, ignoring the second half of what she just said. We can come back to that later. “How can you say that? I did this to you. I went to the police and told them what you were involved with when I had no business talking about something I didn’t understand. How could you ever forgive me?”
Her lips press into a tight line and she indicates down to the seat I’d just vacated as she gets herself comfortable in the one opposite mine. “Sit down, Samuel. Clearly, we have a lot to discuss.”
I couldn’t agree more.
I get myself comfortable before her and prepare myself for the ultimate smackdown. Whatever she’s got for me, I’m ready to take it. I deserve whatever’s coming for me after the shit I’ve put her through.
“Henley told me you joined the Military. You were deployed?”
I gape at her. “Really? It’s been eleven years and you want to talk about the Military? How about the fact that I have a sister who just happens to be my best friend’s wife?”
“Oh, the wedding,” she gushes. “Henley was telling me all about it. I can’t wait to see the pictures. I bet she would have been a beautiful bride. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there. We thought I’d be out by now. That Noah though, he sure is a lot to handle.”
I gape at her again. Is she for real?
“Mom,” I say, not wanting to set her off. “Henley’s my sister. Why did you never tell me that?”
A seriousness comes over her. “I wish I could have,” she tells me with a sigh. “You would have been an incredible big brother to her. You would have been protective and adored her just as a brother should.”
“I am protective of her and I do adore her. She was family to me before any of this came out.”
Mom nods with pride shining through her eyes. “You’re a good kid, Samuel. I’m glad to see that after all the suffering you went through that you turned out so well.”
My heart swells, but I don’t want to dwell on it. “Why didn’t you say anything about Henley being my sister?”
“I don’t know how much Henley has told you, but I had to protect my little girl. Your fate was sealed with Anton as I gave birth to you, but Henley had a chance of escaping it. I had no choice, I had to give her up. Not a day went by that I hated myself for that decision, but she had a much better life than the one she would have had with us. Surely, you must know that.”
“I do,” I tell her. “As much of a shock that it was to find out she was my baby sister, I wouldn’t change it. It feels right and I’m glad that she had a happy upbringing. I wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of her having to go through the same kind of shit that I did.”
Mom reaches out and takes my hand. “I’m so sorry, Samuel. I tried to get you away from it, but he found us. Every move I made, he would counter and I would be condemned for it.”
“If I knew how evil he was, I never would have gone with him.”
“You were just a child and you had no reason to doubt him. He loved you fiercely and the second you were born, he had stars in his eyes and when he looked at you, he saw an heir, not a son. Anton is a very charming man and he could convince even the purest of men to do something despicable. You cannot blame yourself. Do you hear me? He corrupted your poor soul before you even knew the difference between right and wrong and I should have tried harder to save you from that.”
“You did. You moved us away. He’s Anton Mathers. No one can escape him.”
She lets out a sigh and gives a slight shrug. “It’s all in the past now. He’s been put away where he belongs and now we can all move forward. I’ll be out soon and I can close the book on all of this.”
I rub my thumbs over her knuckles. “I thought about coming and visiting you every fucking day, but I was too ashamed with what I’d done and by the time I realized that I was wrong, I was already deployed. I failed you, mom.”
“No, Samuel. I failed you. You did the right thing going to the police. Despite your father’s involvement, I still did the crime and I needed to be punished for that.”
“But you didn’t deserve to be punished. He made you. He gave you no other choice.”
She squeezes my hand. “I wasn’t around to teach you any life lessons, but if I can teach you just one thing, then know this; in life, there’s always another choice. Anton backed me into a corner and where it came to protecting you, I would have done anything. I chose to agree to his terms when I could have found help. I could have spoken to the police. I could have run. There are hundreds of choices I could have made, but I was terrified and chose the easy way out. I ran that prostitution ring and I broke the law. I deserved to be in here, and while it was the hardest thing I’ve
ever been through, it was also a blessing because it freed me from his hold. But don’t you think for even one second that I didn’t think about what that meant for you. Every damn day I panicked over what kind of hell he was putting you through and not a moment went by that I didn’t wonder if I’d lost you to that life.”
My eyes drop to the table as a whisper comes slipping from between my lips. “There was a moment where I think you did.”
Mom slowly nods her head. “I know, but you’re unbelievably strong. You’re my son and if I was able to fight to get out of there and had the strength to give up my child, then I knew that you’d be able to do anything you put your mind to. You just needed to want it bad enough.”
“I did.”
“I knew you would,” she smiles proudly. “When Henley showed up here that very first time and told me how you’d left for the Military, I knew you were fighting and I knew that it’d be hard, but you’d get yourself to exactly where you needed to be and seeing as though you’re sitting here right in front of me, something tells me that you made it. You’ve let go of all the horrors of your past and now you’re ready to build yourself a life.”
“I am.”
“With Tully?”
A smile cuts across my face and mom smiles right back. “I’ve missed that smile,” she tells me. “No matter what kind of horrors your father put you through, there’s still that mischievous little boy hiding inside of you.”
“I’ve really missed you, mom.”
“We have a lot of missed time to make up for.”
“And we will. As soon as you get out, I promise you, I’ll make it right. I’m going to be the son you’ve always deserved.”
“You already are. You and Henley, you’re both everything to me and I’m so grateful to have you both back in my life.”
I release her hands and grab the bundle of papers sitting beside me. “I actually wanted to talk to you about you getting out.”
“Oh?” she questions, furrowing her brows.
“Yeah, I, uh…I wanted to sign the house back into your name.”
“What?” she gasps, flicking her eyes down to the papers before bringing them back to mine. I slide the papers across the table and she hesitantly takes them before scanning over them. “No. I won’t allow you to do this. That is your home and it has been for the past twenty years.”
“No. To me it was never a home, just a house to keep me warm at night. It’s always reminded me of the bad times, especially seeing your empty bedroom at the end of the hall. Henley told me just how much you loved that place and when I got back from deployment and saw how Tully had fixed it up and made it look like a home again, I knew that’s where you belonged. I’ve always felt more peace with Tully. Wherever she is, is where I call home. I know Anton bullied you into signing it to me and now I want to give it back.”
Mom’s eyes grow watery before she looks up from the papers. “Are you sure about this? There’s no money owing on the property. Having this home sets you up with a future where you will never have to struggle.”
“I don’t struggle. I’ve made plenty of money over the years from my father and I have plenty of savings from the Military. You don’t need to worry about that. I want you to have it and I want you to have somewhere to call home when you get out. Though,” I add with a smile cutting across my face, “I might have to share with you until I can find a place of my own.”
“Oh, of course,” she laughs, throwing herself across the table to pull me into another tight hug which results in a guard barking sharp orders for her to sit her ass back down. “You really have turned into an incredible man. I’m so proud of the person you’ve become, Samuel. I always knew you’d be able to overcome all the hurdles in your life.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I still have one big hurdle to go and then I’ll have it all.”
“You’ll get her back,” mom says, knowing exactly what I’m referring to. “I’ve met her a handful of times over the past few years and that girl is deeply in love with you. No matter what’s going on in her life, she’ll come home to you.”
“I hope so.”
“Have faith.”
I nod. “There’s a lot I need to make up for.”
“I don’t doubt that. There’s a fire within that girl and she’s going to make you work for it.”
“Trust me it’s going to be the hardest thing I ever do,” I laugh before indicating down to the papers. “I’ve already had the papers drawn up by my lawyer so all you need to do is sign them and the house is yours.”
“What about the fees? Surely there must be a few.”
“They’re all taken care of. All you need to do is sign.”
She nods and I slide a pen across the table before watching as she reclaims her home with tears of joy in her eyes. I don’t doubt that today, as well as the day that Henley came back into her life, is one of the best days she’s had in a while. I can’t imagine much good happens for inmates, but knowing that she’s going to be set up for a bright future after she gets out is important. I’ll have to organize a job for her and make sure she has everything she needs before I move out.
Though, that brings the question of where the hell I’m going to go, but I’m sure my new wedded best friend and sister wouldn’t mind giving up their couch for a little while.
Mom finishes with the papers before sliding them back across the table. “While you’re mending bridges, are you going to visit your father? He’s only down the road from here.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think I could walk in there and see his face without getting myself locked up too. I’ve got too much to live for. Besides, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of ever seeing me again. He tore me down and turned me into a monster that was clouded with darkness. I did terrible things under his thumb that’s going to haunt me for as long as I live and I’m ready to put it behind me. It’s taken me four years and finding Tully to be able to move on and I’m not prepared to take any steps back. I’m only looking forward from here.”
Pride shines through her eyes. “That’s a great answer, Samuel. But just remember, one day you’re going to be ready to face him and when that day comes, you’ll have my full support.”
“And if that day never comes?”
“Then nothing. Either way, he dies knowing he lost the most important people in his life and there’s not a damn thing he can do to get them back.”
“Well, that sounds fucking perfect to me.”
“I might be incarcerated, but I’ll still curse you out for your language.”
I can’t help but grin at the fire that burns brightly within her. “I’m going to enjoy having you home again.”
A sparkle lights up her eyes. “Yeah, well something tells me dealing with you on the regular is going to be one of the most frustrating things I’ll ever suffered through.”
“Prepare yourself, mom. This is going to be fun.”
Chapter 9
Tully
I lean over my kitchen counter staring at the little silver ring that could have changed it all. I was right to never have married Spencer, but it doesn’t make it suck any less. If things were different, I could have had it all. I could have had the white picket fence surrounding a beautiful home that housed two little mini-me’s. I would have liked a little boy first and then a girl so she would always have her big brother to look out for her and protect her from the ugliness of the world.
Instead, I’m standing in my empty apartment wondering where it all went wrong. This ring held the promise of a future and my heart just wasn’t there. I shouldn’t be holding this. Especially now that I’ve seen this ring in Rivers' hands and could see just how wrong it was.
I need to return it. In fact, I’ve been thinking about returning it for the past week, but I simply haven’t been able to find the strength to go over to Spencer’s place and give it back.
It’s been two weeks since the shocking break up and I call it shocking because it hit me out of left field
. One second I thought he wanted to make it work and the next, he’d given up on everything and let go of the three years we shared.
Since then, I’ve heard that he’s taken Lacey out three times. Now, it could just be a budding friendship that’s growing over some kind of mutual respect, but something tells me it’s something much more. While I shouldn’t let it bother me, I can’t help but wonder how much he actually loved me if he’s able to be moving on so soon.
He used to tell me that I was his world and that I was the only woman he could ever see his life with. I guess words are just words and they don’t mean anything unless it comes with action.
Crap, Tully. Don’t get yourself worked up over this bullshit again.
Two weeks this shit has been circling my head and when it’s not, it’s Rivers. He’s been doing me a favor by keeping away, but he’s stupid if he doesn’t think that I notice him walking by the store every damn day. My soul burns for him, my body craves him, and my heart belongs to him. When he walks by, it’s as though something pulls from within me and instantly has my eyes snapping up to the window.
I had a day where there weren’t too many orders to fill so didn’t go in until after lunch. Candice took charge for the morning and kept everything running smoothly, but when I got there, I’d found Rivers sitting across the road on a bench with a mountain of a hamburger between his fingers. When he looked up and noticed I was there, his eyes instantly scanned over me and I realized that he was making sure I was ok. His face smoothed out with relief and I walked on through to my store.
I don’t know how long he’d been sitting there, but something tells me he would have waited all day just to make sure I was doing alright. The second the door closed behind me, he got up off the bench and walked away, still focused on throwing the hamburger down the hatch.
I know I shouldn’t, but I’m starting to believe him when he says that he’s going to make it right. He’s never wanted to openly be there for me before. He’s always loved me in secret. It was always something that was hidden from my brother and when that finally came out, it was something we never acted on…well sort of. We certainly had a few dirty nights between the sheets, but for the most part, we could never cross that line to finally be together.
Unstoppable: Haven Falls (Book 7) Page 9
