Finding Kia

by Airicka Phoenix

  He searched my face, what little of it he could see. “Does that mean I can see you again, without the mask?”

  I tensed. My brain tripped over itself to find a viable excuse why tonight was a onetime thing. Instead, I blurted, “Look who’s breaking the one question rule!”

  His smile was devastatingly beautiful. “Fair enough.”

  It was a small relief when he didn’t push. I dampened my lips and asked another trivial question, something fun and void of seriousness. It was also something that if he asked me in return, I wouldn’t have to lie.

  “Have you ever been to the pier carnival?”

  “No, I can’t say I have ever been there,” Adam replied.

  I sighed. “I love the carnival. It’s my favorite event of the whole year.”

  He made a quiet humming sound. “I’ll have to check it out.”

  No sooner had he spoken when all the lights snapped, pitching the room into absolute darkness. Voices rose in question. Fabric rustled. I turned my head towards Adam, words on my tongue. But they never hit surface. The lights flared on, not as bright and only a few. The glow was subtle, just enough to paint a golden stroke over Adam’s beautiful face. Flecks of light shimmered on the pale surface of his eyes, reminding me of a lake at night, rippling with moonlight. They stared down into my upturned face, searching so hard for something I prayed he wouldn’t find. All it would take was for a tiny sliver of realization and the night would shatter like colored glass. I swallowed hard.

  “I think I need a drink,” I stammered, needing an excuse to untangle myself from the very deep, very sticky web he was weaving around me. If I remained any longer, I knew I would never be able to climb out once the fantasy ended.

  I made it all the way to the refreshment table before he caught up to me.

  “Is something wrong?”

  Yes! Me.

  But I forced a smile when I spared him a glance. “No, I just …”

  A single fingertip stole the remaining tendril of air from my tight lungs as it ghosted over the curve of my elbow. I nearly whimpered. “Hey.”

  Suck it up, Valentines! I scolded myself. You have one night with him and you’re not going to spend it overthinking! The voice was unfortunately right. I did only have one night with Adam and I needed to stop overanalyzing every little thing.

  “So how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” I demanded, plastering the biggest smile I could muster onto my face. “You’re funny, sweet, reasonably good-looking.”

  Adam laughed. “Reasonably?” At my coy shrug, he shook his head, still chuckling. “Thanks, I think. And I don’t have a girlfriend because …” He shrugged. “No one has ever really caught my attention. I mean, there is this one girl …” He trailed off as my heart sank. “But it’ll never happen.”

  “Why?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “It’s complicated and I’ve only met her a couple of times and both times it was … I can’t even explain it.”

  It very slowly became harder to breathe. I didn’t know why I hadn’t considered the possibility that he might like someone else. Of course it wasn’t his sister’s nerdy friend who tripped all over herself at the sight of him. How could he possibly consider that sexy? Cute, maybe, but definitely not what a guy like Adam Chaves wanted. I hated that I wanted him to like that Kia more than this Kia. This Kia wasn’t real. She was on loan for the night. I knew once the mask came off, I would revert back to that stumbling, fumbling nobody again.

  “You should ask her out,” I decided definitively.

  He blinked and looked as surprised as I felt. “Really?”

  I swallowed the bitter tinge in my throat and nodded. “Yeah, I mean, you like her. You should totally …” I let the rest wash away, unable to complete the sentence without digging the knife in my chest in deeper.

  His head tipped to the side, his expression thoughtful. “I like you. Maybe I want to ask you out.”

  My heart stuttered and flopped like a fish out of water. “That wouldn’t be a good idea,” I said honestly. I took a deep breath. “I can’t see you again after tonight.”

  There wasn’t a flicker of anything in his eyes this time. “Why?”

  I stared down at our feet, sucking in as much of my unused courage as possible before I spoke again. “Because this person.” I gestured to the dress. “Doesn’t exist. She’s not real.”

  His skin was warm against mine as he touched my arm. “You feel very real.”

  I shook my head, restraining the little voice urging me to give in. “She’s not. The real me, she’s not interesting. She’s not fun or … sexy. You would never notice her if you passed her on the street. After tonight, this …” I swatted lightly at my skirt, “Will never see the light of day again. So, you should ask the other person out. In fact.” I yanked off his tie from around my neck and passed it to him. “Maybe you should avoid me tonight, too.”

  His hand closed over my mine, dwarfing it. He took the tie and, without missing a beat, looped it back around my neck.

  “Yeah, no, I don’t like that idea.” His arm slipped around my waist and I was drawn into his chest where I happily leaned into him. “If I only have this one night with you, the last thing I’m going to do is stay away.”

  I forced down the lump in my throat. “You’re making a mistake.”

  He shrugged. “That’s a matter of opinion. I think you’re making a mistake thinking I’m going to just give up on finding you. I won’t.”

  Chapter V

  Tie For A Kiss

  For the remainder of the evening, I was in his arms. I was suffocated in his scent. I was cloaked in his heat. I was completely and utterly immersed in the promises he’d whispered into my ear. He made it impossible not to want what he offered. It was such a beautiful notion to imagine he would feel the same if he knew who I was. But I played along. I let myself have that single night. I laughed and danced and let him drown me in every minute. I asked a million questions and answered a million more. Every second was magic.

  But even magic had a time limit.

  The night was cool with just a hint of winter in the air. There wasn’t a moon in the sky, but the canopy of lights strung overhead glittered all around us as we wove our way through Claudia’s backyard. Adam removed his blazer and draped it gently around my shoulders, engulfing me in the residual heat left behind from his body. The spicy scent of his cologne wafted through my senses and I was left dizzy with him.

  “Give me a name,” he said as we followed the winding path into uncertain darkness ahead. “Any name. Your middle name.”

  I hesitated a moment. “Marie.”

  He made a soft humming sound. “Is that made up or is that really your name?”

  I chuckled, looking down at our feet. “Middle name.”

  His hand slipped into mine. His fingers intertwined with mine. Our palms meshed. He pulled us to a stop and turned to me.

  “I wish you would tell me who you are.”

  It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him, to just confess and end the suffering we both felt. I wanted so badly to end the war inside me. Maybe I would feel less suffocated if he knew and then he’d stop looking at me as if I hung the moon and I could just fade back to being nothing. The secret was like standing on a fence, not quite belonging to either side. But the expectation kept me rooted.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His fingers were so gentle, gliding up the curve of my jaw to my chin. He tipped my face. “How can I convince you that nothing could change my mind about you?”

  My lips bowed into a sad smirk. “You can’t.”

  He sighed, dropping his head forward. “Then you should at least let me prove it. Go out with me, just one night.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t.”

  He pulled back a notch. “Why? What is so wrong with you that you can’t let me see you under that mask? Or is it me?”

  I tasted blood and I realized I was biting my lip. I pulled away from him, but he didn’t let
me get far.

  “No! Wait. Don’t go. I’m sorry.” He pulled me back to him. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I won’t push.”

  My eyelashes swept closed as I was drawn completely into his arms. I rested my cheek against his shoulder and inhaled him deeply, imprinting him to memory. We stood that way for so long, I lost count. He drew away first, but only to take my face between his hands.

  “I don’t normally kiss on the first date, but seeing as I may never see you again …”

  I didn’t stop him when he touched his lips hesitantly to mine. I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe. I stood there with my eyes closed, listening to the erratic crash of my heart. But it stopped as quickly as it had started and I was left disappointed. It wasn’t the sort of kiss I always envisioned having for my first time. It hadn’t been earth shattering or exciting. We hadn’t even moved. Our lips had touched and then parted.

  “Thank you,” I muttered, not sure what the exact protocol was for something like that.

  He chuckled. “It was horrible.”

  My head came up fast, my eyes wide behind my mask. Hurt swelled up in my chest, followed by anger that instantly brought with it the sting of tears. I jerked out of his arms.

  “That’s not what I meant!” His hand closed around my wrist before I could storm back to the house. “I was nervous. I didn’t give it my best. My fault, not yours.” I was hauled back into his arms. “Can I try again?”

  He didn’t wait for me to respond. His mouth claimed mine for a second time with firmness that shot volts of electricity surging through my system. My toes curled inside my sandals and I forgot the purpose of my knees as they dissolved. I melted into him, fitting perfectly into the mold of his chest. My arms wound around his neck as my fingers threaded through his hair. I did my best to match the fervor and passion of his hunger. The taste of his tongue inside my mouth, the taste of him with a hint of mint toothpaste, was quite possibly the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted.

  When he pulled away this time, we were both panting. We were so tightly fused together I could feel his heart pound against mine.

  “Better?” he rasped.

  “Definitely didn’t suck,” I croaked.

  His laugh was gravelly as he moved in for another kiss. “No, definitely didn’t.”

  Our mouths met again, too anxious to be apart after having only just met each other. When his tongue demanded entrance, I was too happy to oblige. I parted my lips and let him in to devour me. One of us moaned, long and deep. It vibrated between us and I shivered. Adam’s arms tightened around me, crushing me to him possessively. The hard muscles of his chest flexed beneath my hands. I curled my fingers into the material of his shirt, holding him prisoner to me as I returned every ravenous kiss. We would have probably been standing there forever kissing had the discreet cough not alerted us to the intruder. We pulled apart and turned.

  “Pardon my interruption, but Madam Claudia requests everyone be present inside,” the lanky man drawled in a very proper tone.

  “Thank you,” I said, barely in control of my breathing. I was almost certain I looked thoroughly kissed and there was nothing I could do about it.

  The man inclined his head and left us to find our own way back.

  I stole a peek at Adam, my cheeks burned hot. My lips felt swollen when I tried to speak. “We should head back.”

  Instead of agreeing, he pulled me back to him. His hands moved restlessly over my back and along my waist. I bit my lip as the caress sent warm tingles cascading down my limbs.

  “I don’t want to go inside,” he murmured.

  “But we have to—”

  His fingers tightened around my waist. “I know, but I also know once we return, I won’t see you again.”

  I felt a sting behind my eyes. “You’ll see me again,” I promised. You just won’t know it’s me, I added silently.

  Something like hope sparked behind his eyes. “Have you changed your mind about telling me who you are?”

  Guilt knotted in my throat. “No, I’m sorry.”

  He exhaled. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. You have no idea … There is nothing you could tell me right now that could change how I feel.”

  Blinded by the tears I was desperately trying to keep in check, I reached for him. My hands rested lightly on his shoulders and smoothed down his arms. “Promise me something?” I didn’t wait for him to respond as I continued, “That girl you like, give her a chance. She might surprise you.”

  He snorted what was probably meant to be a chuckle. “You’re the only girl I know that would willingly tell the guy she likes to go after another girl.”

  My laugh came out choked and full of emotions I failed miserably to suppress. “And it’s killing me, but I know I can’t compete with whoever she is.”

  How could I? Adam had seen her face and wanted her. She had to be gorgeous, whoever she was. She clearly didn’t have to hide who she was behind a mask. God I felt like such a fraud.

  “There is no competition,.” His hands framed my face, tipping it back so I had no choice but to peer into his eyes. “I already pick you.”

  “Don’t—”

  He kissed me, slow and coaxing with a passion so sweet and warm I wanted to curl up into it and cry. I was a mess when he finally drew away.

  “Don’t pull away from this,” he murmured. “From me.”

  “Adam …” My voice broke.

  He put his finger on my lips, silencing me. “Come. The queen awaits. We’ll talk more once this is over.” Adam took my hand and led me inside.

  The lights were back on and everyone was gathered in the main room. We took our place at the back. Claudia stood on the makeshift stage with her dazzling smile perfectly in place. Was she running for Miss. Universe or something?

  “I hope everyone is having fun?” she said, smiling even brighter when everyone cheered. “Aw, I’m so glad. Unfortunately, the night has come to an end.” She pouted as several people voiced their disappointment. “I know, but there will be another party soon! For tonight, I think girls need to return their ties back to their original owners as we complete our games by revealing our ladies!”

  My stomach muscles churned. A cold, sinking feeling washed over me as her words slowly seeped through. I darted a panicked glance in Adam’s direction, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was watching Claudia give her speech. Careful not to draw attention, I bent at the waist and nimbly slipped my sandals from my feet and hooked my fingers through the straps. I stole a peek around the crowd, searching for anyone watching me, but no one was. Claudia had everyone hypnotized. Thankful, I turned on the balls of my feet and ran as quietly as one possibly could run in absolute silence, in a room full of people without getting caught. The guy who had asked Adam and me to come inside glanced up when I darted around the refreshment table. He said nothing as I hurried towards the door in the back.

  The door led into a very crowded kitchen. Heads turned when I bolted inside, but I was already running past the stainless steel tables towards the set of doors open wide on the other end. A delivery truck was parked just on the other side. I dodged it and hurried down the winding driveway to the bottom of the hill, fishing Joanne’s phone from inside my dress.

  Chapter VI

  Lies. Lies. Lies. Frozen Yogurts

  I avoided Nessie that whole weekend. I avoided my mom, Joanne and even my dad when he phoned. I stayed in my room, curled up on my bed, listening to the slow croon of Adele telling me she wished nothing but the best for me. I found that hard to believe, because even Adele’s awesome powers didn’t stretch to fixing my problems. Nevertheless, I let her soothe the hurt in my chest with her siren voice, because what else was there? I’d totally messed up. I should never have gone. I should have stayed away from Adam. I should have let Claudia get hit by that truck. Okay, maybe not so much that last one, but there were certainly quite a few things I could have done differently. As bad choices went, I needed to have my choice options card re
voked.

  “Kia?” Mom poked her head into my room. “Are you awake?”

  “No.”

  She slipped inside and shut the door behind her. “What’s wrong? You’ve been down since you got back Friday night. Did something happen?”

  Yeah, I ruined my life.

  “No, I’m fine.”

  The bed dipped as she perched on the edge of the mattress. Her skin was warm and smelled of vanilla when she smoothed back my hair. “You can’t lie to me. Tell me what happened.”

  There was no point keeping it from her. My nerd-um wasn’t a secret and normally it was something I embraced, something I wore like a badge of honor, so I hated that I was suddenly ashamed of it.

  “If this boy has a lick of sense in his head, he’ll like you no matter what you look like.” Oh the words of a mother.

  “You don’t understand,” I muttered into my pillow. “He’s gorgeous and popular and everything I’m not. Why would he want me when he could have someone like Claudia?”

  “Well, if he wanted Claudia, he wouldn’t have been with you the entire night.”

  I snorted into my pillow. “He wasn’t with me. He was with the person I was pretending to be.”

  “On the outside. Inside, you were the same you.”

  “Right because guys care about what’s on the inside.”

  For a moment I thought I’d won the argument when she was rendered silent. Then she made an uncertain humming sound and clicked her tongue. “I don’t know about that. I mean, he couldn’t even see your face. If he only cared about that, he would have wanted to see the girl underneath.”

  “He tried, but it was against the rules.”

  Mom sighed, patting my leg. “Well, you can’t stay in bed forever. Get up. Get dressed. Get outside.”

  “I don’t want—”

  “There’s a fall sale at the mall. Half off all sweaters.”

  I perked instantly. “Serious?”

  Mom nodded, doing a bad job of suppressing her grin. “I’ll drive you.”

  In an hour, I was showered, dressed and on my way to the mall. Yeah, I loved books, but I was still a girl. I loved shopping, especially for sweaters.