Rachel rose with him, her body brushing against his as she gained her feet. Heat flared through her, demanding an outlet. Demanding him. He didn’t trust her, but he couldn’t deny what there was between them without exploring it. She wouldn’t let him.
Surrendering to her feelings, she threaded her arms around his neck. “Kirk.”
Kirk couldn’t let this begin. He knew he wouldn’t have the strength to stop it once it did. He drew her arms away. “Don’t.”
She didn’t understand his reluctance. He’d kissed her, and she had tasted his desire. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. “Why?”
She was making it so difficult. It was hard to deny them both. “Because it’s no good.”
“I told you, I’m old enough to decide that for myself.” Loosening her hands from his, she lightly skimmed her fingers along his temple. “I’d like to think you need me, just a little.”
Her words, her very breath, shimmered along his skin. He felt something in his stomach tightening into a knot that would have defied a sailor’s expertise.
“I do.” She had to be made to see reason. She was just vulnerable, perhaps even rebounding after what she had gone through with Don. He didn’t want her to be hurt again. And he knew he’d hurt her. “But I can’t let you in, Funny Face.”
If he wanted her, if he could admit that he wanted her, then why was he still retreating? “Why?”
He held her at arm’s length, not trusting himself to let her get any closer. “If I let you in, I might never let you go.”
Her eyes searched his for a clue. She found none. “Would that be such a bad thing?”
He fought the urge to bury his face in her hair, to breathe in the fragrant perfume and let himself do nothing but feel. “It would. For you.”
Ever so slowly, she drew closer, until her body was less than a breath away from his. “There you go again...” she murmured against his neck, pressing her lips to his skin. She felt him tremble, and a feeling of triumph zigzagged through her. “Making decisions for me...”
His mind was fogging over faster than the coastline in spring. “Rachel, if you keep this up...”
She pressed another kiss to his throat and saw the pulse there jump. Her excitement escalated. “Yes?”
He felt heat surge through his loins. Damn, he wanted to spare her, not to draw her any farther into his murky world.
“I’m not going to be responsible for what happens.”
She wanted him to trust her. To trust her judgment. To trust her heart. It had to begin somewhere. “Fine, because I know I am.”
With effort, his breathing ragged, his resolve breaking down into tiny pieces, he drew away. “I think it’s a mistake.”
She touched his face. He was so kind, so good, how could he possibly believe that this was a mistake? “There is no consensus on that. It’s a split decision.” Rising on her toes, she nipped lightly along his lower lip. When he groaned, she felt herself melting in response. “You know what that means.”
He wanted to undress her, to run his hands along her supple body. To make slow, passionate love to her until heaven and earth faded away into oblivion. She was driving him crazy.
“No. What does that mean?”
“It means we’re going to have to have a debate.” Her heart pounding, she slowly slid the tip of her tongue along his lips. “Each side is going to have to try to convince the other.” She feathered a kiss lightly across his brow. “I go first.”
He caught hold of her hands, not certain how much more he could endure without breaking down completely. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
Her body pressed against his, Rachel could feel his reaction to her. Just how much longer was he going to attempt to resist?
“Trying my damnedest.” She smiled up into his eyes. “How am I doing?”
He didn’t answer her. Instead, as his willpower cracked into a million pieces, Kirk swept her into his arms. The movement was as swift, as strong, as a flash flood unexpectedly surging through the desert.
Rachel’s breath was gone instantly. She felt herself drowning in the whirlpool created by his mouth. When he stopped, an eternity later, her head fell back. Her breath emerged in gasps as he rimmed her throat with a necklace of small, ardent kisses.
She had to concentrate to form words. “I guess that means I’m doing pretty well.” She dug her hands into his shoulders to keep from sinking to the floor. Her knees had completely ceased to function. “I don’t mind telling you that I’m completely seduced on my end.”
Kirk drew back for a second, waiting for his heart to catch up to the rest of him. He looked at her and saw before him the girl she’d been, and the woman she was. The person he’d always cared about so deeply.
“This can only end in one place.” He meant it as a final warning.
She didn’t trust herself to withdraw her arms. She knew she’d fall if she did. “That’s what I’m counting on.”
I’m sorry, Funny Face. This shouldn’t be happening. You deserve someone who can love you the way you should be loved.
“Do you still sleep in your old room?”
Rachel shook her head. “I’ve got my parents’ room now.” Turning from him, she took his hand. She meant to lead him up the stairs. He needed to be coaxed out of his wariness.
When he didn’t move, she felt disheartened. “What?”
She deserved better, but since it was now inevitable, he would do what he could to ease her regret when the time came. “If we’re going to do this—”
Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the desire smoldering in his eyes. “Yes?”
He smiled at her. “Let’s do it right.”
Suddenly, her feet left the ground. Kirk lifted her into his arms and carried her up the stairs.
Her heart pounding with anticipation, she nestled against him. “Do you know how many times I had this fantasy when I was sixteen?”
He brushed his cheek against her hair. “How many?”
She smiled against his neck. He could feel her lips curving. “I lost count.”
He stopped at her door. As long as they remained outside, he could still withdraw. Or at least he told himself he could. “You could lose more than your count this time.”
“Shh...” Rachel laid her finger against his lips. “Don’t be negative, Kirk,” she pleaded. “One step at a time.” The words feathered seductively along his mouth. “Just one step at a time.”
He glanced toward the room where they had just placed her son. If the boy should wake up and come into her room— “Ethan...”
“Is sound asleep,” she assured him. “He sleeps just like Cameron. Once out, that’s it for the night. Dynamite couldn’t rouse him.” Her eyes caressed his face. “He sleeps through thunderstorms.”
“Is that what this is?” he asked. “A thunderstorm?” It felt more as if an earthquake were going on inside of him. He edged the door closed with his shoulder.
It was happening, she thought, elated. It was really happening. “It’s anything you want it to be, as long as you make love with me.”
He set her down on the floor beside her bed. “With?” he echoed.
She placed her hand in his, as if she meant to lead him somewhere he had never gone. “With. Equal.” A smile curved her lips and rose into her eyes. “I take off your clothing, you take off mine. Equal,” she repeated.
He tried not to let her see just how much the image of that affected him. “Funny Face, you can still back out—”
She was long past that now. She’d passed that when he first kissed her, last night. “I don’t want to. And for tonight, I’m Rachel. Say it, Kirk,” she breathed. “Say my name. Rachel.”
He felt as if he were being hypnotized. As if she had cast a spell on him. “Rachel.”
Waves of desire, of passion, swept over her one after the other at the sound of her name on his lips.
His voice, low and throaty, evoked sensations from her. It felt as if everything within her ru
shed to the surface. When he stroked the palm of his hand over the swell of her breasts, she could feel her very blood rise to the boiling point.
Kirk put his hands under her shirt. Slowly he moved them along her back to her waist, then reached up to cup her breasts. His eyes on hers, he lifted the T-shirt up slowly. It moved over her skin like a whisper, until she was free of it. He tossed it aside and pulled her to him. Rachel groaned.
The groan turned into a gasp when he nuzzled her breasts, his mouth hot on her skin, savoring the dusky flavor he found there.
With fingers that trembled, Rachel somehow managed to undo his shirt without ripping off any of the buttons, though she wasn’t sure just how. Urgent needs pounded through her as she finally worked it free and off his shoulders. She splayed her hands over his bare chest. The slight sprinkling of hair there tickled her palms.
His mouth found hers again, and again, until she felt as if she were drunk. Words emerged in short, tiny gasps.
“You know, I never liked the taste of beer before.” She pressed her lips together and tasted him. “I guess you were the missing ingredient.”
Kirk still felt that this was a mistake, but mistake or not, he could no longer bridle the desires that screamed to be released. Not when she welcomed him with both arms this way.
His only hope was to make her turn him away. He framed her face in his hands. “Rachel, I’ll hurt you.”
“No, you won’t. Not ever. You’re not capable of it.” He could never make her believe that.
The trust she was handing him overwhelmed him. “You don’t know.”
“Then you’ll tell me.” She wanted him so much that she could hardly bear it. “Later. Much, much later.”
She had always thought that he had hands like an artist. As they passed over her now, discovering her secrets, taking what she so urgently offered, she felt herself melting. All coherent thought was just beyond her reach. All that existed was this wild, insatiable craving.
She hadn’t been with a man since Don. It made no difference. She could have been with a hundred men, or she could have lived the life of a celibate nun. The effect would still have been the same.
Rockets. He was making skyrockets go off in her head every time his lips touched hers. Every time he touched her.
As if they had a life of their own, her hands groped for his belt buckle. Fumbling, she undid it, then eased the jeans down his hips. One thrill after another leaped through her.
He swore to himself that he would go slow, that he would love her the way she deserved to be loved. He knew there would be regrets once the passion subsided, but he wanted her to remember this with a measure of tenderness.
Desire built on desire as Kirk guided first her shorts, then her underwear, down her body. Her skin felt like cream, like satin, to his touch. Reverently he passed his hands over her. When she trembled against him, he found it hard to keep his pace under control.
Her body was molded to his as he tossed aside the last of her clothing. Heat passed between them, mingling, scorching them both. Sealing them to one another.
His body throbbed from wanting her. Tenderly he brushed her hair from her face. “I don’t suppose this is the right time to tell you that you’ll be sorry.”
He felt so strong, so powerful, as he lowered her onto the bed. Rachel arched against him. Tempting him. “You’ll be sorry if you talk any more.”
“I never meant for this to happen when I came back.” If he’d known, he would never have returned. He’d die before he’d ever hurt her.
“Didn’t you?”
“No.”
She laced her hands together around his neck and pulled him to her. “Then consider it a bonus.”
Unable to resist another moment, Kirk trailed his mouth along the column of her throat as he explored what was already his. What had always been his.
He wanted to race to the end, he wanted this to go on forever. He didn’t want to think, only to feel. To feel her tenderness, her love. She was his salvation, for she held his soul in her hands.
Rachel raised her hips to his, and control was wrenched away from him. He sheathed himself in her, and with a mutual muted cry they rode the crest of the wave together, fast and hard, until it spiraled and threw them onto the beach, spent, dazed and sated.
“I love you, Kirk,” she murmured against his shoulder.
“What?” He thought he’d heard something, but there was a buzzing in his head, and he wasn’t sure. “Am I hurting you?”
“I told you, you could never hurt me, silly.” For now, she would keep her feelings to herself.
But he would know, someday.
Chapter 13
Kirk shifted and lay down beside Rachel. Her body felt warm, inviting, like a safe haven on a stormy night. His haven. In a way, he supposed she always had been. Gathering her to him, he attempted to seal in the sensation. But even as he tried, he knew it was only temporary.
“I should go.”
“I know.” Everything in her wanted him to stay. She raised her head slightly and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.
Kirk drew her even closer, grazing her temple with his lips. He heard the moan she swallowed.
Rachel tightened her fingers on his arms. “In a minute,” she breathed.
In a very long minute, she amended silently, as she felt herself being aroused again. She buried her hands in his hair, coaxing his face down to hers.
Common sense told him to leave. Desire whispered, “Stay.” Desire was tenfold stronger than any message his brain transmitted.
With effort, Kirk tried again. “I really should be going.”
Her body seemed to curve into his on its own, seeking his warmth. Seeking him. She looked into his eyes and saw herself mirrored there. “Do you want to?”
“No.”
What he wanted to do was to remain here and make slow, languid love to her until there wasn’t an ounce of energy left in his body.
Her mouth curved as she sensed what he was thinking. Desire curled in her veins like smoke.
“Then don’t.” Rachel twined her fingers together around his neck, moving beneath him. “Stay here with me. Stay the night.” Her words shimmered seductively along his skin.
He wanted to remain with her more than he could possibly have put into words. He knew that it was an illusion, but he had never felt as if he belonged somewhere as much as he did at this moment.
“Ethan...” he began to protest.
Rachel loved him for his concern, for his sensitivity. She loved him for a host of reasons. “You’ll be gone before Ethan wakes up.”
Temptation warred with sense. “I wouldn’t want him to find us like this.”
“No,” she agreed. “Not like this.” And then she grinned when she thought of her son. She had a feeling that Ethan would more than welcome the idea of Kirk being in her life. “But he’s a pretty mature kid, all things considered. I think he might like the idea of my seeing you. I know he likes you.” Gently she outlined his lips with her fingertip. “And he knows you were my friend before you were his.”
Kirk pressed her fingers to his lips, kissing them. He felt her shiver in response. Amusement entered his eyes. “Is that what we are? Friends?”
Rachel poked her tongue into her cheek to keep from laughing. “I think we’ve gone a little beyond just friends.” But then she grew serious. He had to know this, above all else. “But no matter what does happen, we will always be friends.”
Would a friend do something like this to another friend? Take advantage of the situation, of them? He knew the answer to that, and yet he couldn’t make himself leave. Not yet. Not when she smelled like heaven and tasted like sin.
He hadn’t a clue as to how to handle what he was feeling. He knew what was right and what he wanted. The two had nothing to do with each other. “Rachel, I’m very confused right now.”
She smiled, love brimming in her eyes. “There’s a lot of that going around.”
This wasn’t something
that could be swept away with a flippant remark. This was serious. With serious repercussions. He wanted her to try to understand what he was struggling with.
“I feel things for you, Rachel. Things I never felt before. I came back to Bedford because, trite as it sounds, I had to try to find myself.” And he knew the answers were somehow here, in his roots. The smile on his lips was sad around the edges. “I think I’m more lost than ever, now.” Lost, but for the first time in years he didn’t feel alone, not the way he had been before.
He wondered if he could somehow manage to freeze time, just this once.
Rachel refused to accept his negative view. “No, I think that perhaps you’re discovering a great deal about yourself that you never knew before.”
He saw the knowing smirk hovering on her lips. “And you did.”
“Maybe.” Her eyes narrowed as they held his. As they searched for his soul. “Maybe I just hoped I did.”
He couldn’t resist touching her, couldn’t resist skimming his hand lightly over the swell of her breast, toying with the curve of her hip. It was as if he were attempting to absorb her, to re-create her in his mind’s eye, through his fingertips. The way she moved in response thrilled him.
Needs struggled against gallantry. “This isn’t going to work, you know.”
Yes. Yes, it will, if you just give it a chance. Trust me, Kirk. Love me.
She bit back her impatience. “Don’t make long-range plans, Kirk.” He was making her eyes flutter shut as she steeped herself in the sensations his hands were creating within her.
Her heart was slamming against her chest as she felt her body being primed for him once again.
“One minute at a time,” she begged. “Just take it one minute at a time. That’s all any of us can do.” She grasped his arm when she felt his fingers delve into her, stirring her. Bringing her up to another plateau. “Tomorrow there might be a giant earthquake that’ll swallow us all up and change everything.”
He watched, fascinated, as her indigo eyes grew smoky. Smoky with desire. And the desire belonged to him. “I think there already was one.”
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