"Renee's warped her mind, too."
Jack turned. "Let's not bring the girls into it. They're just side issues, aren't they?"
Amy heaved a loud sigh and nodded.
"I tried, Jack," she whispered.
"You did." Jack wanted to say more but the words dried up. What does one say to a woman in this situation?
"I'll leave tomorrow." Amy's blunt statement filled the air. She clicked the light off. "Night, Jack."
"Goodnight, Amy."
He felt annoyed with himself but relieved. Though the words weren't spoken, he was sure Amy was interested only in having a nice home around her. She had hinted about assets in the east but thinking back, she had contributed little to their finances. That was not fair but he knew she had not hesitated to pay Courtney's college fees.
He rolled over and dropped into a troubled sleep. His dream was not of the woman beside him but his dear wife. He relived the final moments in the hospice. Sally had looked at him with her tiny hand in his and said, "You're my man, Jack." Those were the last words she had uttered. Moments later she had dropped into a coma from which she never awoke.
Even though it was only a dream, tears rolled down his cheeks.
****
The next afternoon Jack drove Amy to the airport at Bellingham and waited in embarrassed silence as she had her luggage and tickets sorted.
"I'll be fine," she said to break the impasse. "Courtney's mother will meet me and I'll stay with her awhile."
"You've had contact with her? I never realized that."
"Oh, yes," Amy said in a quiet voice. "Lizzie is still living with Selwyn Benson. I told her about Courtney being here and she's so relieved she is safe. However, she doesn't want to talk to her."
"But why?"
Amy shrugged. "I guess she's still hurt. Anyway, I abided by her wishes." She took a letter from her purse. "Will you give this to Courtney? It explains a few things." She stopped and gazed into Jack's eyes. "I'm sorry about last night, Jack. Renee is an excellent daughter and you can be proud of her."
"I know. And so is Courtney."
"Look after them, Jack," Amy whispered. "Will you drop me a line sometime or get Courtney to write?"
"Yes."
"And Jack, visit Diane Ellis. Your neighbor has a romantic interest in you, you know."
"What? She's at least fifteen years younger than I am."
"But a lonely woman. Believe me…"
Amy's sentence was interrupted by the final boarding call. She kissed him on the cheek and was gone.
****
Jack drove home deep in thought. He switched his thoughts to Diane, his neighbor for years. She had been a widow for five and had always been part of the district, someone to chat to on occasion. She fed the cat and took Zona when he was away. In return, he fed her animals when she left her farm. They were good neighbors and she was so young, more Renee's generation than his…well, sort of in the middle.
When Jack reached home he gritted his teeth and turned right instead of left, up a long drive. At the end was another farmhouse, remarkably similar to his. He climbed out of the wagon, walked to the back porch and froze. This was stupid. He swung around and was about to return to his car when the door opened. Diane stood there.
"Hello Jack," she said. "I thought I recognized your Blazer. It's good to see you."
"I've just dropped Courtney's grandmother off at the airport and nobody is home. Renee won't be back until Monday evening." He stumbled over his words and tried to find an excuse for being there. "I noticed your road fence was down. I reckon a car ran into it and thought you might like me to patch it up."
"In your town clothes?" Diane's expression was unreadable.
"Yes, well." Jack was flustered. "I saw it just now. I'll go home and change, of course, then come back."
He turned and limped away. The limp was more pronounced when he was apprehensive.
Diane stepped forward and touched his arm. "You must be hungry, Jack," she said in a soft voice. "Going all the way to Bellingham and back, I bet you never ate anything."
"Well, no I didn't..." Jack smiled.
"Come in," Diane said. "I was about to whip something up for myself. Have lunch with me. Then we can go and inspect the fence. There's no hurry." She smiled. "It's been down for ten days, you know. The field is shut for the winter, so I didn't worry about it."
Their eyes met and a message transmitted across that farmhouse porch. Jack nodded and walked into the warm kitchen.
"When is Amy coming back?" Diane asked in a too casual voice.
"She isn't," Jack whispered. "We've still got Courtney, though. She's starting college in Seattle after the New Year and…" The tension drained and he continued. Diane was the neighbor across the road…but was she? He glanced up and their eyes met again.
My God. Amy was right. He coughed and reddened.
Diane noticed and flushed. "I'll put the coffee on," she said, catching his gaze. "I'm glad you came, Jack." She brushed his hand.
Somehow, that tiny brush of skin against skin made Jack feel strange and sort of excited. Amy was forgotten, Sally a distant memory but Diane Ellis, a neighbor for years, was here now. The jersey and jeans she wore looked so…everything was happening too quickly.
****
When the Cavalier screeched to a stop in the driveway on Monday evening, Jack knew the teenager was at the wheel but his mind was on other things. He walked out and stood sheepishly on the back steps. His explanation for Amy's absence was ready and he hoped the words would come out right.
Renee stepped out of the passenger's side of the car with a compassionate expression, walked across to him and tucked both arms around his waist.
"I'm sorry, Dad," she said. "Amy rang me at work a couple hours ago. She said to tell you she arrived safely at the airport and was met by Elizabeth." She paused. "Oh Daddy, if your breakup was because of me, I'm so sorry."
"It wasn't, Sweetheart," Jack replied. "It was nobody's fault. The chemistry wasn't there, that was all. I realized I was a lonely old man infatuated by the attention Amy provided."
During the conversation Courtney remained silent three steps away with her head bowed. Blonde hair hid her face.
"Excuse me, Sweetheart," Jack said and walked to the youngster.
He placed an arm around the girl but did not expect an immediate reaction. The girl clutched him, her chin shook and she burst into tears.
"You know, Courtney." Jack stroked her hair. "At times it seems I have two daughters, two beautiful young women that I am so proud of. What happened between your grandmother and me doesn't affect our friendship one bit."
"Oh, Jack." The girl looked up, wiped her eyes and broke into a smile. "Renee said you'd be like this but I wasn't sure."
"Is that why you're so distressed?"
"It's just the memories." Courtney sobbed. "Whenever I feel wanted or needed, something happens to screw it up. It's been like this since grade school. It's as if I'm one big nuisance to everyone."
"Well, you aren't," Jack said. "And I know Renee agrees."
"She does," Courtney replied. "But when I saw you waiting on the steps, I thought you'd want to talk to Renee and I would be in the way. If it wasn't for me you would not have met Grandma, so it was my fault."
"Nothing was your fault, Courtney," Jack continued. "By the way, there's a letter from your grandma on the mantelpiece in the living room."
"Thanks Jack." She smiled at Renee and walked inside.
"So what really happened, Dad?" Renee asked.
Jack shrugged. "It had been coming on for a long time. You know I hate classical music and a house too tidy. She was the visitor but tried to take control of our lives."
"Oh shit," came Courtney's voice from the back door. She stood there with the opened letter in her hands.
"What's wrong?" Renee swung around in alarm.
"The letter is not from Grandma but Mom. She says she's still with Selwyn Benson and will marry him when Daddy's divor
ce comes through."
"That wasn't unexpected, was it?"
"No but the next bit is." Courtney bit her lip and looked as if she was about to burst into tears again.
"What is it?" Jack asked.
"My college fee. Grandma never paid it. According to Mom's letter, she had no money."
"Then who did?" Renee asked.
"Selwyn," Courtney whispered. "Mom's boyfriend paid."
Jack glanced at Renee and shrugged. "I guess that's because he loves your mom."
"They may have regretted how they treated you before you ran away," Renee added.
"Yes." Courtney sighed as she folded the letter and tucked it back in the envelope. "You could be right." She turned her eyes to pair. "I'd rather be here, though, if you still want me."
"Courtney." Jack tried to appear serious. "We're not going through all that again. If I remember, it's your chore to feed Zona tonight. The poor dog has been out in the barn yelping ever since you arrived. Bring him inside if you like."
"Yes, Daddy," Courtney replied. Her face broke into a grin as she stuck the letter in a pocket and ran across the yard towards the barn. Just before she went inside she turned and shouted, "I love you both, you know."
Jack chuckled and placed his arm around his daughter's shoulders. "I have some other news, sweetheart. Nothing big but it's important to me."
They turned and walked inside.
****
Phil, Diane's married son who farmed a property up the valley with his wife and two young children, called the week before Christmas and approached Jack while he was doing chores in the barn.
"I've never seen Mom so happy," he said and reached out to the older man. "I wanted to say thanks, Jack. We go back many years." He chuckled. "I remember when I was at school with Renee. She's five years older than me and seemed so sophisticated and self-assured. I reckon I had a bit of a crush on her but I guess from her point of view, I was a cheeky kid to boss around."
"I remember," Jack said. "Those were good days, Phil. Your Dad and I used to help each other and after he passed on I kept helping your mom." He gazed out the open barn door at yet another drizzly day. "It's funny, sometimes you search the world for happiness when it's there beside you all the time and you don't realize."
"Yes, Mom always kept her feelings to herself," Phil continued. "Look after her, Jack and if it goes any further I fully approve."
"Aye Lad but it's more Diane looking after me, I'm afraid." He gazed at the young man. "With our age difference and all."
"I mentioned that to Mom but remember this, Jack. If Dad was still alive he would have been as old as you." Phil grinned. "Perhaps Mom likes older men."
"Could be," Jack said and glanced into the yard where a worried looking Diane had appeared. "You'd better tell your mom what you just told me."
"Hello Phil," Diane said in a hesitant voice when she joined the pair. "Is there a problem?"
"No, Mom." Her son laughed. "I was telling Jack, I hope Renee doesn't start bossing me around again like she did when we were kids on the school bus."
Diane saw the approval in her son's eyes and slipped an arm around Jack. "Thanks Phil," she replied quietly and received Jack's kiss.
****
After that day, the neighbors became inseparable with their affection for each other deepening. Diane, Jack found out later, had been attracted to him for years but being of conservative rural stock had kept it to herself.
The two families with Courtney spent Christmas together and two nights later, with the families away enjoying themselves. Diane invited Jack to spend the night at her place.
The meal they had was superb but she was extremely nervous when she excused herself and reappeared in the living room fifteen minutes later dressed in a pink dressing gown.
"I love you, Jack," she whispered, "but I'm scared."
"Don't be," he replied and drew her into his arms. The dressing gown slipped off her shoulders to expose a black, almost transparent negligée beneath.
"Cheeky Phil gave it to me for Christmas," Diane said in an embarrassed voice. "I hope…"
"Don't talk." Jack undid the tiny silver ribbon that zigzagged down the cleavage of her breasts.
Their tiny kiss on the lips became passionate and they walked hand in hand to the bedroom. The gentle foreplay of shy partners turned into excitement and exhilaration when both wanted fulfillment and cast their clothes and inhibitions aside.
But was something wrong? Diane wept in the darkness and clung to him. For a moment it seemed she was physically hurt and he felt ashamed. It wasn't so.
"No, Jack. I wanted and needed you," she whispered and tucked her head in the nape of his neck. "I've been alone all these years and…" She glanced up so the whites of her eyes glowed in the dull light. "I was too shy to tell you how I felt, then you arrived with Amy."
"I didn't know. Amy provided an outlet for a lonely old man but later I realized that was all it was." He kissed her gentle lips and ran a finger along the tears on her cheeks. "No more tears, Diane."
"No more tears," she replied and cuddled close.
****
CHAPTER 16
On the first Thursday in February Courtney sat tight-lipped and nervous in the dean's office at Northside Community College. She knew there was nothing to be worried about but all authority made her apprehensive.
The woman in the armchair looked up from the sheet she'd been reading and smiled at the new student. "And how have your first few weeks been, Courtney?"
"I've enjoyed it Doctor Infield…I'm sorry, Dorothy." Courtney stumbled. It was hard to get used to calling the staff by their first names, something encouraged in the liberal college. "It couldn't be more different than Miss Shelton's Academy."
Dorothy Infield smiled and started the interview. "As you know, Courtney, this personal profile of all students in the high school diploma classes is entirely confidential. Our little chat is part of the process of helping you get the most of your time here."
"I understand."
"Every answer is voluntary. If you don't want to reply say, 'pass' and we move on. It is no reflection on you if that happens."
Courtney nodded and glanced up. The dean had an infectious smile and her nickname around the campus seemed quite appropriate. Everyone called her Granny. She looked like everybody's grandmother, fifty, gray-haired and rotund.
"Good. We'll get started then, shall we?" Dorothy held up the questionnaire. "I must congratulate you on your presentation, Courtney. It's copperplate and your command of the English language and spelling is excellent. You should see some of the styles our students have."
"It was something they stressed at Miss Shelton's Academy," Courtney said offhandedly but felt proud of the compliment.
Questions of a general nature were asked first and it was ten minutes before personal matters were reached. "You listed the most important males in your life as Lem and Jack and checked family and friends in the relationship category." The dean looked up. "I know Lem but who is Jack?"
"He's Renee's father."
"And you listed her as the most important female in your life?"
"That's right."
"And you have no partner or steady boyfriend?"
"No." Courtney's voice quivered slightly and she hoped this wasn't noticed.
The dean jotted a note on the sheet and switched to other questions about Courtney's health, whether she smoked, took drugs and other routine and less embarrassing matters. The questions on the car accident and the reason she walked away from home were more probing. Several times Courtney considered saying 'pass' but decided to answer.
It seemed as if Granny knew everything about her. Courtney squirmed in her seat and thought of her time in Florida.
"Back to your answer about other important people in your life. I notice you wrote 'Grandma', then crossed her name out and substituted 'Diane'. Is there a reason for this?"
"Not really," Courtney replied. "Grandma has gone back to Michigan and
I see more of Diane, that's all. She's Jack's partner."
"And you don't include your parents on your list?"
"No and I'd like to pass on any explanation."
Again, the dean made no comment and continued with questions that involved subjects Courtney was taking and other academic topics. Finally, Dorothy read the last page of Courtney's questionnaire. She smiled and glanced at the teenager.
"In this section you said you're interested in participating in our mutual help program where we buddy two students together to help each other. Do you still want to do this?"
"Sure."
"Good but why did you add the comment, females only?"
Courtney flushed and said nothing.
"Pass if you wish."
"I was raped." Courtney burst out and tears flooded her eyes. "Except for Lem and Jack, I hate all males."
The dean took a box of tissues from a drawer, slid them across the desk and waited while Courtney cried silently for several moments, before regaining control of her emotions. "I'm sorry, Doctor Infield. I should be able to cope by now."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Courtney. I'm sure your friends have told you that."
The girl nodded and blew her nose.
"Would you like to tell me about it?"
Courtney almost said pass but saw empathy in the dean's eyes. In hesitant sentences she began at the car accident when Brigitte and Sada were killed and continued to her time in Florida, the rape and meeting Renee and Lem in the cave.
"At least I'm didn't get pregnant like Linda Wycherley." She sobbed at the end. Linda was another student and rape victim in Courtney's class who had returned to college after an abortion.
"True," Dorothy said without further comment on the other girl. "Thank you for telling me everything, Courtney. You're lucky to have friends like Lem, Renee and Jack."
She reached in the drawer and brought out another personal profile document and turned to the back page. "Look at this, Courtney."
In the mutual help section of the questionnaire the student had agreed to participate but had written in block capitals 'No Males'.
"Would you be interested in being a buddy to this student?" she asked.
Courtney glanced at the neatly written page. "I suppose. What happened to her, or is it confidential?"
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