by Joanne Fluke
“Hi, Grandma Knudson! It’s Hannah, and Norman came with me. Are you here?”
“We’re in the sitting room,” Grandma Knudson answered in what Hannah thought was a surprisingly strong voice. “Help yourself to a cup of coffee and come on back.”
“We’re in the sitting room?” Norman repeated, frowning slightly.
“That’s what she said. I heard it, too. Maybe somebody from the church is here.”
Norman nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. “I’ll get the coffee. You carry the chocolate cookie bars in.”
It didn’t take long for Norman to pour two cups of coffee. Since both of them drank it black, there was no need to look around for cream and sugar. Norman, a cup in each hand, followed Hannah as she led the way to Grandma Knudson’s sitting room.
“We’re here!” Hannah said cheerily, stepping into the room. “I brought you some chocolate …”
“Whoa!” Norman exclaimed, almost spilling their coffee as Hannah stopped abruptly in her tracks. “What in the world is…oh!”
For a long moment, no one spoke. Hannah and Norman stood there in shock, staring at the man seated on Grandma Knudson’s pink davenport.
“Hello, Hannah and Norman.” Grandma Knudson turned in her chair to greet them. “Meet the real Reverend Matthew Walters. He came to see me the second that he heard he was dead.”
“You look exactly like him!” Hannah said, once explanations had been given.
“I know,” the real Reverend Matthew said. “We always looked alike. I still don’t know why Paul came here pretending to be me, but I certainly intend to find out. My poor secretary was beside herself when she heard that I was dead.”
“Colleen?” Hannah asked, unable to resist a little test of her own.
“Corrine,” Reverend Matthew corrected her. “I was visiting some friends in Wisconsin, and I called in to see if I had any messages. I thought Corrine was going to faint when she heard my voice.”
“You gave me a nasty shock, too,” Grandma Knudson said, “even though you tried not to startle me.”
“I know I did,” Reverend Matthew said, getting up to stand behind Grandma Knudson’s chair and pat her shoulder. “I’m so sorry about that. There just wasn’t any easy way to tell you.”
Grandma Knudson reached up to put her hand over his. “Well, I’m happy now. You have no idea how horrible I felt when I …”
“It’s not good to dwell on it,” Reverend Matthew interrupted her. “Have one of Hannah’s cookie bars. The sugar will do you good.”
“Not to mention the chocolate,” Hannah couldn’t help but add. And then she turned to Reverend Matthew. “What happens now? Will you go down to the hospital to …” she stopped speaking, not wanting to upset Grandma Knudson again by mentioning that Paul’s body would need to be positively identified.
“Of course I will. It’s one of the reasons I asked Grandma Knudson to call someone to come and stay with her. Her friends are out getting groceries and doing some things for the church. Grandma’s not sure how long that’ll take, and I don’t want to leave her alone. Will you stay with her?”
“Stop!” Grandma Knudson said, turning around to frown at Reverend Matthew. “It’s not like I’m feeble, you know! I’m perfectly capable of staying here by myself.”
“I can tell you are. You’re just as feisty as you were when I was a teenager,” Reverend Matthew said with a laugh. “But I don’t like the thought of leaving you here by yourself. Won’t you please humor me on this?”
“Well…since you put it that way…all right,” Grandma Knudson conceded, and then she turned back to Hannah and Norman. “Matthew always could talk anybody into anything.”
“Would you like to take a couple of these cookie bars with you for the road?” Hannah asked Reverend Matthew. Her offer had two purposes. One was exactly as she stated, to give him something to enjoy while he drove to the hospital. The other purpose was more devious. She wanted to see how he’d react to the offer of chocolate.
“Thanks, Hannah. That’s really nice of you, but I’d better not. I try to be careful around chocolate. It hasn’t really bothered me in years, but I talked to a doctor about it and he advised me not to overdo it. He said the allergens could build up in my system again, and I could have a bad reaction.”
Interesting, Hannah thought to herself. I’d better check that out with Doc Knight.
Reverend Matthew bent down to place a kiss on the top of Grandma Knudson’s head. “I’ll be back just as soon as I can,” he told her. “If you don’t mind, I’ll go out the front door. I parked my rental car on the street.”
Hannah waited until she heard the front door close behind Reverend Matthew, and then she turned to Grandma Knudson. “Are you really all right?”
“I’m fine, thanks to these,” Grandma Knudson gestured toward the platter of cookie bars. “What do you call them, Hannah?”
“Chocolate Euphoria Cookie Bars.”
“Well, they live up to their name!” Grandma Knudson reached for another. “I shouldn’t, but I can’t seem to stop eating them. Maybe you should call them Chocolate Addiction Bars.”
“That might send the wrong message to my customers,” Hannah said with a chuckle.
Grandma Knudson smiled, but she quickly sobered. “I still can’t believe Paul had me fooled into thinking he was Matthew.”
“From what Hannah tells me, he didn’t have you fooled,” Norman reminded her. “Hannah said you suspected that Matthew wasn’t Matthew from the very beginning.”
“Yes, but Hannah and Andrea called the seminary and his secretary explained away all of my suspicions.”
Hannah shook her head. “Not all of your suspicions. You suspected that something about the adult Matthew didn’t fit the memories you had of him as a teenager. You knew something was wrong, even if you couldn’t identify exactly what it was, and you were absolutely right about that.”
“That’s true.” Grandma Knudson sat up a little straighter, and Hannah knew they’d given her back her pride in her ability to judge people’s character. “I was beginning to doubt myself, you know.”
“Well you shouldn’t have,” Norman said, “not when you were right all along. The fake Reverend Matthew fooled everyone else, but he couldn’t fool you.”
“The fake Reverend Matthew,” Grandma Knudson repeated, and as they watched, her face turned pale.
“What is it?” Hannah asked her.
“We’ve got a real problem on our hands,” Grandma Knudson stated, and then she stopped and took a deep breath. “Paul was never ordained as a minister. I know that for a fact. And if Matthew identifies the person who impersonated him as his cousin Paul, any holy sacraments he performed are …” Grandma Knudson stopped speaking and frowned. “I don’t know, not for certain, but…oh, this is truly a disaster!”
“What is?” This time Norman asked the question.
“Paul wasn’t a minister. He was a layman. From what Matthew believes, he wasn’t even active in the church. That means that every christening, every act of holy communion, every prayer and blessing he offered, and even every marriage he performed is…is …” Grandma Knudson stopped and shook her head. “It’s as if it never happened! Nothing he did will be recognized by the church!”
“Where did you go, Hannah?” Michelle asked her when Hannah and Norman got back to The Cookie Jar.
“We went to see Grandma Knudson.” Hannah paused. If she told Michelle what had happened, she’d just have to repeat herself when she told Lisa. “Will you ask Marge if she’ll take over in the coffee shop for ten minutes? And then will you ask Lisa to come back here? I’ll need you to come with her.”
“Is there trouble with Reverend Matthew’s murder investigation?” Michelle asked.
“You could say that. Please go get Lisa, Michelle. The sooner I tell you the new developments in this case, the sooner we can start figuring out what to do about it.”
Michelle must have conveyed Hannah’s urgency to Lisa, because
they were back in the kitchen almost immediately. Hannah gave them the new facts she’d learned in as few words as possible, winding up her summary of the events at the parsonage with one final statement. “So now we’re waiting to hear from Grandma Knudson. She promised to call us when the real Reverend Matthew gets back to tell us if the murder victim is really Paul.”
The only sound in the kitchen was the low hum of the furnace. Hannah had seen fish out of water, gasping for air, and that was precisely how Lisa and Michelle appeared. Their mouths were open, their eyes were wide, and the only thing they weren’t doing was flopping around on the floor. It took several seconds for them to recover, and Michelle was the first to speak.
“You mean…everything just got turned upside down.”
“That’s it precisely. And there’s the other problem, too.”
“The fact that the person who said he was Reverend Matthew wasn’t really a minister?”
“That’s right,” Norman told her. “Grandma Knudson’s going to ask Reverend Matthew when he gets back from identifying the body, but she’s almost positive that any holy sacraments a fake minister performs aren’t recognized by the church.”
“What a mess!” Lisa said, just shaking her head. “I’m just thinking about how my friend Sarah will feel. She got married last weekend by Reverend Matthew…or at least she thought it was Reverend Matthew. And now she’s not really married at all!”
“You’re forgetting something important,” Hannah told them. “You’re assuming that Reverend Matthew is going to tell us that the murder victim is Paul. It could be someone else entirely, maybe even another minister.”
“That’s true,” Norman said, “but the yearbook photos I printed out last night show that Paul and Matthew looked very much alike. And today you even commented that the real Reverend Matthew looks exactly like Paul. I think it’s a slam dunk.”
“Slam dunk?” Hannah repeated. “Don’t tell me you’re watching basketball on television!”
“It’s true. I am. It’s all Bev’s doing. She likes to watch the Minnesota Wild on my big screen. She says it’s the patriotic thing to do when you make your home in Minnesota.”
“And you enjoy watching basketball?” Hannah still couldn’t believe that Norman was getting into basketball. He’d never been a big sports fan.
“It’s not bad. After two or three games, you know the players and you get into it, you know?”
Hannah felt a gentle kick under the stainless steel surface of the workstation, and she glanced over to see that Michelle was shaking her head slightly. Her baby sister was right. This was not the right time to quiz Norman on why he’d agreed to let Doctor Bev watch basketball on his big screen when he’d balked at inviting her over to watch Vikings football.
“The phone at the parsonage is going to be ringing off the hook when the news hits,” Lisa said with a sigh. “There were a lot of weddings last week. Sarah’s not the only bride who’s going to want to know if her marriage is legal.”
“The relatives of the people who got buried won’t be too happy, either,” Hannah reminded her. “Or the parents of babies who were baptized.”
“And anyone who took communion on Sunday when the fake Reverend Matthew officiated,” Norman added. “Not to mention the visits to the hospital to give communion to patients.”
“Is Grandma Knudson there all alone?” Michelle asked Hannah.
“No. Marguerite and Clara Hollenbeck came back. They said they’d wait to make the church bank deposit until Reverend Matthew got back from the hospital.”
“When Hannah and I left, they were all eating Chocolate Euphoria Cookie Bars,” Norman added.
“I’m glad you made more than one pan,” Lisa told Hannah.
“She’s right,” Michelle said. “You should have heard the groan when Lisa announced that they were all gone. Are they hard to make? I could do some tonight in your oven at home. And that reminds me, I can stay with you, can’t I?”
“You can always stay with me. You know that. I gave you a copy of my key. And the hardest thing about making the Chocolate Euphoria Cookie Bars is lining the cake pan with heavy duty foil.”
“Okay. I’ll do a half-dozen pans for tomorrow. Do you have any other recipes?”
“I’m sure I do. I’ll just flip through the book and jot them down. They’re all on my computer at home.”
“When do you think I should incorporate the new information into my story?” Lisa asked Hannah.
“You’d better wait until tomorrow. We don’t know any real facts quite yet.”
“Okay, but I’m going to give them a little teaser, something like, If you notice that I look a little rattled, it’s because I just learned something shocking about Reverend Matthew that’ll turn this murder case topsy-turvy. Hannah’s waiting to have her information confirmed, and she promised me that I’ll be able to tell you all about it tomorrow.”
“That’s good!” Michelle complimented her.
“Thanks. I want to get everyone to come back tomorrow. Today’s only Tuesday and we already made more money this week than we did all last week.”
“Murder’s good for business,” Hannah said. “I don’t like it, but it’s true.”
“Intrigue and deception are also good for business,” Lisa pointed out, “and that’s what I’m going to talk about tomorrow. Everyone’s going to want to hear how you and Andrea called the seminary and found out that every one of Grandma Knudson’s suspicions could be explained away. And they’ll love it even more when I tell them how she was right for all the wrong reasons. I don’t think there’s a single person who comes in here who doesn’t love Grandma Knudson.”
“You’re probably right,” Hannah said, reaching in her pocket for the recipe Grandma Knudson had given her as they were leaving the parsonage. “She sent this for you because she remembered that pineapple is Herb’s favorite fruit. It’s from her daughter-in-law Janelle.”
Lisa glanced down at the recipe. “Pineapple Casserole? That’s something I’ve never heard of before.”
“Is it like a pineapple and meat hotdish?” Michelle asked her.
“No. I’m not sure what it is. It’s got chunk pineapple, sugar, flour, salt, baking soda, and grated cheddar cheese!”
“Cheddar cheese with pineapple?” Michelle sounded dubious. “Would that be good?”
“It’s delicious,” Norman told them. “Grandma Knudson insisted that we have fried ham and biscuits for lunch. And she made a pineapple casserole while we sat talking to her in the kitchen. It’s easy. It took her less than five minutes to make and it bakes for only a half hour or so. And the crushed cornflakes and butter on the top are really good.”
“I’ll try it tonight,” Lisa said, sticking the recipe in the pocket of her apron. “Herb’s bound to love it and I’ve got ham left over from Sunday dinner. It was nice of Grandma Knudson to think of us. When you go back there, please thank her for me.”
“I will,” Hannah said, just as the phone rang. Lisa got up to answer it, and Hannah heard her thank Grandma Knudson for the recipe.
“It’s Grandma Knudson with a message for you,” Lisa said to Hannah. “She says she has another clue to the identity of the killer, and she wants to know if you can come up to the parsonage right now.”
“Tell her I’ll be there in less than five minutes,” Hannah said, jumping to her feet and grabbing her parka from the hooks by the back door.
“As long as Marge is here, I’m going with you,” Michelle said, jumping up almost as quickly as Hannah. “Are you coming, Norman?”
“I’m driving,” Norman said, grabbing his coat and following the two Swensen sisters out the door.
PINEAPPLE CASSEROLE
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position.
two 20-ounce cans of chunk pineapple (I used Dole)
⅓ cup white (granulated) sugar
¾ cup all-purpose flour (pack it down in the cup when you measure it)
½ teaspoon salt
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½ teaspoon baking soda
1 cup grated cheddar cheese (pack it down in the cup when you measure it)
½ cup (1 stick, 4 ounces, ¼ pound) salted butter
4 Tablespoons (that’s ¼ cup) of the pineapple juice you reserved
1 cup crushed cornflakes (measure AFTER crushing)
Drain the pineapple, reserving the juice. You’ll use some of it in this recipe.
Mix the sugar, flour, salt, and baking soda together in a small bowl. Make sure they’re well mixed.
Spray a 2-quart casserole dish with Pam or another nonstick baking spray. Put the flour mixture in the bottom of the casserole dish.
Add the drained pineapple to the casserole dish and mix it in.
Add the grated cheese to the casserole dish and mix that in. (It’s okay to use your impeccably clean fingers.)
Unwrap the stick of butter. Put it in a microwave-safe measuring cup that will hold at least one cup, and melt in the microwave on HIGH for 45 seconds.
Drizzle about half of the melted butter over the mixture in your casserole dish. Mix it all up with your fingers or a spoon.
Drizzle the top with 4 Tablespoons of the pineapple juice that you reserved.
If you haven’t already done so, crush the cornflakes. You can do this in a sealed plastic bag with your hands. Measure out one cup of crushed cornflakes and sprinkle them on top of your casserole.
Drizzle the remaining melted butter over the top of the crushed cornflakes.
Bake your casserole at 350 degrees F. for 35 to 40 minutes.
Yield: This casserole serves 6 to 8 unless Herb comes to dinner. Then you’d better make two casseroles.
