“Maybe;” he continued to look at the map.
“Is this how it’s going to be?”
He looked up; he acted confused, but he knew what she was talking about. “How what’s going to be?”
“I get the sneaky suspicion that you’re less than pleased that last night happened. Was I that awful?”
He thought about it and the only truth he was seeing was that it wasn’t because she was awful. If anything, she was everything he desired and more. “It isn’t that;” his eyes slowly drifted over her and he kicked himself for taking advantage of the situation.
“Okay; if that isn’t it…are we going to discuss it? Or, are you going to pretend that it never happened?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want…” she looked away and it took every bit of his willpower not to go to her, sweep her up in his arms, and promise her the world. “I want you to at least acknowledge that for one night we were able to let all rationality disappear. It may not have been what you wanted to happen, but it did.”
“Abigail,” he faced her and an aching in his heart confessed that being with her was the best thing to happen to him in a long time.
“Am I alone here?” He saw pain in her eyes and he hated that he was the cause.
“I could say that last night was amazing and that I want to spend every night with you in my arms. I could say that every time I think of you, it makes me yearn for you even more. I could even say that right now it’s killing me not to push you up against the truck and feel your lips against mine.” He took a breath and let it slowly out.
“Then why don’t you.” She moved closer to him. He watched as her hands moved slowly up his arms and he noticed the same desire in her eyes that he saw the night before.
He took her hands into his, but let them fall from his clutches. “It wouldn’t be real.” He looked away; all instinct told him to get as far away from her as he could. “You can’t tell me that you imagined last night playing out the way it did, because if you did then you’re a better actress than I would have imagined. All the times that we fight and make up and fight and make up again; we make the prime example of a perfect couple. What we did last night was irrational; it was two people that let all commonsense go. We don’t have feelings like that and I took advantage of you. We let the situation dictate the outcome. You know that that’s the truth.”
“Maybe so, but…I had never felt more alive than when we were together.”
He looked down at the ground and moved his toe around in the snow. “You weren’t feeling alive; you were trying to keep warm.”
“You honestly believe we allowed that to happen, because we were cold?”
“No, yes; I don’t know, but I know that it can’t happen again.”
“Give me one reason why you are acting like this. You’re acting like you didn’t feel anything; yet I was there. I know by the way you kissed me…undressed me…made love to me…you were feeling too.”
“You want a reason? I’ll give you a reason. You’re brother wouldn’t approve. How’s that for a reason?”
She laughed as she turned away from him. “You don’t know that, but even if it’s true you would be willing to give up something that could be great because of my brother?”
“Abigail, I want what’s best for you and I’m not that man.”
She looked at him and shook her head. “I can’t believe you; now you’re trying to degrade yourself just to make things fit in your perfect situation. You want an easy way out.”
“That’s not it;” he fell against his truck and waited until he knew she was listening. “We have grown up in 2 different worlds. You have seen the way I live my life. I just recently broke up with something that I have been living with. I have never been one to settle down and you deserved more for yourself. Your brother would want that for you and so do I.”
“You don’t believe that anymore than I do. You’re a kind, considerate, thoughtful, dependable, and good guy. I see that now, but what I don’t get it why you can’t.”
Abigail had never been one to compliment him; so he knew that her feelings were real. That awareness only made him feel worse. In order to get her to finally see where he was coming from it would take a lot more hurtful words and he wasn’t prepared to make her angry with him. It was his only way. “How can we be together, when you said it yourself, we despise each other?”
“Last night didn’t make it seem like we were despising each other. If you truly believed that I was a brat and jerk and every other name out of your book, why did you make love to me?”
He didn’t know how to answer that question without confessing all of his secrets and needs. “I told you;” he quietly stated. “We were caught up in unthinkable circumstances. We were tired, scared, lonely, cold, and it just happened.”
“Was there any other reason?” By this time her arms were crossed over her chest, her face was filled with anger, and her body language was shouting out that he was getting through to her loud and clear.
“You asked me to.” The moment the words fell out he flinched. “I didn’t mean that, but…”
“The truth hurts; right? Don’t worry about it. You’re right; you asked me what I wanted and I said for you to make love to me, but if I ask you to take a hike; will you?”
“Abigail, I really didn’t mean that. I wanted to make love to you, but now…”
“I was foolish and crazy to think that 1 night could override the 23 years of pain in knowing you has caused me. Once Todd’s wedding is over I will make sure that we never have to see each other again.”
She walked away from the truck as the wrecker loomed near them. Out of all the times they teased each other, Travis was never more confident that she would never forgive him for that one phrase.
***
Abigail wiped a tear from her eye as the wrecker left them alone. “We’re ready to leave;” Travis softly spoke as she walked back to the truck. He touched her arm as she passed him. “Abigail, you have to believe me; I didn’t mean that statement.”
She looked at him and shrugged. “It is what it is; if I left everything you said to me stew inside we would have never been on this trip together.” She got in the truck and waited for him to join her.
He looked at her as he got in the driver’s seat and acted like he was going to say something else, but thought better of it. He started the truck and drove back in the direction that they were going. About 15 minutes into the drive he cleared his throat. “Apparently, this road used to go all the way to Love, Colorado. However, about 10 years ago they built a new road and so this road never was used. If we turn left up here, we will be back on track.” He snickered. “I owe you an apology; it looks like you did go the way the map said.”
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. She wasn’t about to acknowledge that he was even speaking to her. She closed her eyes; she hoped if he thought she was sleeping he would stop the chit chat. It must have worked because he didn’t say another word. It was the longest 4 hours of her life.
***
When they arrived to the hotel and found that their rooms were next to one another, Travis considered asking for a different one. However, he decided it was only a few days. He stood at the door that connected their rooms and knocked; when she opened it she looked irritated. He considered turning away and not saying anything. “Did you call Todd and tell him we’re here?”
“I did.”
He nodded; the silence was deafening. “Okay; did he say what time we’re supposed to be there for dinner?”
“5:00.”
The couple word responses were driving him crazy. “Okay; see you about 4:30?”
She shrugged. “Whatever.” She closed the door and he stared ahead at the closed door. After looking at his watch he realized that he had almost 4 hours to just twiddle his thumbs.
He was hungry and his stomach was telling him that he wouldn’t be able to wait until 5:00. He again gained some courage and k
nocked again at her door. She opened the door and gaped at him. “I was just wondering if…” he looked behind her and saw the tray of food by the bed. “Oh; you apparently are already eating.”
She followed his eyes. “Yeah; I called room service. I mean, I got plenty; you’re more than welcome to join me.” When he started to say something she shrugged. “After all you did provide the food last night.”
He tried to smile, but he saw that she still wasn’t anywhere near forgiving him. “That’s alright; I’ll let you enjoy the food in peace and quiet.” He closed the door behind him and picked up the phone. He could order room service, just as easy as she could. He didn’t want to force himself on her. In time it would get better; he hoped.
***
Abigail heard the soft knock on her door and she knew that it was time to leave to go to Todd’s soon to be in-laws for dinner. She knew she wasn’t giving Travis any breaks and she couldn’t explain in, but she felt bad about that. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t have feelings for her; he at least found her desirable, it was a start.
She opened the door and smiled; “I was thinking that maybe I could call someone and get them to drive me. I could call a taxi.”
“Don’t be silly; we should be able to share a 5 minute car ride together.”
“I don’t know…”
“Abigail, I hate that we have to go through this. I don’t want things to be tense, and I wish that things could be different, but…”
“I get it; really I do. I want things to be back to normal.”
“You want us to go back to fighting and despising each other?”
She smiled. “Not exactly; you know what I mean.”
“I do, but I’m just saying that we should be able to give past last night and do this; even we’re doing it for your brother.”
She shrugged. “Okay; I’ll be just a minute.” She grabbed her purse and sprayed herself with perfume and met him back at the door.
They left through his room and she held back as they walked to his truck. “Do you have the directions?”
“Yep; it’s just down the road.” They made their way out of the hotel and easily found their way. As they pulled up the long driveway, he jaw dropped. “Wow; it’s gorgeous.” She nearly forgot she was mad at the man next to her.
“Yes; it is.” The snow added to the scenery of the several acres of land. She knew that Carolyn’s family was wealthy, but she didn’t expect the sight she would see.
Before she could knock on the door, it opened. “It’s good to see you sis.” Todd hugged Abigail and then shook Travis’s hand. “Was the house hard to find?”
Abigail looked at Travis and then shook her head. “Actually, it was quite easy. Besides the run-in with the snowdrift;” she smiled.
Todd laughed. “Dinner will be served soon.”
“Good, because I can’t speak for Abigail, but I’m starved;” Abigail smiled. She hoped that things could go back to normal, but that was a double-edged sword. Before they slept together, they fought constantly and she wanted to stay away from that. There had to be a middle ground between hating each other and loving each other. It was up to them to determine where that middle ground was.
Chapter 12
“Dinner was great; thank you Mrs. Downing.”
“Please, call me Jessica. We’re going to be family.” Abigail smiled. “I really wish you both would consider and stay here. We have plenty of room.”
“We both appreciate it.” Abigail caught Travis watching her. “We don’t want to impose. We would prefer staying at the hotel, but thanks for the invitation.”
“Anytime dear; if you change your mind you know that the invitation is open.”
“Thank you!”
She then turned to Todd. “Your soon to be in-laws are great. Mom and dad seem to like them.”
“That makes things easier. Before you go, can we talk?” He turned to Travis. “Do you mind?”
“No, not at all; I’ll wait in the car.”
Abigail watched him leave and then glanced at Todd. “So, what’s going on?”
“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“Follow me.” She headed around the side of the house until they reached the backyard.
“What are we doing?”
“I don’t want anyone to hear us talk.”
She looked around the backyard and was even more impressed with the Downing home. “They have a beautiful place.”
“They do, but I’m not interested in talking about their lifestyle. I am interested in talking about you.”
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“Hm…I don’t believe that. I know that you and Travis have a love/hate relationship; you love to hate him, but tonight something seems off. Did you have another fight on your trip up here?”
“What all did Travis tell you?”
“Nothing; he said that he hit a patch of ice and ended up stuck in a snow bank. Luckily you found an abandoned shack that you could stay in.”
She was absorbed in the fact that he didn’t blame everything on her. “You know how things are. We can’t be in a place for too long without wanting to kill each other.”
“I realize that, but is that really it?”
“It’s complicated, but yeah; I guess.”
He laughed. “That’s convincing.”
“Well, if you don’t believe me you must have a theory. What do you think is wrong?”
“I wish I knew, but if I didn’t know better I would say something has changed between you two.”
“Changed? You just got done saying you thought we had another fight and now you think that we’re…what?”
“I know it’s silly, but you guys used to look at each other and people could see the hostility brewing. Today when we were eating I noticed a spark. It was tense, but something seemed to be different in your eyes. I didn’t see two people that were angry or mad. I saw two people that looked…confused. Like there was more to the story; you didn’t appear to hold hostility towards each other. It was more like disappointment and sadness. At times it looked like more of sexual tension between the both of you.” He shook his head. “I know that it’s crazy; maybe this whole wedding has gotten me on edge.”
“Yeah, maybe;” she looked around the backyard; hoping that he would not sense how close he was.
“Good, because you and Travis would not be a good mix;” she turned back to him and she knew she should just drop it, but she couldn’t.
“Why do you say that?”
He frowned and just shook his head. “You deserve someone that is willing to settle down and start a family. Travis would never be that guy.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Abby; what does it matter? You just said that’s not what’s going on.”
She nodded. “I know, but I’m curious since you have said he’s a great guy. I just wondered why all of a sudden you are saying that I shouldn’t find someone like him.”
“He’s a great guy if you need a friend. By the look on your face I am really starting to question as to if something is going on. Nothing happened; did it?”
She thought about telling him, but she instantly knew that wasn’t the brightest idea. “No; it’s not like that. Maybe someday we’ll be friends, but that’s it.”
“Good!”
“I better go, but don’t mention anything we talked about to Travis; I’m still trying to break down the barriers that we have between us. Tell mom and dad that I said goodnight.”
“I will; are you coming to the ice rink tomorrow?”
“I think so; we’ll see you tomorrow.” She hurried away; she didn’t want him to see how much the conversation affected her. She knew that if Travis ever found out how Todd really felt she could kiss the chance of ever changing his mind. It was her life and if she wanted to hook up with him, she was going to.
***
Travis turned to Abigail as she got into the car. “Did you have a nice talk?”
He backed out of the driveway and headed towards the hotel. He waited for a moment and when she didn’t say anything he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Abigail?”
“Hm?”
“Did you have a nice talk with Todd?”
“Oh; yeah, it was good.”
He frowned; he definitely could tell, by her shaky voice, that she wasn’t being honest. “That’s good.” He drove the rest of the way, letting any worries about Todd’s and Abby’s conversations vanish. As they parked his truck and walked to their room, neither one said a word.
He watched her fumble for her key and when the door opened she glanced at him for only a split second. “Goodnight.”
She was gone before he could respond back. He went into his room and shut the door. He threw his jacket onto the chair and fell into the bed. He didn’t have the energy to change into something more comfortable for bed. With the light out, the tossing began. He laid in bed praying for his eyes to stay closed, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t fall asleep. After looking at the clock and watching the minutes slowly ticking by, he put it face down and hoped that that would help. He settled his eyes on the door that blocked him from getting to Abigail. He pulled himself and stared at the door as if he was willing it to open.
He heard a knock and for a moment he thought he had dreamed it, but then she knocked again. When he looked at her; she nervously looked away. “Um…I was just wondering…” the pause between her sentences were nerve-wracking.
“Yes?”
“Are you going to go to the ice skating rink?”
“Really; that’s why you came to my room at…” he looked at his watch. “1:00?”
“I need to know if I have to find an alternate transportation.”
“Do you want to?” He stared intently into her eyes; he was careful to keep eye contact. She slowly shook her head. “Then, I guess that I will be going.”
“Okay; I will see you tomorrow.”
Before she leaved he reached out and grabbed her arm. She didn’t turn around as he held her still. “Are you positive there’s nothing else you wanted?”
Road To Love Page 7
