‘Hello?’ came a voice. ‘Tess? Are you all right?’
‘Adam?’ she said, relief in her voice. She pulled the door open, as the tissue paper wrapped around her hand. ‘Sorry,’ she explained, letting him in. ‘I have no aptitude for this whatsoever. My old-lady home-maker days are far behind me. I don’t know what’s happened.’ She looked up at him. ‘Hey. You look very serious. Are you OK?’
Adam’s face was dark; he had circles under his eyes and he was obviously tired. He was holding a card and a thick envelope of papers. He looked back at her.
‘Well. I wanted to show you something,’ he said. He held up the card.
‘Oh?’ said Tess, waggling her fingers. ‘Dammit! This bloody paper!’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t going to Italy?’ Adam said.
Tess had forgotten. ‘Oh,’ she said, wrestling with the shreds of tissue paper, and tearing the last piece of tape from her fingers. ‘Sorry. Yeah. I knew you wouldn’t be surprised. I’m going to Stephanie’s instead. I was going to come round this lunchtime and tell you. And to drop off-’ She tapped his calf with her foot. ‘Don’t look behind me. Your present’s there, I haven’t wrapped it, and at this rate I never will.’
Adam didn’t say anything. He just stared at her again, his chest rising and falling. ‘You should have told me, T.’
Tess met his gaze in surprise. ‘Oh, Adam. I’m sorry. Peter…’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It was never going to work. We both had to see it.’ She swallowed. ‘Not that he wasn’t lovely. But…you know.’ She reached behind her to the sofa, and handed him a photo. ‘He emailed me this photo yesterday. He said it’s my Christmas card and I have to print it out. Look what he wrote below it.’ She read aloud from the back. Adam watched her, saying nothing.
Thank you for some wonderful memories, and for helping me in a difficult time. I will always remember you con molto affetto, and with a little regret. Happy Christmas, beautiful Tess. How about you come back to Rome, before I go?’
She patted her breastbone, pleased, and tapped the front of the photo. ‘Look, it’s me, leaning on his moped by the Spanish Steps. Isn’t it Roman Holiday-ish? Isn’t that totally sweet of him?’
‘I can see it’s you,’ Adam said through gritted teeth. ‘I’m not stupid, though you appear to think I am. And you are, if you don’t mind me saying so.’ He threw the photo back onto the sofa, along with the card he had brought, and had been holding. The envelope fluttered onto the cushions. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Tess looked at him again, astonished, as she saw he really was angry. ‘I didn’t think you’d be interested in me bleating on about it again, Ad. I was going to tell you today, for goodness’ sake. You’re not my keeper.’
‘I’m not your-’ He started to say something, then stopped. ‘Don’t you think I might have wanted to know? That it might concern me, just a bit?’
‘Why?’ asked Tess crossly.
‘Oh, my God, Tessa Tennant.’
‘Look,’ she said, trying to be reasonable, though she did think he had very likely lost his mind, ‘Are you OK, Adam? Why are you so upset? Have you and Francesca had a row?’
He looked blank. ‘Me and Francesca? Why would we have had a row?’
‘Well, quite right,’ said Tess. ‘Things are much better between you now, I bet, second time round.’ She turned for the kitchen, batting a stray bough of holly that had come unstuck from the counter-top out of the way. ‘Or even third time round, which I suppose it really is, if you’re being precise.’ She was gabbling. ‘But honestly, Ad, I am glad you’re back together, you know. Do you want some coffee? Or maybe even a midday glass of something? Some of Miss Store’s sloe gin?’
Adam put his hand on her wrist, so that she turned sharply back. ‘What are you talking about?’ He was nearly shouting. ‘Why have you gone completely mad?’
‘Adam, get off!’ she started slapping his hand off her arm. ‘What’s wrong?’
He released it immediately and stood only inches from her, his eyes blazing, his hair standing on end. ‘I’m not back with Francesca. What are you talking about?’
She stared at him. ‘What? Yes, you are.’
Adam clenched his fists and groaned in exasperation. ‘Why on earth would you think that?’
‘Because…’ Tess raised her hands in the air. ‘Well. The feelings, for starters.’
‘The feelings?’
‘And-the fact that you kept saying you had to go to London and it was all mysterious.’
Adam groaned. ‘It was mysterious because-I had to finalize the deal, cancelling the bloody development!’
‘In Albemarle Street?’
‘That’s where the Mortmain solicitors are,’ he said, breathing heavily and staring at her. ‘There were things to sort out. And I wanted to give you-this!’
He thrust the thick brown envelope he had been holding into her hand. ‘This is your Christmas present. Weird present to give someone, some paper, but I think you’ll get it.’
She pulled open the envelope, a quizzical look on her face. ‘This day in seventeen eighty-six do I, George Mortmain‘ she read. ‘What is this?’
‘It’s the deeds,’ Adam said. ‘The deeds to the water meadows. They’re yours.’
Tess dropped the papers on the ground. ‘They’re-what now?’
‘They’re yours.’ He was smiling. ‘It’s cancelled. The whole thing’s cancelled. It’s official. And I’m signing them over to you.’ He bent down to pick up the sheaf of papers, and as he crouched on the ground he smiled up at her. ‘It’s not a big deal, and you can’t actually do anything with them, I’m afraid. They’ve been designated something special. You have to be on a committee.’
Tess stood in front of him, her mouth open, literally speechless.
‘You can thank me whenever, you know,’ Adam said, watching her.
‘Adam-’ She put her hand on his as he stood up. ‘That’s-you’re really doing this?’
‘Yes,’ said Adam. He raised himself up, breathed out. ‘We’ll have to pay compensation to the developers. But I don’t mind. It’s the right thing to do. I should have done it ages ago.’
She touched the papers, gingerly, with her forefinger. ‘Adam, this is incredible.’ He handed the papers back to her, and she hugged them, looking up at him. ‘I thought you went with Francesca to-’
‘I took her with me to help with the transfer, and the cancellation of the sale. She was wonderful.’
‘But-you stayed behind!’ Tess said, shaking her head. ‘She cried and you stayed behind to shag her and I had to get the bloody train back!’ She smiled at him, trying to look absolutely fine about it. ‘I didn’t mind, honestly, even when someone was sick next to me after we left Winchester. It was lovely.’
Adam slammed his hand to his forehead. ‘Tess-oh, my God. She asked me to stay because she wanted to tell me something, and she was right!’ He threw the papers on the table, and gripped her hands again. ‘She asked me to stay behind because she wanted to tell me I was an idiot!’
‘You are an idiot,’ Tess said frankly. ‘I mean, this is wonderful, you’re wonderful. But I’m sorry, in general you are a bit of an idiot.’
Adam was breathing hard again, but he held Tess’s hands in his, and looked into her eyes. ‘Tess, I’m not back with Francesca, never have been. She asked me to stay behind because she wanted to clear the air between us. We needed to. And then she told me…’ He paused, and took a deep breath. ‘I’m going to have to spell it out, I can see. She told me I was an idiot, and that it was obvious to everyone that I was in love with you, and you were in love with me, and that I had to do something about it.’
Static silence fell, suddenly, looming loud in the cold, sunny room. Tess tightened her grip on his hands, and looked at him in bewilderment.
‘And she was right,’ he said. He bent his head, and kissed her, softly, on the lips. ‘About part of it, anyway. I am an idiot. I’m in love with you, I always have been. I reali
zed when I was away how much you meant to me, how I never wanted to live without you again.’ He winced, as if he were in pain. ‘How my life isn’t complete if you’re not there…But I’d already hurt you so much, and there was so much water under the bridge.’ He gave a small smile. ‘And you were mad about that stupid Gregory Peck substitute of yours. I just told myself it’d be enough to see you from time to time, be your friend again, hang out together again. Because it’s new, it’s all different now, between us. But if it’s possible I love you more now, more than ever.’
She broke away from his grasp. Her heart was thumping in her chest; it was almost painful, surely he could hear how loud it was?
‘Adam-’ she said quietly. ‘Don’t-don’t do it unless you’re sure. Please-don’t say it unless you’re sure.’
‘I am sure,’ he said, coming towards her and stroking her hair. ‘The question is, darling Tessa, are you?’
Tess put her hands on his chest. ‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘This is-it’s all a bit…sudden.’ She swallowed. ‘And there’s so much history, Adam, I don’t know if we can ever…’
Adam nodded fervently. ‘I know, I know. Sweetheart, I know. But-’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘All this has taught me several things.’
She held his hands, his lovely, strong big hands, that she knew so well, and watched him. ‘What’s it taught you?’ she said, desperately wanting him to convince her.
‘Well,’ he said, kissing her neck. ‘One, it’s taught me to seize the day, even if it’s terrifying. I don’t want to end up like Mum. Rejected by people who should have loved her, and it just ruined things for her. Her life. And Leonora.’ He nodded. ‘You know, talking to Miss Store, and seeing Philip Edwards’s grave, I don’t think she was always that way. Her father was a terrible man, and she was unlucky. Very unlucky. I think she was probably a sweet girl once, before life went wrong. And she had no one to love her, to look after her, to set her on the right path.’
He squeezed Tess’s fingers tight. ‘I’ve got you, and you’ve got me, and we’ll always be there for each other, we always have been, and we always will. And that’s my final reason.’
‘What?’ she said, smiling into his eyes, trying not to laugh out loud with sheer happiness.
‘It’s just right,’ he said. ‘Isn’t it? Don’t you know it? Doesn’t it just make sense?’
She nodded. ‘It is right.’ She gave a ragged sigh. ‘It does make sense.’ She gazed at him. ‘You’ve been different to me, this past year. I think I fell in love with you all over again.’
‘I had to go away to come back,’ he said. ‘I’ve thought about it a lot. It’s really cheesy but it’s true. And I’ve always loved you. It’s just we got it all wrong before. Now it’s right.’ He nodded solemnly. ‘Tess, darling, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I do. I do. Because-it is right, isn’t it? It just is. It’s timing.’
Tess gave a small, almost sad laugh. Adam drew her hand up to his lips and slowly kissed her palm. ‘I love you, Tess.’
Tess took a deep breath. She saw the boy she’d known all her life, the young man whom she’d loved, and now the grown man who was still the same, yet totally different.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I love you too.’
They were silent for a long time. She could hear him breathing, feel her heart beating, and his, too. After a minute she stepped back, and looked at him, tears in her eyes.
‘Oh,’ he said, stroking her cheek. The card he had been holding, it seemed ages ago now, was lying on the sofa and he picked it up. ‘This is what else I brought to show you. Before I got distracted.’
He handed her the card, which had a robin on it.
‘Read it out loud,’ he said, rubbing her back. ‘It’s amazing.’
‘Dearest Adam, She read: It was so lovely to receive your letter and to hear from you. We have never known if you existed or not, as information from Langford has been somewhat hard to come by, and it is wonderful now to know you are alive!’
She stopped. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Wait. Read to the end,’ Adam said, stroking the back of her neck, and she carried on reading out loud, while he looked over her shoulder, kissing her hair.
‘Yes, I am your great-aunt-’ Tess read, with a tremble in her voice. ‘Oh, Adam.’ She squeezed his hand, leaned back into his embrace.
‘Go on!’
‘-which is a very grand-sounding title, and I am extremely proud to be so. I loved my brother, I was very proud of him, and oh, you would have been too. He was the best brother in the world and I miss him every day…Every day.
We live outside Bath, really not too far from you, and I have two children and six grandchildren, and they are all your relatives-rather distant ones, but nonetheless we are related to you and shall be extremely displeased if you do not accept this invitation, which is to spend Boxing Day with us, and as many days in the future as you should care to! My telephone number is below. With very much love from me, and all of us, dear dear Adam,
Primula Jordan (née Edwards!)
P.S. I cannot wait to tell you all about your grandfather. You would have loved him.
A little time later, Adam emerged from Easter Cottage, still holding Tess’s hand.
‘So I’ll see you in a bit.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I need to finish wrapping the presents…I’ve got a whole red and gold theme worked out, it’s taking bloody ages. Liz lent me some of that ribbon you curl on the back of some scissors. And I had some holly trimmings. But it’s extremely time-consuming.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve come to realize I’m no good at this stuff, you know. That’s what this year has taught me.’
‘Exactly,’ said Adam. ‘I thought your themed wrapping and ribbon curling days were behind you, Tess.’ He breathed in deeply and touched her lips with his finger. ‘I’m sure there’s a happy medium, sweetheart. Ditch the ribbon and the holly trimmings and have a glass of wine instead.’
‘You’re probably right,’ Tess said happily. ‘Dammit, yes, you are.’
He kissed her again, against the wooden frame of the front door, and she could feel how warm he was, how strong and gentle his hands were in her hair, how unsurprising it was that here they were, on Christmas Eve, having finally realized something incredibly important.
I love you, she wanted to say to him. It’s so simple, now I can see it. I want to tell you all these things that I love about you. I feel so happy when I’m with you. Like nothing bad can happen, as if the world is saveable, as if I have a secret, a serene core at the centre of me, and it makes me want to hug people, run up a flagpole in the centre of the town, shout thank you from the hills. I want everyone else to be as happy as me now I’ve found you again. Because I love you.
She sighed, and he tightened his grip on her, his lips hard on hers, until she suddenly pulled away.
‘Hello, Miss Store!’ Tess called out, as her neighbour shuffled past them, a bulging green string shopping bag in her hand. ‘Um-we were just-’
Adam stood back, rubbing his neck awkwardly and gazing at the girl whose hand he still held, who was standing in the doorway smiling happily at Miss Store.
‘Don’t mind me, my dears!’ Miss Store nodded and went on her way, almost ignoring them both. But she chuckled quietly to herself as she opened her own front door, and they started kissing again. She closed her door behind her and put her shopping bags down carefully, looking around her cheery, tiny cottage, and her eyes grew misty, remembering lots of things.
However, a moment later Miss Store smiled to herself again. After all, everyone knew young Tessa Tennant and Adam Smith were meant for each other. They always had been! The only mystery in Langford was why it had taken them so long to realize it.
Acknowledgements
Everyone at HarperCollins, thank you so much for everything: lovely Wendy Neale, Clive Kintoff and all the sales ladies (thanks for lunch); genius in human
form Lee Motley, Lucy Upton and Sarah Radford, and to the holy editorial trinity of the great Victoria Hughes-Williams, the wonderful and inspiring Claire Bord, and as ever to my fantastic editor, for what would I do without you Lynne Drew?
A massive thank you to the one and only JLo, Jonathan Lloyd, and everyone at Curtis Brown, in particular Alice Lutyens and Camilla Goslett.
And thank you to my old colleagues on the Euston Road for putting up with me, especially Jane Morpeth, Kerr MacRae and Clare Foss. I miss you all.
For advice about Rome, advice in general, helping me to drink wine in Rome or just being great, thanks to Chris Handley, Thomas Wilson, Pamela Casey, Ariona Aubrey, Tamara Oppenheimer, James Lo, Nicole Vanderbilt, Maria Rodriguez and Vicky Watkins.
Lastly to my dad Phil, who loves Italy, especially Italian wine, footballers, and Italians themselves, but not as much as they, along with everyone else, love him. Alas, Cal and I did not inherit your Roman nose, but we both still couldn’t be prouder to be your daughters. This book is for you Dad.
Also by Harriet Evans
Going Home
A Hopeless Romantic
The Love of Her Life
Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
77-85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
www.harpercollins.co.uk
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2009
FIRST EDITION
Copyright © Harriet Evans 2009
Harriet Evans asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
Excerpt by C. Day Lewis from The Eclogues and Georgics (© C. Day Lewis 1983) is reproduced by permission of PFD (www.pfd.co.uk) on behalf of The Estate of C. Day Lewis.
I Remember You Page 47
