by B. A. Beers
“Didn’t Jon tell you?” she responded.
“Not all,” he answered truthfully.
“What did he say?” she now was truly interested.
Mark hesitated, not wanting to reveal that he had read her file or to voice her loss in front of her. “Just that there had been an accident.” He was trying to take the safe approach.
“An accident?” Sami choked and almost laughed. “What an understatement that is. It was the beginning of the end for me.” Her voice became a monotone and seemed detached from her soul. “It will never matter how many days pass, the memory is still fresh in my mind. We had a great time in the mountains. I was so happy. I loved just sitting on the chair that J.W. planted in the snow for me, watching J.W. and Molly play. Molly was so little; she had to hop from one of his footsteps to the other. Her little legs were too short to walk in the snow by herself. One time she got caught.” Sami laughed at this memory. “His footprints were too far apart for her to make it. She just sat down, determined not to move until he came back for her. I remember reminding him to be more considerate, for soon we would have a little one that would probably do the same thing.”
Sami’s eyes watered up again, but she continued talking. “We were having such a good time that we kept putting off leaving the cabin until the very last minute. We had planned to leave before sunset, but it ended up much later because I had insisted that a jigsaw puzzle, we had started earlier, be completed. I just hated to leave things unfinished.”
“It started snowing within minutes after we emerged on the highway. It wasn’t snowing hard then, but that didn’t last long. Mother had insisted that we take her car instead of our four-wheeled drive truck. It was newer, and with the addition of the puppy, it would be much more comfortable for all of us. Mother was driving until the snow started falling heavier. She was not used to driving in the snow. To tell the truth, none of us had had much experience in that form of driving. Living in Phoenix hardly prepares one for that.”
“Mother became frightened when the road conditions became worse, and she decided to pull over and let J.W. drive. He jumped at the chance for he was having a hard time with the puppy in the back seat, and was not enjoying the experience. I had been sitting up front with Mother, so when we stopped, I got into the back to be with Molly giving the passenger seat to my mother. After switching drivers, J.W. pulled back into the flow of traffic on the highway.”
“Within minutes, Molly was giving me problems, and trying to relieve some of the tension we were all under, I laughingly begged J.W. to switch places with me. I even went so far as to offer him all sorts of crazy stuff that even caused my mother to blush. He was laughing so hard at my offers and my mother’s reaction to them that he got Molly all excited. The next thing I knew, Molly was trying to get to J.W. by wiggling under his seat. I tried to grab her, but was restrained by the shoulder strap of the seat belt. I ended up having to wiggle out of my shoulder harness to reach her, leaving only the belt strap around my growing stomach. I had just gathered her in my arms when I heard the noise that ended their lives. In fact, I can still hear this sound in my sleep.” Sami fell silent.
Mark found himself just inches from her, not realizing that he had gotten so caught up in the story that he had leaned in closer so as not to miss any details. He pulled back quickly, and waited for her to continue.
Sami obliged. “The next thing I remember was walking around the crash site, still holding Molly in my arms searching for my family. I don’t even remember how I had gotten out of the back seat. In fact, I didn’t even know where the car was located. My eyes took in the scene of tangled metal and fire, and the air carried the smell of blood and death. I remember glancing down at Molly and finding us both covered in blood. At the time, I didn’t know that most of it was my own. I screamed for J.W. My screams caught someone’s attention; a man approached me and offered help.” Shaking her head as she remembered her response. “Where is my family?’ That was all I could say before I blacked out again. The next thing I remember is being placed on a gurney. I looked around for my family. No one looked familiar. I panicked. I finally spotted a fireman holding Molly. I reached for her. He saw my actions, and promised that he would care of her. I passed out not knowing if I would ever wake again.” Sami was silent once more. Mark found himself dazed by the story.
“The next time I opened my eyes. I found myself in ‘death’s passageway’,” Sami hissed. “Within seconds of waking, one of the ‘gate-keepers’ gave me the ghastly, gruesome details of the deaths my family.” Mark was drawn in by the pure violence of her voice. “After this, the ‘demons’, assigned to the ‘gate-keeper’, pushed papers under my nose and a pen in my hand, and told me I had to sign these papers. I was so frightened that I signed everything, not even taking time to read anything.”
Mark nodded, knowing exactly to what she was referring. In critical care cases, where death might be involved, the paperwork comes first without regards to the patient’s personal feelings. It was obvious that Sami had no support during this very difficult time.
Sami continued. “The days following ‘M.O.L.E.T.’ are fuzzy to me even today. I do recall that Molly was returned to me after a few days. I believe it was the day after the remains of my mother, my husband and my child were laid to rest.” Her eyes glazed over and her voice softened. “That was the day before I found myself in Dr. Peterson’s office. You do know that if I had not changed seats, I would have been where I belonged,” she stated as a matter of fact.
“Wait,” Mark spoke, breaking the spell they were under. “Why do you feel that way?”
“Logically, it fits,” Sami stated, turning to him. There was no evidence of tears now on her face or in her eyes.
“May I ask a few questions?” Mark asked, wanting to change directions of her thoughts. Wondering why, Sami nodded in the affirmative, deciding to humor him. “What year is it?”
“That’s easy – 2000,” she answered.
He smiled. This might be easy, he thought. “Where do you work?” he questioned.
“I don’t,” she responded quickly.
He was confused. “How do you maintain your existence?” He regretted this question immediately, as he had not planned to say it out loud.
“That’s an odd question,” Sami remarked. “Do you mean why am I alive, or how do I pay my bills?”
Mark recovered quickly. “Both.”
“Well, I’m alive to care for Molly,” she stated. “I figured that she is the reason I am here now. Reaching for her, when she was under the front seat of the car, is the only reason I am not where I belong. I owe her an existence.” Mark nodded, remembering that Molly’s appearance earlier had made him wonder since she did not resemble an outside dog. “Now, for the other part of your question,” she said. “I pay my bills with the inheritance money I received from the loss of the two people I loved, my husband and my mother.”
Mark was floored by the total lack of emotion in her voice. It reminded him of an old TV show. “Just the facts, ma’am. Nothing but the facts.” He found himself wondering about Sami’s other needs.
Making mental notes, he continued his questioning, “How often do you go out?”
“Daily, to walk Molly.”
“Anywhere else?”
Sami thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think I have driven the car in about four years.”
“How can that be?” Mark sat forward, leaning toward her. Sami looked at him strangely. “Okay, let me rephrase that question,” he said. “I have noticed that you have your kitchen cabinets loaded with food. If you don’t drive, how do you restock your shelves?” He needed an answer to this one.
Sami gave him her ‘poor child’ expression again. “I have my groceries delivered. I have a standing order delivered every week.” She paused. “I have never changed the order. It arrives, I pay for it and put the items away.” She spoke slowly so that the ‘poor child’ would understand. “Like everyone else, I have to maintain my existence,
as you put it earlier.”
Mark followed this procedure in his mind’s eye, realizing the pure pattern of routine. She had set a cycle in motion that she couldn’t, from what he had witnessed, change. “What about the car in the carport?” he probed.
Shaking her head, Sami kept the same tone used previously. “While I was seeing Dr. Peterson, I used Mom’s insurance money, combined with the money from the sale of the truck, and bought a twin of mother’s car.” Now that makes sense, Mark thought smiling, feeling that she needed to keep a visible link to her mother that was near but seldom in sight. “Come to think of it,” Sami continued. “I don’t think it works anymore. Part of my weekly tasks is to wash it, but I don’t ever open the door. I even let the tags expire because I hadn’t taken it down to test for emissions. I still continue to pay the insurance on it, but that does seem a little silly, now that I come to think of it.” She paused, and placed her right hand on her forehead. The look in her eyes changed as if a part of her had just awakened after being dormant for some time.
Seeing this changed expression, Mark’s hope rose. Taking advantage of this new realization, he asked. “Sami, what do you do to occupy your days?”
Sami visibly picked up. “That’s easy. I spend my days…” Following a long pause, a frown creased her forehead. She glanced up as if in thought. “Umm,” she started and then stopped. “I really can’t remember.”
Mark decided to go for the jugular. “Sami, what year is it?” He repeated a question he had asked earlier.
“Silly question. It’s 1996.” Sami stated without hesitation. Mark smiled. It was time to continue what Jon had started.
***
TWENTY-ONE
“Sami,” Mark began, thinking about Jon. “Why did you stop seeing Dr. Peterson?”
“I don’t need him anymore,” Sami answered. “He helped me realize that my mission in life was to care for Molly. With this new direction set in my mind, I saw no need to continue. I still can’t believe that it took me two whole years to come to that conclusion. For you see, I stopped living on that day. ‘Death’s passageway’ took my life and soul. My body remains here solely to be a caretaker for Molly.”
Mark knew that she believed this to be a fact, pure and simple. In her mind, she did stop living, but her subconscious was aware of her existence. His mind flashed back to the rose. “Sami?” Mark changed tactics. She looked at him. “Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered.
“What is my name?” He waited to hear her reply.
“Dr. Stevens.”
Mark released the breath he had been holding. Her mind was able to absorb both time periods at once. “Do you know why I am here?” He pushed a little farther.
“Yes.” She responded after a few seconds.
“Tell me.”
“My ‘watchdog’ called you,” Sami said meekly.
“Yes?” Mark encouraged her to draw a logical conclusion.
“IT’s here?” she questioned.
“Yes.”
Momentarily Sami was lost in thought, but finally she nodded her acknowledgment. She then turned back to the journals, which were lying around her. She picked them up one at a time looking at the dates. Mark watched her intently, but did not interfere. He heard her mumble two words over and over as she searched. “Too soon, too soon.”
Obviously locating the object of her search, Sami began thumbing through the pages of one of the journals she held in her hands. She stopped on a page nearly in the middle of it, and began to read aloud.
“January 13, 1990
My wedding day! The day I marry the man of my dreams. At 2:00 P.M. on this sunny, cold day I will become Mrs. James William Carter. I love the sound of it. It has a dreamy quality to it. I have practiced writing my new name for the past couple of days. I do believe that I have the feel of it, and it feels so right. Spent last night with Mom instead of our apartment with J.W., which makes me hunger for him. It is still hard to believe that it was just two weeks ago that we signed the final papers for our new home. We will move in officially when we return from the cruise. Preparing for the wedding and the move has kept me jumping the last two weeks. Yet, sitting here writing down the events of the past several days has me melancholy as I think that, if only we had decided months earlier to get married, Dad would have been able to give me away. His passing, just a month ago, puts a damper on today’s celebration. Mom’s desire to step in for him has been a highlight. The wedding has been good therapy for her.
I do worry about what will happen while I am gone for two weeks on my honeymoon. She assures me that she will be fine, not wanting us to give up our cruise on her account. Besides, she tells us, she has friends that are there for her. It is times like this that I wish for siblings. Bless my friendship with Linda. She will ‘go to bat’ for me and keep an eye out for any problems. Mom’s telling me to stop now. Nails and hair appointments have precedence over writing.”
She paused here before she continued to read another entry:
“February 14, 1990
‘Sadie, Sadie, married lady’, yep, that’s what I am. If I could have known that it would be like this, I’d have been married years ago. My husband, J.W., (a thrill just raced down my spine) surprised me with a huge, heart shaped, box of candy to mark this day. It made my gift a dwarf next to it. Yet, my king-sized candy bar held more meaning for both of us. Because it was our signal, while dating, for sexual craving. The bigger the candy bar the more intense was the desire. When my eyes rest on him, my heart flutters.
The honeymoon was terrific. J.W. didn’t think he would fit into the cruise world, but was surprised to find that it was fun. We spent every minute together, except for the hour that the Clark’s had us parted. Bill and Stacy Clark were our table mates during the cruise. I’ll never forget the way they responded to each other, each so engrossed with the other. On our first night on board we helped them celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary. They decided to renew their vows and took the cruise as a second honeymoon. J.W. whispered to me that he hoped that we were that happy on our 10th anniversary. Bill heard J.W. and laughed, telling J.W. that a little over four months ago, it was a different scene. He and Stacy were on the verge of splitting up.
No way, I thought and told him so. Stacy confessed it was the truth, saying that they had kids and money problems. They even confessed that they had stopped making love for quite a while. Watching them together now, I just couldn’t believe it. I asked them what happened to turn their feelings around. The package arrived, Bill told me. Stacy turned to him with love written all over her face. Well, that did it. J.W. and I were caught. Over drinks, Stacy told us the whole story.
On their honeymoon, they had gone to a ski resort. While there, they had met a couple that was on their second honeymoon. The couple had told them the story they were about to relate to us. Stacy stressed that it was tradition that she was passing on to us. It was a two-part experience:
Part I – The couple celebrating their anniversary took candid photos of the newlyweds during their honeymoon, capturing moments of them together unbeknownst to them, in other words, not staged photos. Stacy said they had felt funny being spied upon but, as they thought about it, it had seemed a great idea.
Part II – The newlyweds write letters to each other to be stored away with the photographs. The only catch was that the package would not arrive for 10 years. When their package arrived two months ago, it changed their lives and their feeling for each other as it reminded them of their first love.
J.W. and I were intrigued. We agreed to be added to this tradition. We had to split for one hour to write our letters. I stayed with Stacy and J.W. went off with Bill. When the guys returned, J.W. completed a mailing label that Bill provided and he handed the label to Bill along with the sealed letters. I remember looking over my shoulder for them, the first day after we agreed, but decided that was silly.
Every night we met for dinner. Every time I saw them out and about,
my palms would itch to get a hold of those photos they had taken, but I held back. Not until the last minutes on board did I realize that I didn’t have their address. I raced to find them but they were already gone.”
Sami glanced up at Mark. So, that’s what is inside the package, he thought.
“I had no way to tell them that J.W. had died,” she commented. “You see, it is too soon. It’s been only 6 years.”
“Sami, listen.” Mark got her attention. “It is time. Sami, the year is 2000 and the package is not early.” As he spoke, she shook her head, not believing him.
***
TWENTY-TWO
Mark got to his feet. With bewildered eyes, Sami watched him closely. Dazed, she placed the journal aside. Reaching out his hand to help her to her feet, he guided her out of the room and down the hall. Not wanting to waste anymore time, he had to get her to open the package. The sun was beginning to rise, making it easier for him to see the outline of the living room.
