by B. A. Beers
Mark became aware of the fixed gaze that Sami now had directed on him. She had waited for an answer while he mentally pursued the housing issue. He had to come up with an option, but there was too much at stake to make a quick decision.
Reaching down deep within him, he managed to plaster a fake smile on his lips before he could address her. Finally, he decided to tell her the truth rather than waste anymore time trying to come up with a plausible lie. “Sami,” he began, then hesitated, reconsidering this plan. “I need to speak with Grandma Jo in the kitchen for a few minutes.” Mark was happy with the fact that he didn’t lie to her, but he had a feeling that she knew, somehow, he had something else in mind.
Mark watched as Sami placed the photo album aside, and started to rise to her feet. Now, he found himself asking the exact same question that Sami had voiced moments earlier. “Where are you going?”
Sami was on her feet, and turned toward him with an expression that he had inwardly started to hate. It was the ‘I want control’ look. Being on the receiving end of that glare made him uneasy, and she bluntly replied to his question. “With you.”
Mark closed his eyes and let her words pass over him as he thought about this impact on his discussion with Grandma Jo. His tired mind thought about physically planting her back into the chair, but then again, she was the key part of this equation, and her cooperation was vital. A smile played on his lips as he recalled how she was capable of being uncooperative. “Okay, Sami,” he replied, opening his eyes to the now empty room. “Where is everyone?”
Mark’s pulse began to race as he tried to calm himself. His fears subsided as he heard noises coming from the direction of the kitchen. Shrugging his shoulders, he went to locate the women that had left him behind.
Reaching the passageway into the kitchen-family room area, Mark peered to his left, and the sight before him made him stop. There stood Grandma Jo, the 5’ 1” slightly plump, gray-haired woman who was his clinic’s Queen of the Volunteers and his trusted friend. She was filling a coffeepot from the faucet at the sink, while Sami was busy measuring the coffee into the coffee maker. In comparison, Sami towered over her, due to her tall, model-like stature. Mark leaned back against the frame of the entrance, and marveled at the pure simplicity of the scene before him. The two women were talking quietly over their preparation of the breakfast.
Mark noticed that Grandma Jo was reserved in her manner with Sami. Experiences with Grandma Jo gave him the benefit of knowledge regarding her body language. He read into her movements that she was treading on thin ice. She kept her voice low, her actions smooth, not jerky, and her eyes alert. He found himself instantly thanking his guardian angel for bringing Grandma Jo into his life. Smiling, he knew in his heart that she was just what this doctor had needed. Her years of experience working with patients were evident in the way she handled Sami at this moment. His love deepened and a deep respect filled his heart as he watched her.
Sami, on the other hand, Mark thought as his eyes turned to her, was reborn. He was surprised that this particular word had entered his thoughts. “Why did I choose that word? Out of all the possible words in the English language, why did that one come to mind?” he muttered to himself. Pondering this, he watched Sami follow the step-by-step directions given to her by Grandma Jo.
Mark caught the expression on Sami’s face as she gazed upon Grandma Jo. Witnessing it answered his questions, for on her face was plainly written her total innocence. She virtually hung on every word spoken by Grandma Jo. He got an overwhelming impression that she was blocking out her whole past, and everything prior to this exact moment had been erased in her memory. Mark wondered of what materials this new wall was constructed. Which tools were required by him to knock it down forever?
“You’re a wonderful doctor. You will find the right path and necessary tools.” Pat’s, his deceased wife, voice filled the chambers of his mind.
“Thanks love, for the reassuring words,” he answered the voice softly.
Armed now with this new awareness, Mark walked over to the ladies in the kitchen. “What’s for breakfast?” he boomed. He wanted them out of the tomb of silence, needing to have the control back on his side of the table.
He watched with satisfaction as both of them jumped at his tone. Grandma Jo was the first to turn in his direction. Her face registered surprise at his method of approach, but before she could voice her alarm, Mark winked at her. A smile crossed her features, and her shoulders relaxed as it dawned on her exactly what he had in mind.
Mark turned his head in the direction of Sami, who was now just turning to meet his gaze. Her face showed her true feelings, he thought. She would never be able to bluff her way in poker, he realized, causing him to laugh inwardly. Clearly exposed on her face, were insecurity, fear, confusion, loss, plus other emotions that he couldn’t quite identify. His heart beat quickened at the sight. Oh well, he thought, get use to it, buddy. You are in this battle until the end.
Mark thought of Sami’s painting of the rose which had been instrumental in helping him find a pathway to her recovery. Taking a deep breath he began, “Sami, we are about to embark on a journey that will tear you down to the bare roots, but I promise you now that, by the end, you will be solidly anchored and in full bloom.”
***
TWO
After the three had eaten breakfast and were still seated at the table, Grandma Jo focused her eyes on the wide-eyed girl sitting directly across from her. Woman would be the more accurate word, because she knew that Sami had to be in her early thirty’s. Yet, the expression on her face made Sami appear to be a child. The innocent, child-like wonder was apparent in this woman’s features.
Sami, it’s nice to have you back, she thought, remembering the creature that had been so defiant late last night. Grandma Jo wondered about the night’s activities she had missed while sleeping in the chair in Sami’s bedroom. How had Mark achieved the miracle that had gained him Sami’s trust? What method had he chosen to reach this woman? Knowing technically it was none of her business, she was still highly curious.
Switching her eyes from Sami to Mark, she saw that he was also staring at Sami. Grandma Jo sat back in her chair and for several moments watched the display of emotions on his face. He’s fighting a battle in his mind, she thought.
Mark’s attention turned to Grandma Jo, as if he felt her gaze on him. He winked at her, as a smile spread across his face. She didn’t return the smile, but instead raised her eyebrow in response. The thoughts Mark was experiencing vanished, as he saw her questioning expression. Guessing that he had to do some explaining, he nodded toward her. She has a right to know what happened, he reminded himself. He did bring her into this situation, and he owed her an update.
Grandma Jo answered his nod with a knowing smile, feeling a bit guilty, but thrilled at his trust in her. Armed with the knowledge that he was going to relate the details later, she stood up. She started to gather the dirty dishes and remnants of their breakfasts, when several loud barks could be heard coming from the backyard. Sami’s Springer Spaniel, Molly, she thought absently, as she continued to remove the dishes.
Grandma Jo’s attention was drawn away from her task when Sami began to move. Wanting to reassure Sami that she could handle this chore without help, she looked directly at her. The words she was about to speak were stilled. The child-like expression was gone. Fixed on Sami’s blank expression, she felt pressure on her arm. She tore her eyes off Sami’s face and turned to Mark. His worried expression alarmed her as he signaled her to sit. Without thinking, she did what he requested.
Both sets of eyes moved as one as they returned their focus to Sami’s figure moving through the kitchen on her way to the back door. Unlocking the door, opening it, and stepping outside were all completed without a single glance back to the two people staring at her from the table.
Mark was on his feet before the door fully closed. Moving toward the arcadia door leading to the patio instead of the back door, he easily l
ocated the proper cords to open the blinds. With several large yanks on the cord, the blinds were opened to reveal the activity beyond.
Grandma Jo was too stunned to move as she absorbed the scene before her. Her eyes played Ping-Pong as they quickly jumped from Mark’s extremely tense back to the robotic motion of Sami brushing her dog’s back.
“I have to get her out of here,” Mark quietly spoke.
“What’s happening to her?”
Mark’s shoulders suddenly sagged dramatically, and placing his forehead on the glass, he whispered one word. “Routine.”
Turning her full attention to Mark, Grandma Jo placed the dishes that were still in her hands on the table and settled back deeper into the chair. Within a matter of seconds, the words began to flow from him.
“Molly’s barking awakened…” Mark started, and then stopped. He turned and reached into his pocket, withdrawing his recorder. Glancing at Grandma Jo, as he moved, he commented. “Might as well kill two birds with one stone.” She nodded in agreement.
Placing the recorder on the counter, he hit the record button. Walking back to the glass door, he started again. “Molly’s barking awakened the part of her that has kept her locked in this house for four years. The success that we achieved this morning has been pushed from her conscience. If we continue here in this house, everything that we start will only be temporary. This house holds all the answers, but it also keeps her a prisoner. Her mind has convinced her that she must serve out a life sentence within these sterile rooms.” Mark fell silent as his gaze followed Sami’s every move.
Grandma Jo knew she needed to remain quiet. While waiting patiently for Mark to begin again, she decided to take the opportunity to clear the dishes from the table, and reflect on what she had been a witness to this morning after she awakened – the discovery of what had been hidden inside the package. A tear rolled down her cheek at the recall of the raw emotions that the enclosed letters had awakened in them all. Why had they been written, and where did they come from? Her curiosity was getting the better of her as she admonished herself for falling asleep, and missing the vital part of the night’s activities. With the dishes cleared, she refilled their coffee mugs. Sitting on the edge of the chair and hearing the whir of the recorder, she asked hesitantly, “Where did those letters come from? How did you get her to open up to you? Exactly what happened last night?”
As she spoke, Mark turned his head in her direction. Hearing the anxiety in her voice, he understood that she needed to know. With one quick glance out the pane of glass toward Sami, he headed back to the chair he had vacated earlier. Passing his recorder, he reached for it and carried it with him. Sitting down, he placed the recorder on the table in front of him beside the filled coffee mug. With the mug, he looked at Grandma Jo and smiled his thanks as he took a sip of the hot coffee. As he drank, Mark wondered where to begin and how much to tell her about the sequence of events that lead up to the opening of the package. Placing the mug back on the table, he toyed with the recorder. Finally deciding that he needed to bring both Grandma Jo and the recorder up-to-date, he began, “I will proceed in order, from the point of my last recorded entry.” Mark glanced at his watch before continuing. “For the record: Today’s date in January 18, 2000. The time is 8:05 AM.”
Mark looked at Grandma Jo, and he saw her smile. Good, he thought, I don’t need to explain myself. She knew that he was allowing her to eavesdrop while he updated his file.
“After feeding her dog, I returned to the bedroom to find her bed empty.” Grandma Jo noted that he no longer looked at her or even the recorder, but rather through the glass again, watching Sami’s movements. Mark continued, “I discovered her in her office, sitting in front of the open cedar chest surrounded by a stack of journals. Her initial reaction to my presence was annoyance and anger which I sidestepped by refusing to acknowledge them, knowing they were only her protective defense mechanism. Searching for a way that would allow me to defuse her anger, I mentioned my conversation with Dr. Peterson, her former therapist. That turned the key, and I was granted permission to enter her world. She shared with me, through her journal entries, a portion of her life prior to the auto accident that took the life of her husband, her mother and her unborn child.”
Mark stopped for a moment and stared directly into Grandma Jo’s eyes. “She then recounted the accident in detail. She and her dog were the only survivors. This is the source of her current condition since she believes that she should have died that night, also. The only reason she is not where she is ‘supposed to be’ is because of Molly. She feels deeply that Molly deserves a life and she was left on this earth to do just that. I am sure that is exactly what she has done, and would continue to do, until the end of Molly’s life.” Dropping his eyes to focus on the recorder, he voiced, “It would not be hard for me to believe that after Molly’s death, she would have taken her own life.”
Mark was silent for a few minutes and then continued. “With the arrival of the package, I know it threw a monkey wrench into her plans; however, it has literally saved her life. It brought us into her world, providing me with the chance to treat her, and to bring her unstable condition to the forefront. Speaking of the package,” Mark’s eyes returned to Grandma Jo, “you asked what it was and where it came from.” Grandma Jo leaned forward and nodded. “The package was sent from a couple that Sami and her new husband met while on their honeymoon. This couple explained a honeymoon tradition that involved two steps. The first step was that the honeymoon couple would write letters to each other. The second part was that the new acquaintances would take candid photos of the honeymoon couple. The catch was these treasures--photos and the two letters--were to be held by the host couple to be sent to the honeymoon couple on their tenth anniversary. The newlyweds willingly became involved in a sort of tradition. Sami had no way to contact the couple to notify them of her husband’s death. Instead of the package being an exciting rediscovery of their love, it became a dreaded reminder of unfulfilled hopes and dreams.”
Mark quickly glanced away from Grandma Jo, clicked off the recorded and closed his eyes. Tears formed behind his eyelids. He personally could relate to Sami on this account. If their roles were reversed, he believed that he would not have the strength to face the items reminding him of Pat. He would have taken the box somewhere, probably to Pat’s grave, and buried it unopened. A tear escaped from between his tightly closed eyelids and streaked down his cheek. It was followed by a few more before he reached up with his right hand and wiped them away. He rubbed his eyes a couple of times to hide the embarrassing show of emotions.
Grandma Jo sat forward in her chair and reached out for Mark’s left hand still positioned on the table. She cradled his hand with hers. “Mark,” she said softly, “this has not only been an emotional roller coaster for Sami, but for you as well.”
Mark removed his right hand from his very red-rimmed eyes and placing it over their entwined hands, he gazed at Grandma Jo.
“You are descending rapidly from an extreme emotional high,” she observed. “You need to rest and detach yourself from her for awhile.”
Mark didn’t speak, but Grandma Jo could read his face that showed he accepted her words. Her hands gingerly broke free of his grip, and she rose from the chair. “While I finish up here, why don’t you go to the bathroom and freshen up?”
***
After Mark had left the kitchen, Grandma Jo reflected on what she had just been told. She made her way to the arcadia door, and silently watched Sami and Molly beyond the pane of glass. Hearing Mark return, she spoke quietly, “Mark, it appears that Sami is not in any danger at the present time.” She turned to him. “You, my boy, on the other hand, still look like something the cat drug in.”
A small chuckle escaped him as she spoke. “I know, I know,” he replied to her smiling.
Grandma Jo turned to watch Sami again. “I can tell by the blank expression on her face that you have not completed your work with her.”
�
�Correct.”
She nodded. “Will you be needing my help?”
“Correct, again.” Mark sat down at the table, leaning on his elbows. “Grandma Jo, let me warn you. This is not an easy, cut and dried, case. It may take some time and effort to treat her,” he paused, wondering if this was the time to start his pitch to her because he was definitely going to need her help if he was going to succeed in Sami’s care. “There will be some really tough times, but I believe each positive step will be huge.”
