by Susan Berran
“OK HOLD THIS OUT,” said the keeper handing me something from the bucket. eewWw! It was a cold and slimy mango, or banana or … a chicken leg! It was a raw chicken leg! Do monkeys eat …
“STAND STILL!” the keeper demanded. Roa! … roooaaaar! The two of us immediately FROZE. Suddenly we were face to face with a CHEETAH! SWEAT instantly began to pour from my face and I was certain that everyone could hear my heart pounding. “OK GO AHEAD, FEED HER AND GIVE HER A PAT. SHE WON’T HURT YOU . . . PROBABLY. IT’S BEEN AGES SINCE SHE BIT SOMEONE… AND EVEN THEN, THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THE GUY HAD ANNOYED HER,” the keeper said with a grin. I looked across to Jared and he looked at me. I knew he was thinking the same thing. How good was their memory, how good was their site? Did she know it was us that made her go crazy and sent her racing around the enclosure earlier? Was she going to rip off our arms any second now? My heart was in my throat as I took another chicken leg and offered it to the CHEETAH.
With HUMONGOUS teeth only millimetres from my hand, she took the greasy morsel so gently, that I could feel her whiskers brush against my skin. Her ROAR slowly became a purr, as Mum clicked away happily from the other side of the fence. It seemed like an hour had passed, as the sweat faded and Jared and I took turns feeding and patting the incredible creature beside us. It was the most totally awesome and amazing experience that Jared and I have ever, EVER had. When we eventually walked back out of the enclosure no-one spoke a word for ages. But Mum told us later on, that when we came out of there, we both had the weirdest, DUMBEST smiles on our faces.
The rain just absolutely bucketed down on the forty-minute drive from the airport back to Agnath.
Jared and me were planning out what we were going to do the following weekend. We had a great idea for a new skate ramp. It was going to be BIGGER and faster than ever before.
When we dropped Jared off at his place, his mum raced straight at him, like a cheetah chasing a poop-pellet. She was even crying and just about squeezed the life from him.
How embarrassing.
“ See, I told ya she’d be really happy to see me! ” Jared said happily.
HAPPY!? I reckon it was more like a look of surprise that he’d made it back alive! We had to do this talk at school all about our holiday. So we told all the kids what a great place it was and how we reckoned they should all go home and bug their parents to go there.
Of course, we also told them to make sure and take their swimmers.
“Yep, the ocean is really nice and warm and there’s no crowds around so it’s perfect for swimming. And be sure to swim across the river to get to the rainforest and (if you make it) pick some of the beautiful plants. They make an absolutely terrific skin lotion.”
We could tell that Mrs Duckson and Miss Croonarc were really happy that we were back. Booga and WHEEZY overheard them crying and talking about cancelling some party. They must have been overwhelmed with joy.
So we’re thinking that maybe we should take the slugs back out of the milk carton in the teachers’ fridge and take away the ants’ nest from under their toilet seat … maybe.
… I needed to stop the bleeding, it wasn’t much, but enough that something might be able to smell it, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“Actually, that was the second last thing I wanted - the last thing I wanted was to mess my pants, and when I saw that blood, … well let’s just say, it was close.”
It was magnificent and as I shone my torch down the tunnel’s entrance, I suddenly realised how completely alone I really was. Maybe I should’ve waited for Jared after all.
* * *
Toe-jam, … yum …
Damn, I can’t reach it!
Don’t you just hate that?
You’re sitting on the edge of your bed in just your undies, and all you want to do is use your finger to dig between your toes and drag out the fluff, and sweat, and dirt all chunked together like a huge dob of mouldy, smelly mud.
Be careful though; remove it from its home, it might not be too happy about the move …
* * *
Ohh Crappp!!!
Fluff Butt just pooped right in the middle of the lounge room rug.
And not just some teeny tiny hardly noticeable little minor accident that mum probably won’t notice … oooh no!
This was the mother load … a week’s worth of tinned food; chunky beef tongue, chicken liver and lamb’s brain in gravy … all mooshing together; dissolving, rotting, for at least a week in the gastric juices of the dog’s stomach.
All deposited at once in a huge greeny-browny-yellowish dump!!
* * *
Crap! Why is it always dark?
You know … it’s midnight, there’s no moonlight and your head’s shoved into a toe-jammed, fungus-filled, smelly old gumboot. That dark!
I cautiously took a mirror out of my utility belt. My hands were sweating like a baboon’s butt wrapped in sheep. Gingerly I poked it around the corner (the mirror, not my butt), then, for a split second I saw it; teeth, really, really, really big teeth …
* * *
Other books in this series, coming soon!
Sam has the suckiest week of his whole sucktacular life when Jared becomes sick and has to stay home from school for the week. Leaving Sam to have to face Abbey being crabby , Toffee tugging at his nostril taffy, Booga’s butt bugle and the rest of the cow cuddling, sheep kissing kids completely on his own.
It might be Jared that’s sick .. but by the end of this week it’s Sam who’s going to need the ‘puke bucket.’
* * *
Ever wanted to know how to catch some mucus munching, slime covered, blood sucking carnivorous beast that can sniff out its prey from more than a mile away?
Ever wondered what to do with that snotty nose, totally annoying fart factory sister or brother of yours?
Sam and Jared have. And they’ve figured out how to do both at the same time …
… ever heard of live baby bait?
Yep, with the ‘Loch Agnath’ monster, Aggy on the loose Sam and Jared reckon they can be famous, rich and get rid of little Miss Smelly Melly Prissy Pants all at the same time.
The Author
Yep … we really did upside-down tree surfing, patted and fed Le & Mur the lemurs, patted and fed chicken legs to a gorgeous cheetah. There really were leaping monkeys due to a deadly snake, poisonous plants, a croc on our beach and even the ‘Puke Speckled fern’.
And it was all totally awesome!
I hope you enjoyed Chomp’d.
www.susanberran.com
