by Black, Lacey
“You’re not alone, Meggy,” my dad whispers behind me, crawling to the ground and pulling me into his arms. I cry in his arms until there seems to be no more tears. I have no idea how long we sit there, but he never moves. He just holds me and lets me grieve for the man I loved more than life itself. “You’re never alone.”
When the tears finally subside and I’m able to breathe somewhat normal, I sit up beside the man who has held me more in the last two years than he probably did in the twenty-six years before this happened. I wipe my eyes and glance back at the stone, my dad keeping his arm around my shoulder.
“He’s proud of you, Meghan. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you’ve been taking baby steps toward healing and moving forward.”
“It feels wrong,” I confess, my words barely a whisper. “I feel guilty for moving on with my life when he lost his.”
“I understand,” Dad says, his eyes cast downward. “When your mother was sick, I would stay awake at night, watching her sleep and praying that God gave me her cancer. I would have taken that pain away in a heartbeat if I could, for all of us. After we lost her, I even begged God to take me too. I wasn’t sure how to live without her.”
His confession is like a bullet to the chest. It’s painful and raw…and familiar. I understand exactly what he’s saying, because I felt the exact same way. It would have been so much easier if God would have just taken me right along with him.
“But that’s not how it works,” Dad continues. “I was still alive, and more importantly, I still had you girls to look after. The thought of you all losing us both, well that pretty much gutted me. So, I got up and did what I had to do.
“It’s okay to miss him, sweetheart. You’ll miss him for the rest of your life, but the important thing to remember is that you still have a life. And if you go through the motions, if you just merely exist, you’re not only shorting yourself, but Josh too. He wanted you to live, Meggy. He wanted you to love because your heart is made for that. You are an incredibly smart, generous, and caring woman who deserves to share her life with someone who sees what Josh saw.”
Tears stream down my face as I listen to his words – really listen to them.
“It’s not easy, honey. I’m the first to admit, but the older I get, the more I realize that life is worth living, and loving is the greatest joy in life.”
“Are you saying,” I start, leaving my statement open.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. No, I’m not in love, but as I mentioned, I met someone who makes me feel alive again. For the first time in forever, I smile. Not that you girls don’t make me smile, because between you and your sisters, and now the slew of grandbabies being added to the family, I have plenty of reasons to smile. But this is a different smile.”
I nod, understanding what he means. The love you share with your soul mate is different than that of your family. And that’s okay. Love comes in many forms and ways. I don’t know, maybe there is room for more than one great love, more than one soul mate. The thought gives me both hope and hives.
“Can we meet her?” I ask, glancing down at Josh’s stone.
“I invited her to the wedding,” Dad says, offering me a smile.
I smile back at him, truly happy that he is taking this step. I’m sure it’s not easy, but the thought of Dad spending time with someone who puts a smile back on his face makes me a bit giddy. “I can’t wait.”
Dad nods. “And when the time is right, when the right person comes along, you’ll find your reason to smile again, Meghan. Just don’t give up on the idea, okay? There is so much love and joy around us that I’d hate for you to miss out on the beauty that surrounds us.” He pauses and holds my eyes. “Josh wants nothing more than your happiness, sweet girl. He wants you to live.”
Just then, the breeze picks up again.
It’s as if Josh is speaking to me too.
Nodding my understanding, I rest my head on his shoulder and finish my visit with the man I was going to marry. I tell him about the babies coming and AJ’s wedding. Dad doesn’t speak as I talk, just continues to hold me close.
When I’m finally finished with my visit, I turn to my dad. “Can we go say hello?”
“I’d be sad if we didn’t,” he replies with a gloomy smile.
Hopping up, he extends his hand down to me. Before we walk away, I turn toward Josh’s headstone. As I do every Sunday, I kiss my fingers and place my hand on his name. “I love you. Always.”
Turning to Dad, he offers me a hand and leads me toward the tree line a few rows back. There, under a blooming Eastern Redbud tree, is the large double heart stone with the names of my parents. One has a death date and the other doesn’t.
I try to hold back, giving Dad time to visit with his wife, but he won’t have it. He guides us both to the stone and takes a seat on the grass beside it. I’m quiet, lost in my own memories of the woman who never got to see her six daughters grow up. The reflections are fuzzier now than they have been in the past, and I wonder if that’s just part of life. The details start to fade.
“I’ve told her all about the woman I’ve been seeing. I think Trish would have liked her.” Dad smiles fondly at the stone that bears his wife’s name, along with his own.
“Mom liked everyone.”
“She did. She was an amazing person who could find the good in anyone. I see a lot of her in you. Probably more than any of the girls.”
The accolade warms my heart, because honestly, being compared to my mother is one of the greatest compliments in life. She really was a caring, joyful, amazing woman.
“We’re going to be okay, Meghan. I know it.” Dad wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. Together, we sit there and talk to Mom.
By the time we both walk to our cars, I feel like I’ve cleansed my soul. Do I think our talk today magically healed the hurt and pain in my heart? Absolutely not. But maybe, just maybe it’s a step in the right direction.
After another hug and a forehead kiss from my dad, my phone lights up with a text message. An instant smile spreading across my face as I swipe the screen to read his message.
Nick: Going sailing tomorrow with Rhenn. Please say you’ll come. I’m bringing food so no one starves. We’re meeting at the marina at 10.
I look up from my phone, the smile still extending across my face, and gaze out at the many stones until I spot one specific one. The breeze picks up, rustling my hair, and the sun chooses that moment to shine brightly on the screen. I gaze up, the heat warming my face, close my eyes, and smile. It feels good to…feel.
Turning toward the car parked behind me, I notice Dad standing with his door open. He gives me a warm grin and nods his head, solace spreading through my body. Before climbing into my car, I fire off a reply.
Me: I’ll be there.
Nick: I’ll pick you up.
Chapter Ten
Nick
I’m trying not to stare.
I’m failing.
Meghan is seated beside me in the passenger seat, a pair of short khaki shorts and boat shoes framing her long, thin legs. And let’s not get me started on the tank top that hugs her upper body like it was tailor-made just for her. Her hair is up in a high ponytail, and she’s sporting a visor on her head to shield her eyes from the sun.
I can also see strings around her neck.
She’s wearing what is probably a bikini.
I most likely won’t survive the day.
As I pull into the parking lot of the marina, I quickly notice the lack of available parking. Instead of searching for a spot, I pull up to the walkway that leads to the dock where Rhenn’s boat is located, and stop.
“We can unload here, and then I’ll go hunt for parking.”
Popping the trunk, I remove the cooler with food and a bag with condiments and extras. Meghan joins me with her own bag, a towel sticking out of the top. The thought of Meghan sunbathing on the deck of the boat has me already half-hard.
“Wait here. I’ll go park and be
right back.”
I’m saved from having to park in the back lot when a car vacates their spot only a few rows back from the marina. When the vehicle is locked and I make sure my keys and wallet are in my pocket, I join Meghan back on the walkway. “Ready?” I ask, throwing the bag over my shoulder and reaching for the cooler.
“Here, let me,” she says, coming over to grab the bag. Her hand brushes against my shoulder, and I’ll be honest, the casual touch doesn’t suck. In fact, it is pretty much the exact opposite of suck.
When she has both bags, I grab the cooler and head toward where Rhenn moors his boat, year-round. “Watch your step,” I instruct, setting the cooler on the ground when we approach the sailboat.
“Thanks,” she says, taking my hand and stepping onto the decking.
She quickly sets the bags down and tries to help with the cooler. “I got it.” I offer her a smile as I step around her and set the cooler down.
“You brought a friend? I didn’t know we were bringing friends,” Rhenn says, stepping up from the cabins below deck and retrieving his cell phone.
“Don’t you dare,” I tell him.
“Give me five minutes. I could have some friends here in thirty.”
“Not happening. It’s a perfect day for a sail, and I’m going to spend it with my two favorite people.”
“But…one of your favorite persons is a dude…who likes the company of women.”
“You’ll have to use this five-hour dry spell to sit and reflect on your life,” I tease.
“That’s bullshit,” he mumbles. Honestly, I’m surprised he doesn’t already have a cabin full of half-naked women on board. “At least I get to spend the day with this gorgeous lady,” Rhenn croons, turning all of his charms on Meghan. He reaches out and takes her hand, bringing it to his mouth for a kiss. “Meghan Summer, always a pleasure spending time with you.”
“Knock it off, Burleski. Your charms don’t work on me,” Meghan fires back, making me bark out a laugh.
“Ouch. You wound me, Meghan.”
“I’m sure you’ll survive. You have enough ego to pad your fall,” she sasses. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face with a putty knife.
Rhenn joins me and helps carry the cooler down to the galley below. “Dude, I think I’m in love with her. She’s the perfect combination of sweet and sassy. If you don’t claim her, I’m going to. Make your move and now is the perfect time. Ladies dig boats. If you play your cards right, I might even let you play Captain for a bit.”
Rolling my eyes, I look over at my friend. “You’re such an idiot. You can’t just claim women like a table at Starbucks. Besides, Meghan has way too much class for a loser like you.”
“Don’t I know it,” he replies, unloading the food and placing it in the small refrigerator. “It was worth a shot, though.”
“You weren’t even playing the same game,” I snort before climbing up the stairs and joining her on deck. “Hey.”
“Hi. So…”
“So…” I mimic.
“So, if you guys are going to talk about me, you should probably make sure to do it behind closed doors, or where the sound doesn’t travel upward to where I’m standing.”
Believe it or not, I blush. I’ve never blushed in my life. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m pretty sure I blushed in high school, freshman year, when the senior head cheerleader walked into Science class and gave me a little smile. You don’t want to know what sort of embarrassing things happened in my pants that day.
“Oh, sorry. Rhenn doesn’t think sometimes. Actually, all of the time. He sort of just speaks without thinking. You don’t have to worry about him, though. He won’t bother you,” I assure her.
She shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not worried about him.” Then she walks over to her bag and pulls out sunscreen. I watch, helplessly, as she lathers up her arms and legs, making sure the thoughts filtering through my mind are completely inappropriate.
“Ready to hit the water, Romeo?” Rhenn comes up behind me and slaps me on the back. Hard.
I don’t flinch as I turn toward my friend. “Let’s do this.”
Together, we get his boat ready to sail, and fifteen minutes later, we’re slowly making our way through the harbor and out to the Bay. It really is a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly, with not a cloud in the sky. Plus, there’s a beautiful woman sitting port side across from me. Her hair is pulled up high on her head, a pair of big, dark sunglasses don her face, and she keeps looking up at the sky and smiling, as if she enjoys feeling the wind and sun on her face.
Realization sets in, hard and fast. Meghan Summer may very well be the most remarkable woman I’ve ever met, and what I’m starting to feel for her goes so much deeper than the friend’s category. She’s breathtakingly beautiful, whether in scrubs or dressed up. She’s sweet and loyal. Her smile could brighten even the darkest nights.
And she’s in love with a ghost.
We sail for approximately an hour and a half, and no one so much as utters a word. Rhenn, though slightly reckless with his personal life, is great behind the helm. He maintains a great speed, but never goes too fast. His boat is built for speed, but he doesn’t quite stretch her legs in the open waters. For that, I’m grateful. He doesn’t need to scare the shit out of Meghan like he has women before.
Honestly, I think he only does it in hopes of blowing their bikini tops off.
Rhenn finally slows down and comes to a stop. “This okay?” he asks me, which earns a nod in return.
“Looks good.”
I jump up as he releases the anchor and prepares for our afternoon. We’re a few miles out from land, but toward the southern edge of Virginia. We’ve sailed down here several times before. It’s a gorgeous and common area for boats to gather, with minimal waves. There are already about a dozen boats in around us, though no one gets close enough to bother any other boaters.
Meghan hops up and stretches, the hem of her tank top riding up a bit on her stomach, exposing smooth, creamy flesh that makes my mouth water.
“I’m heading down to grab the food,” I announce, taking the stairs below to put a bit of distance between me and the only woman on board.
“I’ll help,” she replies, quickly following me down below.
Great.
So much for trying to give myself a few minutes to calm down. You know, think shit out. Nothing calms a half-mast dick like thinking about your ancient English teacher with her black knee-high socks and floral calf-length skirts.
Together, we pull the containers of chicken salad, coleslaw, and potato salad from the fridge. I grab the bag with chips and buns and set a few bottles of water in the bottom before turning back to the stairway. “I’ll grab utensils,” Meghan adds, her arms loaded with food.
Back on deck, we work seamlessly to set lunch out on the table. “You didn’t bring beer? What’s this water shit?” Rhenn asks, making a face at the bottles of water.
“You can have beer after you drink some water,” I tell him.
“Thanks, Mommy.” He pops the top off the first bottle and chugs away. When it’s empty, he heads below, only to return a few moments later with a bottle of Coors Light. “Ahhh, this is better.”
I pull out a chair and start to make a sandwich. Meghan joins me, reaching for a bun, and that’s when I notice something is missing.
Her tank top.
She took off her fucking top, her blue and yellow bikini top on full display. I almost groan. Almost. My eyes are riveted to her chest like some perv getting his rocks off. I’m such an asshole.
“So tell me about the boat. Did you pick the name?” Meghan asks Rhenn when he joins us at the table.
“It’s a two-thousand fifteen Catalina that I got for a steal when the original owners went through a divorce. He wanted the boat more than he wanted anything else, and since it was in her name – she bought it as a gift for his fortieth birthday – she decided to sell it cheap just out of spite.”
“Wow, that’s…vengeful,”
she replies between bites.
“It was originally named Stephanie, which turned out to not only be the wife’s name, but also his secretary’s name – total coincidence, so he says – and when I took possession, I knew I had to rename it.”
“You can just rename a boat?” she asks, totally enthralled with his story.
“Oh, sweet Meghan,” he starts, reaching over and taking her hand. The movement makes my blood start to boil. He notices right away, of course, and offers me a quick ‘fuck you’ wink. “The renaming of a boat isn’t to be taken lightly. The legend goes that the captain must consult Poseidon, as to not invoke his wrath. There’s a fancy and totally necessary ceremony that must commence in order to purge the old name from Poseidon’s memory before the new name can be made official.”
“That’s so cool,” she says, hanging on his every word.
“He had to chant some weird saying and fling champagne. I’m pretty sure it was just an excuse to drink,” I add.
“And drinking we did. I was able to unveil the new name as soon as the ceremony was complete.”
“That’s pretty radical. Why Runaround Sue?” she asks.
“Because it’s a reminder that not all women are the staying-type,” he replies with a smile, though I can see the painful memories brewing in his eyes. “Plus, it was the first song I heard once I signed the papers for my new boat. Let’s go swimming!” he adds with a blinding smile.
We spend the next three hours basking in the sun and enjoying the day. It feels completely natural to spend it with my best friend and my…other friend. Meghan appears relaxed and seems to enjoy her time on the boat. In fact, I’ve seen her smile more in the last few hours than I have in the last few months. I’ve even caught her checking out my bare chest a few times while we sunbathe.
“His ex was named Suzanne,” I confess quietly as we both sit on the deck. Meghan is reading a book, tanning her incredible body. “She cheated on him and broke his heart.”
