There’s no way when her mom leaves here tonight that she’s not going to go home and tell Emery everything. Which means come the morning, I’m going to have my girl running from me for a second time.
From the second I opened up and told her about my dad dating and she shared her own story about her mom, she’s done nothing but tell me how happy her mom seems. How different. Hell, she even wanted to meet the guy so she could thank him for being so good for her mom.
She wants to thank my dad.
Fuck.
Slamming my fist down again, closing my eyes and inhaling sharply before taking another shot at the wood, I plug my fingers in my ears when I hear my dad call through the door as another knock comes.
“Go away!”
“Christian Michael Cayne, open the door right now!”
Not gonna happen. If he thinks I’m opening the door so that he can try and gloss over this, explaining it away like it’s nothing, or worse, make me end things with Emery because his relationship has to take precedence, he’s got another thing coming.
My dad can go to hell.
So can Rose.
I don’t care if they’re in love and they’re good for each other. I don’t even care that she’s turned a workaholic into a father. I don’t care about any of it.
All I care about is Emery.
And how when she finds out about this, I’m going to lose her forever.
Rose
Standing in the doorway of the Cayne kitchen and watching as Christian looks from his father to me, all of the little things that have been popping up over the last few months finally come together and what I should have put together from the first time Nick mentioned his son, becomes crystal clear.
From the moment we met, we discussed our kids. He told me he had a son named Chris that was in high school, and in much the same way I’d told him about Emery. At the time, our kids hadn’t talked to us about it, so we’d had no reason to put two and two together.
As time went on, I should have realized that the boy that seemed to change Emery from the closed off girl she was, into a talkative, happy and outgoing one was in fact my boyfriend’s son, but at that point, I was so deep in with Nick that I had my blinders on.
It also didn’t help that for the majority of our time together, we didn’t bring our kids into it. Agreeing very early on to keep them out until we were sure that it was something that was going to last, at which point we would sit them both down and talk.
A move I planned on doing with Emery very soon, but that Nick wanted to handle with Christian first because of the loss of his mother. Wanting to assure the young man that even though we loved one another and were moving at a pace that wasn’t exactly conventional, I wasn’t there to replace the mother he lost. I just wanted to enhance their lives and love his father.
An event that we’d been planning out for weeks that was now officially out of our hands.
“This is not the way I wanted this to happen.” Nick admits softly. “We need to talk about this, but short of taking the door of its hinges, I don’t know what to do.”
“Give him time. This is a pretty big shock.”
The next time our eyes meet, I can see the unspoken questions in his eyes. In making a point, I’ve brought up something that needs immediate attention. Answers.
“When did you two meet?”
“I caught them together one night a few weeks ago, and again when Emery invited him to dinner last week. They’ve been seeing each other awhile and much like us, she didn’t want to introduce me until she was sure he was the one.”
“The one.”
“It appears her mother isn’t the only one affected by the Cayne charm.”
Despite the seriousness of the situation and how desperately I want Christian to come out of his room so the three of us can discuss where this goes next, I can’t help making the joke, or being warmed by the slight lift that appears on Nick’s face when I do.
So many signs, information randomly passed in conversations, both with Nick and my daughter and never once in that time had it made any sense. But where I expected there to be some level of surprise or shock at finding out that my daughter is dating my partner’s son, there was nothing.
A response that when Christian locked eyes with me, he was taken aback by. He must believe by my lack of reaction that this is something I’ve been holding onto the knowledge of for some time, but he couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Emery has never been with a boy the way she is with Christian, Nick. For her, he was the one. I have no doubt.”
“It was the same with Chris.” He admits easily, finally taking a step back from the door and making his way over to where I’m standing, wrapping an arm around me, before leaning his head down on mine. “He’s been different since we moved here, but especially lately. I guess I’ve got Emery to thank for that.”
“Yeah…”
Almost as if he can read my thoughts, he voices what’s been going through my mind since I stepped from the kitchen.
“How did we not see this weeks ago? From the beginning?”
“You told me that Christian only told you bits and pieces about her right?”
“Yeah, he was pretty tight lipped because it was so new. Wasn’t it the same with you and Emery?”
“I knew his name before the two of them started dating. She told me that she met him on the first day of school, but at the time, I had no reason to think that your son and this boy were the same person. And I think that by the time I should have been putting it together, I was just so involved I’d convinced myself that it couldn’t be. I mean there are a lot of boys named Chris, or better yet, Christian.”
“But not many Emery’s. How did I not see this?”
“We were too busy acting like teenagers ourselves to see what was clearly staring us both in the face?”
This, while true, earns me another half-smile. “I make you feel fifteen again, do I?” He smirks.
“You know that you do, but right now, I think we need to focus on where we’re going to go from here.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t know what can be done. Is it wrong that I don’t have the answers here?”
It’s easy to see what he’s getting at and there’s no denying that I feel the same way. We’re the parents. We should have the answers. We should know exactly what steps we need to take next, but having never been put in a situation quite like this, we’re both at a loss. It’s clear that we’re going to have to inform Emery, but how and when is up in the air. The matter at hand in the moment is Christian.
“They’re going to have to end things.”
Before Nick can respond, we hear the loud bang and the crash of what sounds like something heavy falling in Christian’s room and he immediately moves and starts banging on the door again.
“Christian! Unlock the door now!”
“I can hear you, you know!” the raised voice of the boy on the other side of the door sounds off, making my heart ache. I don’t want to be the one causing him to react this way, but what I said is what has to happen. There’s no way that their relationship can continue with the road that mine with Nick is taking.
“Chris, just unlock the door so we can talk about this. We’re not going to do anything right now. We just want to talk.”
“Bullshit!” He yells, followed by another crash.
“What’s going on in there?”
“Gonna need a new computer, Dad!” he laughs and imagining what the response will be when Emery finds out the truth, it pains me even more. In a very short period of time, this is going to be happening again, so every step we take now has to be the right one. We need to be able to do this right so that it doesn’t repeat.
“Chris, please.” Nick pleads, his voice finally lowering as his body sinks into the door frame. “You don’t need to do this. Please just come out and talk to us.”
“I am NOT leaving Emery!”
“No one said that you had to.”
Watching the two of them through the door, both of them on different ends of an emotional spectrum with their hearts both breaking, I step forward and rub Nick’s back until he turns his attention away briefly and his sad eyes land on mine.
“I said it. He’s reacting like this because of what I said.” Placing my hand on the door and banging three times, I try and rectify the situation. My position hasn’t changed and I still believe that Christian and Emery are going to have to end what’s going on between them, but in the moment, we need to get him out of the room. Once we’ve done that we can talk about this like adults.
Which Christian, as of a month ago, officially is.
“Christian, no one is going to make you do anything right now. Your dad is right. We just want to talk to you. I know what a shock all of this has to be for you.”
Hearing the sound of socked feet as they move heavily across the floor, the door clicks as it unlocks and swings back open, Nick and I coming face to face with the angry eyes of the boy on the other side. A boy who in the future could very well become my step-son.
“You don’t understand shit! You stand there acting like you knew the entire time. You’re not bothered at all! Then you want to tell me the way things have to go. Well, I don’t have to do anything you say. You’re not my mother.”
“Son, I know you’re mad but—”
“No, Dad! She just said that I had to end things with Emery! I don’t give a shit that it’s her daughter. I only care that I love her and she made me feel for the first time since we lost her.”
Her. His mother.
The woman he’s made very clear I will never be.
It’s not my place to feel hurt right now, but the sting of his words does exactly that. I’ve been wanting to meet Christian for so long now, it feels sometimes like Emery and I have switched places. Nick in the beginning spoke so highly of the man he was becoming that I wanted nothing more than to meet him and thank him for existing.
This is not going the way I imagined at all.
It also doesn’t help hearing how easily he admits to loving my daughter and how she’s changed his life. The same way that his own father has done in mine. It may have been a long time since I was his age, but I still remember what falling in love for the first time felt like, and I have no doubt that he means every word.
The only difference is, first loves don’t work out and I’m living proof. What I have with his father though, both of us having gone through a great deal of loss and pain before meeting again, is what I know will span the course of time.
“No one is making decisions right now. We all just need to sit down and talk about this.” Nick steps between us, staring his son down, almost as if he’s silently asking him to push it.
“I’m pretty sure your girlfriend already made up her mind, Dad. Looks like the two of you are the ones that need to talk.”
Slamming the door in our face again, following it up with another crash, he yells through the door one more time and the words along with their tone send chills down my spine.
“Just leave me the fuck out of it. I’m done!”
There’s this split second after he’s admitted being done where it stops being about him and instead, encompasses what’s going on between his father and I as well.
If Christian is done, how long will it be before Nick is too? Better yet, when Emery learns the truth, how long will it be before she’s done too?
Could everything really be over before it’s had a chance to begin?
Christian
Looking at the disaster that surrounds me and what I’ve managed to destroy with just a few minutes alone, I feel sick.
My laptop is lying in two pieces on the ground, the lid completely ripped away from the base and cords strewn everywhere. Posters of bands I like and photos of the girl I love are ripped and torn in what looks like a broken circle around it. My lamp is lying in pieces on the floor and my bed has been completely stripped bare, for no other reason than the hurt and anger spurning me to rip apart everything that looks remotely right about my space.
If my dad wants to tear my life apart and Rose wants me to end things with her daughter, then the havoc they want, they’re going to get.
I meant what I said. I can’t lose her.
I moved here and despite thinking at the time that I was finally over what happened with my mom, I wasn’t really. It was only Emery’s entrance and her persistence in getting me to talk, eventually breaking me wide open that did that. She changed me. Sure, I’m the one that opened up and started making the changes, but if it wasn’t for her impact, I don’t think it would have happened at all.
Things would have always just been the same. I would have moved from one thing in my life to the next, never really experiencing or feeling. I would have stayed numb.
The very last thing I feel when I’m with Emery.
Numb, frozen and completely cut off from everything has changed into paying attention to the world around me, seeing the beauty, breathing easier and really living. Smiling, laughing and doing things that make my mind and heart feel full again.
A taste of something so beautiful that now that I’ve had it, I’m addicted to and can never come back from.
Why can’t they understand that?
I know that my dad has seen the way things have changed. I also know he likes it. We’re getting along better. Talking things out that before we would have just kept to ourselves. Hell, we’re even hanging out and doing things together which hasn’t happened in so long I forget the way it used to be when it did.
So why can’t he see all of that and fight to keep things the same?
“Chris…” He calls through the door again, the hairs on my arm immediately standing on end, my whole body tense just from the sound of my name. “Rose isn’t here. It’s just me. Please let me in.”
There’s an appeal with her not being there, the sting of her words still raw and repeating on a loop in my head, but it’s not enough to get me to stand. I don’t know what version of my dad is going to be there when I open the door again and I can’t chance it.
I need the one willing to hear me out. Not the one that is going to side with his girlfriend and make all the decisions about my life for me. Especially not when he doesn’t have the right anymore.
“Just the two of us.”
Despite my anger, I’m hating on myself just as much as I am them. My dad has been alone since my mom died and a lot of the time when it was just us back home, I wanted him to find someone that would help him feel again. Having found that, I should be happy for him. Supportive. Instead, because of the way it’s happening and with who, I’m acting no better than a tantrum throwing two year old.
I owe him better than that. If it wasn’t for him, I’m not even sure I’d still be here.
Getting up from the bed, I flip the lock on the door and head back, not bothering to open it. I can’t go all the way with this. I can only go half. He’s gotta do the rest.
Opening the door slowly, he slips in, shutting the door and flipping the lock again once he’s in, standing completely still, almost afraid to move closer as his eyes take in the mess I’ve made.
Another way I’ve let him down. Destroying everything he put together for me.
“How long have you and Emery been dating exactly?” he starts off slowly.
“Since the night of the Halloween dance.”
“So about three months?”
“Yeah, Dad. Three months. But I’ve cared about her and wanted her a lot longer than that.”
“How much longer?”
“The second day of school.”
“Does she know that?”
“I’ve never come right out and said it, but I think she gets the idea.”
“You’re in love with her?”
“Yeah.”
There’s no moment after he asks the question and I’ve answered where I doubt myself. I know how I feel, so there’s no sense lying about it now. Not to him an
d not to anyone. I might be a kid and still have a ton of shit to learn about life, but I do know that what I feel right now is the best depiction of love that I’ve ever seen.
What Emery and I have is what I saw my dad share with my mom until cancer took her from us. Something I’m determined will never happen again.
I am not losing another person to illness or someone else demanding it.
Emery and I are forever.
“I’m going to go out on a limb and assume with how upset you are that you haven’t told her yet.”
“No. I was waiting for the perfect time. Kind of like you and mom.”
This causes his features to relax and soften. Any mention of my mom and the way I know they were changes him. It’s why it’s so easy for me to tell that what I have with Emery is love, because I react the exact same way.
“Sometimes it feels like that only happened yesterday, and then other times, it’s like I can feel the memory there, feel it deep in my bones, but it’s just out of reach.”
Time is doing that to him. It does it to me too when I remember her, but not when it comes to things like this. Memories that feeling them, remembering them and experiencing them through her eyes have helped shape me. I can never let those ones go.
“She told me that she knew she was going to love you for the rest of her life on your second date, but she didn’t want to scare you, so she waited for you to say it first.”
“It was the same for me.” He admits, finally finding his way over to the edge of my bed and making himself comfortable. “I knew it the second she flashed those baby blues at me, Chris, but I was such a stupid kid, I figured I’d wait. Sometimes I think things would have been a lot different if I’d just admitted it right away.”
I’m not following him. They still ended up together, so whether he told her how he felt that first day or he waited until when he finally did, I don’t see how it matters.
My mom used to tell me stories of how they were when they were dating, starting from when they met in senior year, right up until they married and I came into their lives. At the time I never understood why, and honestly I was so young I didn’t really care, but with all the time that’s passed since and me being older, I get it now.
The Space In Between Page 20
