“Yes, but our situations aren’t exactly the same. I’ve spent the last seventeen years watching my mom give up a life in order for me to have mine. She’s been unhappy all that time, so if the man she was seeing proposed, as weird as it would be this soon, I would be okay with it.”
“How can you be like that? Be so accepting?”
“She’s my mom. Whenever I’ve done things she doesn’t like, she’s forgiven me. She’s accepted me as I am and has never asked me to be anything I’m not. She’s never asked me for anything at all. I figure it’s the least I can do.”
“I wish it was that way with my dad.”
“It can be. I know that you’re not exactly stoked that he’s moving this fast, and that you’re technically gonna have another mom, even if she is a step mom, but maybe this is what’s best for him. He lost your mom too. If you can move on and be happy,” she nudges me and smiles softly. “Then I think he should too.”
“I…”
Shit. No. I can’t say it now. I’ve spent the last couple of days treating her like garbage and I’m sitting in the principal’s office because of it. The last thing I need to be doing now is saying those three not so little words. She deserves better. We both do, even if I’ve gotta spend some more time convincing myself that I deserve much of anything with the way everything is happening.
“You what?”
“I’m sorry, Ems.”
“I think you said that already, but just in case you haven’t already figured it out by the way I’m still here, you’re forgiven. You don’t have to tell me everything that’s going on with you, but when you know you’re going to lose it, I’d appreciate a heads up so I can get my riot gear ready.”
Laughing despite myself, l lean over until our heads are resting together, her warmth and understanding radiating so strongly that it’s fusing itself straight into my heart.
I have never loved someone as much as I do this girl.
“I promise I’ll let you know next time. You should probably go back to class, though. Baylor’s gotta know by now that you’re not just on a pee break.”
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, Mikey. I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together.”
Music.
That’s what her words are, and even though I know she means them, I also know that sooner rather than later, it’s all going to crumble around us, and the way we are right now won’t exist anymore.
We’ll both be completely alone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Valentine’s Day 2015
Christian
A few years ago, when I was this fresh off the line niner, I didn’t see a point to anything.
It was right after I lost my mom, so my disconnection from everything along with the belief that nothing had a point or mattered, made sense. I was just going through the motions. Taking pointless class after pointless class, none of them leading me anywhere, or making what should be an easy decision—what you want to do when you grow up—easy. Now, just like then, I didn’t have a clear view of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but what I did have is a penchant for stockpiling useless information from those classes that would pop up at the most random times.
This is one of those times.
Today is Valentine’s Day.
It’s the time when card companies, manufacturers of chocolate, and people that spend their lives cutting and arranging flowers, are making a killing. Couples the world over eating it up and declaring their devotion to each other while gorging themselves on chocolaty goodness. It’s also the day that up until now, I’ve never had a girl for, so was just another day that I wished would hurry up and be over. All of that changes this year though and because of it, all I can think about is the random factoid I learned freshman year about the origin of the day.
How during the Middle Ages, people in England and France believed that February 14 was the start of bird mating season and because of it, some poor love sick idiot out there thought it should mean something similar to the humans as well, affectively marking the day down as a day dedicated to love. Now, maybe it’s because my brain is comprised solely of song lyrics and musical chords that I don’t get it, but what two birds wanting to get it on has to do with what this day is supposed to be about, I have no clue. I didn’t then, and I still don’t, but it makes what I just said valid. It’s a useless fact that I apparently need to remember because of its connection to what today is.
Well that, and this year, I’m officially one of those love sick idiots.
But a willing one if it means having Emery’s brown eyes glowing when I give her the present I took weeks searching for and perfecting to reflect us.
I’m such a love sick idiot that I’m even wearing red and for once it’s got nothing to do with a team uniform.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have it that damn bad. Thanks for asking.
What I’ve also got is a fierce determination to put everything that’s happened with our parents out of my head so that I can give her the night of her dreams.
After spending a week drowning in my own agony over keeping things from her at their insistence, along with putting up with them showing up at all hours in various stages of what I’m pretty sure is them acting like those very same birds in heat I just told you about, I’ve finally got my head on straight and I’m ready to look past it.
If Rose wants to ease her into this slowly, then I’ll play along, but only because my own fears are overruling what I know is the right thing to do. Losing her after only just finding her, it’s something I can’t live with, so handling it this way is the way it has to be.
Besides, they’re the knowledgeable adults here. They’ve gotta know the right way to handle this. I’d probably just botch it anyway, considering the way I almost ran us off into the ditch a couple of weeks ago acting the way I was.
But enough about my parental drama.
It’s time to get back to what’s important. Tonight. The night where I finally get the chance to treat Emery like the princess she is.
So after scouring the net for weeks and finally bringing the restaurant list down to three, I’d used my day off on the weekend to check them all out. I figured that if I planned on taking her out and spoiling her, I had to be sure going in that it was the right place for us. Only the best would do and I found it in the Collette Café.
At first, when I found out it was attached to a hotel, I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but once I walked through the door, every fear I had about this being too much for her, or her thinking that all I wanted was to get in her pants because of the hotel, was thrown out the window.
It didn’t give off a heavy vibe at all. I’m pretty sure it’s as close to perfect as it gets for us.
The place was a color explosion of the yellow, blue and white variety, and listening to the lady tell me about the place while she walked me around, I learned also came complete with barrel vault ceilings, French café style seating and tiles that someone has spent a lot of time hand painting.
I honestly had no idea what the half the stuff meant, but what I did know was that it was the exact vibe I was going for.
Emery never wastes a chance to tell me what a cheap date she is or how laid back she wants things to be when we’re out, so while it was definitely a classy upscale place, everyone that was there when I did my walkthrough seemed pretty relaxed. There were some men dressed in suits, others in just shirts and jeans, with their dates dressed in colors that favored the décor of the place. It was like the place had just stepped out of my dreams.
So with the place picked and the reservation made, her present resting at home on my bed, ready to be picked up later in the night, and already donning my outfit for the night, wearing the dark red shirt and dress pants to school in order to save time later, I’m more than a little eager to get the night started.
A night that I honestly wish never had to end.
This bubble we’ve been in the last few weeks since
I got my head back on straight, I don’t ever want it to pop. Enjoying nights at work while she sits behind the counter with me, the two of us working in tandem to help all the customers that filter in, and the time we spend alone at her house and mine, talking, cuddling, kissing, and falling asleep together, both of us so happy being together doing next to nothing that the smiles we wake up with never seem to leave.
It’s been as close to perfect as it can get.
I know it makes me a selfish bastard, enjoying our time together with everything I’m keeping from her, but I don’t know how else to be. I just want to be able to keep things the way they are now for as long as possible. I know the other shoe is going to drop eventually, so I want to be able to take as many memories as possible with me when it does. I want to remember what it was like feeling again for the first time in four years. If that makes me a selfish bastard, then so be it.
All I want to do is love her for as long as I’m allowed.
Pulling myself away from the road my thoughts want to take me on, as determined as ever not to let it ruin what I’ve got planned for the night, I unload the contents of my bag into my locker as I hear a loud whistle reverberate down the hall, followed up by my name seconds before I feel the sharp hand of my best friend come down across my back.
“Check you out! Emery’s not going to be able to keep her hands off you.”
“That’s the point.”
“So tonight’s the night? You’re finally gonna seal the deal.”
After shoving him into the locker and being delivered the wakeup call by Emery, I’d made peace with Jonah, but still making sure to blow him off every time he tried to figure out what the reason for it was. The same blow off I’m setting up to do again now. Things might be copasetic with us again, but not enough to let my intentions for the night slip. Especially when they’re nothing nearly as naughty as the show I’m sure he has running through his head now.
“That is none of your business.”
“Maybe so, but you getting all defensive makes me think I nailed it.”
“The only thing you’re sure to be nailing tonight is April.”
“Nada man. That ship, as Baylor likes to say, has sailed.”
Well, this is news. Considering how deep he had his tongue down her throat three days ago, I figured they were as hot and heavy as always.
“What happened?”
“Your girl’s best friend happened.”
Johnny Davenport and April Winters?
“What the hell happened to Marissa?”
“Man, you really are whipped. They haven’t been a thing since like right before Christmas. You gotta pay more attention.”
“Who Johnny is screwing around with isn’t real high on my list of things to care about. I think I’ll pass.”
“What if I said he was talking about making a play for Em?”
Okay, I was wrong. Maybe I do need to care about who Johnny Davenport wants to screw.
Now he’s got my attention and judging by the shit eating grin on his face, he knows it.
He played me.
“Don’t worry, you’re safe. Johnny’s got his 747 aimed directly at my ex. I gotta say, if the guy didn’t piss me off so much, I might wanna shake his damn hand.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, man, I told you. I saw that shit ending ages ago. We’re not like you and Ems. A nuclear blast couldn’t break the two of you apart.”
Maybe not, but our parents sure can.
“That’s us.” I halfheartedly agree, doing my best to swallow down the reminder of the very thing I’d been trying to forget. “And unless you wanna help test the theory, I need to get out of here. I’ve got less than an hour to pick her up and I still need to pick up her flowers.”
“Go.” He says, motioning down the hall to the exit. “Don’t let your pathetically single buddy stop you.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.” With a playful shove to his shoulder, I head off down the hall, each step bringing me that much closer to what I just know is going to the best night of my life.
There’s a part of me that feels bad for Jonah, him being alone today of all days, but there’s also a small part of me that doesn’t. With as close as him and Emery used to be when they were younger, it’s not that much of a stretch to think that if I hadn’t shown up, they might be the ones having a night like this, instead of it being the way it is now.
Something that even with everything that’s going on in our lives, I can never let happen.
I won’t ever let Emery go and by the end of the night, I’m going to make she understands exactly why.
Emery
“Honey, you look beautiful.”
Spinning around in front of her full length mirror and catching sight of myself from every angle, for the first time, I’ve got to agree with her.
Wearing a dress and heels is definitely not something I spent a lot of time doing, and definitely not something I thought I looked good doing.
I used to dress up like this a lot when I was younger because my mom always wanted me to look appropriate for church every Sunday, but those days are long gone and there hasn’t been a whole lot of need to dress up like this again, much less want to.
When you’re looking for the perfect shot, or sitting in front of a gymnasium full of people and performing with your music class, the last thing you need to be wearing is a dress and heels. With pictures, every second counts and landing face first on the ground because you tripped over your own feet, that’s a whole bunch of wasted seconds that I just can’t afford.
Tonight is the exception to that. It’s Valentines. The one day in the year where it’s expected that you put on your nicest clothes and take extra care with your hair and makeup to look your best.
At least that’s the argument I gave myself when Christian told me what he planned for us tonight.
My almost insane need to see his eyes light up and his cheekbones rise as he smiles at me will make me do just about anything.
Even dress up like some ceramic doll and be put on display.
As it happens, I’m not the only Carmichael going out tonight, and instead of focusing on the way I look, which I think we’ve done enough of, I waste no time putting the focus back on her.
“Why aren’t you dressed yet? Isn’t Saint Nick due here any minute?”
Watching as her cheeks turn a healthy shade of crimson, I can’t help smiling. Her reacting that way means I’m not alone in the way I feel about Christian. She’s as much of a goner over her guy as I am mine.
“He is, but we agreed that since my daughter is also going out tonight, we’d begin our night a little later so I can be here to see her off.”
“About that. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
Things have been really weird around here lately. After she caught Christian and I together before the holidays, heard us out and been pretty cool about it, I thought things were great.
She met my boyfriend and no blood had been shed.
Lately though, the last few weeks at least, it’s like every time I give her a heads up that I’ll be hanging out with him after I’m done my homework, or that he’s coming over, she seems to fade away. There’s a distant look in her eye and she changes the subject to something random and not at all important.
The one time I did bring it up because she went from all things Christian to how many loads of laundry she had waiting for her, she’d talked her way around it and I let it go, but with the way she’s looking away from me now, her eyes again focusing on something far off in the distance, I think I need to bring it up again.
Whatever it is obviously didn’t go away.
“Of course I’m okay with it.”
Yeah, okay. Sure she does.
“Mom, did something happen with you and Christian? Did he say something when he was over the other night that made you not like him or something?”
“Emery, don’t be ridiculous. Christian, minus the way we officially met, has been
nothing short of a gentleman, both to you and me.”
“Then why do you turn away and change the subject every time I bring him up?”
Sitting down on the bed, she pats the space beside her, inviting me to join her, which when I do, she uses as her chance to open up.
“It’s not Christian. For so long, it’s always been you and me against the world. Seeing you grow up, move on with friends like Johnny, and now this relationship with Christian, it’s just a lot to take in. I mean, Emery, in a few months you’re going to be accepting your diploma and moving out to go to university.”
“But you do know that I’ll be home every second I can be, right? That just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I’m gonna be gone forever.”
Laughing softly, she brings me close and squeezes tight. “Yes, I’m aware of that. It doesn’t change the fact that everything is changing far too quickly though.”
“But you have Nick now. You two are still going strong and he’ll be here for you and you know you’re always going to be stuck with me. You’ll be seeing so much of me you’ll be dying for me to go back to school.”
“Never gonna happen, little girl. I could never get sick of you.”
Now this—the way she’s explaining things—I can work with. Christian being another reminder of me growing up makes complete sense. While I’ve got no experience being a mom, I have to figure it can’t be easy after spending eighteen years together to just be okay with your kid up and leaving.
I’m glad I brought it up. I feel like I’ve finally gotten the answers I’ve been after.
“Come on. He’s going to be here any minute and if we keep sitting here talking like this, we’re gonna have to do your makeup all over again, which means you’ll be late for dinner.”
Slipping away from me and standing, she holds out her hand and when I take it, leads me to the bedroom door and out into the hall overlooking the stairs and the front door that awaits me.
The Space In Between Page 22
