“Look at me,” Gideon growled.
Jenna put a hand to her throat which she absently rubbed, while keeping her eyes on the ground. She shook her head.
“Why are you afraid of me?” His voice was soft. All the anger drained away. It didn’t help, if anything it made things worse. How often had Liam managed to convince her that the potential danger was over? He even stroked her hair or massaged her back before laying into her. Her breath came in gulps. Her hands shook badly. There was a buzzing noise in her ears.
Please no.
Don’t.
It was as if her conscience mind divorced itself from her body, her system went into protective mode. Logic went out the window. She felt his hands on her and she screamed. Deep inside she knew, that each time he beat her might be the last, this might be that moment where he lost all control and she ended up dead. Her body never to be found again.
His hands clenched her tighter, which only made her panic more. She clawed against him trying to get away. Any second now, blows would rain down on her. The beatings and threats were becoming worse.
Love and hate were intermingled when it came to Liam.
He pretended to love her when he really hated her.
Hated.
“Jenna,” a soft growl which he repeated. The arms banded around her and drew her near, warm, sheltering, protective.
She inhaled deeply. Musky, woodsy, power. Gideon. Not that monster. She was safe. Somehow she managed to pry her eyes open. To unclench her fists. To breathe again. Jenna stepped into him, feeling at peace for the first time in the longest time. A sigh fell from her lips. Then she remembered how angry Gideon was and with good cause. Her mind flew over the events of the last year and a half and the tears began to fall.
This was the first time she had cried since…
Chapter 6
Jenna hiccupped. “Oh god,” she sobbed. “I’m so glad I’m here with you.” She all but whispered as she buried her face deeper into his chest. Although he felt tense, he kept his arms banded around her small frame. He was tempted to bury his head into her hair and to breathe her in but he refrained. Not fucking happening. He needed to get to the bottom of this. Hear her out and send her on her way.
What the fuck?
She hugged him even tighter, making wounded noises. He could feel her soft mounds flatten against him. How fucking inappropriate. He ignored his body’s response to her.
The acrid scent of her fear slowly lessoned. Thank fuck. What the hell was going on? Was she playing some sort of game? It seemed real enough.
Her breathing eased up and even though he could sense her calming, she still clung onto him. He liked the feel of her all together too fucking much for his own liking. Gideon straightened his back and relaxed his hold on her. He needed to let her go. Needed to move the fuck away. He couldn’t make himself do it.
Jenna only held him tighter. “No,” she moaned.
“Speak to me.” He rubbed his hand down her back and she sighed. He told himself that he only did it to help her calm, to get her to open up to him. After all was said and done, he needed some serious answers. Gideon needed closure. The word tasted bitter as it rested on the tip of his tongue.
“I know…just hold me for a second longer…please.” The desperation in her voice cut him. Against his better judgment, he nodded before pulling her more firmly against him.
Jenna sighed, sounding content. Despite himself, it felt good knowing that he had made her feel this way. He was fucking pathetic. This female had all but destroyed him. Could do it again if he was stupid enough to allow it. He kept his arms around her.
It was a long while before she started talking. “I met Liam about two months after you left. At first I wasn’t sure why I was so attracted to him. Sure, he was friendly, helpful, intelligent. One of the most charming men I’d ever met…”
Hearing her talk of this male made him want to pace. To growl. To hit things. Instead, he kept a solid handle on his emotions and allowed her to speak. She seemed at ease and content in his arms. If it made it easier for her to speak, then he would allow her to remain where she was. It had nothing to do with how perfectly she fit against him. Nothing what so fucking ever.
Damn but she felt so damned good. This was temporary, there was nothing she could say that would make him forgive her and forget the past. To accept her back into his life. His wounds were still too raw. They had been put there by her. If he was honest with himself, they had never truly healed. This female had the ability to devastate him and he could not allow for that to happen again.
“I only realized later that it was his resemblance to you that had attracted me to him in the first place. I missed you so much. It was like a limb had been severed. You took a piece of my soul when you left that day.” She didn’t wait for a response. “I was just so desperate for you. Liam radiated raw power, masculinity and strength. Little did I know, that he was nothing like you.” She was silent for a time, her shoulders shook just a little. “He’s extremely arrogant, conceited, so self centered. He uses his strength to hurt rather than to protect.” She sniffed.
Jenna was crying softly.
“Hey.” He moved his hand up and down her back, trying to console her. There were a thousand questions that ran through his mind. He had to practically bite his tongue to keep from asking them. Gideon continued to rub her back. He wanted to tell her that she was safe now that she was back with him but she wasn’t back with him so he pursed his lips instead. Besides, she would speak when she was good and ready.
He had a funny feeling that he was going to fucking hate what she was about to say.
“It happened so quickly.” Her voice sounded broken and small. It made his heart bleed. “Liam was supposed to be a rebound thing. One or two nights. It was so stupid of me. I was just so lonely and hurt. I just wanted the pain to go away even if just for a short while.”
Gideon resisted the urge to fidget. To pull away from her.
“Before I knew it, he had moved in to my house. I moved out on my own once the divorce became final.” She paused for a short while. “Liam took control of my life, of me. Pretty soon, I wasn’t allowed to see my friends anymore, was only allowed to visit with my mom if he was there with me. He took over.” She sucked in a ragged breath.
“It was around that time that my mom and step-dad moved away from Sweetwater. By the time I realized what was happening, what kind of man Liam really was, it was too late to leave. Then I found out that I was pregnant. Things just spiraled out of control from there. I thought he would stop hitting me, but he didn’t.”
Gideon couldn’t help the growl that was ripped from him. “That fucker hit you?” He growled. No wonder she was so fucking petrified of him.
She instantly stiffened and gasped.
“I’m not going to hurt you, sweetheart.” With his one hand on her lower back, he gripped her closer and used the other one to rub her back. “I would never do that to you. I’m just seriously pissed off that a male would dare put his hands on you.” His voice shook a little, such was his anger at the motherfucker who had done this. Her shoulders shook again and this time she made tiny crying noises.
It almost broke his fucking heart all over again.
Gideon clenched his teeth and bit back a roar.
“I should’ve left him. I should’ve somehow found the courage. I wanted to go to my mom. The thing was, he threatened me with his gun, he even put it in my mouth a couple of times, so deep down my throat that it made me gag.” She sniffed softly. “He would threaten me often, told me that if I ever tried to leave him he would kill me, that no one would ever find the body.”
Gideon had to work hard not to react. Everything in him bristled. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do first, to keep holding her and soothing her. To whisper words of encouragement in her ear or whether he wanted to turn and run to the nearest SUV, to head for Sweetwater so that he could kill the fucker. Thank the gods Jenna needed him right now or Sweetwater would be one
less in population before nightfall. It was going to happen soon though, maybe not today but fucking soon.
“I’m such a coward,” she sobbed. “If only…I could’ve saved him…” She was silent for a few seconds. “If only I had done something to save my baby,” a broken whisper.
His heart clenched, he felt pain like nothing he had ever felt before. “It’s not your fault.” He choked out, meaning every word.
“Yes it is.” She sobbed even harder. “I knew how Liam was. What he was capable of. He hit me more than once after I became pregnant, he even…he even…hit me in my stomach.” She whispered the last few words.
Fuck!
He closed his hands tighter around her. Feeling his own eyes burn. Gideon’s chest heaved as he pulled a deep breath into his lungs. He swallowed hard.
“Liam is a police officer…a cop. I knew that if I tried to run that he would find me, but I should’ve tried anyway. You never know…maybe. At least that way we would’ve had a chance. My son might have lived.”
For the first time, he pulled her away from him so that he could stare deeply into her eyes. They were red rimmed and bloodshot. Her lashes were soaked and so were her cheeks.
“Listen to me, Jenna. There was nothing you could’ve done. I don’t know all the details but there’s one thing that I know with absolute certainty, you are not a coward. Do you hear me?”
She nodded, her eyes filling with fresh tears and she looked down at his chest. “I wish I could believe you but it’s not true. You see, it is all my fault. I overcooked his steak. I had my mind on other things and wasn’t paying attention. I was so stupid…stupid. When he came at me, I tried to run away. I was so afraid for the baby. I should never have run.”
“What else should you have done then? I saw the fucker and he was big for a human. You didn’t stand a chance against him.”
Her lip quivered and the tears continued to fall. “I was going on seven months. My baby was big enough to survive outside the womb.” She made a whimpering noise. “I made it out the front door…onto the landing. He let me get that far. I know that now. I should never have run, should never have overcooked his steak.”
Gideon couldn’t help himself, he growled loudly. The growl slowly twisting and turning into an anguished moan. He breathed deeply, fighting for control. “The steak, his fucking shoes in the wrong place, anything could have set him off. You do understand that it had nothing to do with the steak, don’t you? He had no right to lay a hand on you ever…not fucking ever.”
“He said that he didn’t mean to do it….” She whispered.
“You don’t believe that do you?” He had to ask.
“No…” She shook her head. “He said that it was an accident but I know better. When I turned back as I was running…” She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments. “His face…oh god his face. It was like something from a horror movie.” Her eyes were glazed over, they still leaked tears. “The rage in them…they were wild…like an animal. He shoved me down those stairs.” She licked her lips. Using the back of her hand to wipe her nose and face. “The worst of it was that he made me lie to the staff in the emergency room. I had to pretend that I was clumsy, that I was walking too fast and tripped over my own feet. He made it sound like I killed my child with my carelessness. I’m such a damned coward. I stayed with him for months after he murdered my child. I’m more of a monster than he is.”
She pulled away from him. “I know that you already hate me…that you must be disgusted with me. I’m disgusted with myself.”
Jenna tried to move further away from him but he held onto her. “You were afraid and had every right to feel that way.”
She nodded. “Yeah, but it’s no excuse. He murdered my child and I stayed with him. Night after night.” She was crying again. “Liam is a sick bastard. After the whole thing happened, he made me pretend like what happened was an accident. That my whole tripping and falling down the stairs was how it happened. He started telling me to stop being clumsy. It was a new way, to him, of threatening me. Stop being clumsy, Jenna. Then he’d punch me. I just stayed…why the hell did I stay? What’s wrong with me?”
“You had every right to be afraid. To be worried about what he might have done to you if you had tried to leave. You were right to come here… I only wish I’d listen to what you had to say sooner. I’m so sorry. Fuck…Jenna.” Gideon cupped her cheeks, used his thumbs to try and wipe away her tears.
“He made me quit my job. I had to carry a cell phone with me. Lord help me if I didn’t answer a call or respond to his messages immediately. I had to ask him for money and then prove my expenses. I was forced to return items in order to save money so that I could get away. Still no excuse for staying.” More tears leaked out of her eyes and it fucking killed him. “I’m glad I got away in the end. I regret every minute I spent under that roof. I hate myself for staying.”
“No,” he growled. “Don’t say that. You did the right thing in the end…did what you needed to do to survive, Jenna. Please listen to me. He pretty much held you prisoner. The fucker owned you and you still found a way to escape. That takes serious guts. It may have taken a while but you did it. It took courage to leave.”
“I had to stay with him for months. Share a bed with him, let them touch me…” Her voice had turned agonized and her eyes reflected the same.
Although Gideon wanted to repeatedly punch the tree and to roar with rage, he refrained from doing so. Instead, he stroked the wayward strands of hair from her face.
Jenna flinched. Her eyes widened. He could scent her fear. “I’m not going to hurt you, sweetheart. I told you that you are safe. I would never do that to you.”
Her lip quivered. Jenna nodded. “I know.” She tried to smile. “It’s hard to forget, it’s going to take some time. It’s not you.”
Gideon pushed a breath out through his nostrils. “Like I said before, you are safe now. You’re here with me. I’ll protect you and keep you safe. There is something that I need to ask you though. It’s really important”
She nodded. Her big brown eyes firmly on him.
“I said that you’re safe and I mean it. We agreed no more lies between us.” He paused. “Are you here because you want to…” He clenched his jaw. Hearing what she had said changed things but he wasn’t ready to jump in head first into a relationship either. “Because you want to try and make it work between us, or are you here because you needed an escape from him?” It hurt to ask her. He also felt like an A-grade prick but he needed to know before anything more was said.
She sucked in a deep breath, preparing to answer him.
“Before you say anything…” Gideon could feel his heart beating in his chest, could hear the rush of his blood in his ears. “Even if you are here for escape… I completely understand. You may have come as a last resort and I’m fine with that.” It would fucking kill him. “I will make sure that you are safe, that you have the means to start up again. Somewhere far away. You can do so under a total new identity. He won’t find you and he won’t ever touch you again.” Because I’m going to fucking kill the son of a bitch. “Be honest about this. I’m a grown ass male. Please, whatever you do, don’t just tell me what I want to hear. I promise you, on my honor, that you will be taken care of no matter what you say.” He was going on and on like a pussy. It was time to shut the fuck up and let her talk.
She smiled at him and his heart clenched. Fuck. It felt good to see her happy and to know that he had been the one to put that smile on her face. It also scared the shit out of him. Then she lifted her little hand and stroked his cheek, his stubble catching. “Does this mean you want to get back together? To start off from where we left off?”
Gideon pursed his lips for a few beats. His heart raced. “It means that I don’t want you to go just yet.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Yet. That doesn’t sound promising.”
He sighed. “We can’t just pick up from where we left off. Too much has happened. We can spend
some time together.” Gideon shrugged. “Let’s see where things go.”
Jenna nodded and she let out a pent up breath. “I understand. You need to know that I want to be with you too. This is where I belong…right here at your side.”
Gideon huffed out a breath as well. “Okay.” He said, unable to stop the wide grin from forming on his face. “We’ll see how it goes then? Are you sure you want to be here? You would be protected either way.”
She frowned. “I already told you what I want. I’m very sure.” Jenna smiled. “I can’t wait for us to start over. I also need to be sure that you also want to give this a shot though. You’re not doing this just because you feel sorry for me, are you?”
“Like I said, I don’t think we can just continue where we left off. You have your past to deal with. We both have trust issues, but we can work on it…together.”
She nodded. “I will admit that, although I understand why you were so hurt over finding out about Rob, it upset me that you just up and left. You broke my heart.” Her eyes filled with tears all over again and knowing that she was crying because of him this time was just too much. “You didn’t let me explain. You said you loved me yet you refused to even try and understand the situation.” She sniffed. “It was wrong of me not to have told you but it was just as wrong of you to have just left like that.”
“I couldn’t understand. I still don’t completely understand how you could mate someone and then leave them. It’s not our way.” They had agreed to being honest. He needed to stay true to that bargain. “I’m still nervous that I’ll get in deep with you and that you’ll up and leave or that something else will come to light. I guess I’m mostly worried about you changing your mind about me in years to come. I am fucking petrified.”
She blinked a few times. The light catching the tears on her lashes. “There is nothing else to tell you. I’ve told you everything.” Her eyes were wide. “I want to be with you…only with you. I want to try.”
A Mate for Gideon (The Program Book 2) Page 9
