by J. L. Berg
"But I want to see more ballerinas,” Maddie mumbled.
"Later princess. Promise."
I offered to carry her in so Clare wouldn’t have to tackle the stairs in a cocktail dress. I settled her in bed, and Clare pulled out her pajamas. I watched in absolute awe as she performed this simple task that she’d probably done a million times now. It seemed completely foreign and fascinating to me. Maddie was all but unconscious, but Clare managed to get her changed without much effort.
She tucked her in giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. Unable to stop myself, I leaned down, kiss her on the cheek and said, "Goodnight, princess."
Clare and I silently left Maddie’s room and I followed her downstairs toward the entrance of the house. Once we reached the front door, she turned.
“Logan, thank you so much for tonight. You don’t know how--”
"Go out with me," I blurted out, interrupting her.
"What?" she said, clearly amused.
"Go out with me. On a date. Just you and me."
Please, I silently begged.
"Yes," she agreed.
"Saturday. I'll call you." I grinned like a goddamn fool.
"Okay." She turned to unlock the door, looking back at me with a shy smile.
God, I wanted to kiss her. But I really, really needed to be gentlemen for once in my life.
I took a step out the door, preparing my goodbye speech and froze.
The memory of her in the car, when her breath caught, and her eyes fluttered shut flashed through me, and I couldn’t move another step.
Ah, fuck it.
I quickly pivoted around, seeing Clare’s brief look of surprise right before I grab her around the waist, pulling our bodies tight together, and slammed my mouth down on hers. She let out a gasp of surprise, before giving a slight moan, returning the kiss with enthusiasm. That moan was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard.
I reluctantly pulled back, both of us gasping for air.
“See you Saturday, Clare.”
Being a gentleman is highly overrated.
Chapter Seven
~Clare~
I never thought Saturday would arrive.
I felt like Maddie waiting for Santa. I think that fact alone made me truly pathetic.
The week leading up to the date hadn’t started out with excitement. In fact, it started with absolute dread.
After Logan kissed me, that epic earth shattering kiss, and my heart rate returned to normal, I began to panic. What was I thinking? Could I do this?
Afterward, I locked up the house and walked into my bedroom in a daze. I started to contemplate every different way I could get out of that date. I wasn’t ready to date. It was too soon, right? Maybe in another five years. That sounded reasonable, I told myself as I paced the room. I eventually walked over to the floor length mirror I stared into a week earlier and took a long look at myself again.
My cheeks were flushed and my lips were swollen and for the first time in over three years. I actually looked alive. That part of me, the feminine side all women have that makes us feel sexy and wanted, was back.
I survived Ethan’s death. I had come back from the ashes and lived. But until that night there was still a part of me that was missing. I could feel a sliver of it returning as I glanced in that mirror.
I hadn’t lost myself to grief and I could come back whole again.
Feeling my confidence returning, I grinned in the mirror, placed a hand over my swollen lips and finally began looking forward to my date.
The next morning I awoke in another panic when I realized I had nothing to wear. The only things I owned were what Leah dubbed “Mom clothes.” Jeans, sweaters, tank tops and other random washable items. If it couldn’t handle a jelly stain, I didn’t own it.
I called Leah for an emergency shopping trip.
Complete silence, followed by an ear piercing scream filled the airwaves when I told her the reason. I thanked God I wasn’t anywhere public because I’m pretty sure anyone standing within ten feet of me would have thought the person on the other end was being murdered while I was standing there, calmly doing nothing.
“Oh my God!” she shrieked.
“Leah, seriously calm down.”
“You have a date! We must go shopping.”
I was pretty sure I had already mentioned that. “I know. I’m dropping off Maddie at my parents’ tomorrow afternoon.”
“Good. Plan on leaving her there for dinner, cause we have some serious work to do,” she instructed.
She wasn’t kidding. We shopped for hours and she made me promise to go to the salon to get a mani/pedi on Friday so my nails would be freshly polished. As we were leaving the mall, she said I may want to throw in a wax. When I gave her a hard stare, she looked at me innocently saying “What? You never know! Gotta be prepared, Clare!”
I think Leah was always prepared, for everything.
And now, Saturday was finally here. Leah had just arrived. She had offered to babysit for the evening, which I thought was sweet, but I think she was doing it to be nosy.
No, scratch that. I knew she was being nosy because she was sitting on my bed with Maddie watching me get ready.
“Mommy’s going on a date. Do you know what that is?” she quizzed Maddie, absently playing with her hair. Maddie, who was seated on her lap was busy playing with her doll. She shook her head.
“Is it like a play date?” she asked Leah.
“Um, yes. But with kissing,” Leah explained. I turned around from my vanity to give her a glare. She looked at me like she couldn’t possibly understand what she did wrong. Leah’s filter has a lot of holes. After all this time, I actually was starting to believe she didn’t have one at all and just said whatever came to mind.
“Ewwww. That’s gross, Aunt Leah.”
“Hey, I’m not the one kissing anyone. Talk to your Mom.” I hadn’t talked to Maddie about this, and I had hoped to avoid it for at least another date or five.
“Who are you kissing, Mommy?” she inquired, suddenly getting very serious.
With my focus back on the mirror and the mascara I was trying to apply, I glanced at her quickly, and tried to brush off the question with a quick answer.
“Just you!” I insisted.
My exuberant response doesn’t work, and she pressed on for more answers.
“On your date, who are your kissing Mommy?” she asked again, still serious.
“I don’t know if I am going to kiss anyone, baby. I’m going on a date with Dr. Matthews. Are you okay with that?” I asked carefully.
“Oh. Yes!” she grinned brightly, going back to her doll play.
Leah looked at me in the mirror and we both shrugged.
Well, apparently that talk was done.
~Logan~
I pulled into Clare’s driveway just as I had a week earlier, but today I felt completely different. I was still nervous, but now it felt like a different nervous, more a feeling of anticipation. Last week I was unsure of the path I should take with Clare. I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything. But I didn’t know if I could trust myself. I still wasn’t completely confident. After last Saturday though, when I held her in my arms and kissed her for the first time, I knew one thing. I wasn’t going anywhere, and I planned on making sure she understood that today.
I took one last deep breath, got out of my car and headed for the door. As I rounded the corner of the driveway, I nearly ran headfirst into Maddie who was barreling toward me.
“Whoa there, princess. What are you doing out here?” Clare would not be pleased if she knew Maddie was out here without permission.
“It’s okay. Mommy and Aunt Leah saw you from the window and said I could come get you. They’ve been up there forever,” she huffed.
Apparently the female rituals of beauty hadn’t captured her attention yet. I looked up at the window I thought must be Clare’s bedroom, and saw Leah’s small frame smiling down at me. She gave a small wave before disappearing behind the cu
rtain. I chuckled wondering how long they’d been up there. Obviously long enough to drive a small child nearly insane. Poor kid.
“Forever, huh? Does your Mommy look pretty?” I asked, picking her up en route to the front door. I couldn’t wait to see Clare. The week since our kiss had been long and difficult. We’d spent many hours on the phone, but I hadn’t had the chance to see her in person. With my crazy schedule, I had to work double time to swing another Saturday off.
“Yeah, she’s got a pretty dress on and she smells real good. Aunt Leah said Mommy should smell yummy on a date.”
I choked back a laugh.
She became silent for a moment before asking, “Are you going to kiss my Mommy?”
Completely unprepared for this, I came to an abrupt stop, standing there on the front step just before we entered the house. How do I answer this? Will she hate me if I say yes? I can’t lie. Not to Maddie. I looked at her for the first time, expecting a look of betrayal or hurt on her tiny face, but instead she was smiling. Amazing. It was the only word I had for this child.
“Cause it’s okay if you want to,” she added.
“Oh yeah?” I teased, tickling her between the ribs as we entered the house.
“Yes!” she squealed in between hysterical fits of laughter.
“Well thanks for the permission, princess.” I sat Maddie down in the middle of the living room, which was just to the left of the front door. She looked at me with her big bright grin and I attacked, chasing her throughout the living room.
“No problem!” she shrieked, when I finally caught her in my arms.
“So, should I just go back upstairs? ‘Cause I feel like I’m intruding.”
We had been making so much noise I hadn’t even heard her enter the room.
Turning, with Maddie slung over my shoulder, I saw Clare for the first time in a week, leaning against the doorframe of the living room. I suddenly felt my knees grow weak from the mere sight of her. I didn’t know if I’d ever get used to seeing her without my heart rate doubling. I really hoped not.
When she asked where we were going, I simply told her to dress semi-casually, but that was all I told her. Everything else was a surprise. The dress Maddie had mentioned was simple but beautiful on her. The bright orange under an ivory lace overlay brought out the fiery tones in her hair and made her skin glow. The dress gathered at her slim waist with a belt, and it was short, giving me plenty of her long legs to stare at. She had a denim jacket tucked under her arm, and was wearing strappy sandals that wound around her ankle. She looked amazing, but I’d seen her covered in vomit and thought she’d been breathtaking. She was stunning no matter what she was wearing.
“You look...Wow,” I stammered, leaning over to set Maddie down. I walked over to where Clare was standing.
“Hey Maddie, why don’t you go find where Aunt Leah’s run off to?” Clare suggested, briefly glancing over at Maddie and then returning back to me. Everything else disappeared for a moment. After a week away, I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless. The look in her eyes told me she was on the same exact page.
“Oh, I’m right here. I wouldn’t miss this for the world. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife,” Leah shouted from the kitchen.
Clare reluctantly pulled her gaze from mine and circled around to Leah, who was currently sporting a messy bun piled at the top her head and a faded hooters t-shirt. She leaned casually on the granite countertop watching us, clearly amused.
“Seriously, Leah! She has ears. One of these days she’s going to repeat something you say to her daycare teacher or my Mom!” Clare scolded.
“Oh please, if Maddie said something to your Mom, she would know right away who taught it to her. Laura would come after me with a bar of soap,” she insisted.
“Well, at least she knows which one of us has the dirty mind,” Clare said, walking to the kitchen counter to retrieve her purse. As she passed Leah, she reached over and pinched her in the ass causing her to yelp, and they both laughed.
“Ha! I’m just more vocal about mine,” she argued as she rubbed her sore butt cheek.
“Not true. I’m an angel.” Clare said, officially ending the conversation.
I personally would love to know more about Clare’s dirty mind, but instead she went over Maddie’s evening routine with Leah, who just stood in the kitchen and rolled her eyes.
“Not too much sugar. Remember to feed her dinner. And make sure she brushes her teeth,” she reminded, giving Leah a pointed look.
Leah held up her hands in defense. “What? It was one time. Who says they need to brush their teeth every day?”
Clare shook her head and huffed in exasperation, leaving the kitchen to find Maddie who had arranged herself on the couch in the family room. She was reading a book with Dora the Explorer on the front. I smiled, knowing Clare hated Dora. Another late night conversation.
“Okay baby, Logan and I are gonna go. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.” She knelt down in front of her daughter who was doing a good job ignoring her. Bent over, her thigh was in full view, and I desperately tried not to stare as she said goodbye to Maddie.
I was doing a terrible job of not looking at her thigh and I heard Leah snort in the background.
Busted. My covert glances were obviously not so covert.
“Love you too, Mommy.” Maddie said absently, clearly engrossed in her book.
Clare laughed, “She’s really going to miss me, I swear.”
We headed for the door and I called out, “Bye, princess.”
“Bye, Logan!” Maddie yelled from the family room.
Leah gave me a wink followed by two thumbs up as we walked out, and I chuckled.
I was starting to like her.
~Clare~
“So are you going to tell me where we are going?” I asked Logan as we continued down the scenic highway we’d been on for what seemed like forever. Spring was my favorite season in Virginia. After endless months of bare trees and cold temperatures, spring would finally arrive. The trees flowered perfuming the air, the skyline filled with color and the days were just right for trips to the park and long walks through the neighborhood. The rural highway we roamed down now was no exception. Green trees, old worn fences and the occasional farm would pass as we drove giving a sense of peace that a world like this still existed when everything else around us moved so quickly.
“Nope,” he said as a wide, knowing grin spread across his flawless face.
“You’re really enjoying this secrecy thing, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t been on a date in a long time, and yeah...surprising you? It’s kind of fun,” he admitted.
“You haven’t dated since your divorce?” Between our long conversations on the phone and texting, he had talked about the divorce. He mentioned the cheating, and everything that happened with the press, but that was it. He didn’t talk much about his life during his marriage or after his divorce. When he did, it was vague. Mostly work related or small tidbits about friends. I knew he was holding back. Whatever the reason, I hadn’t pressed for information because I wanted him to come to me when he was ready. I understood heartache and pain, and we would both have to learn to trust each other with our own emotional scars. I had only skimmed the surface when he asked about losing Ethan. Sometimes, certain things were hard to admit, no matter who you were admitting them to.
“Dated, no. No, I definitely haven’t done this in a while.” He looked nervous, like he expected me to press for more. I didn’t. Thanks again to Leah and her savvy skills for gossip, I know the reputation he earned since his divorce, but he was here with me now. I had to believe that I meant something to him, something different.
“So, are we staying in Virginia?” I asked as I looked out the window and saw another farm pass by. Exactly how far we were driving?
He visibly relaxed at the change of conversation and laughed “Yes, we don’t have much longer.”
After fifte
en minutes and an interesting conversation that involved me admitting my obsession with Broadway musicals, we arrived at our destination. When I asked him if he liked musical theater, he looked over at me, shocked, like I’d gone mad, and said, “Clare, you have noticed I’m a guy, right? Because if not, I can pull this car over right now and make that abundantly clear.”
I stared at him stunned, face turning an awful shade of red, imagining all the things we could do in that car alone. As my mind raced with a hundred different fantasies, he just smirked and said, “Breathe Clare.” I took a big gulp of air into my lungs as he started his tirade against musicals. “I loathe musicals. Randomly breaking out into song? What’s that about? It’s just plain wrong.”
I burst into laughter and we proceeded to argue the pros and cons of musical theater. Somehow I didn’t think I’d be convincing him to see “Cats” anytime soon.
We turned onto a gravel road with a worn sign that had “The Thompson Plantation Bed and Breakfast. Est. 1809” printed in wispy elegant script. I turned in my seat, a bit confused and said, “A Bed and Breakfast? A bit presumptuous, aren’t we?” I joked as we traveled down the tree lined single lane road.
“One can only hope,” he grinned. “But no. We will be enjoying dinner. Only.”
“Oh.”
“Who’s the presumptuous one now?” he laughed.
“Hey, you’re the one taking me to a -- holy shit!” I yelled, stopping myself mid-sentence when the house came into view.
The word house was an understatement. It was huge. The colossal white mansion sat along the glistening waters of the James River. We had been driving so long and talking so much, I hadn’t realized we were even following the river. Massive, dense gardens surround the house from every side, holding every flower imaginable. It looked like a postcard come to life.
The house was everything you would expect of a southern plantation, with black plantation shutters, huge white columns, and a wraparound porch. I could just close my eyes and envision what it must have looked like during the Civil War with elegantly dressed women wandering around the gardens worrying about their men as the slaves performed their duties, wondering if things would ever be different. So much history stood in this structure.
