by J. L. Berg
“That’s because she’s a gold-digging, self-centered woman who cares more about her next purse or pair of shoes than she does about her children,” I answered bluntly.
“She’s getting married?”
I nodded my head, saying “Don’t get too excited. I think this is number four, maybe five. Weddings are her thing. Marriage...not so much.”
Scrunching her brow, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know all the particulars because no one in my family talks to each other, but from what I’ve gathered over the years from various household staff and family friends is, at some point, my parents actually loved each other. I’m guessing that’s how Eva and I came about.”
I couldn’t imagine my father feeling warmth toward anyone, but apparently for a short time, my mother was his world.
Sitting down with our breakfast, Clare looked at me with those bewitching green eyes that begged me to continue, and so I took a breath and carried on.
“A short time after Eva was born, my father caught wind from some family friends that Mom’s flamboyant behavior was not going unnoticed in their social circles.”
“Flamboyant?” she questioned.
Pushing the food around on my plate, I answered, “See, the type of social circle my father belonged to, and still does is refined, full of old money. Traditional. My mother showing up with pink high heels would have been considered scandalous.”
“He left her for being different?”
I nodded. “He quietly had divorce papers drawn up, and less than a year later married my robo-stepmother. There is nothing more important to my father than image.” The words rang so true in my head. I hadn’t spoken with the man since I moved. Since he told me I’d fucked up, and was an embarrassment to him. It wasn’t like I was arrested for DUI. My wife cheated on me, and yes it made the papers. Shouldn’t a father be supportive and be there for a son in a situation like that? Not mine. Nope. Out of sight, out of mind.
“Is that what he did with you?” she asked.
“What? Cut me off? Yeah, but I wasn’t living on his money anyway. Every dime he’s ever given me, I’ve put away and invested. I worked throughout college to pay for all my expenses, and have been living off my own income ever since. I knew my father wasn’t reliable, and didn’t want to ever be financially dependent on him,” I explained.
Apparently I had inherited one thing from him, a good financial sense. Planning for my eventual banishment was the best thing I could have ever done, but it meant that I always knew he would eventually do so. Well I had news for him, if he ever wanted to take a look at my stock portfolio he would find out that I’d learned quite a lot from him over the years. The small amounts of money he’d given me for graduations, living expenses and other accomplishments had grown exponentially. I was worth millions.
Thanks Daddy.
“So are you going to your mom’s wedding?” Clare asked cautiously, leaning back in her chair as she sipped her cup of coffee.
“No,” I answered immediately.
“Logan. She’s your mother.”
“Only on paper. She gave up all rights to me and left me with that man. Alone.” I snapped.
Her elegant fingers wrapped around my arm tenderly, making me regret my bitter words.
“Just think about it, okay? We could go with you. I’d like to meet her, to know someone in your family.”
That was the last thing I wanted. Bringing her and Maddie into the batshit crazy world of the Matthew’s family? Hell no. But more than that, I wanted to make her happy. So I just nodded.
“Okay, we’ll go.”
Chapter Twelve
~Logan~
“God, Logan, would you stop fidgeting? It’s going to be fine,” Clare said as I pulled into the packed driveway of the upscale neighborhood.
Fine. Sure, whatever.
“Dad was very kind to Ethan when they first met. His black eye healed quite quickly,” she assured me, completely serious, as my eyes widened in horror. She was silent for what seemed like forever before she broke out into explosive laughter, actually grabbing her side and doubling over.
“Not funny, Clare,” I muttered.
“Oh my God. Not true. That was hilarious! Maddie, that was funny right?”
I heard Maddie giggle from the backseat.
Evil women.
“You seriously have no idea what I’m going through, do you?” I wailed, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Logan, they're going to love you. You need to calm down. It’s not like my Dad is going to take one look at you and know every single sordid detail of our relationship,” she said with a wink.
Thank God for that. I don’t think I would be living if he knew the things I had done with Clare. To Clare. In Clare.
Okay. New train of thought. Definitely didn’t want to be walking in there with a hard-on.
Bad, bad idea.
“Okay, let’s do this,” I said, grabbing the bottle of wine Clare had picked out as a hostess gift.
We got Maddie out of her bright pink car seat that had now taken residence in my SUV for the past two weeks. After installing it one afternoon when we were headed for the movies, it just stayed. I think Clare actually went out and bought another one so we wouldn’t have to switch. Seeing that permanent fixture in my car did something to me, and made me feel important to Maddie’s life in a small way. It felt like we were taking a stepping stone to something bigger.
As we made our way to the front door, Maddie grabbed both of our hands, yelled “One, Two, Three!!” as we lifted her up, one arm each and swung her, laughing as she squealed with delight. Three months ago I would never have known how to play this little game, and now it had become second nature.
Clare didn’t bother knocking, just opened her parents front door yelling “Mom! We’re here!” She got a response back from the backyard telling her everyone was outside. We sat the bottle of wine down in the updated kitchen decorated in muted tans, cherry wood and stainless steel.
“Nice kitchen,” I commented.
“My parents’ present to each other now that they are finally tuition free for the first time in years.”
“Speaking of which, is your brother going to be here?” I asked, wanting to meet the elusive brother with the very demanding job.
“I think so. Mom said he should be, assuming he doesn’t have any last minute assignments. I haven’t seen him in ages.”
Clare opened the slider to the backyard. Maddie immediately took off, headed for the swing set that I’m assumed was placed in the corner of the lot especially for her. I don’t know how my parents would react to me having a child, but I know they wouldn’t build a swing set or take her overnight if needed. That was what Nannies were for.
The large yard was filled with quite a few people for the afternoon cookout, including Leah who joined Maddie at the swings.
When I asked Clare what the occasion was, she just looked at me confused and said, “No occasion, just a cookout.”
Apparently they had them all the time. My family needed a reason to gather, otherwise why bother?
Clare pulled us towards an older couple standing near the center of the yard, chatting with several guests.
Clare fell naturally into the woman’s arms, and they embraced lovingly. “Hi Mom.”
“Hey, sweetheart,” Clare’s mom said in reply.
She exchanged similar greetings with her father, the man’s eyes never leaving mine. Clare was kidding about her dad roughing me up, right? Because right now, he looked like he was holding back a right hook.
“Mom, Dad. This is Logan Matthews. Logan, these are my parents. Thomas and Laura Finnegan.”
I offered my hand, but Clare’s mother surprised me and gathered me up in a hug.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Logan,” she said.
She pulled back, and her eyes, the same green eyes I’d become addicted to, were brimming with unshed tears. Panicked for a moment, thinking I had upset her,
I searched her face and found her smiling.
Happy tears. She’s happy.
I was speechless.
“Mom, you okay?” Clare asked, wrapping an arm around her mother.
“Oh yes, honey. I’m wonderful.”
Dad, on the other hand, didn’t look quite so approving of me as he turned to Laura and Clare.
“Ladies, do you mind giving Logan and me a minute to get to know each other?”
Clare gave me an encouraging smile before nodding to her father and exiting with her mom.
Fuck. I’m screwed.
“Logan, why don’t you join me for a beer?”
Uh, okay. Not how I expected this to go, but I’d go with it.
“I’d be happy to, Mr. Finnegan,” I said cheerfully.
“Call me Tom, Mr. Finnegan always makes me think my father’s around,” he joked. He was relaxed, but there was still that look in his eye. That appraising, calculating, judging look.
We grabbed two beers and planted ourselves in some nearby chairs, silently watching everyone mill about in the backyard. I watched as Clare greeted several of the guests, hugging various friends of the family. Tom wasn’t what I expected, although my perceived notions of a father figure were slightly skewed. In every single memory of my own father, he wore a suit. I’d never seen him in anything else. He was always straight-laced and rigid, never a hair out of place. Clare’s father was relaxed, wearing shorts and polo. He seemed warm and approachable. Well to everyone else at least.
“So Logan, tell me about yourself, ‘cause I’ve heard and seen plenty,” Tom said, his opinion of me clear in voice.
Well, shit. That explained the look. I didn’t have a chance with this man from the very start. My father’s name and money followed me wherever I go, but it’s my lifestyle, the one I chose to live he was questioning. The women, the alcohol, the endless partying. I always wanted to blame my father for everything, but all those choices were my own. No one to blame but myself.
“Well, if you know everything, there’s not much to say. Do you want me to deny it? Because I’m not. My choices, my mistakes, my past. But that’s exactly what it is, my past. I gave it all up the moment I saw her, because Clare and Maddie, they’re my future.”
Clare’s father didn’t say anything for a long time, just remained quiet, slowly nursing his beer, and thinking. I waited, because I had nothing else to say. I had already laid my cards on the table. All of them. I couldn’t change who I was in the past, but I could change who I was now, and would be for Clare and Maddie.
Finally, he turned to me. “Good. Very good, son. Welcome to the family.”
He stood and pulled me into his arms, hugging me like a father would a son.
Or at least, how I always imagined it would be.
And just like that, I was family.
~Clare~
I watched as my father and Logan embraced and I felt my knees grow weak. Knowing the importance of this moment for both men brought tears to my eyes that I quickly brushed away. My father had lost a son, and Logan had never had a father. It was a beautiful moment.
“Looks like you have your father’s blessing,” my mother said.
I nodded, unable to speak, watching the two men.
My father leaned in and whispered something in Logan’s ear. Logan’s masculine laughter filled the backyard, and he nodded, saying something back to my dad. My father, smiling, gave Logan a swift pat on the back before walking back into the house.
Like gravity, I moved toward him, my hands finding his.
“What was that about?” I asked, wondering what my father and Logan were planning.
“Nothing. Nothing,” he said with a wink.
“Jerk,” I muttered. I hate surprises.
“Everything went well?” I asked, knowing it had but wanting to hear him say it.
“Everything was perfect. Thank you, Clare.”
He didn’t elaborate on what, but he didn’t have to. I know what that moment must have meant to him, and I just nodded. Arm in arm, we walked over to the swings to find Maddie and Leah. I joined Leah at the swings, while Logan began pushing Maddie, making her giggle and scream.
“So, meeting the parents, huh?” Leah asked as I pushed off, swinging my legs back and forth, gaining momentum. The swing felt about ten sizes too small and made my butt feel gigantic, but I loved the feeling of weightlessly soaring through the air. It made me feel like a kid.
“Yep. He was nervous as hell,” I admitted with a slight smirk.
“Ah man, I would have loved to see that,” she said sincerely. She loved seeing people squirm. I think it was such a foreign concept to her that it left her completely fascinated. Nothing made Leah squirm.
She was fearless. Well, so far at least.
“Didn’t you take care of him before hand?” she asked, confusing me.
I had no idea what she was talking about. Leah was a mystery I had never quite solved.
“Say what?”
“I take that as a no. You sent him in to meet your family, fully loaded? No wonder he’s a nervous wreck. The least you could have done was jacked him off before you left so he’d relax a little.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, Leah Morgan, my best friend.
“You’re serious?” I said.
“Yep. Men are way calmer after they’ve cleared the barrel.”
“Oh my God. You are ridiculous. And by the way, Maddie is not that far away. She can probably hear you.”
“I know I sure can!” Logan interrupted us, speaking loudly from several swings down.
My pale skin tone had me turning the color of a tomato as Leah started heaving with laughter in her swing. She was laughing so hard she had to stop swinging all together.
“I really, really think you should take Leah’s advice on this one, babe. She’s a smart girl,” Logan advised with a crooked grin, still pushing an oblivious Maddie who was currently singing at the top of her lungs.
I rolled my eyes, still recovering from my massive embarrassment when my Dad opened the door and yelled, “Hey Clare, you’ve got company.”
I turned to see Colin and Ella come through the slider, right on time.
Logan looked at Colin and Ella before looking back at me confused, as I rose from the swing to greet our new guests.
“You invited my friends to your parents’ house?” he asked, his eyes taking on a younger, more rounded look than I’d ever seen, making me wonder what he looked like as a boy.
I nodded, and said, “They’re your family, Logan. I want our families to know each other.”
Taking one quick stride, I was immediately in his arms, completely engulfed in Logan.
“Thank you,” he said fiercely.
“Dude, it’s just us. No need to flipping cry or anything,” Colin joked over my shoulder.
“Flipping?” Logan grinned, turning around to arch his brow in question at his friend’s choice of word.
“Ah, yeah. Ella won’t let me swear in front of the belly anymore,” he confessed, placing emphasis on the word belly as if it were a name or a thing.
“She swears the little monster in there can hear us, and she doesn’t want our baby to have a sailor mouth like me. But that hasn’t stopped her from screaming like a banshee when we’re going at it like – ow!”
I covered my mouth, trying to hold back a laugh as Ella’s elbow found its way into Colin’s ribs.
“What the hell, I mean heck did you do that for?” he asked as if telling a crowd about his wife’s bedroom behavior is totally normal.
“You are impossible,” she huffed, folding her arms over her swollen belly. I could see a trace of a smile sneak its way up before she broke out giggling. Colin was a hard guy to stay mad at. He was just so damn cute. The few times Logan and I had gone out with them, I constantly wondered how the hell Ella put up with him. He was high maintenance, had an ego the size of Texas, and the body to back it up. Being a highly successful lawyer didn’t help. He never backed do
wn from a fight. They complemented each other and obviously made it work.
My brother chose this moment to arrive and we all stood around and introduced everyone. When the women started cooing over Ella’s belly, the men disappeared to go do “guy stuff”. My guess was they were going to play around with the grill for a while, nurse some beers and then eventually throw around a football and talk sports.
“So Ella, how much longer do you have?” Leah asked, her nursing instincts kicking in.
“Two months. Two miserable, long months. Next time he tries to knock me up, make sure I do the math first. Being pregnant in the summer sucks.” Watching her sit in the hot summer heat, I could commiserate. Ella was tiny, barely topping off at five foot two inches, she looked like a dwarf standing next to Colin’s six and a half foot frame. But she was tiny, complaining that she had to shop in the kids department sometimes to find clothing that fit her. Right now, she looked like she was going to topple over. She had a giant belly and two little legs to hold herself upright and we all wondered how she was going to make it to the end without falling over.
“Maddie was born August 11th, so I know exactly how you feel,” I said.
Our baby conversation went on from there. We talked about everything from showers to diapers to breast pumps.
Leah, completely out of her element, excused herself and joined Maddie again who had now moved on to hula hoops. She kept swiveling her hips, but the stubborn hoop fell to the ground every time. Leah picked one up, trying to help, and of course mastered it in one try.
Since her night with Declan James, Leah was different. She said it wasn’t a big deal, but I think she’s still trying to convince herself of that. I tried bringing it up on occasion, but she always managed to change the subject or remind me that it was a one night stand, no big deal. But I think Declan was a much bigger deal than she was willing to admit.
“I wanted to thank you, Clare,” Ella said, bringing my attention away from Leah and Maddie and back to her.
“Why?”
“You’ve gave us back Logan,” she said.
Confused, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“I haven’t known him as long as Colin. They have a friendship that goes way back, and I know Colin has said that even though they’re best friends, there has always been an unreachable part of Logan. But Colin accepted that. He took what Logan was willing to give, and gave back what Logan had always wanted. A family of sorts.”
