by Lucy Clark
‘Just let them go,’ Flynn’s voice said from behind her, and she jumped a little, not having heard him follow her. She turned and in the next instant she was in his arms, their firm warmth providing her with a protective shelter from the stormy emotions pounding at her heart.
‘I’ve got you, Reg. I’ve got you,’ he murmured softly near her ear, but as he spoke, Reggie could hear the thickness in his tone and as she buried her face into his chest, her body racked with sobs, she realised that Flynn was also shedding a few tears.
She was touched at this deeply personal, deeply sensitive side to him that she couldn’t remember seeing before. They’d worked together on patients before, they’d lost patients before, but in all the time she’d spent with him he’d always managed to keep a close rein on his most intimate emotions.
Now he was sharing them with her and she couldn’t help but feel…quite privileged.
CHAPTER SEVEN
REGGIE WASN’T SURE how long they stood there, their arms wrapped around each other, supporting each other. The job they did wasn’t easy. It was bad enough when they were in Theatre and things didn’t go their way, the patient dying during surgery, but to have gone out to the beach, to have spent time with Kev, having him confide in her, giving her the message to pass onto Michaela…and then to lose him.
Yes, it hurt, but it also felt incredibly good to have Flynn’s strong arms about her. The pain was there but the fact that it was shared really did provide a level of comfort. It had been so long since anyone had just held her, without a hidden agenda, without wanting anything from her. Flynn was offering her comfort and she hoped in some way she was giving him back just the same.
She had no idea how long they stood there and a part of her never wanted it to end but she knew it must. It was their job to pull themselves together, to head back into the fray, as it were, and to help someone else who was still alive and who needed their expertise.
Slowly Reggie’s tears started to subside but she was more than happy to stay where she was, at least for the moment. The memory of having Flynn’s arms around her…of the way he would sometimes rub his thumbs in small circles in her lower back, giving her a gentle and sensual massage. Would he do that now? Did he want to do that?
Before the emergency, he’d asked for her forgiveness. The fact that he’d done that and also the way he’d been so incredibly thoughtful and helpful and wonderful and supportive was making it far too easy for her to fall in love with him all over again.
She knew he was here at Sunshine General covering Geetha’s maternity leave but then what? What were his plans once Geetha returned in six months’ time? There were just too many questions. Too many emotions. Too much…Flynn. She knew she needed to pull back, to try and find some sort of perspective where he was concerned, although how she was going to do that She had no clue.
Feeling a little better, Reggie started shifting slowly in his arms. She was becoming far too aware of how perfect his torso was, how he smelled of that deep, earthy spice that had always been intoxicating to her senses, and how she wanted nothing more than to ease back, lift her head and have him press his lips to hers.
He’d done it time and time again in the past and as his arms loosened, allowing her to shift a little more, she couldn’t help but look up at him. His gaze automatically dipped to take in the contours of her mouth, the atmosphere between them changing from one of supportive colleagues to one of experienced familiarity.
She looked into his gorgeous eyes, hooded by those gorgeous long lashes, his straight nose, his cleft chin and his slightly parted lips. His arms were no longer protective and supportive but instead were bands of warmth, heating her up all over. Didn’t the man have any idea just how powerful his hold was over her? She wanted him to kiss her, to follow through on the urge that seemed to be so tangible between them you could have cut it with a knife.
‘Reg.’ Even the way he spoke her name was filled with repressed desire. ‘I really want to kiss you.’
At his words she gasped, her lips parting and her eyes widening at the bold but honest statement. Her hands were still halfway around his back from holding him close while she’d wept but now she brought them around to the front, to rest against his chest as she continued to look at him.
She really wasn’t sure what to say or do because although she was longing to have his mouth pressed to hers once again, knowing she would be able to experience those thrilling sensations only Flynn had ever been able to evoke, she also remembered the pain he’d put her through when he’d broken her heart. She could forgive him. She knew that but could she trust him with her heart again? Was his desire to kiss her simply born from the moment they were sharing or was it something deeper?
He lifted his hand to run his fingers through her short dark hair. ‘I like this colour. When we met it was longer and a honey brown and you were the most effervescent and wild and crazy and most wonderful person I’d ever met, and even then I had trouble keeping my lips from yours. It appears, all these years later, that the urge is as strong now as it was then.’
He cupped her chin with his hand and brushed his thumb over her parted lips. If she’d thought she’d been on fire before, his sweet and gentle caress had only enhanced the power surging between them.
‘I know I’m being selfish, Reg,’ he continued a moment later when she hadn’t spoken. ‘Especially after the way I treated you all those years ago, and I really need to tell you how sorry I am. I was arrogant and rude and didn’t take into consideration that your feelings were much deeper than I’d originally thought.’
‘You asked me to marry you, Flynn!’ Reggie shook her head and twisted from his embrace. Flynn instantly released her, dropping his arms back to his sides. ‘You proposed marriage and I accepted. Then, the next day, you turn up at my room and tell me you need to call it all off. Just like that. No explanation, just that you’d made a mistake and that you were no longer…free to pursue a relationship with me. Less than two weeks later I read—in the society columns—that Flynn Jamieson, of the well-known wealthy Jamieson family and heir to the Jamieson Corporation, had wed his childhood sweetheart, Violet Fleming, a young philanthropic socialite who was on the board of so many charity organisations it was almost impossible for the newspaper to list them.’
‘Reg…I—’
‘What, Flynn? Please tell me what happened back then because I’ve spent the past six years trying to figure things out. What did I do wrong? Was I too enthusiastic? Did everything just happen too fast? Sure, I may be spontaneous and, yes, in my life, once I make a decision, things tend to move really fast and I’m off like a rocket, but what a lot of people don’t realise is that I think about things far more deeply than anyone would ever guess, and when you proposed to me I didn’t take it lightly or as some sort of flippant twenty-four-hour whimsy.’ She shook her head and spread her arms wide.
‘I’m just not sure how you could have misconstrued my true feelings for you, especially as when you proposed I threw my arms around your neck and smothered your face in kisses while saying “Yes, yes and yes” over and over again! Don’t you think that during the time we were together I hadn’t dreamed of you asking me that question? That I didn’t feel that strong and abiding connection that—stupid me—I thought you’d felt, too…or at least I believed you when you said you did.’
‘Reg!’
‘What?’ Reggie leaned her head against Bergan’s office door, wishing she had her pass key on her so they could at least enter and have a bit of privacy. She was tired and edgy after the retrieval, and then having her patient pass away…it was all becoming too much. Now they were just waiting for the young girl to arrive in A and E, in case she required surgery.
It definitely wasn’t the time for them to be having this discussion, the one she’d wanted to have with him ever since he’d come back into her life—to ask him why he’d really called off their engagement. Apparently time just wasn’t on her side at the moment.
‘Will you
let me get a word in edgeways?’
‘Go for it.’ She turned and leaned her back against the door, closing her eyes and waiting for him to speak.
He was quiet for a moment before saying softly, ‘It was a mistake.’
Reggie was glad she hadn’t been looking at him when he’d spoken those words because the pain that instantly pierced her heart, she knew, would have been clearly reflected in her gaze. She tried to focus on the Christmas music playing through the speaker above, hoping that her days really would be merry and bright, but how could they possibly ever be that way again when Flynn had just confirmed that proposing to her had been a mistake?
‘Thanks for confirming that,’ she returned, realising she needed to get away from him. In some ways it was the last thing she’d expected him to say, to admit that what they’d had in Sint Maarten had been a mistake, but he’d said it to her back then and he was only confirming it now, all these years later.
The sounds of ambulance sirens nearing the hospital could be heard over the Christmas music and the next instant both her and Flynn’s pagers started to beep. She dragged in a deep breath, pushed her personal thoughts aside and stepped away from the door.
Raising her gaze to hover just near the top of retrieval suit, focusing on his Adam’s apple, she mumbled, ‘Looks like we’re needed again.’
With that, she edged past him, ignoring the way her body burst with excitement as her arm brushed against his. Retrieval suit or not, the slightest touch from Flynn would no doubt always set her on fire and it was probably something she should simply learn to accept, rather than fight. She was attracted to Flynn. Fact. He thought the two of them together was a mistake. Fact. All of this made it highly plausible that she would no doubt die from a broken heart.
‘Clamp,’ she instructed the theatre nurse, Susan, as they entered their fourth hour of surgery. The young girl, Lola, had a perforated bladder and kidney and her bowel was in a bit of a state. ‘Nothing we can’t fix,’ she and Flynn had reassured Lola’s poor parents.
Working in conjunction with the urological surgical team, as well as Mackenzie and John for Lola’s orthopaedic injuries of an amputated right foot, Flynn and Reggie were determined that this young girl would live. Kev had given his life for her and there was no way any of the team was going to do anything but their best for Lola, no matter how tired they might be.
Lola would need to be on dialysis while her kidney healed and then there was the inevitable right-foot prosthesis she would require, but for the moment both Reggie and Flynn were concentrating on performing an ileostomy, having already successfully completed a resection on the large intestine. They’d had to make a large cut down the centre of Lola’s belly in order to gain access to the area. Usually the procedure was performed laparoscopically but in Lola’s case that hadn’t been an option.
Between the dialysis and the prosthesis, Lola would also have to deal with the temporary stoma they’d been forced to insert—where they attached her small intestine to the outer wall of her body. Her stools would need to go through the stoma into a drainage bag outside her body. All of that was a lot for a twelve-year-old to cope with, especially as it would all be combined with the emotional trauma of being swept out with the ocean current into dangerous waters until Kev had come to her rescue.
As Reggie pulled off her gloves quite some time later, handing Lola’s care over to Mackenzie and John, who were the next surgeons to treat Lola’s plethora of injuries, she was physically and emotionally drained.
‘That poor kid,’ Flynn murmured, as he de-gowned in the anteroom next to Reggie.
‘Her whole life has just changed,’ she replied, removing her mask and cap before running her fingers through her hair, fluffing it up.
‘It’ll never be the same again.’ Flynn continued to watch her, both of them now dressed in their scrubs. Bits of Reggie’s dark hair stuck out at all angles, making her look cuter than ever. A lopsided smile slowly tugged at the corners of his mouth and, unable to resist the chance to touch her, he stepped forward and brushed his fingers through the locks so they didn’t look so wild and unruly. ‘Lovely,’ he said.
‘Tired,’ she returned, unable to put her shields up. After what Flynn had said to her before Lola’s surgery Reggie had most definitely wanted to put a bit more distance between them but right now all she really wanted was to find a nice, comfortable bed, curl up and go to sleep.
The feel of his fingers in her hair, his hand cupping her cheek, the way he looked down into her upturned face, the way he looked into her eyes for a brief moment before nodding, as though reading her thoughts, was lovely. To have him here, have him near, have him caring for her. It was something she’d dreamed about for such a very long time that when he put his arms around her shoulders and led her out of the anteroom, she was more than happy to let him.
‘Get changed. I’ll write up the notes and meet you back here in ten minutes. OK?’
‘Sounds good,’ she murmured, and headed into the female changing rooms. She was at that stage of exhaustion where she had so many thoughts running through her head that none of them made any sense. One thought blurred into another and they all continued to tumble until she was unable to process anything. So much had happened today and as she slowly changed out of her clothes, almost falling over once or twice, feeling light-headed as though she was drunk, all she could think about was getting to that nice, comfortable bed.
‘You’re starting to make a habit of this,’ Flynn murmured not too much later as they headed to his car. There was a light smattering of rain outside but the air was still rather sticky and humid. She knew he was referring to the exhaustion she’d felt last night… . Had it only been last night? She liked it when her days were full, when time didn’t drag, but the past few days had been filled with far too many conflicting emotions, even for her.
‘I’m sorry if I’m being a nuisance,’ Reggie remarked, the balmy weather having woken her up a little, but Flynn instantly dismissed her words.
‘You’re not. You’ve been through a lot, Reggie, and your mind needs time to process everything. At least I don’t need to carry you to the car tonight.’
Reggie frowned at him. ‘Stop talking about me as though you’re the authority on me,’ she protested as he unlocked his car and opened the door for her. She stepped forward and only realised a split second later that they were standing facing each other with only the car door between them. She lifted her chin, annoyance making her brave.
‘Why not?’
‘Because you don’t know me, Flynn. Because you’ve admitted to me that you and I were a mistake, one that should never have happened, that you regret—’
‘What?’ He frowned as he interrupted her. ‘I never said that.’
‘Yes, you did. Just before Lola’s surgery. We were outside Bergan’s office and you admitted it was a mistake to—’ She stopped talking again but only because Flynn had put his finger across her lips, startling her and causing her body to be flooded with a mass of tingles at the feather-light touch.
‘You once told me the only way to effectively shut you up was to kiss you and I’m very close to doing that, Reg.’ He breathed out a calming breath but she could see his eyes flashing with a mixture of desire and frustration. ‘What I said to you before Lola’s surgery was that it was a mistake to have treated you the way I did. It was a mistake to allow myself to be persuaded by my family. It was a mistake to turn and walk away from you.’
Reggie stared at him then blinked one long blink as though she was desperately trying to process his words. ‘A mistake to…’
‘Walk away from you. I have many regrets, Reg, and…’ He cupped her face, the frustration leaving him as he gazed into her eyes as though she really was the most important and precious person in the world to him. Her legs started to quiver, to turn to jelly, and she quickly put out a hand, clutching the edge of the car door in order to steady herself. ‘You are perhaps my biggest regret of all.’
‘I a
m?’
His smile was instant and gorgeous and his eyes were twinkling with mild amusement. ‘Yes.’ Flynn indicated to the car. ‘Get in, Reggie. I think it’s time we talked.’
She did as he suggested, trying not to fumble with her seat belt as his words reverberated around her head. Time they talked? Talked about what? About the past? About how he’d left? About how she’d been utterly devastated and heartbroken? Because if they did that, then that discussion would lead to the present and she wasn’t at all sure she was ready to reveal to Flynn just how incredible he made her feel.
She loved being near him, spending time with him, laughing with him, and it was also what she wanted more than anything in the world…but…had too much already passed between them? Was it possible she could forgive him for hurting her all those years ago? For breaking her heart and leaving her feeling as though she’d been living a lie ever since?
‘You must talk about this,’ she could well remember Sunainah saying a few months after she had returned from the Caribbean. ‘Talk about your love for this man, this Flynn. It is important for you to do.’
‘No, it isn’t.’
‘It is not healthy, Reggie. If you keep it all bottled up inside, then a day will come when you are unable to contain it any longer. It will bubble up and burst everywhere, making an awful mess,’ Sunainah had persisted.
‘I can cope with this, Sunainah. I’ve coped with worse. You know about my past. You know the betrayals I’ve coped with. Flynn’s betrayal is just another one to add to the pile.’ She’d shrugged then shaken her head.
‘It’s my own fault, really. I, in all my romantic stupidity, thought Flynn was different. That he was a man who truly cared about me, who meant it when he said he loved me. Turns out he didn’t. He’s no different from any other rich man. Only out for what he can get.’ Even as she’d spoken the words her heart had been pierced with pain, her voice breaking on the last words.
