To the type of girl who said to herself before leaving the house in the morning, 'Oh, yes, this glorified bra and panty set is totally the best thing to wear as I just walk up and down the sand all day long with my similarly clad gaggle of idiot friends' – yes, she was sure Ben's charm was having the desired effect.
Lauren saw Ben sign one girl's cleavage, another one's inner thigh, and then a third girl's ass – which the girl made sure to present to him by turning away and bending over slightly, poking it out cutely to show it off to its best advantage.
God, what was she, a baboon?
Lauren felt absolutely sick to her stomach. She sprinted the few steps off of the sand and back to the relative safety of the ignorance of her bench.
She dusted the grains of sand off of her feet and slipped back into her designer heels, immediately feeling more like herself.
It's part of the job, she reminded herself. It's not like he was flirting with them for real, she reminded herself.
Yeah. Right.
Five minutes later, Ben sauntered up to the bench with his bags slung over his shoulders, and Lauren said, “I'm surprised you couldn't charm one of the girls gone wild into carrying those for you.”
Ben laughed, not realizing how hurt she actually was, and said, “I probably could have.”
The town car pulled up, and Ben said, “Perfect timing!”
When the driver popped the trunk, Ben reached for Lauren's bags, but she snapped, “I've got it,” and lifted them in herself. Ben looked at her strangely, and even Lauren recognized that turning into a jealous shrew every time sluts fans wanted his autograph was not a great long-term strategy. But she couldn't help it. At the moment, her emotions were taking over.
She sighed as she climbed into the back of the town car. It was going to be a long trip home. She grimaced. The way I'm acting, she realized, Ben's probably thinking the exact same thing.
--- ~ ---
Several times on the trip back to Hope Falls, Ben turned to Lauren and asked her what she was upset about. Although Lauren felt extremely tempted to just lay out her feelings for him so that they could talk about it and she would feel better, every time she stopped just short of doing that, and replied 'nothing.'
Finally, Ben asked point blank if she was upset about the girls that he had been schmoozing.
Lauren gave a small, condescending smile.
“Is that what you call it?” she asked coldly.
“It's part of the job, Lauren,” he said, but not unkindly, “I get how you feel. If I had seen you, surrounded by oiled up bodybuilders on Venice beach or something, having to flirt and sign their body parts and in general act the same way that I was, it would make me feel like running up and punching all of them. Which of course, I wouldn't do-- mainly out of self-preservation – but also because, as much as it would hurt to see, I would realize that it was your job.”
Lauren closed her eyes and nodded. She could see the logic in what he was saying, of course she could. She just needed a little bit of time to get her emotions under control.
She could hear Karina's voice in her head saying, “Gee, Laur, those would probably be good words to say out loud right about now,” but she just couldn't bring herself to say anything.
Lauren pulled out her laptop, powered it up, and began to lose herself in work. On the one hand, it felt good to be distracted. On the other hand, she actually felt somewhat resentful that Ben was just letting her work without trying to further explain his actions or validate her feelings.
How could he just sit there quietly, not saying a word, when he knew full well how upset she was?
“Well, gosh, Laur. Maybe because he's asked you about 50 times if you're all right, and every single time you've told him you're fine,” she heard Karina's voice pipe up again inside her head.
She grimaced to herself. She must really be losing it if Karina's voice was now starring inside her brain as 'the voice of reason.'
As they made their way through the airport, and then later on the flight itself, Lauren really felt like Ben was making a special point to flirt especially charmingly with every female they ran into – the ticket clerk, the gate attendant, the barista, the flight attendant...even the pilot.
About halfway through the car ride back to Hope Falls, Lauren realized she had had enough, she simply could not take anymore. She slipped the silk eye mask she always traveled with over her eyes, donned her headphones, and leaned her head back to rest, completely ensconced in the small, cozy cocoon she created for herself. It felt nice.
The next thing she realized, she was being carried by Ben from the town car up to her front door. She realized she must've fallen asleep in the car.
She was groggy, but alert enough to realize that to have some measure of control, she was going to have to get her own feet under her on the ground. She tried to wiggle down, but Ben just held her tighter.
“Relax,” Ben said softly, “this is the least I can do for you after I wore you out last night, girl.”
After a brief moment of internal resistance, Lauren sighed and snuggled deeper into Ben's arms. She realized that she loved the way that it felt there.
Lauren had always been tall, and she had never been with a man who could so easily pick her up and carry her.
Hell, she had never even been with a man who had tried to pick her up and carry her!
Lauren was all for equal treatment and women's rights, and in some circles she would even be considered a feminist – but she had to admit, being carried by this strong, tall man was one of the best feelings that she had ever experienced. She knew she would remember this moment forever.
Maybe she was a fish who really did need a bicycle? That thought scared her.
She shook her head and nuzzled it deeper into Ben's neck. That was too complicated to think about right now. Best to just relax and enjoy the feeling.
He set her down on her porch and ran back to retrieve her bags. Rather than setting those down when he returned, however, he simply stood there, waiting for her to unlock her front door.
Oh Lord, he didn’t think he was spending the night did he?
Lauren began to panic. She wasn’t ready for that. She had to figure out what this was first! She had to get this relationship completely analyzed, categorized, and neatly labeled and packaged in her mind before taking leaps like letting him invade her home for an overnight!
Ben waited patiently as she unlocked the door and went inside to deactivate the security system, seemingly oblivious to the alarm bells which were clanging like crazy inside of her.
As she turned, opening her mouth to make her excuses, explaining how tired she was after traveling, he shut the door behind them and – in a flash – had her pinned up against the wall.
He slowly lowered his head and gave her one of the slowest, sweetest, most torturous kisses she ever had ever gotten from anyone, let alone from Ben. Before he was even ten seconds into the kiss, her legs felt weak and she was shaking with desire.
Lauren was just reaching the point of starting to say to herself, 'So what if he stays the night? Who's it gonna hurt?' when Ben pulled away gently and said, “See you tomorrow. Last day of shooting.”
She stared at him mutely, and he smiled and told her to sleep well and dream of him.
As he left, Lauren closed the door behind him and finally found her voice. In a softly ironic tone, she said, “That shouldn’t be a problem.”
Chapter Twenty
The last day of shooting.
It was fitting that it should be in Hope Falls, and not on location. Hope Falls was where it had all started. The producers wanted the show to take its personality from Hope Falls, they wanted the small town to be what people associated with the show. Well, if Lauren was any indication, they had succeeded on that count.
It almost felt like the last day of school to Lauren. There was a feeling of nostalgia in the air that Lauren hadn't felt since she had done theater in college. This felt like closing night on a part
icularly magical stage production.
Lauren had no idea she could get so close to these people in such a short amount of time. Normally, it took her months – hell, let's be honest, sometimes even years – to form any attachments to people. That was one of the reasons she had come back to Hope Falls – it was a luxury to be around so many people that she felt so close to, because there just weren't all that many people like that in the world.
But she had become close to so many people on the set. Not just Ben, but the make-up and hairstylists, the wardrobe ladies, the craft services guy.
She knew about these people’s lives.
She thought maybe it was because, unlike in a normal job situation, so much of the time being on a set was just hurry up and wait. There was a lot of downtime, and these people were all really passionate about what they did, smart and easy to talk to.
From the boom operator to the key grip, these people loved coming to work every day. That kind of passion and joy was contagious.
But, a niggling doubt in the back of her mind told her that these were all justifications. It asked her, is it really just the unusual situation that prompted you to open your heart to these people so much more readily than you normally would have? Or is it that knowing Ben has changed you, opened you up, and made you a better person?
Lauren fought the impulse to get a little misty as she realized that it was all coming to a close. Possibly forever, if the pilot didn't get picked up.
They were finishing up their final shots around Hope Falls, and after today the crew was going to pack up and leave.
Lauren was glad that the schedule was so hectic. Not only did it distract her from her ever more convoluted thoughts, it also naturally made it so that, over the course of the whole day, she and Ben did not have even a second alone. She really wasn’t sure how to process all that was going on between them. She wasn’t even entirely sure that she liked the person she was around him.
Sure, in some respects, she felt like she had grown – her increased capacity to connect with the crew was a perfect case in point. But then there were other things that she saw herself doing, things like getting so upset about seeing him with the bikini-clad harlots fans, that she didn't even recognize as being herself.
Hell, just take what she was doing right now – analyzing the living daylights out of a relationship and where it was progressing – that was evidence enough that a pod person had taken over her body!
Lauren had always had the upper hand in relationships. She never lorded over the person, per se, but she sure as hell never let go of it, either. If she felt the tables turning even slightly, she had no compunctions about cutting it off, quickly and cleanly. She felt no more regret about doing that than she would have about snipping off a hangnail before it could develop an infection.
That system had worked well for her in the past. Well, with one notable exception. Her ex-boss, who had decided to make life extremely difficult for her, both personally and professionally, when she tried to leave him -he had attempted to mess with her system, hadn't he? She allowed herself a small, internal smile. Well, he was in prison now, wasn't he? And as a direct result of those actions, too. So she guessed she could continue to claim a perfect record.
She had never felt out of control in a relationship before and she was pretty damn sure she didn’t like it. Lauren liked to have control over her emotions and her reactions and around Ben? She had neither.
And after spending the day with his Mom and sister and then the night at his house, she was so confused. The stakes felt so much higher now that she knew his history, but she tried her best not to let that influence her thinking.
He just might be the best man she knew, but that didn’t mean he was the best man for her, or that she was the right person for him.
He had been taking care of his sister and Mom since he was ten and, although Lauren prided herself on her independent nature, around Ben that seemed to go out the window. She had let him cook for her, carry her luggage and of all things carry her. And the part that scared her was that she liked it. It was a short, slippery step from liking something to coming to depend on it, and Lauren would be damned if she would let that happen.
Normally, she was all for letting the man feel like the man. But in the context that she was consciously allowing him to do so, and she still felt like she had the upper hand.
But around Ben she didn’t feel like that. She was starting to feel – as much as it pained her to admit this – almost as though she wasn’t sure what she would do when he left. That she would be lost without him.
And if there was one thing Lauren Harrison was sure of it was that she did not NEED anyone, least of all a man.
'Until now?' that small voice in the back of her mind asked.
She sighed.
It was as if she were Superman and Ben was her kryptonite.
She didn’t like it.
--- ~ ---
Ben eyed Lauren across the crowded wrap party at Sue Ann's Cafe as she chatted and mingled with various members of the crew and production staff. He marveled, as he always did when he saw her interact with others, at her beauty, at her poise, at her charm...at her grace.
Lauren carried herself like a movie star. Not one of the current crop, who were photographed by TMZ in their yoga pants and Uggs taking out the garbage. No. He was talking about a glamour goddess from the golden age of Hollywood, back when there was a little mystery.
Behind Lauren's placid expressions and enigmatic half-smiles were a deep well of thought and feeling, the depths of which he would never tire of trying to plumb. Every time she opened her mouth to speak, he was on pins and needles, waiting to hear what she had to say. She constantly surprised him.
And when she wouldn't open her mouth to tell him what was on her mind, well...that just made him crave the knowledge that much more ardently.
She was a beautiful mystery that he knew would never be solved, not entirely, but he was more than eager to spend his life working on that fascinating and beguiling puzzle.
But did she want him to? That was the real question. And the only way he was going to find out the answer to that one was to ask.
Ben made his way over to where she was standing and asked if he could have a moment.
She said yes and they made their way to the back patio area, which was normally only used by employees.
Ben was surprised to find his stomach a little queasy and his hands trembling as he followed her out the door. He had been trying to read her all day and hadn't walked away from that endeavor with any more of a clue to her feelings about them than he had had at that morning, before he had seen her.
It was maddening. She was more unflappable and composed than anyone he had ever met.
He knew that he had developed some really strong feelings for Lauren over the past few weeks. Stronger than for any woman he'd ever been with.
And then, the day at the hospital with his Mom, he had fallen completely, totally, and head over heels in love with her. There was no going back now.
She was so strong and capable, so refined and graceful – but then she would drop all that and she would instantly become the sweetest, softest-hearted woman he had ever met. And then, at other times, her cool and calm demeanor would fall away to reveal a white hot, animalistic passion that was not so much as hinted at on her serene surface.
And for all Ben knew, he had only glimpsed the tip of the iceberg when it came to the multifaceted wonder that was Lauren Harrison.
He knew that he couldn’t simply leave Hope Falls without at least taking a shot. He had to, at the very least, see if they could really try this thing, give it a real shot, see where it goes.
Or, as his sister Brianna had put it so poetically on the phone this morning, “Ben, quality cuts don't stay in the meat case long. You've gotta lock that down. Like...ASAP.”
He may fault her form, but he certainly couldn't fault her content.
So now, Ben found himself on the brink of making
himself very vulnerable by asking a woman to commit to him. A woman (in an unprecedented table turning in the romantic history of Ben Stevens) whose feelings he was unsure of.
But for the first time EVER when dealing with someone of the opposite sex, he was making a move without being 100% sure of what her response would be.
As they stood on the patio she wouldn’t quite meet his eyes. OK, maybe not the best sign ever. Still, Ben decided that he had to forge ahead regardless. In about 30 minutes, a car was picking him up and he was headed to San Francisco for the weekend, and then home to LA after that. If he didn't tell her he loved her now, who knew if he would get a second chance?
Ben cleared his throat and Lauren finally looked up at him.
In her luminous green eyes, he read hesitation, trepidation...possibly even fear.
OK, he said to himself, add that to the list of things that are 'probably not the best sign' – but I can't turn back now. He took a deep breath. Maybe if he backed off on the dramatic declaration of love and just eased into this by seeing if she would consider having a relationship with him.
“Look, I don’t know how you’re feeling about us, but I have really come to care about you and I would like to see where this goes,” he began, and then was silent, giving her time to process and formulate a response.
Lauren was also quiet for a moment, and then she finally said thickly, “Well, you’re leaving, so I don’t think it goes anywhere.”
This wasn't going as well as he had hoped. Patiently, he explained, “Look. We don’t live that far apart. If we wanted to, we could see each other all the time. Come on, Lauren. I'm scared, too, but don’t use that as an excuse not to give this a shot.”
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