He wished like hell he knew what was going through her mind as the reflection of the flames danced within them. Flames easily visible in the extra sheen of moisture there. Great. Now he’d gone and made her cry.
“Shit – no, it’s just -. Ah, Christ. What was the question again?”
“Never mind,” she replied in that quiet way of hers. “You’ve already answered it.”
And how was he supposed to respond to that? Things were going downhill fast, and he didn’t like it, not one bit. He much preferred his detached perch up on his own personal, virtual summit, looking down and being able to take in and assess a situation all with a single glance.
All he seemed capable of seeing at that moment was the woman right in front of him. And her face was back to being that mask again – the one she offered to everyone else. The one that was calm and pleasant and soothing, but showed nothing of the inner turmoil she was feeling – none of the unease that she clearly felt, despite her outward tranquility.
Goddamn it, she could show that face to anyone else, but not to him, because he knew better. “Rebecca –“
Before he could say anything else, she rose, offering him a little smile that nearly broke his heart, and he didn’t even understand why.
“It’s late. I’m going to get ready for bed,” she announced. Without giving him a chance to respond, she grabbed her overnight bag and disappeared into the other room.
Kane raked his hand over his face and sighed. Usually everything was crystal clear to him. He understood situations, knew all of his options, and formed rational, informed decisions. But suddenly he felt strangely lost.
His mind ran through scenarios like a supercomputer as he paced the living area, searching for something that he could say to bring her back to him. He’d become so accustomed to the real Rebecca – the one who felt comfortable being herself around him – that anything less was simply unacceptable.
Chapter Eleven
Rebecca closed the door behind her and leaned against it. What had she been thinking? They had such a good thing going between them. Why couldn’t she just be content with that? Why did she want more?
She shook her head, opening her bag and sifting through the contents. She was not going to mess this up. Things were still salvageable; she hadn’t said anything too revealing. If she went back out there and acted like nothing happened, maybe he would just chalk it up to whatever he’d added to the cocoa and being overtired. God, she hoped so.
When she re-emerged a few minutes later, she knew her plan had worked. A genuine smile tugged at his lips as his blue eyes raked her up and down, taking in her flannel bunny pajamas and fuzzy slippers. She smiled at him shyly, then did a little spin for him, ending in what she hoped was a mock-seductive pose.
“I know. Sexy, right?”
“Sweetheart, you have no idea,” he chuckled; gone was the unease that had etched his features only a few minutes earlier. Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief. No woman in her right mind intent on seduction would wear those pajamas.
She laughed and padded over to the sofa, where she proceeded to unfold and lay out a blanket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“Going to bed,” she answered.
“We talked about this, Rebecca. I’ll take the couch. You take the bed in there.”
“No, you talked about it, Kane. I never agreed.”
He growled then. Rebecca smiled patiently, but she felt the power of the sound deep in her center. She’d never considered herself submissive, but around Kane, she found she could be. Wanted to be.
She forced those thoughts down, locking them deep inside. Thank God she’d had the foresight to pack the fuzzy bunny PJ’s at the last moment. What would have happened if all she had was the sexy silk nightie now tucked into a thick pair of woolen socks and hidden beneath a pair of jeans in her suitcase, the one she had bought during one of her moments of weakness when she allowed herself to consider the possibility that he might be interested in more than friendship?
Instead, she drew upon her courage and attempted to appeal to his reasonable side. She had expected him to give her a hassle about taking the couch, so she’d remained silent, knowing he would see that as passive acceptance. Until now, anyway.
“Don’t growl at me, Kane. This arrangement makes the most sense. It’s your cabin. I can fit on the sofa much more comfortably than you. Plus I’m sure sleeping in your own bed has got to be better for your hip.”
“You are not sleeping on the sofa.”
“And you are?”
Kane crossed his substantial arms over his chest, looking as immovable as a mountain. “Yes.”
She gave an exasperated sigh. “Very well.”
Eyes gleaming in triumph, he thought he’d won. At least until she started arranging the blankets on the floor.
“Now what are you doing?”
“Giving you the couch.”
He growled again, louder this time. “Damn it, woman. Why can’t you just take the bed?”
She slipped between the blankets on the floor and snuggled in. “And why can’t you just accept that I refuse to do anything that results in you suffering on my behalf? I’m used to sleeping on the ground, Kane, and believe me, this is a lot more comfortable than the majority of my accommodations over the last few years.”
He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up in places, muttering something under his breath. She caught the words “impossible” and “woman” among several others she didn’t recognize.
“Of course...,” she paused in fluffing her pillow, ensuring she had his full attention, “... I might be convinced to sleep in the other room under one condition.”
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “And what would that be?”
“Join me.”
* * *
He stepped back as if she’d hit him. “No.” Or, more accurately, oh hell no. He was barely hanging on to his sanity as it was. To be in the same room with her was bad enough. To share a bed with her? Not happening.
“It is more than big enough for both of us,” she said reasonably. “I bet you could easily fit four or five normal size humans in there.”
“No.”
“You wouldn’t even know I’m there.”
“We’re not discussing this anymore, Rebecca.”
“I promise I won’t try to seduce you.”
“Jesus, Rebecca!” He turned around to see her looking at him, the very picture of innocence, marred only slightly by the devilish grin she was trying so hard to suppress.
Shit. There was a dare in that look if he ever saw one, a challenge she probably knew he couldn’t resist.
“Come on,” she coaxed, trying for a sexy pose and failing miserably, those damn cute and fuzzy bunnies mocking him. “You know you want to.”
Kane, the dominant alpha male, actually rolled his eyes. The truth was she looked beyond adorable. After the awkward end to their little exchange earlier he feared she may have been expecting more from him, or that he might have hurt her feelings. But looking at her now, covered from head to toe in little blue fluffy bunnies, he had to believe he’d simply been overreacting.
And there was no way she was going to just take the damn bed, given that mulish, defiant look she was giving him. He could just sling her over his shoulder, but he wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to let her go if he did.
He’d faced off against some evil, sick, merciless sons of bitches and hadn’t even blinked. So why was he balking? He could do this. Especially since it meant it was probably the only way she was going to get a good night’s rest. He, on the other hand, didn’t have a chance in hell either way.
Rebecca knew then she had won, and Kane was treated to one of her hundred-watt smiles. Hell, he’d sleep naked on a bed of nails if it got her smiling like that again.
He changed into loose fitting sweats and a T-shirt. Typically he slept nude, but he felt this was a necessary concession. It was hard enough to keep a lid
on his self-control around her; he wasn’t sure he could restrain himself if his bare cock got anywhere near her. He was even tempted to remain above the covers, but when she lifted them in invitation as he came closer, he found himself unable to resist – against his better judgment, of course – and slid in as well.
He was very careful about how he slipped into the bed, over-exaggerating his movements to avoid touching her at all costs until she broke down into a fit of giggles and he had to turn away to hide his own grin until he could turn off the light.
“I don’t have cooties, you know,” she said, laughing softly.
“You might,” he said with such boyish seriousness that she laughed even harder and playfully smacked his shoulder.
“Don’t tell me you’ve never slept with anyone before,” she teased.
“I haven’t.” Well, not technically anyway. There was that time he fell asleep on the couch when Taryn was here, but he didn’t count that. It hadn’t been intentional.
She paused. “You’re not kidding, are you?”
“No.”
A few moments passed in silence while she processed that. He lay perfectly still. Her body heat spread to him beneath the thick comforter. When she turned, her arm brushed his.
“Hey,” she chastised softly. “Stay on your own side.”
Despite himself, Kane grinned in the darkness as he felt her shift toward him a little more, daring him. “I am.”
“No you’re not. You are most definitely trespassing on my side.”
“I take up more room than you.”
She snorted softly, a delightfully feminine sound that had him grinning even wider. “Yeah. Well just stop it, mister.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The long trip, the fresh air, and the generous amounts of liquor Kane had added to her hot chocolate ensured that Rebecca fell asleep well before he did. He remained still, lying on his side, his back to her, letting her heat soak into him like a soothing balm, while listening to the gentle, even sounds of her breathing. He had fully intended to retreat to the living room as soon as he was sure she was completely out, but it proved to be a lot harder than he thought it would be.
After only about thirty minutes, Rebecca rolled over toward him, spooning against his back with a deep, contented sigh, her arm wrapping around his midsection like she was cuddling up to the world’s largest teddy bear. It was... nice. He couldn’t remember when the last time was he’d let someone hold him. It had probably been his mother, and she had died just before his fourteenth birthday. He recognized on some level that probably indicated some serious issues on his part, but he really didn’t care to think about that. For now, for just a little while, he would let himself have this.
When he opened his eyes again several hours later, their positions were reversed. Rebecca was on her side with her back to him; he had wrapped himself around her much smaller body, caging her against him. His face was buried in her silky hair, her arm was wrapped around his possessively, as if he might try to escape. It felt incredible, with the possible exception of the intense ache clawing in his balls from her bottom nestling up against his monster hard-on.
His body ached for her. Everything about her called to him on some elemental level – her appearance, her touch, the sound of her voice, the scent of her skin. Without thinking, he inhaled deeply, drawing her into him, but soon realized his mistake. The scent of her heated skin trapped beneath the sheets was more than he could bear. She sighed, shifting slightly. Even that tiny movement shot through him like a bolt of lightning.
Kane carefully extracted himself, tucking the covers tightly around her. He put on some coffee, then promptly headed out into the below-freezing dawn, hoping to chill some of the irrational desire he had for her.
* * *
Rebecca knew the exact moment Kane awoke. He pulled her closer, breathed deeply – and then tensed. She pretended to be asleep as he pulled away, not wanting to embarrass him. In the quiet of the early morning, she heard him moving around the kitchen, then the front door opened and closed.
She lay there for a little while, moving over to his side to feel some of his residual heat. Then she buried her face in his pillow and breathed deeply.
He had murmured her name in his sleep, several times. When she repositioned herself during the night, he had followed suit, unwittingly seeking her out in the large bed. She knew he would never have done either of those things had he been awake and aware; nonetheless, her heart swelled at the thought that somewhere, deep inside, Kane wanted her. It only seemed fair, after all.
There would be no more sleep for her this morning. Not unless Kane returned and pulled her into his arms again. And she was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen. As the last of his body heat faded from the bedding, Rebecca forced herself out of the warmth and comfort and padded to the shower.
* * *
Kane remained outside, taking deep breaths until his head cleared somewhat and his overheated body cooled. Regaining his self-control wasn’t easy. He couldn’t seem to completely ignore the residual tactile memory of her body molded to his, or the sweet haven of silk and satin that he’d rubbed his face in. It didn’t help that his mind kept replaying the sound of her soft, velvety voice asking him about sex and soul mates, either.
He firmly and repeatedly reminded himself of all the reasons why he should not bury himself deep in her body and show her just how beautiful sex could be, though it was getting harder and harder to justify.
All he had to do was make it through the next twenty-four hours without doing something stupid. Then he would take her back into Pine Ridge in the same pristine condition in which she had arrived, though hopefully a little more refreshed and relaxed. He, no doubt, would be one step shy of being committed and have a terrible case of blue balls, but somehow he’d manage.
He was, after all, the Iceman.
He went back into the cabin and heard the shower running. That was good. Visions of Rebecca in his bed, sleep-tousled and gorgeous, were not what he needed. This way he could leave a cup of coffee on the nightstand for her when she emerged, and he could go back outside and chop some more firewood, because it smelled far too good in here. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, greedily inhaling the residual scent of his perfect woman, the one he knew he could never have.
All thought ceased the moment the bathroom door opened unexpectedly and Rebecca stepped into the bedroom. His eyes popped open in alarm, caught in the act of fantasizing. God, she was beautiful. Her skin, was moist and flushed from her shower. Her long blonde hair, so much darker when wet, hung loosely past her shoulders. He swallowed hard as crystal droplets fell from the strands onto her skin, following the natural contours of her breasts, disappearing beneath the towel.
Rebecca met his eyes, just as stunned to see him, apparently. For the longest moment, they could only look at one another.
And then, sweet and merciful Jesus, the towel fell to a pool at her feet, and every feminine curve was revealed to him. Her perfect breasts with those dark pink nipples; her small waist; the flare of her hips. Shapely legs that he knew would feel like heaven wrapped around him as he buried himself in all that lush womanly heat that he craved with a need so fierce it scared the hell out of him.
It took him a moment to see the scars. Pale white striations crossed her belly, her chest, her arms, like some kind of abstract art. The one beneath her jaw, the result of the insurgent’s blade in the jungle, was barely visible, even though it was one of the newer ones. Which meant the others had been deeper, crueler. The truth slammed into his gut like a wrecking ball. Rebecca had known torture.
* * *
Rebecca held her breath as Kane looked her up and down, knew the moment he’d seen them. At first his eyes had found her breasts; then his gaze had travelled south to the moist curls at the juncture of her thighs, unmistakable heat building in his gaze until she thought she would burn from it.
But now they sought out the faded souvenirs of more than a decade
abroad in regions where there was no law, no police. Just those who used whatever they had – strength, street skills, cunning – to take advantage of others.
This was it. In an impulsive moment of insanity, she had bared herself to him. He would accept her or he wouldn’t. But at least now he knew.
“Turn around,” he said roughly, his voice little more than a growl. She did, unable to deny the command in his voice, baring her back to him, knowing what he would see there, knowing that it was even worse.
She heard his sharp inhalation. Felt the laser-like intensity of his eyes as they raked over the whip marks forever etched into her back and buttocks. Knew when he found the most recent, angry circular scar at her shoulder.
Rebecca turned around, trying to cover herself with one arm while bending to pick up the towel she’d dropped. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Her face darkened in embarrassment as she began to wrap the towel around herself, but in two heartbeats he was beside her, yanking it away with a sudden, rough tug. In one step Kane had closed the remaining distance between them. One hand gripped her upper arm while the other pushed back her hair, immediately finding that which he sought – the matching circular scar on the front of her shoulder. The exit wound.
Kane’s eyes met hers, questioning.
* * *
“Kane, it’s okay,” she started to say. He let his eyes rake over her chest, her belly, her arms, over her back again. This time, he did not see her womanly charms. This time, he saw the thin lines, some more faded than others, horrifying evidence of the violence of her life. Blood rushed through his ears as a wild rage filled him. The thought that anyone would ever dare hurt her made him crazy. He wanted to hunt down each and every one of the bastards that had ever touched her and torture them until they begged for death.
It wasn’t okay. It would never be okay. She had been beaten, stabbed, whipped, and shot. And not for any of the usual reasons. Not for greed or power or revenge. All these things happened to her simply because she was trying to help someone else live.
Guardian Angel: Callaghan Brothers, Book 5 Page 12
