“Kane,” she said; there was no trace of surprise in her voice. Maybe she had been expecting him, he thought. Though the lack of sparkle in her eyes did not bode well for him.
“May I come in?” he asked.
“Did my brother send you?”
For just a moment he was taken aback. “No,” he answered honestly.
* * *
Rebecca believed him. Kane was not a liar. If she’d learned anything at all about him, it was that he was brutally, agonizingly honest. “What do you want?”
“I’d like to talk to you. May I come in?” he asked again.
She considered only a few moments before answering. Even with the screen door between them she could feel his presence wrapping around her. Rebecca had a tendency to lose her resolve around Kane. Being close to him made her do crazy things. All he had to do was look at her and speak with that slightly rough, deep voice and her body was already responding. Even after what happened at the cabin she still wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Then maybe you can come out here for a few minutes?”
She studied him for a few seconds, then nodded once. Yes, she could do that. On the porch, with the lights on, she’d be in full view of her neighbors, several of which were undoubtedly peeking out of their windows even then. If nothing else it might give her the incentive to refrain from doing something else monumentally stupid. Because of her lack of restraint, she had ruined the best relationship she’d ever had. As much as she’d wanted him, there was no sex worth the loss of her heart mate, because no matter what he said or did, that’s what he was to her.
He was the only man that had ever touched her soul.
She disappeared for a moment, donning a heavy sweater. It was a shield, a form of protection in the event he tried to give her his jacket. If she had to feel his heat or inhale his unique scent as it wrapped around her, she might not survive it.
“Can we sit for a moment?” he asked, indicating the wooden porch swing.
With a slight nod, Rebecca moved slowly to it and sat down. Angus laid himself at her feet.
They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.
Kane’s eyes were powerful. Her hands closed into fists, feeling his intense gaze as he appraised her. It reminded her too much of the way he had looked at her that morning at the cabin, like she was defective.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to pound her fists on that marble chest until he understood.
But that wouldn’t be fair, because he really hadn’t done anything except speak a truth to her that she hadn’t wanted to hear. Kane was what he was – rock solid, strong. He wasn’t the type to sugar coat things or drape her in meaningless platitudes. Wasn’t that one of the reasons she had been so attracted to him? Because he wasn’t about all the bullshit?
No, this wasn’t his fault. She had only herself to blame. She had been the one to let her emotions run away with her. She had been the one to misread his kindness. She had been the one to ruin the special bond they’d shared by throwing herself at him when he clearly was not interested.
“Why are you here, Kane?”
“I’m worried about you.”
Her breath hitched a little. She did her best to offer a reassuring smile. “Don’t. I’m fine.”
It was a blatant lie. She was anything but fine. She was barely hanging on by a thread, and every minute she sat here with him it grew increasingly difficult to pretend otherwise. Her hands moved, now held tightly across her midsection in a protective shield. If that’s all he had come for, then there was no reason to continue.
“Well, it was nice to see you again,” she said, beginning to rise.
“Please, Rebecca, don’t go just yet. There’s something I need to say.”
* * *
She bit her lip, but resumed her place on the swing. Kane felt as though he had won a small victory; she obviously didn’t want to be here. His chest ached. Rebecca had never denied him anything; he hadn’t realized that until now.
Kane’s eyes trailed back and forth over her. Every detail of her was committed to his memory, and now he noted with growing horror the changes. The lack of sparkle in her eyes. The paleness of her skin and the dark circles. The slow, careful way she moved. The way her clothes hung on her thinner frame. The way her hands clutched each other in her lap and she angled herself away from him instead of trying to quietly sneak a touch, thinking he didn’t know exactly what she was doing.
He wanted to roar at the wrongness of it all. Of her impersonal, polite tone. Of the way she avoided his eyes. Of the way she pressed against the far end of the swing, staying as far away from him as physically possible in the limited space of her small porch. She should be speaking to him in that soft, slightly breathy voice she had. Looking up at him with those impossibly large doe eyes, filled with what he now knew had been love. Touching him again. God, how he missed those small, incidental touches that she had once needed so badly.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, forcing his voice to sound somewhat normal. Like he wasn’t dying inside.
She shrank farther away from him, if that was even possible, as if his words hurt her all that much more. Looking down at her lap, she actually smiled a little; the kind of sad smile someone has when they just realized they’d been had all over again. Only then did it begin to dawn on him what she had been hoping to hear - that he had made a horrible mistake. That he wanted her back. That he needed her. That he loved her. Any of those would have been a better choice. Once again, he felt blindsided by the obvious.
“An apology? For what? Being honest with me before I made an even bigger fool of myself?” Some of the apathy was gone from her voice now; in its place were echoes of the raw pain she’d been hiding inside.
“I never thought you were a fool,” Kane said. “I was only trying to protect you.”
Disbelief washed over her features, a little color rose in her cheeks, vivid against her too-pale skin. “Protect me? Tell me Kane, what could you possibly have been protecting me from?”
“Me. I was trying to protect you from me.”
Rebecca looked at him as if she had never seen him before. Tears began to stream from her eyes, though her lip trembled from the effort of trying to hold them back. Kane was stricken; he had never seen Rebecca cry before – not in the jungle, not at the cabin. Several moments passed before he could think again. He reached out for her but she stood and backed away even farther.
“From you,” she repeated in a whisper of sheer disbelief. “From the one person I thought truly understood. From the only person I have ever felt connected to, here.” She brought her fist to the center of her chest. Her lip trembled harder. “From the only man I have ever offered myself to...”
“Rebecca, please, you have to listen - ”
“No, Kane,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t have to listen. Not to you, not to Aidan, not to anyone but myself. Why does everyone think they know what’s best for me?”
“If you would only let me explain. I want to be -”
He was going to say “honest”, but she stopped him before he could finish. “Oh my God,” she said, the strain in her voice evident. “Please don’t say it. If there is even a shred of decency in you please don’t tell me you want to be friends, because I can’t be friends with you anymore.”
She backed toward the door, the tears flowing freely. “Just go, Kane, please. And don’t come by again.”
She closed the door and left him alone on the porch. Maybe this was what she really wanted. Maybe he was just being selfish. Maybe it really was too late. Maybe he had fucked things up so badly this time there was no way to fix it.
Nothing could have ever made him walk away from Rebecca a second time.
Nothing but a heartfelt plea from her own lips.
He wanted to roar in anguish. To rip the fucking door right off its hinges and stomp inside, throw Rebecca over his shoulder and t
ake her to her bed, then spend the rest of the night showing her exactly what she was to him. His mate. His lover.
His croie. The only woman he would ever love.
Instead, Kane turned away from the door and slowly walked back to his truck.
* * *
The curtains in one of the second story windows moved slightly, enough to allow Rebecca to see the shadowy figure turn and walk away. Her eyes followed him all the way to his truck, holding her breath until the lights came on and he drove away.
Then she curled up in bed, wrapping her arms around Angus, who looked at her with soulful blue eyes.
And then she cried.
Chapter Seventeen
Aidan was already halfway through the fifth of Kentucky bourbon when Kane entered the Pub. The bar wasn’t crowded. Most people were home with their families, napping off the after effects of a day of gorging. Taryn and Lexi had taken the exhausted kids upstairs. Sean and Nicki had gone back to their place over the garage. Kieran and Shane were in the back kitchen, no doubt already devouring the leftovers Maggie had sent home with them.
“Well, it’s about fucking time,” Aidan muttered as his eyes tracked the eldest Callaghan. Jake and Ian exchanged concerned glances. Aidan had been practically mute since he’d come in two hours earlier, but it was obvious that he was battling some demons. The few attempts they made at getting him to unload were unsuccessful. Since whatever it was probably had to do with Rebecca, they let him be. Sometimes family matters needed to remain just that.
Ian had already confiscated Aidan’s keys, planning to give him a ride home when he’d either decided he’d had enough or passed out. Hell, since Mick and Sean had moved out, they had plenty of room for him in their private quarters upstairs.
Kane’s appearance at the Pub was unexpected. After his hasty departure from Michael’s, they’d figured one of two things would happen. Either Kane would wise the hell up and fix things with Rebecca or he would head right back up to the mountains to indulge in his self-loathing privately. If they had known he would find his way here, Ian would have made sure Aidan was safely home by now.
Kane ignored Aidan and headed to the far end of the bar, wasting no time in pouring a drink for himself. He drank it straight down, and without pausing, poured himself another.
Perhaps if he had been slightly more clear of mind Aidan would have sensed the bone-chilling cold emanating from Kane, or noticed the very clear do-not-fuck-with-me aura. But he wasn’t. And he didn’t. Or maybe, Aidan Harrison had simply been pushed too far.
“You know, I just can’t figure you Callaghans out,” Aidan said, standing and beginning to walk towards Kane, his movements slow and careful, as if it took all of his concentration to stay upright and steady. Jake and Ian stiffened, and began to prepare for the worst. Jake started moving to the far end of the bar, positioning himself for intervention should it became necessary.
“Aidan,” Ian warned quietly. “Not a good time, man.” Most people had the good sense not to poke a stick at an angry bear. But apparently good Kentucky bourbon and a perceived injustice against a man’s sister played havoc with that innate sense of self-preservation.
Ian set down the glass he was wiping, clearing the way to vault the bar and save the stupid bastard’s life if need be. Hell, he liked Aidan. And mouthing off or not, Aidan had been there for Lexi when she really needed him. She would be quite upset if anything happened to him. And Kane, well, Kane was looking about as mean as Ian had ever seen him.
But none of that seemed to register with Aidan. Or perhaps he just didn’t care.
“I mean, I get that you’re all arrogant as hell,” he continued. “It’s just the way you are. I can accept that. Respect it even, because you guys are the real deal right enough. Except ... it seems like you have some incessant need to try to destroy the women I love. First Lexi, who is like a fucking sister to me – no offense, Ian. Everything turned out for the best, I guess, but you really did a number on her, man...”
Ian winced inwardly at the stark reminder of how close they’d come to losing her.
“... Then Rebecca, who is my fucking sister. The sister I half-expected to be identifying the remains of when they brought her home in pieces from those godforsaken places she insisted on living. But instead I get to watch her suffer from a beating from those stupid fucks she cares so much about, see her heart get fucking broken right here in goddamned Pine Ridge. Thank God my mother is still in Georgia or - ”
Anything else he might have said was immediately and violently shut off – along with his air flow - as Kane’s hand was suddenly around Aidan’s throat. Kane had moved so fast Aidan had barely had time to react, but nothing he could have done would have prevented Kane from slamming Aidan’s back against the wall and lifting him several inches off the floor by his neck. Kane’s eyes glowed like blue ice, cold and hard, and Aidan knew what it was like to look into a man’s eyes right before he killed you.
“Let him go, Kane,” Jake said quietly from beside his older brother while Ian stilled, mentally preparing himself. He didn’t want to have to take Kane down, but he would if he had to. With Jake’s help. And possibly Kieran’s. And Shane’s.
After a few tense moments, Kane released him. Aidan dropped back to the floor clutching his throat and gasping for breath. “Come on, man,” Ian said, taking Aidan by the upper arm and trying to usher him away, but Aidan stubbornly refused, shaking him off.
“Too good for my sister, Callaghan? Is that it? She’s not good enough for you?”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Kane growled. He was sitting at the far end of the bar again, his shoulder to Aidan.
But Aidan would not be denied. “You know that dog she’s got? Does he remind you of anyone? Freakishly huge and dark? With blue eyes? What kind of fucking dog has blue eyes like that, huh?”
Kane growled low in his throat, a final warning. If Aidan kept running his mouth, then no one – not Jake, not Ian, not Jesus himself would be able to save him.
“They were going to put him down. He was too big and mean to be around people. No one could get within ten feet of him without him snarling and showing his teeth. Yeah, just like you’re doing right now. But Becca? She takes one look at him and you could just see her melting inside. Ignores everyone and walks into the room with him. She’s with him for five minutes and he’s laying himself at her feet like a fucking lovesick puppy.”
The bar was eerily silent. Kane turned his head, his eyes boring holes right through Aidan, but Aidan was too far gone to notice.
“And do you know why? Because that’s what she does. She cares. About people, animals, the goddamned earth. Things that everyone else has given up on. She can’t help it.” Aidan was shaking his head, talking almost more to himself now as if realizing the truth for the first time. “And anyone who tries to change that – myself included – is a fucking idiot.”
Aidan extracted some bills and laid them on the table, offering one final parting thought.
“You and that fucking dog, you’re just alike, you know that? Except he wanted to be saved. And now he will get to spend the rest of his days being more loved and cared for than any other fucking dog on this planet.” Aidan snorted. “Not to mention that he isn’t stupid enough to turn on her when she invites him into her bed at night.”
Aidan grabbed his jacket. “Call me a cab, Ian. I’m too fucking drunk to drive home. And I will not be the next man to abandon Rebecca.”
Ian reached for his jacket, but Kane stood abruptly. “No.”
All eyes turned to him, each conveying a different thought. Jake’s said, “Oh, shit. Don’t do this man.” Ian’s said something like, “Fuck. Lexi will never forgive me if Aidan buys it.” And Aidan’s: “Fuck.” Followed closely by, “Bring it.”
“I won’t kill him.” Kane said without taking his eyes from Rebecca’s brother, but the tone of his voice wasn’t giving anyone the warm and fuzzies.
“I’ve got it,” Ian said
, reaching for his keys, already halfway to the back door. “Tell Lex I’ll be back - ”
“I said I’ll do it.” Those words, spoken in low, dangerous tones, nullified any further argument.
Aidan shrugged and looked at Ian with a brief, albeit nervous, smile. “It’s alright, man. I’m good. I mean, you guys are witnesses, right?”
The look Ian gave him in return told him he was a damn fool. “That just means he’s got to come back and kill us, too, man.”
* * *
“You’ve got balls, I’ll give you that,” Kane said finally after they’d been driving for a little while. They’d passed the turn-off to Aidan’s townhouse several miles back. Aidan kept quiet, thinking that bringing up that little fact was probably unwise. The bourbon wasn’t sitting well in his stomach. Or maybe that was just the fear a man felt when he realized he was going to die and his personal reaper was just looking for a convenient spot to dump his body. Or what was left of it.
“Yeah,” Aidan said with a nervous chuckle. “Let’s go with that. And the wet spot on my pants is where I spilled that last drink.”
Miracle of miracles, one corner of Kane’s mouth curved upward. It was just a tiny curl, but Aidan latched onto the opportunity like a lifeline. “You are one scary son of a bitch,” Aidan added, figuring a little flattery definitely could not hurt at this point.
“You and Rebecca,” Kane said. “You’re a lot alike. She’s not afraid of me either.”
“Then maybe you’re not as smart as I gave you credit for,” Aidan said, earning another growl. “Because I am literally one step away from pissing myself, and you are probably the only thing in this world that Becca is terrified of.”
“I would never hurt her.”
“Wrong again. You didn’t hurt her. You destroyed her.”
Kane shot a withering glance over at him.
“You think I’m kidding?” Aidan shook his head, gaining courage by the thought that if Kane hadn’t killed him by now, he probably wouldn’t. “She told me what happened. Well, the gist of it anyway. And while, as her brother, I want to shake your hand for not – well, you know, taking advantage of her and all – as a man, I have to ask, why wouldn’t you? I mean, she’s obviously lost in love with you. She’s a good woman, Kane. The best. When someone like that wants to love you, how on earth could you say no to that?”
Guardian Angel: Callaghan Brothers, Book 5 Page 17
