A New Dream

by Maggie Ford

  Betty, as ever, was a treasure, toiling well into the evenings and chivvying along the two young machinists. Simon had been busy ordering all the Egyptian jewellery he could find and had negotiated a price for printing and distributing leaflets for the coming exhibition. He was already receiving whole loads of encouraging responses. Julia just hoped everything would be ready in time.

  And at least all this work had managed to dull those earlier pangs of disappointment about having to postpone the wedding. It no longer mattered because by September she and Simon would finally be married.

  Eighteen

  The fashion show had been a roaring success. Since then Julia had given two more and orders had begun to flood in. Her exclusive but élite fashion showroom would soon become the talk of the town. She’d had to add two more sewing machines in one corner of the stockroom near the cutting area and take on two more machinists.

  It was mid-August. The wedding had had to be rescheduled for October owing to pressure of work and Julia’s stomach felt as if small creatures were constantly playing tag inside it, lest this new date too fell through. If it did there would be no further opportunity this year with the Christmas season once again upon them. It was amazing where the time went.

  She had already designed her own wedding outfit – a white wild silk dress with long sleeves, a low waist and a hem falling to just below knee length, worn with a lace, pearl and orange blossom encrusted Juliet cap that covered her whole head, its veil falling about her shoulders to trail the ground. She would wear white silk stockings and white silk Cuban-heeled, court-style shoes with a slim bar across the instep. The style was very English; the craze for all things Egyptian was slowly diminishing. As bridesmaids her sisters would wear beige silk dresses with knee-length hemlines and their headdresses would be bandeaux of pink flowers to match their posies. Her own bouquet would of course be fashionably long and trailing.

  But the October date wasn’t to be. A show in September brought more orders flooding in and once again their wedding had to be postponed. This time they did not dare to set another date.

  ‘I’m sure you never intended to get married,’ her mother complained as November arrived. ‘Too content living in sin! It’s shameful, selfish and wicked! You’ve no care how I feel, the pair of you!’

  Julia might have protested, but she was tired of her mother insisting on seeing it her way. She merely turned away, leaving Victoria to her whining. Her love for Simon wasn’t wicked or selfish. More than anything she wanted to be his wife but circumstances seemed always to prevent it.

  ‘Couldn’t we manage a Christmas wedding?’ she asked. They were sitting up in bed together just like an already married couple, he reading a few brochures, she a novel before they turned out the light and snuggled down together.

  He put the brochures down on the counterpane and pursed his lips thoughtfully, then nodded. ‘I don’t see why not. There’s little going on until New Year when it all starts up again. Yes, it would be just right. And this time, my love, nothing is going to stand in our way – I mean, nothing!’

  The words were hardly out of his mouth before Julia dropped her novel and threw herself into his arms. ‘Oh, darling, yes, this time, yes!’ she squealed. ‘My dearest, I do love you so.’

  It was the most glorious night, making love, falling asleep exhausted in each other’s arms, neither of them having thought to wind up the bedside alarm clock. Julia awoke next morning to find that they’d overslept. Calling him awake, she washed, cleaned her teeth, dressed, combed her short hair and applied a little make-up all in the space of ten minutes. There was no time for breakfast, she could eat later. While Simon shaved she went down to open the shop. No one would come this early but it would not look good if they didn’t open on time. She had just come away from the unlocked door when its bell tinkled.

  Turning back she saw Stephanie standing in the open doorway, her face pale and drawn, her lips working, her eyes brimming over with tears.

  Julia stared at her. ‘Whatever is the matter?’

  Stephanie came forward, moving slowly, her eyes fixed on her sister. But before she came too close she stopped as though there were a glass barrier in her way.

  ‘What is it, Stephanie? What’s the matter?’ Julia repeated, now fearful that something terrible must have happened. Her thoughts flew instantly to her mother. Had she collapsed, had a heart attack, a stroke, maybe fallen down the outside stairs? All sorts of dreads flooded her mind in that split second. ‘What’s happened?’

  At her words, Stephanie ran forward and almost collapsed into her arms.

  ‘Oh, Julia, I’m in such trouble! I don’t know what to do.’

  Despite the girl’s anguish, Julia felt a surge of relief. It was only to do with Stephanie, who was always in anguish over something. She had the capacity to make a big thing out of nothing – a bit like her mother, only Stephanie was more forceful.

  ‘What trouble? Who’s upset you now?’

  Stephanie had drawn away from her. ‘I don’t know how to tell you. I can’t tell Mummy. I had to come to you.’

  There was a long pause and then Stephanie burst out, ‘I think I’m pregnant.’ As she spoke the last word her voice gave way, ending in a high squeak.

  She stood in the centre of the shop, a forlorn figure. She was now beyond distress, appearing resigned to whatever fate awaited her.

  Julia repeated incredulously, ‘Pregnant?’

  Her sister nodded dumbly.

  ‘Stephanie, how can you be?’

  Stephanie hung her head. ‘Don’t tell Mummy,’ was all she said.

  ‘No, listen! I asked you, how can you be pregnant? What makes you think you are?’

  ‘I’ve not seen my periods for three months.’

  That didn’t mean much. Julia knew some girls were like that. Perhaps Stephanie was ill and hadn’t realized it. ‘Have you seen a doctor about it?’

  When Stephanie shook her head, she hesitated before saying disbelieving, ‘Have you been with someone?’

  It came out so crudely that she half expected her sister to burst into tears of outrage. Instead, Stephanie threw herself back into Julia’s arms, sobbing as if her heart would break. Moments later she was pouring out the whole story of how she had met Jimmy Waring, how wonderfully he’d treated her, what a marvellous time he’d given her, introducing her to such interesting people and taking her to all sorts of crazy parties.

  Endlessly repeating herself she told how considerate Jimmy had been, respecting her decent morals and not taking advantage of her.

  ‘If he’s never taken advantage of you,’ Julia said, growing angrier by the minute, ‘how can you be pregnant?’

  The anger in her tone made Stephanie tear herself free of Julia’s hold. ‘If you’re going to be like that, I wish I’d never come to you for help.’

  ‘Well, you have, and now you’ve started you’d better tell me the rest of it or I won’t be able to help you. You’ve obviously let him make love to you. How often? How long have you been seeing each other?’

  ‘Don’t say it like that!’ Stephanie stormed, suddenly defiant again. ‘We’ve been together since last Christmas. We loved each other.’

  ‘Loved?’ Julia noted her sister’s use of the past tense. Her worst fear hung on that single word.

  ‘I love him. And I thought he loved me. He was always so attentive.’

  Julia ignored that. ‘Since Christmas you say. Has he ever proposed marriage, mentioned engagement or taking you to meet his family?’

  To each question Stephanie’s replies were a sullen ‘No’. Her attitude became increasingly defensive and indignant. But when Julia asked if they’d taken precautions Stephanie’s lips began to quiver again. ‘He was always careful with me.’

  ‘Careful with you,’ Julia echoed. ‘Did he use anything?’

  ‘He did for a while. But then he began to say that he knew how to look after me without that. He said we needed to be free, that using things was restricting our lo
ve and he wanted our love to be perfect.’

  Julia bit back the anger that was building up inside her. She was furious both at the heartlessness of this unknown young man and at the foolishness of her sister. ‘And where is he now?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ The reply tore at Julia’s heart.

  ‘Sometimes he was away,’ Stephanie went on as if excusing him. ‘He said it was stock exchange business. That was his work. I wouldn’t see him for a few weeks. A girl I knew laughed when I told her and said, “Business, he calls it? Darling, you don’t think you’re his only bit of stuff, do you?” I didn’t believe her. But when I told him I’d missed two of my monthlies, he was so angry and said he was going away for a while. I remembered then what that woman had said. When I asked him to his face he admitted that I was not the only girl in his life. He said the women he preferred were far more mature than I was and knew how to look after themselves. I’ve not seen him since.’

  And probably never will again, thought Julia. But her sister was still talking.

  ‘He bought me such lovely clothes and bits of nice jewellery. We’d go dancing and to nightclubs and he paid for everything, so he must have loved me or he wouldn’t have splashed out like that. I just hope he’ll come round to feeling better about – about the baby. He did suggest I should get rid of it but then said it was nothing to do with him. Now I don’t know what to think.’ Stephanie was wringing her hands with indecision. ‘Perhaps he’ll come back. I do still love him.’

  Julia resisted a strong temptation to call her a silly little idiot. ‘And if he doesn’t?’ she said in an as even a tone as possible. ‘How are you going to tell Mummy?’

  She saw Stephanie’s eyes widen with terror. ‘I can’t tell her!’

  ‘You probably wouldn’t have to. She will see as time goes on. But you shouldn’t wait for that. You should tell her.’

  ‘I can’t face her. I’ll kill myself! She’ll hate me!’

  ‘No she won’t,’ Julia said quietly, ignoring her sister’s dramatics.

  But terror had begun to turn to defiance. ‘I only did what you and Simon have been doing. I thought, if they can do it, then so can I.’

  ‘Simon and I are intending to marry soon. This Jimmy chap hadn’t even proposed to you. You hadn’t even had a promise of an engagement.’

  ‘I thought we would get married.’

  ‘Then it seems you were wrong.’

  Fear had begun to shine again in Stephanie’s eyes. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she repeated. ‘I know he loved me. I’m sure he’ll come back. He couldn’t be so cruel as not to. He loved me. He said he did. I can’t tell Mummy. She was so upset when you and Simon started to live together; she said that sort of thing isn’t done and that she was so ashamed and could never hold up her head again. What will she say to me with no one to marry?’

  Cupping her hands to her face, she broke down in tears again, sinking on to her knees and leaning forward so that her head almost touched the floor.

  Julia’s anger evaporated and she quickly lifted Stephanie up to hold her tightly, knowing that Betty and their workers would soon be arriving. She couldn’t have them walking in on such a scene and wondering what was going on.

  ‘Come on,’ she urged sharply. ‘Pull yourself together. Look, I’ll take you upstairs to Mother and I’ll do the talking.’

  ‘No, I don’t want to face her. I can’t! I’ll die as soon as I see that look on her face, the look she gave you when you went with Simon.’

  ‘I wasn’t having a baby,’ Julia retorted. Even in this crisis Stephanie had the capacity to hurt without thinking. ‘I’ll take you up to the workshop. You can wait in Simon’s dining room until I come back.’

  ‘I can’t go in there!’ Stephanie gasped but her sister already had hold of her arm and was marching her to the stairs leading up to the stockroom, calling to Simon to come down to the shop. Simon was mystified as he passed them but Julia motioned to him with a discreet shake of her head, mouthing that she would tell him later.

  * * *

  ‘Oh, it’s you. What do you want?’ Her mother’s greeting was so cold that had Julia’s errand been less urgent she would have turned on her heel and marched back down the stairs. Victoria was in her dressing gown and Julia guessed that she’d still been in bed.

  ‘There’s something I have to tell you,’ Julia blurted out and then paused. This matter needed to be approached gently. ‘Mummy, can I come in?’

  She felt like a stranger standing at the door, her mother staring at her, unsmiling, with a querying look as if she were a casual caller.

  ‘It’s very important!’ she urged, and at the tone of her voice her mother stepped back without a word to allow her to come in.

  James and Ginny had already left for work and the flat was silent. Victoria sat down in one of the lovely brown Moroccan leather armchairs Julia had bought for her. She didn’t invite Julia to sit down.

  ‘So, then, what is it you want?’ she asked, looking up at her daughter. ‘You hardly bother to come up here these days.’

  ‘That isn’t my fault, Mummy.’

  ‘In a way it is, Julia. While you persist in living with this man…’

  ‘He isn’t this man, Mother, he’s my fiancé and as soon as we can we will be married.’

  ‘Then you are taking long enough to get around to it.’

  Julia held herself very stiff and upright, refusing to be humbled, and came to the point. ‘What I’ve come here to tell you has nothing to do with me or Simon. It may take a little time to explain so do you mind if I sit down?’

  To the faint ring of sarcasm her mother gave a shrug and a deep sigh. ‘I suppose you had better.’

  As Julia sat down in the opposite chair to her mother’s, on the other side of the small fire, a strained silence fell on the room. This was going to be even harder than she had expected; her mother’s hostile attitude wasn’t helping.

  ‘It’s about Stephanie,’ she began carefully. ‘She’s downstairs at the moment. There’s something very important about her that you need to know but she can’t bring herself to tell you in person. I said I would speak to you for her.’

  Her mother lowered her head, her lips a quivering pout. ‘I’m afraid Stephanie is not the girl I hoped she would be,’ she said, her voice shaky. ‘She cares for no one’s feelings, always gadding out to these awful dance places with their noisy jazz, kicking up her legs until all hours, tiring herself out. Heaven knows what they get up to, dresses almost above their knees. She spends all night sometimes with her idiotic friends instead of coming home. Like you, she pleases only herself.’

  ‘Mummy, she’s young,’ Julia excused. ‘It’s a different generation from yours and…’

  ‘This younger generation!’ her mother cut in. ‘Virginia and James are also the young generation but they don’t gad about like her. I can rely on them. They care for me. If it wasn’t for their thoughtfulness I’d be here all on my own for all you and your sister care. Your poor father…’

  ‘Mummy, listen to me,’ Julia interrupted. With her mother in this mood how was she going to explain Stephanie’s predicament? Victoria would probably go into hysterics or faint clean away. There was no other way but to tell her as gently as she could.

  ‘Mummy,’ she began, ‘Stephanie’s in an awful state. She came to me early this morning, crying.’ She ignored her mother’s startled exclamation and ploughed on. ‘She’s been seeing a young man for nearly a year now and…’

  ‘She’s said nothing to me about it. Who is he? I hope he has money enough to…’

  ‘I’m afraid he’s given her up,’ Julia began, but was again interrupted.

  ‘How typical! No more than I’d have expected of her. What has she done to have him give her up as you put it?’

  There was nothing for it other than to come right out with it. However gently said the news was going to be shocking.

  ‘Mummy, Stephanie’s pregnant!’

  There was a stunned silence be
fore her mother said faintly, ‘What?’

  ‘She’s three months gone.’

  On impulse Julia stood up and started to move towards Victoria to offer comfort but found herself pushed violently away as the woman was galvanized into action. There was no frantic weeping, no spasm of swooning or even hysterical screams. But the push was so strong that Julia almost lost her balance. Her mother was now on her feet and making for the bedroom Stephanie shared with Ginny now that Julia had moved in with Simon.

  Hurrying after her, Julia found her scrabbling through Stephanie’s drawers, the floor already littered with some of her stuff.

  ‘What are you doing, Mummy?’

  ‘You can take all this away, all that belongs to her,’ was the angry reply. Without even turning round to look at Julia she went over to the dressing table to drag the contents from those drawers too, sweeping the surface clean of any make-up belonging to Stephanie. ‘She’s no daughter of mine. Take it away! Everything! She doesn’t live here any more.’

  ‘You can’t do that, Mummy. Where is she to go?’

  Her mother was already moving to the wardrobe, dragging out skirts, dresses, blouses, jackets, coats, hats to be flung on the floor with the rest.

  ‘She can go wherever she likes – go and find the man who got her into that condition and appeal to his good nature, if he has any. Or she can live with you, the pair of you well matched. Take all you can to her now. The rest will be outside the door.’