by Susan Tan
So I just said my grandma and I were going to spend time together.
And Tim #2 said, “Neat!” Which was nice of him.
* * *
After school, Nai Nai picked me up, and we went to Chinatown together, which we do every week. Usually we laugh and talk and make jokes the whole time. But today, she was kind of quiet. And maybe even a little upset.
“Are you okay, Nai Nai?” I asked, when we’d gotten out of the car.
She patted my hand.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s just been a long day. With some wedding things.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Nothing for you to worry,” she said.
“Okay,” I said.
And then she smiled, but it wasn’t her normal Nai Nai smile.
So I decided to tell funny stories to make her feel better.
I told her all about Mr. Flight, and my games with Colleen, and then Harold, because that was a story all about cheering up and making someone happy. (Though I didn’t tell her about kickball, because as I’ve mentioned, that’s a one-time thing.)
I think Nai Nai enjoyed my stories, even if she did say “Ay yah!” and “In the house?!” when I told her about Harold. And when I said maybe she could meet Harold someday and promised her that she’d like him, she said, “Hmmmm.”
Which is Nai Nai’s way of saying “No” or “I’m not convinced” or “Absolutely not, Young Lady.”
But nicely.
My stories made her laugh, though, and she mussed my hair and didn’t seem to be feeling quiet anymore. So I think they helped.
Afterward, just before we went home, Nai Nai took me to her favorite bakery to get min bauu, which are Chinese bread rolls that Ye Ye and I LOVE.
The shop was busy and full of the warm smell of bread, sweet rolls, and custard.
I held Nai Nai’s hand and listened to the people talking and laughing all around us. It was a nice, familiar sound.
A sound I’ve always loved.
But suddenly, I thought about school, and Melvin, and Tim #2. And I realized how much of the sounds around me I didn’t understand.
“Nai Nai,” I asked, “will you teach me Chinese?”
Nai Nai smiled a big smile. A real smile.
“Of course,” she said.
“So I can speak it before the wedding?” I asked.
“Wah,” she said. “I don’t think so.”
“Oh.” I tried not to let her see that I was disappointed. But Nai Nai took my hand and gave it a squeeze and said, “Tell me what you want to say. I can teach you small things before the wedding.”
“Oh!” I said. “Okay.” And I squeezed her hand back.
“Why before the wedding?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise,” I said.
“Wah,” she said. “I love surprises.”
“Me too,” I said with a smile. Then it was our turn to order, and Nai Nai got me a box of almond cookies to take home, which was an excellent surprise (so I’m glad she likes them).
* * *
When I got home, my mom explained that Nai Nai had been upset because that morning, Auntie Eva had asked her to wear a different dress to the wedding, even though she’d already bought a lacy blue one. Apparently, Paul’s mom is something called a Stickler for Tradition, so Auntie Eva felt like she couldn’t argue.
“This is normal wedding Drama, sweetie,” my mom said when she saw my worried expression. “Bringing together two families always means making choices like this, and sometimes those choices upset people. But Nai Nai understands. To be honest, I don’t think Nai Nai really minds about the dress. She just wants to be a part of Auntie Eva’s Big Day. And Paul’s parents live closer than she does, so I think she’s worried that they’ll be really involved in the wedding, and she won’t.”
“Oh,” I said. “Do you think that will happen?”
“Not at all,” my mom said. “It’s really nothing to worry about.”
“Hmmmm,” I said.
Just then Gwendolyn started Fussing. So I never got to ask what the Traditions that Paul’s mom cared so much about were. And I wish I knew, because now there’s even more that I don’t know about weddings and Traditions and Chinese Customs.
So, I’ve decided that I need to start flower girl practice NOW. Because I’ve always known that Nai Nai and Auntie Eva sometimes don’t Get Along when she visits, which is why Auntie Eva stays at our house instead of with Nai Nai and Ye Ye.
But I didn’t know that they also didn’t Get Along when it came to weddings, which are supposed to be happy.
And I want Auntie Eva to enjoy her wedding, and I want her to see that it’s really a GREAT idea to have our family involved in her Big Day.
Plus, if everything goes perfectly, and if I’m the best flower girl EVER, I bet Auntie Eva and Nai Nai will forget that they ever had hurt feelings.
* * *
Now my dad’s Skyping with Auntie Eva to make sure she isn’t upset, because he says that’s what big brothers do. I got to stay up late to say hello to her just before I went to bed. She told me all about how she’d found the most beautiful dress for me and said she’d send a picture so I could see it. She sounded happy, so it seemed like the Not Getting Along had passed.
Which was a relief.
But before I left the room, I heard another part of their conversation, after I’d said good night to her. I was supposed to be brushing my teeth, but I’d gotten distracted by some colorful erasers my dad had brought home from work. So I was still there when I heard Auntie Eva say, “I don’t know what I’d do without you, big brother. I had no idea that there’d be so many choices to make between people. And I’ve always gotten along with Paul’s parents, so I thought that blending the two families would be easy. I hope they like each other.
“But,” she went on, “at least everyone seems fine. And I think I’ve figured out the maid of honor too. At the end of the day, Jane is really my best friend now. I still feel kind of guilty, though. Karen was my best friend in college, and she was there for me during some tough times. But we’ve just grown apart, you know? And … I don’t know. It’s hard to choose between best friends.”
“She’ll understand, sis,” my dad said. “Maybe you can have Karen read a poem or do something else in the ceremony.…” And then he started saying more, but I didn’t hear, because right around then my mom came in and said, “Excuse me, Young Lady, but does this look like teeth brushing?”
So I had to go.
Because when your parents call you Young Lady, it means it’s time to get serious.
* * *
Now I’m in bed, writing, because this conversation, and this day, has given me a lot to think about.
Like how even though Drama is exciting and good in books, I’d rather not have it in my family.
Besides, Blending two families sounds like a VERY hard thing, and I should know because it took a long time for my families to Blend.
For a long time, I worried that it would never happen.
And now, I wonder what will happen if Paul’s family doesn’t like Nai Nai, or Ye Ye, or my dad, or even me. And even worse, what if Auntie Eva decides she likes Paul’s family more than ours? Because there are fewer disagreements and everyone Gets Along?
And most of all, I can’t stop thinking about what Auntie Eva said.
Because how could someone ever choose between something like two moms or two best friends?
And what happens if you’re not the one they pick?
5
CHANGE IS STRANGE (EXCEPT WHEN THERE’S PIZZA INVOLVED)
My mom says I need to be something called “better with change.” I don’t think she’s quite right, because I’m GREAT with change—like how I agreed to move my Selena Moon paper dolls from the bottom shelf in my bookcase to the top so Gwendolyn couldn’t get them. That was a BIG change, and I was completely fine with it.
But I do know that sometimes, changes make me nervous. Like how worried I was before Gwendolyn came, which seems funn
y now because I really like her and one of my favorite parts of the day is when I come home from school and play with her and boop her nose and help her build (or destroy, depending on how she’s feeling) block towers.
So I’m learning that change can be okay, even if you’re not sure about it. But I’d prefer if it didn’t happen too much.
Especially all at once, like it did today.
* * *
While I was getting ready for school this morning, I thought more about what Auntie Eva had said, and I decided I’d ask Colleen to pinky-swear-promise to always be best friends with each other and no one else.
So we’d never have any Drama about who was the best friend of all.
The timing was perfect too, because I was going to Colleen’s house after school. Colleen and I have Traditions of our own at her house, and we play games and make up stories and have the most fun EVER (as best friends should). So I knew it would be easy to have the pinky-swear-promise talk there.
But right before lunch, Mr. Usmani from the office came in with a note for Mr. Flight, and he took Colleen and Melissa aside.
And at lunch, Colleen told me what the note had said.
Melissa’s mom had to stay at work late, and she’d asked Colleen’s mom if Melissa could come over after school.
“I’m sorry it won’t be just us,” Colleen said. “But Melissa’s actually really nice. Our moms are friends, so she’s come over a few times before. I think you’ll like playing with her.”
“Oooooookay,” I said. But I wasn’t so sure.
Melissa rode our bus home, which meant that Colleen and I couldn’t play our normal bus games. And when we got to Colleen’s house, Colleen’s dad had THREE half-sandwiches made and said, “Melissa! Peanut butter and banana—just the way you like it!” And I’d known that Melissa had been over to Colleen’s house before, but I hadn’t realized that it was so many times that her dad knows the snacks she likes.
Then Melissa kept saying things like “We should play with your kazoos, Colleen” and “Has Cilla seen your new puzzle?” But she didn’t say much to me at all. And sometimes, she’d go over to Colleen and whisper, and then Colleen would say, “Hey, why don’t we play with my chemistry set.…”
Even worse, Melissa knew our couch-to-couch jumping game and how to rub Spock’s ear in the way that makes his leg go up and down. Which are special things that Colleen and I do together.
Melissa’s mom came to pick her up just a few minutes before mine did.
“So, does Melissa come over a lot?” I asked, as her car drove away.
“Kind of,” Colleen said. “But mostly because her mom and my mom are friends, and they talk while we do our homework,” she added quickly.
Which I know she said to make me feel better.
But I didn’t.
I thought about how Melissa whispers to Colleen all the time. And how she doesn’t talk to me. And how she’s the one who’s been putting together kickball games at recess and making Colleen choose between them and me.
Suddenly, I understood.
Melissa Hernandez is plotting to make Colleen her best friend, instead of mine.
And that’s a change I won’t let happen.
* * *
My mom picked me up, and I was happy to be going home to do all the things I always do after school, like play with Gwendolyn and help my dad cook dinner because I’m his Official Helper. I knew things at home, at least, would be normal. And then I’d have time to think about Melissa’s Evil Plot. And how to foil it. (Which are two VERY Classic Themes, so at least this development is literary even if it’s not great.)
But when I walked into the house, my dad ran to the door holding Gwendolyn.
“Ellen, Cilla,” he said in an excited voice, “Gwendolyn said her first word! We were sitting on the rug, just a minute ago, and she said, ‘Dada’!”
“What!” My mom and I rushed over.
“Dada!” Gwendolyn said, giggling and throwing her arms out like it was a fun game.
“Yay!” we all cheered.
“Her first word!” my mom said in a high, funny kind of voice.
Then there was a lot of running around and getting a camera and taking a video for my grandparents, and we all went to sit on the living room rug, where we keep Gwendolyn’s toys.
“Now say ‘Mama,’” my mom said. And Gwendolyn laughed and tried to chew my mom’s fingers. But then she said “Ma,” and we all clapped and my mom hugged her.
“My turn!” I said. “Now say ‘Cilla’!” I said, bouncing up and down. “Come on, Gwendolyn, you can do it! Cilla.”
“Dada ma baba da,” Gwendolyn said, happily.
“No, Gwendolyn.” I tried again. “SILL-LA.” And I spoke very slowly, just like my mom had done, so I figured she’d get it.
“Dada ba rara!” she gurgled.
“Sweetheart,” my mom said. “It’s going to be a while before she can say something like ‘Cilla.’ Sounds like the ones in ‘Mama’ and ‘Dada’ are easier for babies, but ‘s’ sounds and ‘l’ sounds are hard. You’re going to have to be patient with her.”
“Hmmm,” I said.
Because this didn’t seem all that fair.
Plus if she wasn’t going to say anything else, the excitement should be over.
And we needed to be getting ready for dinner, and tonight was spaghetti night, and I get to help sprinkle the cheese and make the garlic bread. It’s a Tradition.
My dad’s phone rang, and it was Nai Nai, who was excited because she’d gotten the video he’d sent. And then my mom’s phone rang too, and it was Grandpa Jenkins. And suddenly, my mom was saying, “Why don’t we invite them all over for dinner, Nathan? We can get pizza.”
“Great idea!” he said, taking out his phone again.
“Yay!” I said. (Because pizza is always a good change.)
“Though, tell your parents not to bring Daisy,” my dad said. “My parents won’t like her.”
“They really don’t like pets, do they?” I asked. “Why is that?”
“It’s just how they’ve always been,” he said with a shrug.
“Ah,” I said. “A Tradition.”
“Sure.” He laughed as he dialed. “It’s a kind of Tradition.” And then Nai Nai picked up the phone, and he started talking in Chinese.
I was glad I’d learned another Tradition and made sure to write it down later—Chinese people don’t like dogs.
This was nice to know, because I also don’t like Daisy, so I’m just like my Nai Nai and Ye Ye.
Though I do like Spock, but I think that’s an okay exception because Spock is the best.
And Harold, but he’s a classroom frog, not a pet, so that doesn’t count.
* * *
My Nai Nai and Ye Ye came over with red bean cupcakes and said “Wah!” when Gwendolyn said “Dada” and then “Mama.”
And Grandma and Grandpa Jenkins brought a chocolate cake, and Grandma Jenkins said, “What an advanced baby! You know, you weren’t even talking at this age, Cilla.”
Which also made me say, “Hmmmmm.”
But at least I got to go to the store with my dad to pick up the pizza, which is like being his Kitchen Helper (also: pizza). Plus there was LOTS of cake, and you know my feelings about that.
At dinner, Grandma and Grandpa Jenkins asked about the wedding, and Nai Nai seemed MUCH happier and didn’t even mention the dress. She told Grandma and Grandpa Jenkins that they’d be getting their invitations any day now, because in Chinese weddings, you invite all the extended family (which was news to me, but good news). This made my Grandma Jenkins REALLY happy too, and she gave Nai Nai a hug.
And even though I was still upset about Melissa and the whole not-saying-Cilla thing, I remembered that some changes can be nice.
Because we’d never had dinner together like this, as a family, before my last book. In fact, my grandparents never really saw each other at all. And now, we do things together as a family, like have dinner sometimes and, appare
ntly, go to Big Events together.
And it’s really nice to see my grandmas get along.
Even if they will never agree on things like Daisy.
And even if they did spend pretty much all dinner talking about Gwendolyn.
* * *
When everyone left, I helped my dad dry the dishes while my mom put Gwendolyn in her pajamas.
“Do you think Gwendolyn will be a writer when she grows up?” I asked suddenly.
“Um, I don’t know, sweetheart,” my dad said with a little laugh. “Probably not.”
“But she’s Advanced,” I said. “So she could be, if she wanted to.”
My dad put a soapy arm around me.
“Sure,” he said. “She can be anything she wants to be, and so can you. But I’m guessing she’ll have a lot of interests of her own. I really wouldn’t worry about it.”
“Hmmmm,” I said again.
Drying dishes gave me time to make a plan, though. And when I went to keep Gwendolyn company on the rug, where she was chewing on Batman, so my mom could help my dad finish the cleaning before bedtime, I realized I knew exactly what to do.
At school, I just have to show Colleen that I’m the greatest friend ever and much more fun to be around than Melissa. So all I have to do is to be a perfect best friend. And she’ll forget all about Melissa and kickball.
And as for Gwendolyn …
I sat down next to her, put Batman to the side, and picked her up so she could look into my eyes, because this was Very Serious.
“Gwendolyn,” I asked, “what are you?”
“Brrr-pa,” she gurgled.
“No, focus, Gwendolyn,” I said. “You can be anything you want to be, isn’t that exciting? Anything except a writer. Do you understand, Gwen?” I said. “No writing. Also, ‘Cilla’! Say it with me now! Also, ‘chopsticks’! Can you say that? This is all very important.”
But Gwendolyn just laughed and squirmed because she wanted to chew on her toes. And it didn’t really seem like I was winning on this particular day. So I gave up and lay on the floor next to her and pretended I was eating my toes too, and she giggled. And then, very suddenly, she rolled over, curled up against my side, and put her head on my shoulder.
