"Then, you won't see them."
The tension left in my body drained out of me, and my eyes started to droop. I let myself settle more heavily in Axel's embrace, relishing in all of that strength around me and the gentle way he was using it to cradle me against him. If I hadn't been so sleepy, I might have cried again knowing I still didn’t have the courage to let my guard all the way down and make my time with him something other than temporary.
“This is dumb,” I said into the darkness above the bed. Axel’s answering chuckle was husky and rich from where he was bedded down on the couch. “There’s enough room in this bed that we won’t even touch, no matter how much space you take up.” He chuckled again, and a pleased smile pulled at my lips. The first two nights in Axel’s room, I’d still been so tired and sore, I hadn’t thought to argue when he put me in his bed and took the couch for himself. Today, I was still tired and sore, but some of my old energy had started to seep in.
“Was that a fat joke?”
“Oh my god,” I said, adding that dramatic flair I was so fond of to my voice. “Shut up.”
“I don’t claim to be an expert, but I’m not sure telling someone to shut up is the way to get them in bed with you. Unless they’re into that kind of thing.” If he was trying to hide the amusement in his voice, it wasn’t working.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Let me try again. Ahem.” I cleared my throat and then said in the sweetest voice I could muster, “Axel, will you please come sleep with me. Even with all your huge muscles, I promise I’ll stay on my side of the bed.” When he didn’t say anything, I bit my lip, waiting to see what he’d do. I’d only had one more nightmare since the first one, but it had been a bad one. Neither one of us had gone back to sleep after, and instead, we’d splayed out on the couch and started to binge watch Supernatural. It was easier to think about crazy paranormal demons rather than the very human ones I was contending with.
“Only because you said, please.” Axel’s voice came from right beside the bed. I jumped, a little yelp escaping my throat and pressed my hand over my heart.
“Shit, Leith.” Axel climbed in, scooting all the way over to me and pulling me against his chest. One of his big, rough hands slid up and down over the bare skin of my back, soothing my racing heart back into its normal cadence. “I’m sorry. I thought you heard me moving.”
I hummed, pressing my face against the lush, dark hair covering his chest and wrapped my arm around his waist, splaying my fingers over the warm skin of his back. Was I ready to throw in the towel and beg him to be my Daddy? No. Was I a glutton for punishment? Hell, yes. Because this was exactly what I wanted—him holding me. Even if it was going to suck when I didn’t have it anymore.
For several long minutes, neither of us spoke. He shifted around, getting his other arm under my neck and adjusting the pillows, but he never pulled back from my embrace.
“Guess that no touching thing is out the window, huh?” His voice was quiet and deep and gentle in a way that made me snuggle closer.
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sweet boy. It’s more than okay.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
I went to sleep with a smile on my face.
I picked up the TV remote—wanting to watch Supernatural, but not until Axel got back—and clicked the power button. My eyes darted around the empty apartment. Axel was at church, although why they called their biker meetings church, I had no idea. I sighed. For the last two weeks, this room had been my sanctuary, and was without a doubt, the only place I'd ever felt truly safe in all my life. Of course, I thought with a smirk, that had more to do with the man it belonged to.
Axel had not only kept his word at every turn, but he'd also made me feel welcome. I'd been living here with him—eating his food, sleeping in his bed, and not once had he asked for a single thing in return. Not once had he made me feel uncomfortable or like I was out of place. He’d been exactly the same from day one—kind. No games.
It'd been absolutely amazing, and like all amazing things, I knew my time here was almost up. My body was almost completely healed, and I was feeling restless. Despite Axel's insistence that I was no trouble and always welcome, I needed to get back to my job and my apartment. Back to standing on my own two feet…or at least trying to.
The boy in me was not happy about that at all, because in my bones, I knew if I wanted Axel to be my Daddy—not temporarily and not just in a fantasy—all I would have to do was ask. It seemed like such a simple thing, to open my mouth and ask for what I wanted, but the rest of me remembered all too vividly what could happen when you gave yourself so completely to someone. I still wasn't ready to take that leap.
As had been happening more and more in the last few days, I wished for someone to share my fears with—someone who would let me vent about all these thoughts in my head. Letting the outside world in was the first step in bringing this little daydream grinding to a halt, but if I was being honest, I needed that. I’d gotten way too comfortable here. I wanted to talk to my friends, and hopefully, they wanted to talk to me. Looking over at the vase full of flowers they’d sent and the balloons that were starting to droop a bit, I thought maybe they did.
I got up and went in search of my phone charger. Vivian had told Axel she’d put it in one of the side pockets on the duffle bag she’d packed for me and that’s where I found it. Leaning over, I plugged it into the socket behind the nightstand and laid down on the side of the bed I’d claimed as mine.
Settling back against the pillow, I gave the phone a minute to soak up some juice, then powered it on. It took forever to load before it started vibrating in my hand. And kept vibrating…the number of Facebook notifications alone was staggering. Ignoring all the glaring little red bubbles filled with numbers, I clicked into my messages to text Pax just as a new message popped up. It was dated four days ago.
“Restricted?” Frowning, I clicked open the message and felt my stomach drop. It was only two words.
Found you.
Chapter Five
Axel
Calix brought the gavel down, bringing my brothers to order and starting church.
"It seems we have ourselves a little Devil problem," our president said, his black eyes sweeping over the room. Calix wasn’t a big man; he was cut and hard and ran our club with an indomitable will that had garnered him the respect of every man in the room.
"A former Devil’s problem," Riot, our vice president, added from his seat at Calix's right hand.
"The Devil's rejects, if you will," Mace tacked on with a little chuckle. Calix sighed, setting the gavel on its side on the table and shooting a glare at Mace. Our Sergeant-at-Arms only shrugged. "What? You knew someone was going to say it."
Calix grunted as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and clasping his hands in front of him. “Word from the actual Devils is that their castoffs have been causing property damage and harassing businesses that the Devils either frequent or own. Now typically, I wouldn't suggest getting involved in Devil business, but Holden did give us an assist in finding the asshole who took Pax and Leith. So the club is in his debt, and the two former Devils we put a beating on after they busted up our fight last month were in Mac’s Café yesterday.”
"What?" Eben spoke up from his place at the end of the table. Eben’s boyfriend, Cody, worked at the café, and all of us Heretics stopped in there regularly. Mac was a friend of the club.
"They went inside and poked around a bit. Bought a coffee each and left, but Mac said he got the impression that they’d be back. If this was all random and uncoordinated, I wouldn't be as worried, but Holden also thinks they’ve got some new player calling the shots. Nobody knows who he is, and the damage they’re causing is starting to escalate."
We all sat and soaked that in for a moment, my mind immediately going to Leith and to Spritz. If the ex-Devils were out to cause problems and getting more serious, it was only a matter of time before they made the nightclub a target or started harassing the boy
s who worked there. Despite the circumstances that had brought him to me, I was suddenly glad that Leith was upstairs in my room, safe and sound. Not that I hadn't been glad about it before. Truth was, I tried to keep myself from dwelling on it because I probably liked it more than I should—having him in my space, getting to take care of him every day, feeling like he was mine to spoil. He'd settled into my life in the last couple of weeks like he'd always been there. I knew he needed to get back to his own life, but I hadn't quite figured out how I was gonna let him go.
"I feel like we need more information," Riot said, the deep base of his voice cutting off the murmurs around the room. He was the only man in the room physically larger than me, and probably the only man quieter. "We need to know who this new player is. See what we can dig up on him."
Calix nodded. "Agreed. I want extra guys on Spritz. I want us to be seen in the neighborhood. These Devils need to know that they can't slip into our territory and fuck with our people without consequences." We all tapped our knuckles on the table in agreement. Calix nodded and turned his face my way.
"Axel, how's your boy faring?"
I knew it was semantics and Leith wasn't really mine, but hearing him referred to that way was such a mirror of my own thoughts it had warmth swelling in my chest. I looked at my Prez. "He's good. Healing."
"Excellent. Think you’ll be up for a trip to Sand Lake this week? Jeb's got a new fighter I'd like you to vet. He thinks he's about ready for the cage.”
As quickly as warmth had come, it fled as the real world pushed its way back in. Had I not just been thinking that Leith needed to go back to his own life? Truth was, I needed to get back to mine as well. I should've made the trip to Sand Lake over a week ago. It was part of my responsibilities—given my history in the cage—to check out all the new fighters before we put them into the rotation. But I'd been putting it off because I didn't want to leave Leith. Hadn't been ready to leave him. I still wasn't, but I took a slow breath and looked at Calix. "Definitely. I'll head out in the next couple of days."
Calix's black eyes stayed focused on me for a moment, intense and scrutinizing. He gave one final nod. "Before we adjourn, I want to say how good it is to see you back at the table, Eben." Immediately, voices raised and hands slapped the top of the table in celebration. Eben had been shot trying to protect Pax from the psycho who'd kidnapped Leith, and it was good to see him upright. His arm was still in a sling, but there was color in his face, and he was looking like he was on the mend. He smiled and nodded.
"Thanks, guys, it's good to be back."
"Meeting adjourned." Calix lifted the gavel and slammed it down once on the table.
I pushed open the door to my room, and the smell of bacon surrounded me. Closing the door behind me, I turned to find Leith standing at the little two-burner stovetop, bacon sizzling away in the skillet in front of him. His face was a mask of concentration as he used a spatula to flip the slices. The cord for his earbuds was slithering down over the snug deep blue tank top he was wearing, showing off his lean torso, and plugged into the end of his phone where it was partially sticking out of the pocket of his sweatpants.
My heart clenched. I hadn't seen him on his phone once in the last two weeks. He said he hadn't been ready, and its appearance now meant that he was taking a step in that direction. I wanted him healed, and I wanted him confident and happy, but standing there watching him be comfortable in my space and making what I learned was one of his favorite meals—breakfast for dinner—I could also admit that I wasn't ready for him to leave. Wasn't ready for him to go back to his life where I only got to play a minor role. And didn't that just make me feel like an asshole?
"Oh shit," Leith gasped, pulling the earbuds out of his ears and pressing a hand to his chest. "I didn't hear you come in."
I immediately felt like shit for standing there staring like a creeper and scaring him, and for the possessive thoughts I'd been entertaining. Walking over to him, I slid an arm around his shoulders and pressed my nose into the mop of red hair on his head. He smelled like the minty shampoo he liked. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."
Picking up the spatula again, Leith stepped out of my embrace and back to the stove, shooting me a too-wide smile over his shoulder. "No worries. I hope it's okay that I started on dinner. I wasn't sure when you’d get back."
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out why he seemed so nervous. "Of course. You know you don't need my permission to cook or do anything really. It smells really good, by the way. Which are you doing this time, scrambled eggs or omelets?" He told me once that breakfast food for dinner was his favorite, and that it was the only thing he could cook really well. Something I could certainly attest to, because as soon as he'd been able, he’d jumped at the chance to cook for me. In the last two weeks, I'd been treated to all his prowess at making all kinds of breakfast food.
“Omelets, I think.” He glanced back at me, eyes guarded. “If that sounds good to you?”
I frowned. “Everything okay?”
If I hadn't been paying such close attention to him over the last few weeks—learning his likes and dislikes, his facial expressions, figuring out how to tell when he was in more pain than he was letting on—I would've missed it; the slight tensing of his shoulders, the small shift in his stance, the way his eyes flicked quickly my direction and back. Something had happened while I was gone to the meeting. I’d bet my life on it, and I wanted so badly for him to trust me enough to tell me, but I knew before he even opened his mouth that he wasn't going to.
"Everything’s fine," he said, shooting another fake smile at me over his shoulder. "Dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes if you want to wash up.”
He turned away, focused back on cooking. The deeply possessive part of me—the part that already thought of him as mine—wanted to demand that he tell me what was wrong. It was another stark reminder that despite whatever chemistry was between us, he wasn't my boy, and if he truly felt like he couldn't trust me…he probably never would be.
Chapter Six
Leith
It was impossible not to feel the tension in the air. Nights spent in Axel’s bed had become one of my favorite parts of living there. Once I convinced him that I was comfortable sharing a bed if he was, it hadn't taken long to figure out that he was an excellent cuddle buddy and didn't seem to mind that I felt the need to always be snuggled up against him.
All of that only made the foot of empty bed between us seem that much wider, and I hated that I was the one who put it there. Part of me wished I’d told him about the text and what I was afraid it meant when he'd asked if I was alright. This stilted, awkward silence was all my fault because I was lying, and he knew it.
How had everything gotten so messed up? My life wasn’t perfect, but I’d been doing okay on my own. I had a job I loved, a place of my own, Pax and I were actually friends now, and for whatever reason, this wonderful man actually cared about me. Me. The fuck up. The one who was incapable of taking care of himself. Axel looked at me, and even though he hadn’t said it, I knew he liked me. He’d rescued me. Let me heal in his home.
I’d made a lot of mistakes in my life. Trusted a lot of the wrong people, and I guess I wasn’t done paying for it. The hot swell of sorrow settled in my chest. I didn’t want to think about what could have been, but it was hard not to with Axel’s steady breathing the only thing filling the darkness pressing down on me.
This could have been my life.
Before I could fight against it, a hot lump formed in my throat and the stinging burn of tears started in my eyes. I must've made a sound because Axel reached across the space between us and touched my arm.
"Come here, sweetheart."
I went to him, closing the space between us and tucking myself against his side. I pressed my forehead against his neck, head resting on his shoulder, while the first of my tears slid down into his chest hair tickling my cheek. I wrapped my arm around his torso as he did the same to me, pulling me
close and holding me tight.
"Oh, sweet boy." His breath was warm on my forehead, beard tickling my skin as he pressed a kiss there. “I won't ask you to tell me what's going on. I figure if you wanted to, you would, but I'm here, okay? And I'm not going anywhere.”
His words made the tears already leaking out of my eyes run faster. He was there and had been there for me in a way no else in my life ever had. I didn’t know how to tell him that come tomorrow, he’d still be here, but I wouldn’t be. Running didn’t get any easier, but this time…this time felt like it might kill me.
Holding on tight, I pressed a kiss to the skin of his chest, relished in his quick indrawn breath, and willed myself to commit the feel of his strong body to memory. I didn't deserve this man, even in this temporary way, and I was jealous of the lucky boy that would someday get to keep him and call him Daddy.
The vibrating buzz of a phone woke me. I was still nestled in Axel’s arms, feeling warm and safe. I snuggled in closer, and the chest beneath my cheek rumbled.
“Sweetheart, you’re not making this easy,” Axel said, voice rough with sleep and…fondness. For a moment, in my half-awake state, I’d forgotten about the text I received and the resurgence of fear that had come with it. I’d gotten away from Malcolm once before, and I wasn’t sure I could do it again. I didn’t want to do it again. That was why I had to run. Had to leave this man behind, and start over somewhere new. I was exhausted at the mere thought of it.
Disarm (Iron Heretics MC Book 2) Page 4
