“You’re always welcome back for a visit.” Susan leaned down to give Maurice a hand for her step up into the buggy.
“Whee! I’m still not used to getting into these things.” Maurice settled onto the seat. “And thanks for what all of you have done for me in the time I’ve been here.”
“You’re welcome,” Susan said, guiding the horse toward the main road. “Have you decided yet about staying in the area?”
“I still don’t know.” Maurice sighed. “It’s hard. I can’t stay at Teresa’s forever.”
“You know our house is open, but I’m sure Mamm already told you that.”
“Yes, she did. But I can’t stay around here forever, either. You people have your own lives to live. And I need to make a living.”
“Well, it’s been gut to have you be part of our lives here.”
They rode in silence, the fields of cut corn passing by to the sound of the horse’s soft hoofbeats on the graveled road. Sheaves were stacked at irregular intervals, their long stalks pointing into the air. The random pattern flowed together until it looked designed, as if someone had placed each stack with great care.
“It’s so beautiful here,” Maurice gushed. “Not at all like Asbury Park.”
“I guess that’s why I came back. For that and for Teresa’s sake.”
“What a dear you are.” Maurice put her arm around Susan’s shoulder. “Your mom told me about your boyfriend dropping you for another girl. I’m so sorry.”
Susan smiled, the effort weak. “What is it with the men in my life?”
“Now, don’t be blaming yourself. You’re a wonderful girl. Believe me, I wouldn’t just say so. Somewhere in these hollows lurks the perfect fellow for you. I can almost see him coming now. Running out of one of these lovely farms to take you as his bride.”
Susan laughed. “You must be dreaming! But it’s nice of you to say so.”
“We all need to dream a little. It’s what keeps us going.”
“I don’t think I’ll be dreaming much anymore. Not after mine keep getting popped like balloons.”
Maurice sighed and fell silent. After a few minutes she said, “I hope you’re not sore at your father.”
Susan kept her eyes on the road. “Perhaps. I don’t know.”
“Being upset would be normal, dear,” Maurice assured her. “Although I don’t know from experience. My father was never around to be anything good or bad.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.”
“I’m not asking for sympathy; I’m just giving you perspective. Mine only, that’s true. But it is a perspective. And I’m not your mother, so maybe you’ll believe me when I say that your father is a very wonderful person. Don’t hold against him something he did a long time ago, and he has spent a lot of effort making right. Look how he’s lived his life since his youth. I’d give a million dollars and then some to have such a father.”
“Thank you,” Susan said. “I’ll try to remember that.”
Maurice smiled and watched the passing farms.
Susan took a deep breath before speaking. “If you’re staying around much longer, you’re going to hear this anyway, so I’m not spreading rumors. Daett will face some kind of discipline from the church. Our people don’t look kindly to keeping things hidden. Especially not something like this and for so many years.”
“My, you people are a bundle of contradictions!” Maurice exclaimed.
“Yes, we can be. We are human, after all.”
Maurice shook her head. “Yet who am I to say how a whole community is to be run? Perhaps you have to make hard choices for the common good.”
“Something like that,” Susan muttered as she turned Toby down Teresa’s driveway. She forced her thoughts toward more pleasant subjects.
The homey little place took her breath away this morning. Even more so now that she knew baby Samuel and Teresa were actually living here. This was one time when dreams had become reality. Perhaps there was hope for her own dream? She would have to keep up her hope. Teresa had done so even when the road had been long and hard.
“I see my little sweetheart at the window!” Maurice proclaimed, interrupting Susan’s thoughts. “Waving from his mamma’s arms at his grandma as she arrives in a buggy. Who would have ever thought this possible?”
“Not me,” Susan said, climbing down and then reaching back to give Maurice a hand. Maurice waved it off, placing one foot on the round step and then leaping to the ground with a shriek.
Susan laughed. “You’re getting quite good at this, but don’t try that at church on Sunday morning. The leaders don’t appreciate noisy women climbing out of buggies.”
“Then I will be decorous, prim, and proper on Sundays. Only in front of my daughters will my real self be shown to the world,” Maurice announced.
Susan tied Toby up, and together the two women walked to the front door. Teresa pushed it wide open with one hand before they arrived. The wiggling Samuel was in her arms and reaching out to Maurice.
Susan waited while the three hugged. Then she gave Teresa a hug while Maurice held Samuel and smothered his face with kisses.
“You’d think we haven’t seen each other in years, you little dear,” Maurice cooed. “I just saw you on Sunday.”
“I think the days are longer, fuller, and richer in Amish country,” Teresa said. “It seems like more life has gone by than really has.”
“I do believe you’re correct,” Maurice agreed. “Now tell me, how is this husband of yours treating you?”
“Oh, Mom, you have no idea how sweet he is!” Tears sprang up in Teresa’s eyes. “He’s too wonderful for words.”
“Then let’s hope he stays that way.” Maurice laughed.
“Everything stays wonderful around here,” Teresa declared. “At least it seems so.”
“Ah, the rosy eyes of young love.” Maurice gave Teresa a kiss on the cheek. “Now let me put this little boy on his blanket before he climbs out of my arms.”
Baby Samuel kicked his feet after being put down, reaching up with both arms for Maurice again.
“You’d better hold him, Mom,” Teresa said. “I don’t think he’s had enough of you yet.”
“Oh, you little sweetheart!” Maurice picked Samuel up for another round of smooches.
When the kissing and cooing had stopped, Teresa said, “You can have the room upstairs, Mom. The one facing east. That way you can watch the sunrise each morning.”
“You’re spoiling me,” Maurice said. “And my suitcase? I do declare! I left it in the buggy.”
“I’ll get it,” Susan said. “We’ll blame Samuel that we forgot. It was his grinning in the window that distracted us.”
Susan ran across the lawn to the buggy and returned with the suitcase. She paused on the porch, remembering the day she’d first come here to clean with Teresa. It wasn’t that long ago, but already it seemed like life had changed dramatically. Now it was better. Teresa was married and happy. Susan smiled at the thought. But was life better for her since she’d lost Thomas? With a sigh she went back into the house. Teresa and Maurice’s animated voices were coming from upstairs.
Maurice would be happy here, Susan figured. Teresa could teach her the ways of the community, which Maurice wanted to learn. But was she really going down the same path Teresa had? Possibly joining the community? It could happen. Maurice had never said one way or the other. She loved the life, that much was clear. But joining was another matter.
Taking the steps one at a time with the heavy suitcase, Susan made her way upstairs. On the top of the landing she went toward the sound of the voices. The two women were in the east room, unfolding a quilt on the bed when she walked in. Baby Samuel sat on the floor. He looked up and laughed when he saw her.
“We should have helped you carry the suitcase up the stairs!” Teresa exclaimed as she turned around.
Maurice grabbed the suitcase as if to make up for the lost opportunity.
Susan grinned. “I didn’t gr
ow up on a farm for nothing.”
“Well, that’s true,” Maurice agreed. “Being in good shape is one of the privileges of country living. I was just telling Teresa that I want her to start looking for a small house I can rent. Preferably close by so I can visit back and forth easily. And I think I’ll start looking for a job in Salem since it’s the closest city. That is, if Teresa can take me there in the next week or so.”
“But, Mom,” Teresa interrupted, “you know you’re welcome right here. And it would be much cheaper than renting your own place.”
“Cheaper but not practical,” Maurice said. “I need my own place if I’m going to stay a while.”
“Well, let’s take this one step at a time.” Teresa sighed. “For now, we’re going to make you at home here. And baby Samuel and I are going to enjoy your presence fully.”
“I really have to get back home,” Susan said. “Work awaits.”
Teresa gave her a hug, and Maurice kissed her cheek. “You be a good girl now!” Maurice said.
“Oh, I will,” Susan said with a laugh. As she made her way downstairs and through the living room, she caught sight of James in a field behind the barn. He was driving a wagon and glancing toward the house. When she got out on the porch she waved, and James lifted his hand in greeting, his hat pushed back on his head.
How different James had turned out to be from his friend Thomas, Susan thought as she untied Toby and got into the buggy. James was loyal and faithful, sticking by Teresa’s side even when his own father wouldn’t give his blessing. Now things had turned around for them, almost like the Englisha fairy tales she’d read in the school library.
Susan drove out of the driveway, turning to cross the bridge that spanned the little creek nearby. The running water made a soft gurgling sound, reaching her ears now that she was alone. It was strange how one heard things when alone that were missed when in the company of others. Had she perhaps been missing something else in her life? Something that was near at hand but drowned out by the racket? Susan laughed at the thought.
What a silly mess she was in to grasp at such straws. Life was exactly the same now as it had been before. She was apparently the problem, not the boys. That had to be the answer. Maybe she didn’t have what it takes to be an Amish wife. Painful as that idea was, perhaps it was time to face it. Was life among the Englisha what she really needed? The driver’s license was still hidden in her upstairs drawer. Mamm would have a fit if she knew she had it, especially with what she was going through now.
Allowing Toby to take his time, Susan thought the matter over and came to a decision long before she arrived home. There would be no more running away. It was time she faced the worst. Even if the worst was Amish life as an old maid. Perhaps that was all Da Hah had in store for her.
With another sigh, Susan pulled into the driveway at home and stopped beside the barn. While she was climbing down, Steve appeared from the doorway, his hat pulled down to shade his eyes.
“Did you get Maurice dropped off safely at Teresa’s place?” he asked with a smile that was barely visible under his hat.
Susan laughed. “Well, I certainly didn’t lose her along the way.” She undid the tugs on her side.
“Didn’t drop her in the creek then?” he joked as he unfastened the tugs on his side.
“No, I like her better than that. Now some boys I know…maybe that would be a good idea.”
“I understand,” he said, leading the horse forward while she held a buggy shaft. “I think you’re holding up really well, considering. And also with your daett’s situation.”
She stared at him in surprise. “Well thanks, Steve. That’s nice of you to say.”
“I think your heart belongs here, Susan. I hope you stay.” He took off toward the barn with the horse and didn’t look back.
Now why in the world would he say that? Susan wondered as Steve disappeared into the barn. How could he know what her thoughts had been on the ride home?
CHAPTER TWENTY
A few evenings later, Susan was washing the supper dishes and looking out the window at the field of stacked corn sheaves. The setting sun turned the brown leaves golden on one side and dark on the other, while casting long shadows behind the shorn cornstalks.
This is like my life right now, she thought. Sunny and bright on one side with the memory of Teresa and her wonderful wedding. On the other side was Thomas leaving his shadowed mark. Even Mamm’s best attempts to cheer her this evening hadn’t helped. Everyone had their problems, Mamm had said. It was all in how people dealt with them. Look at Daett. His joy in his son was still present even though the threat of church discipline hung over his head. Burdens were placed on people’s shoulders by Da Hah to strengthen their faith. It was part of life and must be borne with as much good cheer as one could muster.
Last night Susan had almost taken a small step in that direction. She had held her driver’s license between her fingers in one hand and the scissors in the other. In a way it would have felt gut cutting the thing in half and then melting the plastic in the fire of the stove. She could even have told Mamm—after the fact, of course—and watched her smile grow wide at this final victory.
But she hadn’t.
The questions racing through her mind wouldn’t let her. Was this the life she wanted? Was she willing to accept life as an Amish old maid? Was that the lot Da Hah had for her? The search for answers was leaving her with a throbbing headache. She had to stop thinking like this and find some resolution. She was growing older every day, and being an old maid was not the life she had always imagined for herself.
Perhaps she could do something really unexpected, like run the farm for daett. Plowing the fields of the farm by day and keeping the house by night. That would surprise people. Susan choked back her laughter at the thought. A woman simply couldn’t do such a thing. Not run a farm by herself. It would be unacceptable, even if she somehow managed to handle all the hard field work. There had to be another answer.
Daett had been extra quiet this morning at breakfast. Did he blame her for Thomas giving up on her? Surely not. Mamm would have explained by now. Maybe he was thinking only of his own problems, which were coming into sharp focus as pre-communion Sunday drew near. Surely the leaders were contemplating some form of punishment for his youthful transgression and keeping it a secret for so many years.
Being disciplined by the church was much worse than having no one to take care of the farm. Mamm at least was practicing what she preached. She had smiled at Daett this morning and chattered away about what Ada’s children were doing, even as she hovered over Daett like a hen watching her warm nest. In a way it was gut that Maurice was no longer staying here. The coming dark time was best walked through without visitors in the house.
If excommunication really happened, Mamm said she planned to walk the path with Daett. Her courage was admirable if a bit misguided, Susan thought. Daett could make it on his own, even if he had to sit at a table in the living room by himself. Susan shuddered. This was going to be more than awful. Like watching a star fall from heaven. Her own father, the one she had always looked up to, the one whose word was law in the house, shoved off into a corner to eat alone.
Washing another plate, Susan heard Mamm’s soft steps behind her. “What’s that, Susan? Outside the window?”
Startled, Susan looked up and out. She could see nothing but open fields with the corn sheaves no longer golden now that the sun was lower in the sky.
“There’s a flickering on the dark side of the sheaves,” Mamm said. “It can’t be anything but a fire reflection. But where is the fire?”
“A fire?” Susan paused with a dish halfway to the drainer.
“It’s not from our place. Could it be coming from Ada’s? But why would they have a fire going this early in the evening?”
While they both stared out the window, a loud patter of feet came from the outside. The sound rushed across the front porch and the door burst open.
“Our barn is
on fire!” Ada’s daughter Joan shouted, terror in her voice.
Mamm gasped. Susan and Mamm twirled around together. As they ran out of the kitchen, Susan hit the edge of a kitchen chair, sending it clattering across the floor. In the living room Daett was on his feet, hopping around as he quickly pulled on his shoes.
“Let’s go!” Daett hollered, waving them out the door. He followed close behind as Joan led the way, still gasping for air. In the distance the sound of sirens pierced the air. Coming around the corner of the house they could see flames leaping from the eaves of their neighbor’s barn.
“What happened?” Daett asked as he ran past them.
“I don’t know,” Joan hollered after him. “Mamm told me to run and tell you. We just saw the fire a few minutes after supper.”
Susan, Mamm, and Joan soon slowed to a walk while Daett ran on ahead. His figure was a strange sight with his shoe laces flying, his beard pushed off to one side, and his head hatless. Taking Joan’s hand, Mamm slowed even more.
“It’s just the barn,” Mamm told both of them. “There’s nobody in there. The men will get the livestock out. At least no one is in danger.”
“I’m going to help.” Susan didn’t look back for approval as she took off after Daett. She caught up with him at the barnyard gate where he’d stopped to catch his breath and tie his shoes. The angry glow of flames danced on the grass.
Someone was shouting inside the barn as smoke poured out the open door. Ada and the younger children stood close to the house, but there was no sign of the men.
“We have to help!” Daett hollered, seeming to see Susan for the first time. “There’s another door in the back. The horses are still inside.”
Following him, Susan helped push open the sliding door. Smoke tumbled out, and from somewhere above them the fire crackled.
“It’ll take a while for the fire to burn through those floor timbers,” Daett yelled, pulling off his shirt and tearing it in half. “Here, take this. Smoke is our main problem, so stay low. Remember, the horses are scared and won’t move unless you cover their eyes.”
Where Love Grows Page 14
