They sat in silence for a few moments until Steve said, “It’s late. I’d better be going.”
She glanced up at the clock. “It’s not that late.”
“Farming duties come early,” he said. “I don’t want my work to suffer just because I’m seeing the farmer’s daughter.”
He stood and walked to the front door. Susan followed. He turned, a smile playing on the corner of his face. “And may I come back next Sunday night? I think that’s what I’m supposed to ask. Of course, I’m not sure—this being my first time and all.”
“Oh Steve!”
“So it’s yah?”
Susan nodded, her face blushing now. Steve had never succeeded in so disconcerting her before. But then he had never asked her home either.
“Just checking.” He smiled, obviously enjoying himself. He turned and disappeared out the door.
Susan watched him go across the lawn, untie his horse, get into the buggy, and then she followed the shadow of his buggy as it drove out of the lane.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The following morning, Mamm and Daett were beaming as they sat at the kitchen table for breakfast—their first meal with Susan since the bann was lifted.
As soon as Daett left through the washroom door, Mamm jumped up, filling her hands with empty plates and utensils. The joy on Mamm’s face brought tears to Susan’s eyes. How deeply she must have felt the pain of the time they had just walked through.
On the way to the counter, a fork slipped off the stack and crashed to the floor. Mamm gasped, nearly losing her grip on the plates. Susan leaped to her feet and rushed to Mamm’s side. She took the plates from Mamm’s trembling hands and placed them on the counter.
She turned back to Mamm and took her hands. She guided her back to the table.
“Sit down right now,” she ordered. “What is wrong? Shall I call Daett?”
“No!” Mamm said trying to smile. “My nerves are collapsing, that’s all. The last few weeks have been harder on me than I realized.”
“It’s over now,” Susan said, keeping her hold on Mamm’s hands. “It’s over.”
“I know.” A soft smile flitted on Mamm’s face. “I feel such relief, such peace in my soul. We were spared, Susan. From the awful darkness. I can never say how grateful I am to Da Hah. One of us could have died during that time. And I would not have wanted to cross over while living away from the church. And neither would your daett.”
“But Da Hah would not have allowed that,” Susan said. “He knew your hearts. And even if you had gone, Da Hah would have understood that you had already sought repentance.”
Mamm nodded. “I know that in my head. And Bishop Henry told us the same thing. But it feels different once you’re living there yourself.”
“I hope I never find out,” Susan said with a shiver.
“So do I,” Mamm said. “I certainly never thought I would find out.”
“You really should sit and rest for a while,” Susan said. “I can do the dishes.”
“Nee, I can’t sit around with all the household work to do,” Mamm protested. “And the threshing crew is coming this week. And then Thanksgiving is coming up.”
“Speaking of Thanksgiving,” Susan said, “did you ever hear back from Donald? Can he come?”
“Yah. The letter came yesterday. He is coming.”
“Oh, Mamm, that’s such gut news.”
“Yah, it is,” Mamm agreed. “And now that we’re out of the bann, I should be up and rushing around the house instead of dropping forks on the floor. I’m an old woman, I guess. I can’t take things as well anymore.”
“You’ll be okay,” Susan assured her. “My sisters and I will help with the work for Thanksgiving. And what would you think of inviting Steve?”
“Oh, my!” Mamm beamed again. “Yah, of course. Daett and I noticed Steve brought you home last night. Here I am all wrapped up in my own troubles, and I forget about the wonderful things happening with my youngest daughter. Yesterday you started baptismal class, and now Steve has brought you home. Is he coming again?”
“Do you want him to, Mamm?”
“What kind of question is that, Susan? Of course I want him to.”
“You don’t wish I was still seeing Thomas?”
“Ach, Thomas,” Mamm said, waving her arms. “I’m not the one who would have had to marry him. And he did drop you, and I’m on your side. Steve will make a fine husband for you.”
“We’re not marrying yet, Mamm. Please.”
“I know,” Mamm said, patting Susan’s arm. “Now let me get on my feet again. Didn’t you plan to visit Teresa today?”
“Yah, if it’s okay. Are you sure you’ll be all right?”
“Is that Englisha boy going to be there? Robby, was that his name?”
“Mamm, please. I’m over that. I’m not going back to the Englisha world. Robby is a friend, no more.”
“Are you sure, Susan?” Mamm was looking at her.
“Yah, Mamm.”
Mamm was clearly not convinced. “Does he have a girlfriend?”
“Yah, and he told me Saturday they’re getting married in the spring.”
Mamm sighed. “Then I’ll have to trust you. I guess you could have run away a long time ago if you’d wished to. It’s not like we didn’t give you plenty of reasons of late.”
“You don’t have to feel bad about it.” Susan gave Mamm a hug. “I understand.”
“Now, now,” Mamm muttered, getting to her feet. “Don’t be treating me like a bobli. I’m still your mamm.”
“Mamms need hugs just like everyone else.”
Mamm smiled. “Why don’t I start the baking for the threshing crew, and once you’re finished with the dishes you can leave for Teresa’s place?”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Susan said as she rushed around the kitchen. Mamm wiped the table clean and brought the flour from the pantry. Susan was through with the dishes by the time Mamm had the bread dough rising. Putting the last dish away, Susan raced for the barn.
Hopefully Steve was working in the back field this morning instead of repairing something in the barn for the threshing crew. It might be embarrassing seeing him around after last night. And he might still be a little jealous if he knew where she was going. Not likely, but why take the chance? She pushed open the barn door and walked inside, pausing to peer around in the dim darkness. No sign of Steve. She breathed easier, letting the memories of Teresa’s wedding rush over her. The preacher had stood right over there. It seemed like years ago, and yet it wasn’t.
Would this be where she would get married…soon? With Steve instead of Thomas? How many times over the years had she dreamed of standing here with Thomas, her cheeks blushing, saying the sacred vows with him? Even after she had caught him talking with Eunice, she had managed to hope. Now that dream was dead. Susan sighed. Perhaps it was best things were going like they were. She was tired of dreaming, of imaging how great things might be, only to have them dashed. Steve certainly caused no dreaming. He was solid. Wholesome. And a little funny in his own way. And he was a gut man. There was no question about that. And he was also sweet. That was the maddening thing about Steve. You liked him just because he was so good. It was all very confusing.
Calling to Toby, Susan caught his halter and led him outside the stall to throw the harness on. When she was done, she led him to the buggy, bending down to pick up the shafts.
Someone unexpectedly rounded the corner of the barn, and Susan jumped.
“I’m not trying to scare you!” Daett said when she whirled around. “I thought I’d help you get on your way.”
“I thought you were Steve!” Susan said, trying to catch her breath. She was even weak in the knees and that was embarrassing.
“Would that have been such an awful thing?” Daett asked. “Steve seems happy this morning. Happier than I have seen him in a long time. Is it possible my last daughter has finally found the man of her dreams?”
“Daett,
don’t tease me,” Susan said, holding up the buggy shafts. “I’m trying to make sense of this myself.”
“Well, you have my blessing,” Daett said swinging the horse between the shafts.
“Thanks for your approval. But I don’t know myself yet what will happen. Remember, I was seeing Thomas not so long ago.”
“Da Hah moves in mysterious ways,” Daett said.
“Yah,” Susan said.
“And there’s something else I want to tell you, Susan,” Daett continued. “I want to thank you for the way you stood with us during our time of trial.”
“You know I couldn’t have done anything else,” Susan said as she threw the lines through the buggy front. Daett held Toby’s bridle while she climbed into the buggy. As Susan pulled out, she and Daett exchanged waves.
Daett had seemed so calm all morning, Susan thought as she guided Toby onto the main road. It was like peace followed him around today. Or perhaps it was simply relief that the bann was over. And yet it was more than that. Daett had grown during his time of suffering. He was even gentler than before. The wrinkles around his eyes had grown deeper, but inside his heart was larger. He wouldn’t always have taken her loss of Thomas with such grace. Unlike Mamm, Daett had really liked him.
Susan slapped the reins, and Toby picked up his pace as they drove along the back roads. Signs of autumn were already showing on the leaves of the maples and oaks. Soon they would be turning bright red and orange and then falling to the ground in preparation of winter. Strange how she was in the process of opening her heart to the possibility of something new while the world around her was preparing for snow and ice. Was this a warning perhaps? A sign of the foolishness of her attempt to find love again? Surely it wasn’t. She hadn’t gone looking for it this time. And Da Hah had been with them through their great trials in the past weeks as He surely would be with them for the rest of the journey. She needed to trust that perhaps Steve was the man who fit her heart perfectly.
Ahead of her, the little concrete bridge below Teresa’s place came into view. Susan slowed down. She took the ride across leaning out of the buggy to listen to the running water, just like a schoolgirl who didn’t have better sense. Well! Susan thought, pulling her head back inside. In more ways than one she still was a schoolgirl at heart. Steve would just have to deal with that. If he only wanted a practical, decent woman to work on the farm with him and raise his children, then he could find someone else. “There!” she said out loud. “That’s how I feel about it.”
Driving into Teresa’s driveway moments later, Susan burst out laughing. Here she was fighting with Steve, and he wasn’t even here. What an odd couple they made.
Robby’s car was sitting beside the barn, so he must have driven up early from his aunt’s place in Livonia. Unless he had stayed here for the night, which was also possible. Teresa was probably eager to practice her newfound skills as an Amish hostess.
Susan tied Toby to the hitching post and made her way to the porch. Teresa met her at the front door, flying into her arms for a big hug. “Oh, it’s so gut to see you again!”
“You saw me only yesterday!”
In the background Robby was laughing. “I think she’s a little crazy myself.”
“How can you say such a thing?” Susan stepped around Teresa to look at him. “She’s like a sister to me.”
“Look at this!” Robby pointed to his stomach. “She had me staying the night when I could have stayed at Aunt Bonnie’s place. Last night she filled me up with mashed potatoes, gravy, meat, corn, pumpkin pie, cherry pie, and other things I can’t even remember. Then this morning it’s biscuits, gravy again, oatmeal, bacon, eggs, and orange juice. The woman is killing me.”
“And it was so much fun!” Teresa said.
Robby was patting his stomach and shaking his head. “Thankfully I’m leaving in a little bit.”
“You wouldn’t have gone without seeing your old friend again, now would you?” Susan questioned.
“No! I knew you were coming this morning,” Robby said. “So tell me, Susan, are you staying here or can I give my mom the good news that you’ll be back to work in the bakery?”
“Hey, if you’re going to lure Susan out to the world again, you’re out of here!” Teresa huffed from the kitchen door opening. “No more gut cooking for you.”
“Well, I wouldn’t do that,” Robby protested. “I thought maybe I didn’t need to entice her. Maybe she’s ready to come back.”
“No, I’m not going back,” Susan said. “Lure or no lure. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m Amish through and through. Now tell me about your girlfriend and the wedding.”
“Well, there’s not much to tell yet. I knew her back when you were there, Susan. It just wasn’t love yet. More like friendship, if you know what I mean. Some romances start that way.”
Susan started to turn red. “Yah, I know what you mean.”
“Remember all those pep talks you gave me about love?” Robby asked.
“Of course I do,” Susan said. “Love is out there for everyone. We just have to find it.”
“Susan said that?” Teresa looked strangely at both of them.
“Yes, she did,” Robby said, grinning.
“I suppose I was a little carried away in those days,” Susan admitted. “But I do still think it’s true. Just not in the way I thought before.”
“Speaking of that, how did it go last night with Steve?” Teresa asked.
“Okay, I guess.”
“What are you two talking about?” Robby looked puzzled. “Mind cluing me in?”
“A man from the community took Susan home after the hymn singing,” Teresa said, beaming.
“Well, that’s probably a good sign,” Robby said.
“I think so too,” Susan said. “And he’s nice as can be.”
Robby laughed. “You’d be the expert, right? At least that’s what I always thought.”
“No, I’m definitely not an expert when it comes to love,” Susan said.
There was a brief silence, as if the conversation had played out. Then Robby said, “Can I at least tell Mom that you might come to visit sometime? I know she’d love to see you.”
“I don’t know,” Susan said. “A visit might happen, but not a move. I’m home to stay.”
“Surely you still have your driver’s license though? I worked too hard helping you get it to have you throw it away.”
Susan said nothing, and now Teresa was staring at her. “You still have your license, Susan? You have to get rid of it. What if someone finds out?”
“What? Is this a secret?” Robby looked perplexed. “What’s wrong with having a driver’s license? Like for emergencies? I think that would be wise.”
“That’s because you’re not Amish,” Teresa told him. “Susan is going to get rid of that thing—and quick! Aren’t you, Susan?”
“Yah, I will,” Susan said, unsure of when she would muster up the courage to do it.
“I have some cookies to take out of the oven,” Teresa said as she disappeared into the kitchen. She returned moments later with a full plate of macaroons.
“Wow!” Robby said, taking a bite of one. “If Susan doesn’t come back to work for Mom, you sure could! These are delicious.”
They all laughed at the idea even as Susan and Teresa assured Robby that neither of them would be working in his mother’s bakery.
An hour later, the plate was long empty. Susan jumped to her feet after a glance at the wall clock. “I have to go. It’s getting late.”
“Is this all the time I get?” Robby complained. “We just started talking.”
“Only until your next visit,” Susan said. “And next time bring your new wife.”
“Well, maybe, but it won’t be on our honeymoon,” Robby said.
Susan reached up and gave him a goodbye peck on the cheek.
Teresa was staring at both of them.
What if Steve found out about this? Susan wondered. Her kissing an Englisha boy�
��even if it was only on the cheek.
“The best to you, Susan!” Robby said with a warm smile.
“And you too,” Susan said. She gave him a quick hug and then went outside. She ran across the lawn, untied her horse, and climbed into the buggy. Robby and Teresa were both waving to her from the front porch as she drove past.
It had been gut to see Robby again, she thought. He truly was like a brother. But things were even clearer now than before. It would never be the same if she went back to Asbury Park. Already she could tell they were drifting into separate worlds.
Driving across the bridge again, Susan looked down at the water and wondered about the future. About Steve. Were they to be man and wife someday? The question sent no thrill through her, but maybe it didn’t have to. They were the same in so many ways. They both loved the farm and the community. And they liked each other as friends. Perhaps that could be the basis of their love. It would grow like a tiny seed out of the ground. It would be wonderful if this were true. Very wonderful indeed.
Susan slapped the reins. It was high time to get home. She’d already been away from her duties much too long.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
On the following Wednesday, the roar of the silo-filling machines filled the barnyard as Susan carried a large thermos of lemonade to an open buggy. She set it, along with glasses, on the floorboards. Off to her left she could see black smoke pour out of the steel-rimmed tractor exhaust. The contraption sat a dozen feet from the silo filler, and a drive-belt connected the two.
Several of the men were standing on wagons piled high with corn sheaves. They turned to look at her, broad smiles spreading over their faces as they noticed the thermos and glasses. One of the men pulled off his hat and wiped his brow with his sleeve.
“Come and get it!” Susan hollered, her voice not rising above the racket. They would know what she said, she figured. She turned to walk back to the house when a loud clang came from the silo filler. She stopped and turned, watching as the tractor groaned and slowed. The smoke pouring out of the muffler stack was even darker than before.
Where Love Grows Page 22
