by Abella Ward
He rested his hand on the small of Erica's back. A strange feeling bubbled up in his chest. A feeling like when he was a boy, and he won a tournament against an opponent that he didn't think he could beat. Or when he fell asleep tucked in the safety between his mother and father. When he played with his two best friends, Tang and Tom, or when they completed little missions together. A warmth that spread from his heart to fill his whole being.
Happiness like he had not felt since his father had died.
Without warning, he began to laugh. Erica's sobs quieted and she raised her head to stare at him, but he couldn’t stop laughing. It was ridiculous. After all this time and all these years in which he hardened himself, sworn off love and the pain that always came with it–now he found happiness in knowing that he was going to be a father. He had never wanted children until that moment. Wasn't even sure he liked kids all that much.
But knowing that Erica carried his child filled him with such joy. Such love. When had that happened? When had he fallen in love with her, rather than just seeing her as a challenge? Or had he always loved her, from the moment he first laid eyes on her?
Erica pushed herself up into a sitting position, still looking at him like he had lost his mind.
"I thought someone had attacked you," he said, not knowing how to explain his reaction or his epiphany. "I thought you had been hurt. But you're not hurt. You're pregnant. A little T'shav warrior is growing inside of you."
He placed his hand on her belly, unable to stop himself from beaming. He knew it was the wrong way to react. Erica was sobbing about this, there was no way she thought it was happy news. And yet his happiness was still there.
"Don’t." She pushed his hand away. "Ronan, no."
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't stop smiling." He tried to straighten his face, but the only result was that the thrilled laughter came back. He gathered Erica into his arms. "I know that this must be frightening for you. But it doesn't have to be. I won't ever leave you, Erica. We'll raise this baby together. You're not on your own."
Erica put her hands on his chest, pushing him away. She shook her head, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "There isn't any room in my life for a baby."
The smile slipped off Ronan's face.
He heard what she didn't say. There wasn't any room in her life for him. The disappointment hit him hard. He tried not to let himself feel hurt. She was merely saying what the truth had been all along, after all. She hadn't wanted him. He had bought her, against her will no less. She owed him nothing. Not her body, not her love. Not even this baby.
Ronan stood, pacing away. "You don't have to change your life for it. I will keep it. I'll raise the baby."
"How? In your ship? Going from place to place, killing people? You'll raise a child surrounded by the violence that is a regular part of your life? It will be better for the baby if I returned to Zon's sanctuary, and let it be raised by T'shav parents there. I heard that Zon's son has a human, and they have a little boy. Maybe they'll take another half-human, half-T'shav baby."
Tom had a mate? And a child? Ronan's mind reeled–it had been so long since he had broken ties with his childhood home. After his father died, he had left Zon's fleet, determined never to return. But the news that the man he once considered his best friend had a child—
No. That was irrelevant. "I will take the child."
"And I ask you again, how can you raise a child when you're a… a mercenary?"
Ronan bowed his head. Erica was right–his life was no life to raise a child. Or have a mate.
"I'll decide what I'm going to do after we get Bethy." Erica mopped her face with her sleeve. "Until then, forget that I'm pregnant."
"Right." Because it would be so easy to just forget about something like this. Ronan let out a pent-up breath. Whatever Erica's choice, he had nothing to gain from letting possible futures destroy his present. "I'll bring over the rest of the supplies from my ship and set our course."
"And then come back here." Erica slid off the examination bed. Emotion drained from her face. "You're all banged up and I want to make sure you haven't hurt yourself too badly. Internal bleeding is a killer."
Ronan nodded. As he left he thought he heard another choked-back sob, but he didn't turn around.
***
He delayed himself as much as he could before returning to the medical bay. Fortunately, by that time Erica had dried her eyes and though she looked a little shell-shocked, she was back to her normal self. She scanned him and began using a tissue regenerator on his various bruises and cuts.
"Bethy and I were both attending medical school on Earth," Erica said after half an hour of silence. "We had all these big plans for our futures. We were going to join doctors without borders and set up free clinics in poor places. We were going to help the people who needed it most. We shared an apartment, a car. Basically everything. She was always my best friend. Our fathers are brothers, and growing up we lived only a block away from each other."
Ronan's shoulders sagged. First, the baby and now Erica's story were bringing up memories that he had long wanted to be rid of. His childhood had been a happy one. It was that happiness that hurt so much now. He closed his eyes as she worked on the scarring tissue on his back.
"And then we were abducted from Earth. Bethy remembers more about it than I do. I remember this flash of light, and then Zon freeing me from the stasis chamber. His wife explained to me that I had been in there for hundreds of thousands of years, and everything I knew was dead. But Bethy was there. We were able to cry together, to find a way to start again in Zon's sanctuary."
"Why did you leave?"
"Bethy and I were never ones to sit around. I wanted adventure. She still wanted to help people. Joining the United Species Corps paramedics was the natural replacement to our Earth-bound dreams. Who knew that by joining that we'd end up abducted once again and sold off as brides." Her voice trembled, but she shook her head. "No matter. I think I'm adventured out. From here on, it's the straight life for me. Sitting at home knitting, watching TV."
Ronan tried not to think about how much his heart sank after that. What else was he expecting? It was the natural progression of things.
"What about you?" Erica asked.
"What about me what?"
Erica put the regenerator away and sat on the table next to him. Her brown eyes locked on his. "What made you come out here and become a mercenary?"
Ronan stared back at her. He knew he shouldn't tell her. It would just further cement the bond between them that was doomed to be broken. But he wanted to tell her.
And so he did.
Chapter Nine: Erica
Ronan looked away for a moment before nodding slightly and meeting her gaze again. "My father was one of Zon's closest allies. I grew up in his fleet… well, on his flagship. His son, Tom… he was one of my best friends. Like an older brother. I was an only child. My mother died when I was very young. Zon's wife, Lisa, became something of a mother to me."
It was so far away from what Erica had ever imagined her T'shav warrior would say Erica couldn’t help but stare. Ronan smiled, half-amused, half-sad, and tucked a finger under her jaw.
"You'd better close that mouth before something lays an egg in it."
Erica flushed. "Sorry."
"Don't be. It's quite a story. I wouldn't expect you to have guessed that I grew up close to such a noble warlord."
She hesitantly put her hand on his. The shock of learning she was pregnant was over, and now she kept thinking about Ronan's assurances. That he wouldn't leave her, that they would raise the baby together. But… how? Not like this. Not the two of them in deep space. Not with him being a mercenary. Would he really be willing to change?
If he were, she would give all her trust to him in a heartbeat.
"When I was a young man, many years ago, I was training as a pilot. On one of my flights, I crashed. My father and my friend Tang were in the ship with me. They were killed. Tom blamed me, and he
was right. It was my fault."
"I doubt it was—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "It was my fault. I've played it over and over in my mind. I acted stupidly, and I lost everybody that mattered to me. So I left Zon's fleet to strike it out on my own. And now here I am."
"Here you are," Erica repeated. "And here I am."
They sat in silence, hands entwined, not talking.
"What are you thinking?"
Erica sighed. I'm thinking that it's time for you to stop punishing yourself. The only future in your current path is dying. I care about you. It would be very easy for me to love you. Scratch that, I do love you. It would be easy to dedicate the rest of my life to you. But I am not going to be a mercenary, and I am not going to be the kind of girl that waits for her man to come back from his missions, knowing that if he dies she may never know what really happened.
How was she meant to say that? Was she in a place where she could commit to Ronan, to the baby, to a life together, even if he changed his ways? And what sort of life would it lead them to? Could she really do the whole barefoot and pregnant thing? What about her career? Would he stay at home while she went to work and treated patients day after day?
"Thank you for telling me. I know it can't be easy." She squeezed his hand. "What are we going to do when we reach the planet Bethy's on?"
Ronan smiled. It looked like it was in relief. "We aren't going to do anything. You're staying here."
"I don't think so."
"It doesn't matter what you think."
"I told you—"
Ronan pressed a finger to her lips. "You were going to stay here even before the results came in."
"But—"
"No buts. You'll only slow me down. If you want Bethy back, you're going to stay in here and do as I say. I can't worry about protecting you while I'm in a potentially deadly position. And if I tell you to take the ship and leave, you are going to, whether I am back with Bethy or not."
Erica's heart lurched at the thought. Her eyes narrowed. She pushed Ronan's hand from her mouth. "No, I'm not. I'm not leaving without you and Bethy both."
"You'll leave, or I'll program the ship to give me a couple of hours before it takes off. Maybe I should do that anyway."
Erica pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't change your mind, can I?"
"No."
"Then you should set a program. If it came down to it, I know I wouldn't be able to leave. And whether I like it or not, I am pregnant. It'll be easier for you to find Bethy if you know that I and the baby will be safe…" Her stomach roiled and she clutched Ronan's hand. Tears burned in her eyes. She was pregnant. She was really pregnant.
She wasn't certain what frightened her more–that there was a baby growing inside of her, or how much she loved it already. There wasn't room in her life for a baby. And if she loved it, then she would keep it… and what would she do then?
***
The planet was densely forested, with a sub-terrane system of tunnels and caves that were seemingly endless. Ronan had set the ship down near a water source. If the corporation had managed to see through the pirate's stealth technology, they would assume the ship was just stopping to refuel. At least, that’s what Ronan thought. Erica could only hope that he was right.
She was stuck on the ship alone now, while he was out there. As much as she wanted to go rushing after him, she knew her skills were better suited to giving medical attention when he returned.
She rearranged the medical supplies, putting the Bloodstore before the Fleshseal so it was the first thing she could grab. If Ronan returned badly wounded, then she would need to replace the blood he lost first. Her hands trembled, but she worked at keeping a cool head. Once he was back, she knew she could handle whatever mess he brought.
It was the waiting that was going to kill her.
The comm flashed. Erica activated it at once. "Ronan!"
A toad-faced Rlabek squinted at her. Erica took a step back unconsciously, quelling the disappointment rising in her. She smoothed down her uniform and raised her head. "Hello."
"You must be the human that Ronan has been traveling with. I am Dyme Lirreb."
"Ronan told me about you." A tremor shook Erica's hands. He had told her about the threats Lirreb had made, and how he was demanding the retainer he had paid back. "How did you know to call this ship?"
"I didn't call a ship, I called Ronan's contact line. Where is he?"
"Not available at the moment. May I take a message?" She tried not to show how hard her heart was hammering. It wasn't bad enough that Ronan was on this planet, sneaking into heavily-fortified buildings with the possibility of dying. Now this guy had to call?
Lirreb considered her for a moment before nodding. "Yes, you can. Tell him I want my money back within one standard week, or I will kill him. And maybe he doesn't care about himself that much, but I'll kill you, too… just for the fun of it. You think you can tell him that?"
Erica shivered. She knew if she tried to talk her voice would shake, so she merely nodded and ended the call. In silence once more, the paramedic looked around the medical bay. Yet another threat to work through. Yet another reason why keeping the baby and staying with him was a bad idea. Was anything going to go their way?
Let's see if we survive this first, before starting to worry about future death threats.
"Right." Erica nodded and looked over her supplies again. She had everything she needed here to take care of Ronan if he came back wounded. But what if he didn’t come back at all? "No. I can’t think like that. He's going to come back. He has to come back."
She was safe in the ship, it was programmed to leave if Ronan didn't return in four hours. But now that they were here and Ronan was out there, Erica's heart felt like it was about to break. She couldn't leave without him. Not even if that meant stranding herself here when she didn't know if he was alive or dead.
"He has three and a half hours left. I won't make a move until at least three hours have gone by. No use in going off to look for him when he's on his way back. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to miss him," she repeated, her voice trembling. "I just have to wait."
And wait she did. The seconds ticked by with agonizing slowness. Erica rearranged the medical supplies, then rearranged them again. She made sure the corridors were free of any obstacles. And just when she was beginning to put together a pack to take out with her as she went and searched for Ronan and Bethy herself, there came a harsh banging on the door.
Her heart burst in relief. Erica ran to let Ronan in.
Chapter Ten: Ronan
Ronan had found the base easy enough. All he had to do was listen to the planet, and follow the buzz of technology. No creature made a sound like that. Actually getting into the base had been a little trickier, but after he scaled a tree he had been able to climb through a window. Then came the truly hard part. Where in this massive building could he find a single human? Bethy could be anywhere.
Hacking into the computers proved fruitless. He found proof that the Walian Corporation was indeed attempting to hybridize various species, but there was no human listed in the database. That was a hopeful sign. It meant if they planned to use her as a test subject, they hadn't begun extracting her DNA yet.
Ronan searched every room he passed, all the while well aware that his precious time was ticking away. But he promised Erica that he would bring her cousin back. Even if he had to bring back a body, he wasn't going to break that promise.
The sound of voices in the corridor made him tense up. The T'shav quickly ducked behind a long countertop in the room he was in–it looked like some sort of surgery room. As the voices drew nearer, he could make out what they were saying.
"I was just looking to have a little rest from space!"
Erica's voice. His heart dropped to his stomach.
What had she done? Did she leave the ship? He should have seen that coming.
"I'm telling you, I just wanted to get out of space!" Erica's
voice was rising. "What's the matter with you guys? Are you deaf?"
She was practically shouting. Ronan had to grin despite the situation. Clearly, she had gotten the thought that if she was loud enough he would hear her. Well, she wasn't wrong. The firm clip of boots passed by the door. Ronan peeked from his hiding place. The corridor was clear, the sound of Erica's voice growing fainter. He slipped out and went to the door.
He saw two men on either side of Erica. One of them had his arm clamped around her forearm. Both were Ernesians. Hulking, hairy aliens that were almost extinct. They made for excellent guards, but T'shav were faster, stronger, and smarter. Ronan crept up behind them, moving silently as a shadow. He used the butt of his blaster to knock out the one that was dragging Erica before they even realized he was there. The second one took a fist to the face. The guard stumbled back, cursing fluently.
Erica dove out of the fight, rolling into a nearby room. The two guards tried to rally, but Ronan was on them, battering their heads again and again. The one got a good blow to his ribs, but it was over before it even really began. Ronan relieved them of their weapons. The one had a fine T'shav broadsword. Ronan wondered where he got it. He slung it over his back, kicking the Ernesian once more.
"These are ceremonial," Ronan grumbled. "No one but a T'shav should wield them."
"Ronan?"
The T'shav looked up. Erica was standing in the doorway. He sighed. "Why did you leave the ship?"
"Somebody came to the door and I thought it was you. I know, it was stupid, but we just have to find Bethy and get out. We have… we have to have half an hour left, don't we?"
"No." Ronan wrapped an arm around her waist. "I'm sorry. You come first. I have just enough time to get you back to the ship."
"I can't leave without Bethy!"
Ronan wasn't going to argue. He slung Erica over his shoulder and ran. There would be no climbing back down the tree he had come up on. Not while carrying Erica, and she didn't have the clawed toes that made scaling such a slick-barked tree possible.
