“Aren’t you going to ask me about the other guy, Brooks? You know, the one who was unzipping my dress on the sun porch at Mom’s house?” I goaded him.
He started turning red again. “Ok, fine, I’ll take the bait. What the hell is the deal with that guy? Why is he living with you, too?”
“To help his friend Joey,” Lanie explained to him. “Because Joey has seizures, and Nate wanted to be near him. And Scarlett is letting them both stay for free because she’s…” She and my brother looked at me.
I shrugged. “I was bored and I wanted the sexual stimulation.”
“I think it’s really nice that you opened your house to them, Scarlett,” Lanie told me, ignoring my last comment.
“Yes, I’m known for my big heart. Right? Isn’t that what you’ve been telling my brother about me?”
She blushed. “I only told him the truth.”
“Sure.” I rolled my eyes, a gesture which my brother had always hated.
“Scarlett, in high school—” he started in, but no. We weren’t rehashing that, yet again.
“Look, I’m sorry that Lanie is stuck on her sad days at Starhurst Academy, and I’m very sorry that she’s dragged you ten years into the past with her,” I informed him. “Personally, I’m glad that’s all over, and I don’t really care to revisit it, incessantly.” I turned to Lanie. “I told you that I was sorry for how I acted. I was really, really unhappy back then. I was just about to fall apart, at all times, and I acted like a little bitch to try to get through it.”
She started to speak, and Brooks did too, but I kept going. “If we’re going to talk about now, present day, then I did my best to help you when you needed it, didn’t I? I stood up for you with the school when you were going to get fired. I was the one who explained to you that Brooks loved you, when you were too thick to get that.” I stopped for a breath. “If you still want to punish me, to make my brother punish me, for what I did when I was seventeen, then I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing sitting here, because I don’t need it.” I stopped myself from talking more by inhaling the remainder of drink number one. I picked up the second glass.
Brooks put his hand out and stopped me from knocking that back, too. “Scarlett, no one wants to punish you.” He took my hand and held it. “I’m sorry I brought up the high school stuff again. I won’t do that anymore, all right?”
I nodded and gripped his fingers. Maybe this could work. I missed him, so, so much.
“I want us to get along,” he continued. “You’re my baby sister. Lanie is going to be my wife. I want to figure out how we can make it work, for all of us. But you can’t keep behaving this way, lashing out, making Lanie miserable every time we’re together.” He took Lanie’s hand in his other one. “You have to figure out a way to accept our relationship and move on with your own life rather than focusing on ours, or this will be it. We won’t be able to see you anymore.”
I yanked away from him and clenched my fists. “Don’t threaten me. Don’t—”
“I mean it, Scarlett. I’ve had enough of you acting out.”
“You’ll relocate to Texas and you’ll never have to bother with me again,” I told him angrily. “That works for me. Except it will be hard for you to keep moving in on my mom, with all those miles between you,” I told Lanie. “You’ll probably figure something out.”
“If your mom and I are spending a lot of time together, it’s because I’m not the one ignoring her phone calls!” she answered me indignantly. “I am not trying to take your mom, just like I’m not trying to take your brother from you. It’s not our fault that you got so upset about our relationship and our engagement.” Her voice rose a little. “You’re acting worse than my kindergarteners! You had a fit when we announced that we were getting married at Christmas, and you throw temper tantrums every time we see you!” It took a lot to get Lanie worked up, but she seemed to be getting on a roll.
I laughed, because it was just too funny. “You two are the most conceited people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, and I work with models, for God’s sake. You really think I was trying to ruin your engagement announcement?”
“Why else would you have gotten hysterical and acted so crazy at the dinner table? And then you ran off to Hawaii when my mom wanted to start planning a party for us,” Lanie said. She was flushed and angry, too.
“Yes, I guess that one hundred percent of my actions are based around the two of you. I sit at night in my apartment and scheme up ways that I can fuck with your lives. In fact, that’s why I invited you to lunch today. Oh, wait! That was you guys, doing some cartoon-level planning to trick me into coming here so you could berate me. Thanks for the invite, by the way.”
“Don’t act like a brat. Grow up and figure out how to be an adult, Scar. Whatever problem you think you have about getting upstaged by Lanie, not getting to be the bride yourself and losing out on the attention, get over it.” My brother’s expression was angry, unyielding.
“That’s it, Brooks. You have me all figured out. My life fell apart because I don’t get to wear the white dress. You’re just so damn insightful.”
“I knew this wasn’t going to work,” my brother told Lanie. “I told you. She’s just too angry at us.”
I finished the gin and tonic #2. “Yep. I’m just too angry at you. It’s all about you. Oh, and add Mom to that list, now. Do me a favor and let her know that I won’t be taking any more of her calls after today’s fun and games. And also, can you tell Zara that her husband is going to have to find someone else to feel up? I’m done with all of you.” I stood. “I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner. I was so worried about losing you and you were already all gone. Have a great lunch. Have a great engagement party, have a great wedding, have a great life. Bye.”
I had read on my phone on the way over that Klere was leaving Mexico and heading back to Los Angeles. “Had a wonderful time here! But #homeiswheretheheartis #missingmybestfreind #adois” she had written, fucking up spelling in two languages. She didn’t mention the terms “deportation” or “forced removal” but it did seem a little hurried. The picture was of her at the airport, wearing a top from our summer collection but with no mentions for us.
I jerked my car out of the parking space, gunned the engine, and thought it would be the perfect time to go to see Klere in LA and make my job my priority. Screw everything else, everyone else, too. I hadn’t been there in a while but I had gone to school in southern California and it had been awesome. I had loved it and I was sure I would again. And I wanted to get the hell out of San Francisco.
A few hours later, I was packing, trying to beat the clock as the car I had ordered got closer to my building. I was headed to the airport, stat.
“Can you tell me again why you’re going, right now?” Joey asked me. He was sitting on my bed with Pia, and both of them looked concerned.
I stopped packing. “Do you need me to stay? Do you need me to walk Pia before I go? Won’t Nate be home soon?”
“Pia’s fine and Nate just texted. He’s waiting for that woman he works for to finish dessert and then he’s coming back. But why do you have to leave, at this exact moment?”
I resumed throwing clothes into my bag. I always liked to have a lot of wardrobe options so I packed large. “I’m taking the last flight out. I spent way too long at the gym.” I had been there for hours, working so hard that I could barely lift my arms to get my toothbrush out of the medicine cabinet to put it in with my toiletries. “I should have gone this afternoon, because I need to strike while the iron is hot with Klere,” I explained, and paused as I thought of Nate, ironing. I shook my head and started digging through my shoe pile. “I want to grab her now, soon, just as she gets home so I can get her on track with this campaign. Before something else happens to her. We had a great conversation while she was briefly in Old Mexico.”
“Where?”
I found the missing shoe and threw that into my bag also. “Nothing. She had somehow made her way down to
Cabo, but she’s back in the States.”
Joey poked my bag with his foot. “Looks like you’re planning to stay for a while.”
“I’m not planning to, but maybe. Maybe I’ll work from down there. I have a lot of friends from college in the area. I don’t know what we’ll do, but it could be anything. In fact,” I said, and paused, while I dug through a box. “I’ll bring my passport, just in case.” Maybe I would end up in Mexico, too. There were no restraints on me—just like Klere. I didn’t care about anyone, I could do what I wanted. I sat up. My God, was I just like Klere?
“Scarlett, you’re acting pretty strangely,” Joey announced. “Why do you need your passport for Los Angeles? What does your boss say about you going down there?”
“She was talking about me working in LA, wooing Klere.” At the time, I hadn’t wanted to go, not at all. Now, I couldn’t get away fast enough. “It doesn’t matter to her as long as I get results.”
My phone, laying on the bed next to Pia, made that weird noise again, and the dog moved away fast, sidewinder-style. I glanced at the screen and it was my mom, again. Now she was saying she was going to come over, which was even more reason for me to be gone. I picked it up and pounded the keys. “I don’t want to see you. Leave me alone.” There had been messages from my sister Zara, too, saying she had to talk to me. The only person with nothing to say was Brooks, so good, maybe I had finally succeeded in shutting him up. I blocked him so he couldn’t talk to me, even if he had wanted to. Preventative measures were best.
With Joey’s help, I managed to get the bag closed and I dragged it to the front door. “Ok, I’ll see you soon,” I told them. I bent and hugged Pia until she squirmed, then stood and looked at Joey. “Listen, I was thinking a lot about you today. I, um, I just want you to know that I think you’re really on the right track with everything, and I don’t want you to be down and feel like you’re a weight on other people, like Nate or even me. Because I think if one of us was in the situation where we needed your help, you would give it. Like it would even out.” I awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. “Right?” I was terrible at this pep talk stuff. And at being nice.
Joey hugged me. “Thanks, Scar.”
That was what my brother called me, too. My lip trembled suddenly and I stood up quickly, taking my cheek off Joey’s shoulder. “I have to go. Bye.” The door banged shut behind me, because I had pulled it way, way too hard. I stood in the hallway for a moment before I walked resolutely to the elevator.
Nate texted me while I was the car on the way to the airport. “Where the hell are you flying off to so late at night?”
Me: LAX. I told Joey.
Nate: What about leaving in the morning? What time are you going to get in?
Me: ?
Nate: I just checked. After midnight. You’ll be driving around some strange city by yourself in the middle of the night. This couldn’t have waited?
Me: I got in a fight with my brother and I wanted to go.
I looked at the words I had typed and I was kind of unable to believe I had just admitted it, instead of using work as my excuse to take off. The phone made the terrible noise and the driver said, “What is that?”
“I’m getting a call,” I said, and I answered. “Hi,” I said to Nate. “I forgot to tell you that I left the car keys on the kitchen table. You can use it, if you want. There’s a broken light in the front from an issue I had today and something’s wrong with the bumper. Also, there are a bunch of red symbols lit up on the dashboard that won’t turn off, but I put post-its over them.”
He ignored all that. “What did you fight with your brother about?”
“He wants me to be best friends with Lanie and she’s a mealy-mouthed brat.” I stopped. “They tricked me into coming to lunch with them so we could talk but we ended up yelling at each other. I ended up yelling at them. I didn’t like being tricked, and they started in again about when we were in high school.” I stopped again. “Ok, well, Brooks said he was sorry he had brought that up, and he wouldn’t anymore. But they were both so smug, sitting there with their perfect little relationship, telling me how much I suck. And how I was acting out like a child because I’m mad that they’re getting married and I won’t get the attention I so desperately crave.”
“Is that why you’re acting like this? Because if anyone is being a brat—”
“You’re on my side!” I retorted.
“I am on your side. But I’m not going to listen to you tell it how you want to hear it, instead of telling the truth.”
“You weren’t there, so you don’t know! And the truth is that Brooks loves her more.” I drew in a breath that hurt. “I do know how bratty that sounds, ok? I—I had a problem last fall.” Another breath, to stay calm. “And Brooks was furious with me that I didn’t do backflips of happiness across the lawn when they stood up to announce their engagement to the family at Christmas, right after disgusting Bradley had been stroking my knee and told me how beautiful my breasts were. Brooks said, in front of about twenty people, that I was an immature child and that I was only angry because I wasn’t going to collect the money from the trust fund we all get when we get married. I was barely—I wasn’t doing so well.” I paused, remembering to breathe again.
“Go ahead, Scarlett,” Nate said. “I’m listening.” It was like his voice was hypnotic or something. It made me want to keep talking.
“It wasn’t the engagement that had me so…upset, but maybe it did kind of push me over the edge that night. I didn’t act great. Brooks was furious, Lanie was crying, all the people there were horrified. Zara posted about it later with these beautiful pictures like everything had been great, but…” It had been absolutely awful. “Brooks keeps thinking this is all about him. He thinks I’m on something, that I have some kind of substance abuse issue, and that’s what’s wrong with me, that was why I wrecked my old car.” I closed my eyes. “Maybe I do. I had two drinks at lunch, and I kind of hit another car today.”
“Scarlett.” Now he sounded pissed.
“I know, ok? I left a note.” Another breath. I hit my fist into my thigh, and it was so sore from the workout I had done, that it almost made me cry with the pain of it. “I know how awful I am. I shouldn’t tell you stuff about myself because now you know it, too.” I took a lipstick out of my purse and tried to put it on but my hand shook too much.
“Scarlett.” His voice sounded very deep, but very soft. “I don’t think you’re awful.”
“You just called me a brat.”
“Sometimes you act like one,” he agreed. “That doesn’t mean I think you’re awful. Why don’t you come home? We can talk about this more.”
I sat up straight. “No. I’ll be back next week, probably. I’ll see you then. There’s something wrong with my phone so don’t be surprised if I don’t get back to you.” I bit my lip. “If you wanted to get in touch with me, or whatever.”
“I will want to get in touch with you, so when I call, answer. Don’t tell me that your phone isn’t working because you want to ignore me. Got it?”
I nodded because for just a second I couldn’t speak.
“Are you already pretending that something’s wrong with the phone?” he asked. “I can hear you breathing and a car just honked in the background.”
I got my voice back. “No, I was just ignoring you because you got so damn bossy. Dial it down, Private.”
“That’s sergeant, not private. Yes, ma’am.”
I smiled. The driver slowed as we pulled up to the terminal. “I’m at the airport,” I told him.
“Call me when you land, and don’t forget. Even if it’s late.” There he went, bossy as ever.
I smiled again, despite the pain I was feeling in my body, especially in the region of my chest and my heart. “Ok. Bye.” I hung up before he said something else nice.
The driver turned around. “Don’t worry about your brother. Most marriages end in divorce, anyway,” he told me over the back of the seat.
“Yeah, thanks,” I answered.
∞
“What do you think?”
I looked around the all-white living room, with huge picture windows overlooking the Pacific. “Simona, it’s beautiful.”
She preened. “Right? I’m so glad I changed everything. I just said, white. I want it all white. Nothing else but white. White.”
Yes. It was like walking in a cloud. “You got what you wanted,” I commented. Simona usually did. She was the only one I knew who had been able to talk her way out of nearly every graduation requirement for her college major. But probably the fact that her grandparents had donated the money to build the new football stadium hadn’t hurt her in that cause.
Simona talked more about decorating and the textures she had chosen—what she and her designer had chosen—and how everyone was so over unlacquered brass finishes in bathrooms and if she saw any more velvet on furniture she would die. Usually, this kind of conversation would have fascinated me, but my mind kept wandering out to the ocean rolling up on the sand outside her windows.
“Do you want to go down to the beach?” I asked her, interrupting a discourse about her method of distributing throw pillows.
She looked surprised. “Um, ok. I can’t think of the last time I was down there. Sometimes I forget that the ocean is even there. Yes, sure, let’s go. My pedicure is tomorrow, so it’s fine.”
Simona had been the friend who had gotten back to me first when I had started reaching out as I sat on the bike at the gym the day before. I did know a lot of people, like the majority of my sorority sisters still lived in the Los Angeles area, but as it turned out from the responses that were slowly trickling in, getting together with them wasn’t going to be easy. Simona had been home after a quick trip to Abu Dhabi to check on the progress of her family’s new hotel and said she would have time to get together on Sunday, briefly, before her massage and after her trainer came. Almost everyone else I had heard back from had either given me a date they were free a few weeks from now, suggested we meet for coffee from 11:29-11:37 or another truncated time slot, or gave me another answer to the effect of, was I crazy for thinking they had free time?
Lovely You Page 14
