Kissing her was supposed to be a means to an end. It was supposed to feel good, satisfying. But I don’t feel any of those things. I feel confused, altered. I think that kiss changed me.
Reality washes over me like a bucket of ice-cold water. She isn’t some random girl. This is Shelby.
I shake my head at how pathetic I am. It’s almost twilight, and I’m still standing here like a complete ass. For the first time since I came up with the plan, I’m starting to wonder if it was the wrong one.
Guilt creeps in, and I squeeze my eyes closed.
Shit.
Being nice to her to try to win her over is one thing, but messing with her physically is another. It takes mixing business with pleasure to a whole new level and crosses a line—one I can’t explore no matter how great it felt. I feel slimy and deceitful, but that feels wrong, too, because that kiss was something else. It was incredible. I’m so confused.
I should have known that one kiss with her wouldn’t be enough, but for her sake and my sanity, it has to be.
Seriously, what was I thinking?
Strawberry Fig Jam
Zach kissed me.
He kissed me.
And I kissed him.
Since the second I closed the door last night, I have been in a Zach-induced fog. Oh my God. It’s easy to assume by his looks that he’s probably given his fair share of kisses, but that was by far, hands down without comparison, the best kiss of my life.
Over the last couple of days, the struggle has been real, and we’ve definitely been building up to that moment. Stolen glances, crazy chemistry, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it quite a few times since that afternoon in the cellar. Yet, no amount of daydreaming could have prepared me for the feel and taste that is Zach Wolff.
I’ll never forget the moment his hesitation and uncertainty left, and his face—his gorgeous face—was stamped with undeterred determination. He’d finally decided to kiss me, I decided to overlook my rule about not mixing business with pleasure, and the butterflies in my stomach could have burst out with sweet anticipation.
The warmth and fullness of his lips, that corner kiss, which was a tease and a silent promise, made it seem as if fireworks were going off when he finally sealed us together. I surrendered to the onslaught of erratic flutters, nerves, and want. It was indescribable, nothing has ever come close.
When the kiss ended and Zach rested his forehead against mine, my hand slid out of his hair and down his neck. He might’ve been trying to show that he was somewhat calm and collected, but his heartbeat thundered under my hand. Then, when his eyes finally met mine, they weren’t clear with excitement, they were clouded with unnamed emotions. Good emotions, I can only hope.
And as I stepped away, I fought so hard against wanting to smile and lean back in for another. It was that good. Still, even the next day, I am wondering if a second kiss would be just as good as the first.
Wow.
My heart stutters and skips, squeezes and expands, and then fills with uncertain anxiety about what—if anything—will happen next.
The sound of laughter and men’s voices drift through the windows as I finish working on this morning’s recipe. After cooking it twice to make sure I had the correct measurements, I wrapped it up.
Michelle called earlier this morning raving about all of the food Zach took with him last night. She wanted to know what I was making today and when would I have more. I’m pleased that everything I’ve made so far has been a hit. I do think they all complement the white wines well.
Slipping my flip-flops onto my feet, I gather the dishes, load them onto the golf cart, and head for the manor.
Zipping around the path, the voices get louder as I round the turn and spot three guys plus Zach and Kyle tossing the football around.
Shirts off.
All of them.
Muscles everywhere.
Holy hotness.
Oh, my heavens, I won the lottery.
As they hear my approach, they turn, and the guy closest to me breaks out in a huge, welcoming smile.
“Well, well, well, who do we have here?” He walks over to me as I slow and stop the cart. Wiping the sweat off his face, he leans against the golf cart, and I smile back at his ease and apparent playfulness.
The stranger and I both glance to Zach, who has a deep frown on his lips, which deepens as his eyes lock with mine.
“Hey.” I give him a small smile, and my stomach tightens as I wait for his response and let my eyes trail over his tan skin and defined muscles.
And wait.
No smile. No words. No nothing.
I don’t know what I thought today was going to be like or how he would react to seeing me after last night, but I didn’t expect this. For some reason, I thought we crossed into a different level of friendship, but apparently, we hadn’t.
Embarrassment washes over me, forcing me to drop my gaze from him to the ground. A lump crawls up my throat and I swallow several times to push it down. How did I perceive last night so differently from what he did? We had a great night. I know I didn’t make that up. When I gather enough determination to glance back at him, his scowl is back, and so is his other personality. My heart sinks at the realization that the best kiss of my life meant nothing to the person that gave it to me. I feel so stupid and desperately want to get out of here.
Taking a deep breath, I suck up my humiliation and turn to the stranger, who’s still leaning against the cart. His smile has dropped into a crooked grin, and unlike Dr. Jekyll over there, he seems friendly and happy.
“Hi, I’m Shelby.” My voice is a little rough. He doesn’t notice, but Zach does, and out of the corner of my eye, I see him shift his weight. I hold my hand out for him to shake, which the guy does, wrapping both of his large ones around mine. Sweat rolls down his neck and across his shoulder, I focus on it to keep my eyes from drifting to where they’re not wanted.
“James. Nice to meet you.” His eyes trail over me, and I look to see what I’m wearing: sparkly flip-flops, white shorts, and a light blue button-down, which is untucked and rolled up at the sleeves. James’s eyes crinkle in the corners as they meet mine, and his smile gets bigger.
It’s flattering after the blow to my ego that Zach just delivered. Even though I feel mortified by my situation with Zach, this guy James makes me breathe a little easier and feel more comfortable.
“That’s Jack.” James points to the sandy blond haired guy, who winks back at me. “That’s Bryan.” He waves his hand toward the guy with light brown hair. “And I guess you already know Zach and Kyle.”
My eyes lock again with Zach’s, and surprise, surprise, he just scowls harder.
Ass.
I’m officially done. I’m done trying, I’m done “starting over,” and I’m done giving him the benefit of the doubt. I came here for the assignment, an assignment that’s going to give me an edge up on others, and one I can’t afford to get distracted from. I’m not weak, I don’t pine after guys, and certainly not guys like him. Less than a week to go, so no more. Done. Just done.
“Yup.” The sound of the p pops off my lips, irritation evident in my tone.
All three of the new guys chuckle as Bryan, Jack, and Zach move closer to the golf cart. James makes his way over to Zach and claps him on the back before turning back to me. “Better be careful there, darlin, our boy isn’t used to not being gawked over. You might be crushing his delicate feelings.”
All the guys—all except for Zach, that is—burst out in laughter.
“I doubt that. Given my limited time with him, I’d argue that he doesn’t have feelings.” I eye him warily, knowing that I’m intentionally pushing his buttons, but he needs to know that I’ve reached my limit and I’m fed up.
“Ohhh,” they ring out in chorus.
“Too bad Lexi isn’t here, she’d love this girl.” James looks over to Bryan and grins.
“Wait! You know Lexi?” My heart skips a beat at the mention of my sweet friend. We have
n’t had a chance to get together since that fiasco at the Feeding America event, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t missing her like crazy.
“Know her? I’m related to her. She’s my sister. You know Lexi?” He looks at me questioningly.
“Oh my God! You’re her James?” I slide out of the golf cart and walk around the front of it toward him. “Such a small world to find you here. I’m Shelby Leigh. As in Lexi, Shelby, and Meg.”
His eyes widen. “No way! I’ve been dying to meet you for like years! All she talks about is you and Meg.” James wraps his arms around me, sweeping me off my feet and into a crushing hug. “Zach, you didn’t tell me the third leg to the tripod was here!”
“I’m not really sure what you’re talking about so, no, I didn’t.” His voice is flat, and his face has darkened with annoyance and a hint of jealousy. James picks up on his tone, smirks at him, and holds me a tad bit longer than necessary.
Slowly letting me down, his eyes drop over me again, only this time his look is different. It isn’t flirtatious so much as endearing, and I feel like I’ve found a long-lost friend.
“Lexi told us you were overseas.” I take him in and look for any signs of injury or illness.
“I am. I’m on leave right now.”
“That’s awesome. Do you plan to see her while you’re here? Wait! You better plan to see her.” I shove his chest, smiling up at him.
He chuckles and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, she was going to come here this weekend, but she has a large order she needs to fill. So, I’m headed to her on Monday.”
“You guys are staying the weekend?” I ask, glancing at each of them and stopping on Zach.
“Yup,” he answers, mimicking the way I said the word moments ago without breaking eye contact—not even to blink. His stare makes me even more uncomfortable and heats me at same time. This seems to be the trend between us: hates me, likes me, hates me, likes me. I remind myself that I’m done with all his back and forth and push out a deep sigh as I turn back to James.
“I should have recognized you right away. I’ve seen your photo no less than a hundred times, and y’all look so similar.” I look over the features of his face—blond hair, dark eyes, golden skin, high cheekbones, and full lips.
“It’s the hair, or lack of.” He rubs his hand back and forth over the standard military buzz.
“No, I still should have seen it. How do y’all know each other?” I wave my finger between him, Zach, and the other guys.
“Bryan and I have known each other for forever. Zach, Bryan, and I played college ball together, and Bryan and Jack play for Tampa.” I glance at each of them, and Jack winks at me.
“Football, got it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, Jack moves, slips behind Zach, and steals the ball. All hell breaks loose, and the four of them start running, leaving James with me.
“So . . . you and Zach, huh?” He glances down at me questioningly, eyebrows raised.
My eyes find Zach across the yard. I can hear him laughing at something one of the other guys said, but when he turns so I can see his face, his expression is blank. Historically, he’s been very vocal about his opinion of me, but this time he’s been pretty quiet.
“Ah, no. I’m here working on a project with Zach; food pairings to go with his wines.”
“Sounds interesting.” I can feel James studying me.
“It has been.” My eyes travel away from Zach, across the acres of the winery, and then back to James. “I’m actually on my way to drop off the food I cooked this morning for Michelle. She offers it up to the tasters who come in and then gives me feedback.”
He looks past me to the back of the golf cart and groans.
“I don’t suppose you’re cooking dinner tonight, are you? Please say yes, please say yes.”
A laugh bursts out of me, and Zach turns to look at us before he begins to make his way back over. I hadn’t considered cooking a meal and having people over at the cottage, but the idea of it does sound nice. “I can if that’s what you want.”
“Seriously, my mouth is already watering at the thought. A home-cooked meal. It’s been so long, I can’t say thanks enough in advance.” He rubs his belly as if he’s starving and grins at me.
“A home-cooked meal it is then.” I smile at James and then turn a glare to Zach, who stopped just shy of where James and I are standing. “I can’t wait to call Lexi and tell her what I’m doing tonight, and I happen to know there’s some decent wine lying around this place, too.”
Zach rolls his eyes.
That’s just like him
I know I shouldn’t take Zach’s reaction this morning personally, because I truly don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but I can’t help it. This one-eighty he’s done has affected not only my psyche, but it’s left me confused. How do you act like you’re into someone, kiss them like it’s the first and last kiss you’ll ever have, and then twelve hours later pretend they don’t exist? It’s hurtful and again reminds me why I never let guys stick around long enough to get under my skin.
Whatever.
I need to stop thinking about him, think more about the food pairings, and maybe spend the evening seeing if I can get to know James more. He’s friendly, gorgeous, one of my best friend’s brother, and he’ll be heading back to his job soon enough. Also, he hasn’t made me feel bad about myself.
“What are you thinking about?” Michelle asks me as she looks down at the poor chives I’ve chopped to death.
“Nothing much. Recipes.” I smile at her and lie. “I called Lexi earlier to tell her that I met James, and she screamed through the phone.” She knew he was coming and wanted to surprise me. Just thinking of the phone call takes some of the weight I feel surrounding Zach off me.
“I think it’s crazy y’all hadn’t met before.” She glances out the French doors where the guys are standing, and I follow, my eyes landing on James. He laughs, and his eyes skip inside and find me.
Both of us pause, neither one breaking the stare as we both quite possibly seek something different from each other.
“He’s staring at you,” Michelle whispers.
“I know.” The familiarity surrounding James’s appearance makes me feel like we’ve been friends for years. It’s comforting and much needed. Actually, what I need is for this assignment to be over. I’m ready to go home.
“Not him. Zach.”
“Oh.” Heat floods my cheeks, and it takes everything in me to continue ignoring him. I have most of the afternoon, which wasn’t hard considering he ignored me, too.
“You know, I’ve never seen him like this,” she says, while shaking her head in disbelief.
“Like what?” I turn to look at her. “And you said that on the day I arrived, too.”
“I did?” Her brows furrow as she tries to replay our conversations from a week ago.
“Yes. Although, I don’t understand why. Every time I see him, he acts the same way.”
“That’s just it, you’re the only girl I’ve ever seen him act this way around . . .” The expression on her face shifts to one of understanding, when I don’t understand anything.
“And what way is that? Like an asshole?” I say this more to myself, but she hears me and cringes. I understand he’s her friend, but really, he isn’t mine.
“No,” she draws out, thinking about how to choose her next few words. “I would say more uneasy. Zach is incredibly laid back and happy. He’s dedicated to this winery, his family, and friends, and I swear he doesn’t have one enemy. But with you, it’s as if he’s unsure of everything. He doesn’t know which way is coming or going.”
“That is not my fault.” I walk to the sink and put the knife in it before continuing, “I haven’t done anything.”
“I know, and I’m not saying you have. I just think there’s more going on in his head than he’s letting on.”
Hearing her say his head makes me think of his mouth and what it felt like to have it on mine. An ach
e falls to the bottom of my stomach. That ache represents everything I feel about him and that kiss. It’s filled with longing, wonder, confusion, and disappointment. Disappointment because it seems no matter what I do or how much time has passed, things never change.
Involuntarily, I glance outside and see that Zach has moved to stand next to James. Both of them are facing the inside now, and both of them are looking at me. Although the wariness that had initially clouded Zach’s eyes the first couple of days is gone after he claimed he wanted to be friends, there’s still a lingering emotion in them. I can almost feel it when he’s watching me, and it makes me nervous instead of relaxed.
“Well, he can keep it there.” I mumble as I turn my back to the guys. “I’m only here another week, and he can keep his cryptic signals to himself. Soon enough, this will be over.”
She frowns at me, and suddenly, I realize that she and I will be over, too. Everyday Michelle has gone out of her way to see me. I had wanted a friend here, and I found one in her.
“I’m sorry, that came out sounding really bad.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She cracks a smile and pushes her braid over her shoulder. “I understand.” Her gaze shifts to Kyle and then back to me. She shrugs and walks over to the French doors to tell the guys that the appetizers are ready.
Kyle, James, Bryan, and Jack come inside to join us. They always say the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and as each of them taste the different styled deviled eggs I set out in the living room, their eyes flash and they smile.
“Zach ran back to the manor to grab some more wine, he’ll be right back,” James says as he comes to stand next to me. Spicy cologne floats around him. It smells really good, different. Over the last week, I’ve become accustomed to a more earthy scent.
“Oh, that’s great. I didn’t realize we were running low.” I look at him, and his big brown eyes. He looks so much like Lexi, it’s uncanny.
“Yeah, well . . . look at us, we can put down a lot.” He chuckles and pats his stomach.
“I suppose you can.” I grin at him.
The Sweetness of Life (Starving for Southern Book 1) Page 13
