“It was worth it. I broke her spell.” Kerdik grinned, though his eyelids drooped and his smile looked too tired to be pure. “That’ll teach her to try and layer magic to keep me out. I did it. I’m smarter than Morgan.”
“Was there ever any doubt?”
“More powerful is one thing, but brains are a different matter. Brains can overcompensate for shortcomings in the magic department, or any other shortfalls. But it doesn’t matter. I won. Urien will wake as soon as the sun rises to greet him.”
I gaped up at Kerdik, trying not to let tears flood me. I had too much going on to break down now. “You gave me back my… my King Urien?”
“It was you, too. That parchment you found filled in some of the gaps I was missing. I don’t think I would’ve been able to make those leaps if I hadn’t had that.”
“Are you okay?” I whispered to my dad, my voice pinched.
The answering moan wasn’t exactly reassuring, but he was responding, which was something.
“What’s going on outside? Why did Reyn tell us to come down here?”
Kerdik leaned over, bracing his hands on his thighs to catch his breath. It worried me when Kerdik showed any signs of weakness. “The battle, of course. Do you really think children should be out in the middle of that chaos?”
“What?!” I felt over four-thousand sets of eyes on me, so I donned my reassuring smile and waved at all of them again, hoping they were far enough out of earshot to remain in the shelter of optimism. I needed them to believe that everything would be okay. “Go back to your drawings, kids. Kerdik’s just stopping by to add a friend to the mix and hang out for a little while. Nothing’s wrong. But I do see some empty spots in the corner still. Can somebody who’s great at drawing flowers fill those in for me? The duchess loves flowers.”
The kids were too scared to move. Great. I cast over my shoulder up at Kerdik, “Could you give them a little something to let them know they’re safe around you? That you’re not going to hurt them?”
“But they know that’s not true. I am scary.” He growled and bared his teeth as if they were gruesome fangs just to be a jerk. I winced when several of the children screamed and started wailing.
I shoved him, watching him break from his scary monster persona into a boyish snigger. “Knock it off! You know that’s not doing anyone a lick of good down here. Be helpful.”
“I don’t care if children like me. Fear is more amusing anyway.”
“I’m trying to keep them all calm, and you’re not helping one bit. No one’s given me any information, either. What’s going on up there?”
“You’ve really got no idea? I mean, it’s all about you out there.”
“Huh? Kerdik, seriously. Why are we down here? Is Lane okay?” When he brushed his hand down my back, Babette screamed like she was watching her own personal horror movie. I realized I was the thing that was scaring the children. I was getting too close to their monster. “Hold on.” I trotted toward the children with a smile on my face. “It’s okay, everyone. Kerdik’s my friend. He came down here to deliver a special guest, and let us know that everything’s going okay up there.”
This did nothing to assure anyone that all was well. Now that I was nearer, I could smell that one or more of the children had peed themselves. I didn’t have any help to give them, other than the same hollow words that not even I was buying.
“Keep on drawing pictures for Lane, and I’ll go see if Kerdik knows how long we’re going to have to wait for our cookies.”
I made my way back to Kerdik, shooting him a warning glare that told him to behave this time. Kerdik looked over at the children as if their crying was annoying. He waved his hand over the dirt floor and sprang up a lush meadow in the giant dirt-floored basement. “There. Is that better?”
The flowers were purple, with pistols that were almost translucent when you peered into the center. “Oh, how pretty! Thank you. That really is helpful.” I called back to the kids, “Okay, everyone. It’s time to pick some flowers for your parents. I think they’ll love them.”
Kerdik met me halfway and steered me from the field in a hurry. About ten seconds later, I heard small thuds echoing out across the keep. I whirled and shrieked as one by one, the children fell into the spontaneous meadow, unconscious before they hit the ground. “No! What happened?” I made to race toward them, but Kerdik caught me around the waist.
“They’re fine. Just sleeping. Those are somnolent flowers. They have a potent smell that knocks you out. I don’t like children.” He waved his hand toward the field, and the flowers withered and bent over as if in obeisance to Kerdik, though the grass he’d grown remained stubborn and tall. He moved me to the far corner, away from the children.
“You can’t knock out a bunch of kids! That’s terrible!”
Kerdik was unperturbed that I was so upset over something he deemed logical. “I can do as I wish, and I wish to speak to you in private. Children are insufferable. You told me to help you with them; this is me helping.”
I steamed at him, trying to block out the sounds of my father moaning in pain. They were now very easy to tune in on, since there was no other chatter. I led Kerdik further away from my dad and lowered my voice. “What’s going on out there?”
“Morgan. She discovered Urien’s body was missing. She must’ve put a tracking charm on it, because she knows he’s here. Now would be a dandy time for him to wake up, march out there and tell her off, but that doesn’t seem to be happening yet.” He jerked his thumb toward the door. “She’s got her whole army out there.”
“Her whole army? We’re not ready for that! The people have barely settled into their homes. They don’t have the wherewithal to fight yet.”
Kerdik shrugged, as if that mattered little to him. “I came down to make sure you were safe, and to store Urien here until he can return to us. If the house is overrun, it won’t do to leave his body lying about.”
“What can I do? How can I help?”
“Staying safe down here is the best help you can give me. Bastien’s leading the men right now.”
I gripped Kerdik’s forearm to steady myself. “One of the teens gave me a sword.” I motioned to the far wall, where I’d left my weapon. “Can you lock the doors to the keep behind me and zap yourself out? If the kids are zonked out, they’ll be fine.”
Kerdik rolled his eyes. “It’s like you heard nothing I just said. Stay here. That’s what you can do.”
I reared back, affronted. “You don’t know the first thing about me if you think I’m going to babysit while my boyfriend risks his life to keep everyone safe. I just need you to lock the doors behind me.”
“Not happening. I’ll put you in cuffs myself, if that’s what it takes. You’ll not fall to danger under my watch.” He spread his fingers out, and up from the dirt sprouted a massive wall of trees in front of the doors to the keep. Like it was nothing, nature found its way into the basement of the mansion, blocking me from joining the fight. The trees were so thick and tight together that I couldn’t squeeze through them if I tried. “There. I feel much better now.”
“Lane!” I cried, utterly distraught. I held tight to his forearm, scared and overwhelmed. “You have to help Lane! If you won’t let me out of here, then you have to go help her.”
“Lane is standing for her people. The only ones who can kill her are Daughters of Avalon, nature or time, remember? I put a protection on them myself. They don’t know that, of course, but they don’t need to. I don’t need them getting foolhardy. Lane will be fine.”
“What about everyone else’s moms? What about Bastien and the guys? Please, Kerdik! Let me out! I have to make them stop!”
It was only when tears moistened my eyes that Kerdik seemed to break out of his indifference. “It’s alright, darling. Morgan wants what she can’t have. She’s bound to throw a fit. Frankly, I’m surprised it took this long.”
“Yes, but you’re acting like Bastien dying in battle is no big deal!” I turned to sta
re forlornly at the sleeping children. “Let me tell you the permanent ache it is to grow up without your parents. Don’t do that to these kids!”
Kerdik shot me a quizzical look, as if wondering if he was allowed to say that the death of anyone wasn’t a big deal to an immortal. “Morgan wants to wage war on Lane for too many reasons. Urien’s body going missing is just the excuse she needed. She won’t back down after the way Lane publicly shamed her and took half her people. Lane exposed her for the horrible witch she is. Morgan had two options: either convince her people she wasn’t an evil queen, or embrace the stigma.” Kerdik shrugged, as if relaying the plays of a soccer match for the viewers, bored by the game of it all. “Morgan will punish Lane. It’s the price your aunt knew she would pay if she went up against Morgan. Best let her get it out of her system. Lane’s been out of Avalon too long; she must be reminded of the way of things.”
“Are you freaking kidding me with this? Help her! Stand up to Morgan and help Lane! Show the people that you’re on Lane’s side, and Morgan will back down.”
“For how long?” Kerdik’s gaze sharpened. “You forget that I’m not on anyone’s side, here. I don’t serve the Daughters of Avalon. I’ll not spend my time watching Province 9’s borders, waiting for Morgan to attack again.”
“Selfish!” I raged. “What’s the good of immortality if you aren’t making the world a better place?”
“I created Avalon! I gave them a perfect place, and they wrecked it with their greed. I have no interest in exhausting myself to restore Avalon to a mere portion of what it once was.”
“You can’t turn your back on someone, just because they disappoint you. I didn’t leave you high and dry after you let me down. Avalon needs you! Don’t you see that?”
Kerdik blew a loud, childish raspberry in my face. “You’re growing predictable.”
I don’t know why I let Kerdik rile me up, but once the train got going, I couldn’t stop it. “I’m disappointed in you. People will die up there if you don’t let me out to help Lane stop this.”
He shrugged – as if this were a shrugging moment. “People die every day.”
I glared at him, not holding back how utterly ashamed I was at his coldness. “My family won’t be next. I don’t know what happened to you to make you like this, but it’s ugly. So ugly, I can barely look at you.”
Kerdik grabbed me and yanked my body tight to his, holding me there so I couldn’t struggle away. “You don’t seem to understand what it takes to endure immortality. I can’t afford a heart that’s easily broken. I feel affinity for Urien, Morgan spots it and takes him away. I feel deep love for you, and again Morgan threatens you every time my back is turned. I only risk having a heart every couple decades because I have to live for too long with the fallout. If we’re apart, you feel the separation, what? A few days? Months? Years?” He squeezed me impossibly tighter as he shouted in my face. “I feel the slow death of being without the people I love for an eternity! I don’t love carelessly, as you do. I can’t afford the fallout of that kind of heartache.”
His words started to thaw the ice in my chest, and slowly my heart started beating in the same rhythm as his odd one. I stopped struggling and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder, as if we hadn’t just been yelling at each other. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I was only thinking about me, not how getting involved would affect you.”
Kerdik’s anger melted under the warmth of my embrace. His hands started to move up and down my spine, instead of holding me too firmly in place. “No. That’s the thing. You weren’t even thinking of yourself. You were thinking about Province 9. You were thinking about your friends and the people you love.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “One day I do hope you have a deeply selfish moment. I should like to see that.”
“The kids will be asleep for a while?”
“At least another hour or two. Longer for the younger ones.”
I pressed my cheek to his. “Then I need you to let me out of here. I have to go help Lane and Bastien however I can.”
Kerdik’s arms tightened around me again to hold me in place. “No. You’ll stay right here.”
“You know I can’t. You’re right that I shouldn’t have asked you to care when I didn’t understand the cost to you. But it’s not right for you to ask me to stay when it’s at too high a cost to me not to stand with my family.” I kissed his cheek again. “I have to let you be who you are, and you have to let me be who I am.”
I saw a flash of anger in Kerdik’s eyes that made me nervous. I didn’t protest or fight him when he backed me into the wall and pressed my shoulders firmly to the concrete. He said so many things to me with his eyes that neither of us could put words to. Then he lightly kissed my lips before slapping his hand to the concrete in frustration. Again he pecked my lips, making my stomach flutter. “Damn you, Rosie. Stop making me care.”
Before I could react, two vines sprouted up from the dirt and wrapped around my ankles. The thick brown cords of nature acted with intent to keep me exactly where I stood. “Kerdik, what are you doing?”
Two additional vines twisted around my wrists, jerking me to the ground, bringing me to sit on my butt on the packed dirt floor. Kerdik knelt down to press a kiss to my cheek, unworried that I was freaking out, and tugging fruitlessly on the vines. “You’ll stay here with the children. I’ll fight in your stead. If you’re intent on standing with your people, and I’m intent on keeping you from harm, then I’ll take your place. Then we both win, and we still have each other.”
Panic welled in me. Though I’d just been pushing for Kerdik to go out and help Lane, now that he was doing as much, I feared the worst. “No! I don’t want you to get hurt while I sit here like a dummy!”
Kerdik quirked his eyebrow at me, and then pulled back a few inches, touched. “You’re worried about me?”
“Of course I am, you jerk! Morgan hates you as much as she’s afraid of you. All her guns will be aimed your way! You can’t go in without me! She hates me just as much, so I could divert some of the fire.” Anxiety was too high in my throat, choking me with nerves and regret. “We should go together, or you’ll get all her fire!”
Kerdik dropped to his knees and locked me in a hug, kissing my cheek five times before words came to him. “No one ever worries about me. I love you, beautiful girl. Always their princess, but always my queen.”
I gaped at him, dumbfounded that he was growing, and that I was learning to communicate change to such an immovable creature. Some part of me still scrambled for a way to do right by my province. “I can fight, Kerdik. I should be with my family.”
He didn’t answer right away, only stood while giving me a long, unfathomable look that stayed any further arguments I had on standby. “You’re my family now.”
Deep, long dormant parts of me started to move in my chest, swelling with emotion that birthed out of me in a panicked cry of, “Don’t leave me!”
In true Kerdik fashion, he didn’t listen. He ran his fingers through my hair like he was petting a dog, and then vanished, leaving me bound to the floor with nothing but my own desperation.
The Psychotic Men I Love
I’d fallen asleep at some point in the night after the lamp’s oil had run out, and I could do friggin’ nothing about it. My dad had finally calmed from his torment, and we’d been enjoying a docile back and forth, though I had to shout to be heard across the way, far as we were from each other. Kerdik’s guess of his sleeping potion flowers lasting a few hours on the children was a gross miscalculation. The snoozing went on far longer than that, allowing the little bodies to recharge their magic that was still so young and untarnished. Blessing in disguise, I guess.
My spine stiffened when I heard my name being called from the other side of the series of doors. “Bastien? I’m in here! Get Kerdik! Only he can let us out.” I heaved a sigh of relief that the bindings would soon be cut from my wrists and ankles. I leaned my head against the wall. “Help is on
the way, Urien. Hang tight.”
“‘Hang tight.’ You amuse me. Your phrasing sounds much like Lane. She picked up a few Commoner words I’m unfamiliar with, but they suit her well. Do you come from Common, as well?”
“Kerdik?” I called, trying to pretend I hadn’t heard him. I didn’t want Urien putting it together that I was his daughter. I couldn’t reason with myself why at this point, but I was still nervous of the rejection I was certain was coming. I knew I couldn’t handle the blow, so I fended it off as long as I possibly could.
After a few minutes of Bastien pounding futilely on the door, Kerdik appeared before me with a whoosh of air that set the lantern glowing again. His hair wasn’t ruffled, but his shirt was untucked and had dirt on it. It was a sure sign that he’d won, but only just. He glared down at me without a greeting, as if I’d been the one to incite the battle. “Well, it’s done. Now everyone assumes my gauntlet’s been thrown, and I’ve taken up Lane’s mantle. I’ve assured Lane no such thing has happened. I told her this was a one-time assistance, and that I wasn’t going to involve myself again.”
I blinked up at him, my head tilted to take in the man who traveled with the ability to create his own light. “You saved my family. You love me.”
He threw up his hands in exasperation. “That’s only what I’ve been trying to tell you this entire time! I’ve got news for you: if this little display has exhausted my magic again, I will take you wherever I please so I can rest peacefully, and I won’t endure a word of protest from you or anyone else. You owe me for this. I used magic on a grand scale that I didn’t want to have to do.”
“Then why do it?” I asked stupidly. I didn’t want him questioning why he’d helped me, but I needed to know.
“Because if I didn’t, you would’ve done something reckless. I fear my temper losing all control if you get another mere scratch on you.” He frowned again, as if caught in the act of being sweet to me when he’d wanted to scold. “But now Morgan knows I’m capable of carnage like that on a grander scale. She can take countermeasures for the next time, plan around my abilities that were mere myth to her before today. She’s a chess player, and now she’s seen what my queen can do. She’ll spot holes in my defenses. When I tell you no, it’s for a reason.”
Stupid Girl Page 16
