by Ella Brooke
“So this is it? I can just take her home with me?”
The attending nurse nodded, setting the small and pitiful box of baby supplies down next to her.
“Yes, it's usually best to get the family back together as soon as possible, and your sister and brother-in-law's wills were very blunt on the matter. You can take her home as soon as you like. She's as fit as a fiddle, and at this age, she should settle in quite well.”
Sandra, Paul, I swear that I will do well by Jodie...
She looked up to see that the nurse was still talking.
“...and do you have someone to drive you?”
“As a matter of fact,” she said, almost surprised, “I do.”
Jinan had been a helpful, silent presence by her side as she had gone through the process of telling the hospital who she was and getting Jodie into her arms. It had been simple and straightforward enough, but it had been tedious, and by the time they had taken her to her niece, she felt as if she was only a hair’s breadth away from breaking down entirely.
The only thing that had kept her going was Jinan at her side, occasionally touching her shoulder, occasionally murmuring her name. She had no idea how it had helped so much, but it had, and now he was bringing his car around.
As he pulled up to the visitor's pickup area and opened the door for her, she got another surprise.
“There...wasn't a baby seat in here when we drove up...” she said.
He looked slightly abashed, but only shrugged. “They said you would be at least half an hour, and I noticed there was a baby supply store not far away. I called ahead, they had someone ready to install it for me, and that was that. I figured it would be a bit safer than driving back to Evanston with Jodie in your arms.”
“I am absolutely not going to argue with that,” she said, and then her lip trembled a little. “That was what kept Jodie safe in the...the accident.”
After they had clumsily secured the baby in her seat, Jinan turned to Benny, placing his hands on her shoulders.
“Listen to me. We are going to be fine. I will get us back to Evanston safely, and I swear to you that in just a few hours, your niece will be sleeping in her new home. I promise. I will keep you safe, both of you. Do you understand?”
Somehow, Benny felt a tension that she hadn't been aware of slowly come loose. For what felt like the first time in hours, her shoulders fell down from her ears, and she took a deep breath.
“Yes,” she said softly, and he smiled, rewarding her with a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“Good.”
There was no reason that this should have comforted her. In many ways, almost all of them, Jinan was a stranger. He was a client, and more importantly than that, he was her boss.
On the drive back to Evanston, Benny thought about what she needed to do. She had some money saved away, and she knew there was a trust for Jodie, but she didn't want to touch that. That was for Jodie's future, and for the present, they could simply get by.
Can I really keep this job while I'm trying to get this all under control? Benny wondered.
She thought of the breakneck pace she had been employing to get Jinan what he needed, and she knew with a wince that the answer would be no, she couldn't.
She sneaked a glance at him as they drove south. He was focused on the road ahead, a slight frown on his handsome features. For a single, strange moment, she wanted to reach over and nestle her hand comfortably on his thigh, silently keeping contact with him as they drove. She had seen Sandra and Paul do it, and the tenderness of the gesture had struck her at once.
She kept her hands to herself, however, and thought about what was going to happen over the next few weeks and months. When she fully laid it out for herself, there was no real question about it. The conclusions were inevitable, even if they were incredibly unpleasant and unfortunate.
She allowed herself a moment to grieve and rage, and then she came to terms with it. It was easier than she had thought it would be. Maybe it was true that suddenly being in charge of a child changed you.
She was just opening her mouth to speak when Jinan beat her to the punch.
"Are you hungry?" he asked, and she was so startled, she answered honestly.
"Starved..."
Almost as if she had understood their talk, Jodie set up a thin whine, and Jinan chuckled.
"Unanimous then. Let's see what we can find at this exit here."
Fortunately, as soon as they left the freeway, there was a small diner waiting for them, a place that was mostly empty in the middle of the day between lunch and dinner.
The moment they walked in, the smell of eggs and toast and hamburgers made Benny feel faint with hunger. As soon as she was seated, however, her niece's cries reached a piercing frequency, making her immediately grateful when Jinan rustled in the baby bag and came up with a bottle of formula.
The moment the bottle was in her mouth, Jodie quieted down to a suckling grunt, and Benny sighed with relief.
"First day on the job, and I'm already starving the kid," she sighed.
"It's just your first day on the job," Jinan said with a smile. "You'll figure it out. Now if you're getting Jodie fed, why don't you let me get you fed?"
He ordered for them both with confidence and surety. Though Benny had never thought that having a man order for her would feel so good, she had to admit that there was a warm glow of pleasure that came from Jinan doing so. Of course, she mused, it would have been a lot more irritating if he didn't have such a good grasp on what she wanted.
They sat in a tired quiet for a little while, the only sounds at the table Jodie's suckling and Jinan tapping his fingers on the booth.
"This is the kind of place that Sandra would take me to when we were kids and feeling spendy," she commented. "I know it's not much to look at, but it was fun for us..."
More than that, it was a promise of freedom and independence, and if she were honest, there was still a part of her that loved diners of this kind. She hoped Jinan didn't think that emergency food from a greasy spoon was beneath him, but to her surprise, he smiled.
"When I was a kid, it was street food," he said with a smile. "My parents and aunts and uncles warned my cousins and I to only eat what our schools provided or that we got at home, that eating food sold off the street was dirty and bad for us."
"Sounds sensible of them," Benny observed drily. "How much did you want to get out there and stuff some of it into your face?"
"So much," he said with a laugh. "We used to sneak out and think that we were being so very daring. Of course they knew, they had done the same thing when they were kids, but still they had to put up a fuss."
It struck Benny all over again what an easy man he was to talk to. There was no pretension in Jinan, nothing but an open thoughtfulness that made her smile. She had seen him be fierce when it came to business negotiations, of course, and she had once or twice seen the rough side of his temper. But when he was with her, he was always like this, easy-going, even-tempered and kind.
"Well, here's your food, folks," chirped their waitress. "And Daddy, you make sure that you take the baby for a spell while Mommy gets a bite in."
Benny was too shocked by the waitress's words to correct her, and before she could do so, Jinan laughed.
"I'll be sure to do that," he said with a grin.
"I hate it when men think of raising their own kids as babysitting," the waitress said with a shake of her head. "Good on you for doing your part."
Benny's face was flaming by the time the waitress had swished off, but before she could apologize for the misunderstanding, Jinan had come around the edge of the booth towards her.
"Come on, hand her over," he said. "Well, burp her and then hand her over since you have the towel over your shoulder already."
"You've done so much already," Benny stuttered. "I mean, you should eat, I can just..."
"Didn't you hear what the waitress said?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye. "Men who only babysit their own c
hildren are regarded with no honor or class. Do you want me to lose face in front of all of these people?"
"I'm...not sure that's what she said," Benny muttered, but after burping Jodie, she handed her over. "Do you know anything about holding babies?"
"I've held them a time or two, and I've even managed to eat while I do so," he said with a slight smile. "Now get some food in you. I at least managed to get some coffee and a terrible pastry earlier."
When the baby was out of her hands, her hunger surged forward with a snarl, and she demolished the food that the waitress had placed in front of her. It was a juicy burger with all the trimmings and a green salad to one side, making the whole thing at least a little healthier.
As she ate, she watched Jinan too, worried that Jodie was going to stop him from getting his fair share. To her surprise, he was juggling the infant effortlessly, keeping her close and settled while eating his own food handily.
"You're an impressive man," she murmured, and he shot an amused glance at her.
"Where I come from, men take responsibility. A man that does not know how to at least look after his own children is not much of a man at all."
"Paul felt much the same way," she said with a smile.
He reminded her a little bit of Paul, she realized. The two men looked nothing alike, and spoke very differently, but they both had an underlying current of care running through them that made them glow.
***
The trip back to Evanston did not take all that long, but by the end, Benny felt as if she had gone twenty rounds with a heavyweight boxer. She was sore, she was exhausted, and at the moment, she felt as if she could fall into bed and sleep for a week. However, that probably wouldn't be good for Jodie, and there was still a talk with Jinan in her future.
"You can just drop me off at my place," she said tiredly. "I'll call you tomorrow and--"
"No."
She blinked at him, unsure if she had really heard what he just said. "Um...no?"
"Exactly right. No."
"Do you...want to go straight home, and I can catch a cab?" she asked, wondering if she had managed to overtax his generosity.
"Not at all. What I want you to do is to stay with me at the townhouse, where there is plenty of space, and where I have a nursery waiting for you and Jodie."
"I...beg your pardon?"
"Benny, every time we talk about housing, you always talk about how small your place is and how loud your neighbors are. I'm not even sure the neighborhood is very safe at all."
"Well, it's not great, but there are definitely worse ones."
"Right. And I like the sound of that even less. Whereas I have a beautiful townhouse in a safe neighborhood with plenty of room."
"But..."
"AND I've had things like a crib and a changing table and baby supplies set for delivery in just an hour or so. I think the choice is a simple one, don't you?"
Somehow, she had managed to stay dry-eyed for a while, but now her lower lip was trembling again. "But... But I don't..."
"I figured we'd put the nursery into the little blue room that was meant to be a study, and then the bedroom next to it can be yours. When Jodie cries at night, that will make it easier for you to get to her."
"Are you saying you want us to come live with you?"
He glanced at her, a slight amused quirk to his lips that made him even more handsome.
"If I want to make sure that I can keep my most valued US employee, I am going to have to make some changes to her work space. If you can think of anything else I can do to make your job easier, that will allow you to continue as my assistant, your first order is to let me know at once. Are we clear?"
She stared at him for a moment. If she could stay at the townhouse, if she could keep Jodie there, then she could keep working for Jinan. The money would be taken care of, and a small voice inside her pointed out that she would get to stay with Jinan as well.
"Clear, sir," she said. "Only I have one condition."
"And what is that?"
She took a deep breath and hoped he agreed. If he didn't, there was no way she could in good conscience stay.
"If I start slipping up in my work, if I can't do my job correctly, you will tell me. I appreciate...everything you are doing, and I am grateful, but I will not allow Jodie and I to be your charity cases."
He sighed a little.
"You could never be my charity case," he said softly, but then he spoke more decisively. "Of course. I respect you far too much to let it be otherwise."
"Good." She paused for a moment, taking in the fact that she was genuinely going to go live with Jinan, she and Jodie both. "Wow."
***
In the end, it was simple. He ran her by her apartment again so she could pick up more clothes, and they got back to his townhouse just as the truck with all the baby furniture pulled up.
Perhaps the best purchase that came with the furniture was a snuggle sack, a little carrier that allowed her to strap Jodie to her back or chest as she walked around, freeing up her hands. Jodie, once she was snugged up to Benny's back, was quietly content, peering at everything with great dark eyes, and Benny was free to help with getting the furniture put together.
That was easier said than done, and eventually her form of help became ordering some Chinese delivery food as Jinan swore at the instructions in what sounded like a number of languages.
Finally, though, with night having fallen hours ago, Jodie was fed again and tucked into her brand new crib for the evening. As soon as Benny closed the door behind her, she had the urge to check on her again, but she resolutely left the door closed. Sandra had told her it was important for lines to be drawn, or else you simply wore your baby everywhere, and Benny was determined to live up to her sister's good example.
She went to find Jinan, who was sitting in the living room, frowning at the tablet in front of him, but the moment she entered the room, he set it aside.
"Is she all right?"
"Sleeping like...a baby, I guess. She's fine. It's still hard to believe this is all happening. Last night, my biggest problem was looking like a fake in front of all of your friends. Today...today, two people who were incredibly important to me are gone, and...and I have a baby. And I'm here...with you."
She came to sit down next to him on the luxurious couch, and almost instinctively, she leaned her head against his shoulder. His arm came around her, snuggling her closer, and for a moment, she closed her eyes, just soaking in the warmth.
This man was nothing but pleasure, nothing but warmth and kindness, and afterward, she could never figure out which of them had started it.
Suddenly, his arms were around her, she was turned to him with her fist latched in the fabric of his shirt, and they were kissing. There was something hungry about this kiss, as if it could not be denied, could not be stopped. It was like a river running free, like a gift offered all unlooked for.
Benny had no defenses against the hunger that raged up inside her, and she threw herself into the kiss as if there was no her, no tomorrow, nothing else but the passion of the moment. It wasn't until she had pressed herself up onto his lap that Jinan broke the kiss. She mewled with disappointment when he pressed her back a little.
God, he was gorgeous spread out beneath her. His eyes were nearly black with desire, and his hair was rumpled. She could see the tantalizing triangle of bare skin where his shirt was unbuttoned, and all she knew was that she wanted him more than she wanted her next breath.
"Benny," he said, his voice rough, "I want you like I want all the pleasures of heaven, but...is this what you want? Truly?"
She opened her mouth to respond that yes, of course it was what she wanted, but then her brain had the bad manners to interject.
With a pained wince, Benny realized what a genuinely bad idea it would be to enter into a relationship with a man just as she was starting to care for an infant. What would it do to the relationship she already had with Jinan? Would it cause her to resent Jodie? Wou
ld Jinan start to resent Jodie? She was not sure she could bear it either way.
"I...this may not be the best idea," Benny muttered, because a part of her didn't want to say that she didn't want him. It would be so far from the truth that she couldn't stand it.
He nodded, and she could almost see him taking the desire he had for her and stuffing it back down inside. She climbed off of him, retreating to her corner of the couch again. Even though she was wearing all of her clothes, she felt oddly naked. Benny grabbed a pillow from the loveseat and hugged it to herself, wishing very much for something that would hide her entirely.
"I'm so sorry," she began, but he cut her off with a wave.
"My fault entirely," Jinan said to her surprise. "I behaved like a brute."
"What? Of course you--"
"It didn't occur to me that you might be a little more vulnerable after everything that happened, and foolish man that I am, I decided to pick things up from where we left off last night. That was wrong, and I apologize."
"That was never anything to apologize for," she murmured, and from the look of amusement on his face, she must have said it a little more fervently than she had intended to do so.
"I am really attracted to you," she said with a burst of painful honesty. She knew her cheeks were flaming red, but she forced herself to keep going.
"I want you like I have never wanted anyone else, and...and I can't right now. Not with Jodie. Not when she needs me so much, and not when I need to be the best I can be for her, and honestly for you as well. I can't risk all of that."
He sighed, nodding with obvious chagrin.
"You are truly a remarkable woman," he said with a slight smile. "Very well. We shall not allow ourselves to slip again."
"Right, and with that in mind, I should honestly get to bed. I know I'm probably just waiting for an opportune moment to collapse, and I'd rather do it in bed than here on the couch. Though this couch is pretty comfortable. I want to be fresh to get on the phone with Ferber and Wassilik tomorrow, to set up that video conference you wanted."
