Opening my eyes to the awesome thunder, my jaw drops. What the... This can’t be right! What did I do wrong? Large midnight wings stretch to my sides in malicious taunting of the being I have become—Death. I study the black branding of Enochian script staring back at me and suck in a deep, shaky breath before forcing my wings to retract inside myself. I’ve got to cover my rank up. I can’t let anyone know. Especially Beleth. Not worrying about the noise anymore, I run back to my dresser in search of a black racer back tank top that will allow my wings to come and go without interference.
After lacing up my trusty combat boots, I find my torn leggings in the bathroom and tear a bottom section of a clean leg. I slide my right hand through the hole to be sure it'll cover my markings. It's loose. I scour my shoes for a black shoelace. Crisscrossing the string over the loose material, I secure it tightly, so it won’t fall or budge if it's touched. If anyone suspects anything, it will be that I’m trying to make some sort of fashion statement.
Satisfied, I smoke a cigarette and pace my room. I need to get out of here. But I’m not leaving until I get rid of Beleth, and I need to still find the missing angel. I need to just wait for an opening and hope it doesn’t take too long to present itself. I need to talk to Solas and see if he’s really on my side. I wonder if I can just call him in my head like he said. Or do I have to be close to him for him to hear me? Maybe Cassius or Beckett will tell me what’s going on. I stride to the door and try the handle. Finding it unlocked, I open it with tentative caution and peek into the darkened hallway.
“How are you feeling?” Beckett asks with woeful concern in his expression. He's alone.
“Um… Honestly? Confused," I answer as I step into the corridor.
“We are as well,” he notes, straightening his stance while his features become inscrutable.
“What do you mean?”
“Cassius and I were so sure you wouldn’t give into Beleth’s attempts to darken your essence. That was his intent—to ensure you would be on The King’s side when the time came. But… We watched you destroy Ryker. That's never been done before. And we witnessed your final transformation.” Beckett swallows hard, and his Adam’s apple bounces in his throat. “Your wings… You've become Fallen.”
My eyes widen in surprise. They think I’m one of them. Even though I hate for them to see me that way, this could be my chance to get close enough to Beleth.
I put on a façade, pretending he's correct. “Well, there are consequences for what I did.”
“Yes. How did you do it? I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
I can’t explain it to him. I can barely explain it to myself. It's just as Michael said, it just came naturally.
Solas interrupts my thoughts and saves me from answering, “I’m glad to see you're awake. Beleth has sent me to check on you every hour. We weren’t sure how long you would be unconscious. That was quite a revolutionary transformation.”
It’s not what you think, I tell him in my mind and hope he's listening.
“Come. He wants to see you,” Solas says.
I nod my head before turning back to Beckett, “Wish me luck?”
“You don't need luck,” Beckett winks with a coy smile.
Solas leads me through the dank passageway, anger rolling off him in waves. I need to talk to him. Explain things before we reach Beleth.
“Solas?” I call ahead of me. He ignores me, and I get the feeling he's angry with me.
You killed a fellow soldier. Of course, he’s mad.
“Solas, wait,” I command forcefully. He whirls on me and backs me into the wall of the corridor without touching me. His eyes bore into mine, full of hate and mistrust. “Please, let me explain. It’s not what you think,” I plea.
“How am I supposed to believe anything you say?” His tone is deep and menacing. He has never spoken to me this way, and it terrifies me.
“Read my mind. I’m not trying to lie to you,” I offer.
That only seems to make him angrier. “Since your final transformation, you've been blocking me. Your mind is silent. Only liars hide their thoughts as you do.”
“It’s not on purpose. I don’t even know how I’m doing that. Please, believe me when I tell you how sorry I am about Ryker. I don’t know how it happened.”
Solas takes a step back, “Ryker? You think this is about Ryker?”
“Isn’t it?”
“This is about you! I thought you would be the one to finally defy him, but you played right into his hands. Your wings don't lie. You’ve changed. Your essence is tainted, and now you'll be The King's new favorite pet. When that happens, the world will become chaos, and there will never be any hope for the rest of us to try to prove ourselves to the True King. There will be no going back for us.”
“It’s not what you think, Solas!” I push off of the wall, my own anger surfacing.
He steps forward to close the gap between our bodies, “Then what is it, Ivy? Enlighten me!”
“Look,” I hold out my right forearm.
He stares at the makeshift cuff. I reach for the shoelace to untie it, and he peers at me with knowing. Solas halts my hand, grabbing my wrist with force, and his emotions surge into me again. Anger, confusion, lust, curiosity, wonder. He releases his grasp and hastily unties the string around my arm. As he pulls the tie completely from its place, I stop him, “Wait.” He scowls at me with hooded eyes. “Just… I don't want you to freak out. Promise me.”
His eyes soften as he reaches up and brushes my cheek with the back of his fingertips, “I swear it.”
In gentle motion, his hand smooths the cloth down my arm until my forearm is nakedly displayed. At first, he's confused, then he's surprised. “I don’t understand.”
“Do you trust me?” I stress.
“Yes,” he affirms with confidence.
“Let me show you since you can’t read my thoughts,” I reach up and place both hands on the sides of his face. Closing my eyes, I replay my conversation with Michael in the Veil and push my memories into Solas' mind. When I open my eyes, Solas is gazing at me tenderly. Admiration, pity, pride, loyalty, and affection. I release him before I can feel too many of his emotions. It feels wrong to spy on someone at such a deep level.
“I’m sorry, Ivy.”
“It’s ok. You didn’t know. No one knows, and I think it would be best to keep it that way.” I pull the cloth back on, and Solas ties it up more securely.
“I understand.”
“I don’t think you do,” I lower my voice. Solas quirks an eyebrow at my statement. I step closer to whisper in his ear, “I know how you feel about Beleth, so I hope you can be on my side. I need him to think I’ve changed. I have to get close to him. Close enough to do to him what I did to Ryker.”
Solas whispers back to me, “I'll do whatever I can to help you.”
“Thank you, Solas,” I hug him tight, overflowing with gratitude.
I'm going to get out of here.
As we approach the Throne Room, the doors are closed, and the silence is eerie. “It’s best if you play along,” Solas whispers close to my ear, and I nod before he opens the doors. He marches ahead of me, and I follow closely. He stops in the middle of the room and steps aside to kneel in a bow to Beleth. I take my place beside him and mimic his movements. My captor seems pleased with himself as I bow in submission. Neither Solas or I move. My heart's beating so hard I think it's going to burst from my throat.
Beleth’s footfalls reverberate as he approaches. “Stand,” he commands us, and we rise together. I'm still the same cocky person I've always been and lift my chin with confidence as I meet the roaring flames in his eyes. “You may leave us, Solas.” I don’t dare glance to Solas as he marches back out of the Throne Room. “Ivy, Ivy, Ivy,” Beleth begins to circle me slowly. “After all the trouble I went through to ensure your safety…you kill one of my best soldiers?” He smiles in amusement.
“It was an accident. I didn’t know what was happening. I suspect
my final transformation had a hand in it.” It isn’t a complete lie.
He nods and appears to consider it a possible coincidence. “Hmm… And how do you feel now that you are fully transformed?”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking, My Liege,” I add to play to his ego.
His pacing ceases before me, and he stares into my eyes with a tight-lipped grin on his lips, “I am asking if I am still going to have a problem with your insubordination.”
I kneel in front of him for good measure, “No, My Liege. I'm fully awake. I understand my place and my purpose. I'm ready to be molded by your hands into the instrument you see fit.”
Was that too much, you think?
“Perfect,” he notes and gestures for me to stand. I meet his gaze once more. “You are ready to be molded then?”
“Yes, My Liege,” I try to muster enough admiration in my eyes for him to believe my words, though I hate calling him ‘My Liege.’
“It will require me to touch you again,” he adds and hovers his hand over my face.
“I understand,” is my only reply. I loathe his touch, but I need to keep playing along.
“If you are truly ready, Princess, you will have to prove to me that you are willing to submit to me.”
“I’m ready. What would you have me do to prove my loyalty?” My confidence wavers inside of me, but I refuse to reveal it.
“Bind yourself to me,” his eyes flare with anticipation.
I knew this was coming. This is my chance. I have to take it. No matter the consequences.
“I accept.”
The astonishment in his eyes changes into arrogance, “Good. Tonight then. I will send for you when it is time.”
“Yes, My Liege,” I bow my head to him. “Will that be all?”
“For now. You may return to your chambers and prepare yourself for what is to come. Till then, Princess,” he bows his head and disappears in a black cloud of smoke.
Fuck. There’s no turning back now. I need to find out what the ritual will entail. Hopefully, I'll get my chance before it’s complete.
I turn around and leave the Throne Room through the same open doors I entered, realizing this is the first time I've not been required to be escorted around the premises. With this new sign of trust Beleth has given me, I find my way down the corridors. Voices travel from the Dining Hall. My stomach rumbles, and I pause outside the entryway. I wonder if there’s any food. Would I be welcome in there?
I decide to take my chances and enter the Dining Hall. Twelve men sit around the feast set along the long table. They're laughing and enjoying conversation when I step inside, and every head in the room turns to me, silence gripping the tension in the room.
What do I say? Maybe I should leave. No. That would show weakness. I'm not weak.
“Good evening,” I say with my head held high. I spot Cassius at the left corner of the far side of the table. After a moment of silence, he stands and approaches me.
I'm stupefied when he takes my right hand and kneels before me. He places a light kiss on the back of my hand and bows his head, “What can we do for you, Princess?” He glances up at me and winks.
The corner of my mouth gradually turns up as I try to restrain my amusement, “May I join you? I haven’t eaten in a while.”
Cassius stands and guides me to a seat at the head of the table next to him, “Of course, Princess. Have a seat.”
Remembering appreciation isn't recognized within their ranks, I simply nod my head to play along with Cassius’ ploy to earn their trust. The other eleven men rise from their seats as I step in front of the chair before sitting. Pausing, I look around and search their faces. I don’t recognize any of them, but they're all dressed the same as Cassius, and I assume they're all Griffins like him. I sit down, and they each follow suit. I take an empty goblet from in front of me and turn to Cassius, “What do I have to do to get a drink around here?” I joke.
“What would you like?” he inquires.
Hesitantly, I glance around the room of Griffins examining me, and my pretenses fall away. “Does it really have to be like this?” I suggest with a bored and tired expression.
I'm met with looks of misunderstanding from them. Cassius bends down to speak low in my ear, “What do you mean, Princess?”
“You know exactly what I mean, Cassie,” I scowl in irritation. Murmurs resound around the room between the Griffins. Cassius gives me a callous glare with his brows pinched together. “Stop treating me like I'm glass! You’re not going to break my heart, and I’m not going to run crying. And stop calling me ‘Princess’ or I’ll come up with girly names for each of you.” I point around the table, “My name is Ivy. Use it.” The stunned expressions on each of their faces have me shaking my head, “Look, I’ve been through a lot of shit these last few weeks. I need a fucking drink. I was hoping you guys would loosen up and have one with me.”
I see some smiles across the table, and Cassius weaves to the middle of the table to pick up a tall, dark bottle of wine, “Would you like some wine then?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “Do I look like wine's going to solve my problems, Cass?" I deadpan. "No. We need some whiskey.” Every Griffin begins pounding the table.
Cassius puts the wine down, an amused grin plays across his face, revealing dimples in his cheeks. He reaches over and plucks a square bottle full of liquid gold from next to a platter of enormous turkey legs. “Will this do?” he chuckles, and the pounding of fists on the table gets louder and faster.
“Shots for everybody!” I cheer and throw my hands up. Another Griffin leaves and brings back two trays, each holding thirty shot glasses. They're passed along the table and filled to the brims. Once the first bottle is emptied, more is brought to the table from the bar along the wall.
Cassius jumps into the seat of his chair, shot glass in hand, “A toast!” The room echoes with the repeated phrase and raised glasses from every Griffin in the Dining Hall. “To Ivy! May your future nor your past never take away your class. For we will never be the same without it, my dear lass.”
I lift my shot glass to Cassius, and shouts explode through the room, “To Ivy!” We throw our shots back, and cheers ensue.
Food is passed along the table like Thanksgiving dinner. We eat and laugh as the Griffins tell stories of how they've been getting away from The Keep under the radar to find women to bed. As soon as I finish my first plate, another randomly replaces it as Cassius comes to sit beside me and pours me another shot before dropping the bottle down in front of me. It's a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Jack. I’m so sorry, Jack. Please forgive me.
I send up a silent prayer and throw back the shot. “What has you drowning in your sorrows, sweet Ivy?”
Without meeting his gaze, I snatch the bottle of Jack and pour another shot. “Beleth,” I mumble. I hesitate with my hand around the neck of the bottle as I place it back down. “I agreed to bind with him tonight.” I throw another shot back and revel the burn down my throat. I've lost count of how many I've had, but I have to keep drinking to keep my buzz going.
Cassius nods his head, “Maybe it is for the best, now that you are one of us.”
I don’t look back at him. I regret the lie they believe—that I'm Fallen as they are. “I’m afraid this will only make things worse for me.”
“How so?”
I falter at the thought of my declaration. I lean in and whisper close to his ear, “My heart belongs to another.”
“I see… This may be difficult for the both of you. I wish I knew what to tell you to make this easier, but I have seen the way Solas looks at you. No matter what you choose, he knows you do not have a choice,” he whispers back to me.
I sit back and look at him in bewilderment, “Solas?”
Cassius tilts his head and leans back into me to keep his voice low, “Is that not who you speak of?” I shake my head. I catch sight of someone coming through the door. It's Beckett. Cassius addresses him, “Brother! Are you he
re to join us?” His deep voice bellows with merriment.
“I am not. Though, I wish I could,” he tells his brother, then looks to me. “I'm here to escort you back to your chambers so you can get ready for the ritual tonight.”
The entire room stills with his words and every head snaps to my direction. I clear my throat and stand, “Thank you for the momentary reprieve gentlemen, but I must leave your good company earlier than expected.” I'm met with looks of astonishment, disbelief, devastation, and alarm. I nod and let Beckett lead me back to my quarters.
Beckett opens the door to my chamber, and I follow him inside. A thin white gown lays across the foot of my bed. It's more of a toga in design than a wedding dress. I run my hand across the fabric. It’s soft and layered with lacy vines across the waist.
“Is there anything you need?” Beckett offers.
“I need to speak to Solas.” Beckett bows his head and leaves me to prepare.
Soaking in the steaming water of the stone tub, tears run down my face. I'm finally alone and able to release my sorrow in private. My latest nightmare begins to make sense to me now. The dress on my bed is the same from my dream. Dream, vision, omen. Whatever it is must have been symbolizing the binding.
I dunk my head backward to drown my thoughts in the hushed whir of water. When I can’t hold my breath any longer, I surface and wipe my face. Standing up, I reach for the white towel hanging on the corner of the cabinet and wrap it around my body. I twist another around my head so my hair won’t drip while I dry the rest of my body. I stare at myself in the full-length mirror. More tears seep from the inner corners of my eyes.
I turn away from myself and return to the bedroom. Solas stands facing the fireplace and flames dance across the black suit he's wearing. “You wanted to speak to me?” he prompts without facing me.
“Um… Yeah. Let me get dressed. Give me just a minute. Please, don’t go.” I grab my garments and the dress from my bed and skirt into the bathroom. I towel dry my hair and slip on the ensemble. Without regarding my reflection, I return to the bedroom once more to find Solas standing in the same place. His arms are extended in front of him, and his hands rest on the mantle above the hearth. His head remains downcast as he stares at the rug beneath his feet. He appears tired and sad.
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 22
