My insides are boiling, not with heat, but anger. I'm pissed off. I’m wearing black armor accented with silver edges that display the separation of its plates. It’s like nothing I’ve seen before. Like forged midnight. Its large scales are layered in a symmetrical formation over my shoulders, arms, and abdomen, ending at points across my leather clad thighs. The black leather under armor is the same material as my gloved hands bound to my ankles, restraining my wings tight against my back.
Lucian’s hand grips a fistful of my hair and wrenches my head back to look him in the face. His square jaw is set as he bares his teeth, growling at me on my knees as his flaming red eyes lined with long, thick, black eyelashes, glow in the darkness surrounding us. “You will suffer,” he snarls with a vibration in his chest, reminding me of a rattlesnake. Raising his free hand, he backhands me across the face, and my head snaps to the side as the taste of salted copper fills my mouth.
I take in my surroundings. Cold concrete ground digs into my knees. I’m in an empty warehouse with thick concrete supports holding up its aluminum ceiling. “No one's coming to save you,” his voice rumbles and hums in my ears as his raging eyes scowl at my weakness. He produces a blade from behind him. Its silver glistens from the spotlight above before he depresses its sharp point into my chest between my armor’s plates and through the leather beneath it. The tip slowly digs into my flesh as he twists it deeper. I want to wince from the pain, but I've learned to conceal my vulnerability. He jerks my head back and releases my hair to clutch my chin. “Relinquish your essence to me,” he demands.
“No,” I croak.
“Then I'll watch you die.” The blade plunges into my heart, and I gasp as blood fills my mouth, spilling down my lips.
I come out of my vision violently. I can’t breathe, and blood continues to fill my mouth as I cough and gasp for air. I’m flat on my back next to the fire, and Solas is kneeled over me with terror in his eyes. He rips my shirt apart to reveal the hole in my chest. “Hold on, Ivy!” he bellows as he pushes down over the wound to impede the bleeding. My hearing begins to ring, and his voice becomes muffled as he calls for help with tears in his eyes. The most painful sorrow engulfs me from his touch. It’s familiar. It’s the same pain I felt when I lost Jack. More of Solas’ emotions pour over me. Regret, agony, intense and passionate love. It’s his love that keeps me from letting go. It calls to me.
Don't let me die yet, Solas.
An illumination occurs from beneath Solas’ hand over my wound. It burns with excruciating force, and Solas falls back from me. As the light extinguishes, I turn to my side and cough up the remaining blood in my throat between gasps. My body begins to tremble, and Solas takes me in his arms, kissing the top of my head over and over again as he repeats, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
Alice storms into the room with Eric, Evelyn, Cass, and Beck on her heals. “What happened?” she demands.
Solas doesn’t answer as he lifts me in his arms and stands to face them. I can’t focus. I'm so tired. My eyes close as I rest my head against Solas’ chest and listen to him explain what happened, “We tried to use meditation to induce her vision. The wounds Lucian created in the vision manifested.” He gently lays me in my bed, and my eyes flutter open again.
Evelyn comes over with a warm rag and cleans the blood from my face and chest. While she began cleaning feverishly, she slows to deliberate pats. “There are no wounds here,” she states in confusion.
Solas continues, “She used her ability to heal and mended herself. I’ve never seen anything like it.” The room becomes silent, and I hear him utter beneath his breath, “I thought she was dead.”
Evelyn covers me after she finishes cleaning the blood from my body and removes my soiled shirt. “She's lost a lot of blood, and her energy's greatly diminished. I’ll go make her something to eat and have some water brought up.”
“I'll help you,” Beck insists.
Alice comes to my side and places her hand over the covers on my leg. “Ivy? Are you ok? Can I get you anything?”
My voice rasps as I croak, “I’m alright, Alice. I just want to rest now.”
“Ok, honey. I’ll come back later and check on you.” I nod my head as I close my eyes again.
I hear Alice close the door behind her as she leaves with Eric. Solas’ lips touch my forehead again. This time, their lingering caress is tender and loving. I grasp his hand and ask, “Stay with me?”
“Of course.” He climbs into bed with me and holds me firm against his chest. I start to drift off to sleep. “Ivy?”
“Hmm?” I hum without opening my eyes.
I wait for him to speak, but he deflects, “Nothing. Rest.”
I'm so tired I can't argue for him to continue, and I fall asleep in the safety of his warm embrace.
I stir awake in the darkness of my room with Solas holding me tight against his chest, one hand wrapped under my side to rest on my back and the other on my waist. Our legs are entwined like lovers beneath the covers, and my head lays on the colossal muscle of his bicep. The moon shines through the windows of the French doors to the balcony and illuminates the intense planes of his face. He looks peaceful as he sleeps. He's so beautiful my chest aches with guilt at my attraction to him. I love Jack, but I can’t deny the feelings that have been boiling beneath the surface between Solas and I. They've been blossoming by varying degrees ever since we met in The Keep. It flows over me with a familiar and potent longing. The desire to lose myself in his magnificence and passion for me pursues the ache in my chest. I want it to catch me. I need it to catch me. I need it to seize the cruel torture inside of me and supersede it with the warmth of his affection. He’s never voiced his love for me, but it bleeds into me with every touch. It is unequivocal and undeviating.
I reach up and stroke the stubble of his jawline. Solas’ eyes open with heaviness and cascade into mine. I don’t remove my palm from his face. There's a sadness in his ice blue eyes I want to comfort the way he's comforted me. I feel his sincere love for me as his heart beats strong against my chest and his hunger for more. “I’ll always love him, Solas,” I whisper dolefully. I feel wretched, knowing how much it hurts him.
Solas doesn’t flinch as he replies, “I know.” His voice is deep and smooths over my ears like silk.
The force of emotion between us pulls at my heart. I can’t prevent myself from what I'm about to do and pray Jack will forgive me. Leaving my hand on his cheek, I lift my head from the pillow and lessen the space between us. Solas doesn’t move as I hesitate within a hair’s breadth from his lips. The longing in his gaze is an avalanche delving into me. I close my eyes and press my lips to his. His warm, full lips respond with avid gentleness as he pulls my waist closer to him. The passion between us builds into a fever, and I let it drive me higher. Solas shifts me onto my back, covering my body with his. My hands slip behind his neck and draw him closer. A captivating wave pulses inside of me, making me dizzy.
His hand firmly glides down my hip, removing my jeans. I feel the raw power within him that he’s holding back. His lips meet every inch of skin as they trail from my legs back to my mouth. His fingers weave into my black hair as he continues to capture and devour me with untold promises on his lips. “Ivy,” he groans deep as his mouth moves to my bare neck, causing erogenous ripples of desire to consume my entire being.
Solas hesitates with his lips grazing my shoulder. “Don’t let me go, Solas,” I whisper in his ear.
He lifts his head to search my face. “I’ll never let you go, princess.” With his words, I become a waterfall surging from endless oceans.
A gasp from the doorway pulls our attention away from each other. We're so lost in each other that even with our angelic hearing we never hear my bedroom door open. Alice stands in the doorway with her eyes wide in shock and her mouth agape. “I… I… Sorry,” she stammers and bolts back out of the room.
Our faces snap back to each other with surprise. Solas moans as he rolls onto his back listle
ssly and covers his eyes with his arm. I stare at the ceiling above the bed.
Shit, I think begrudgingly.
“I’m sorry, Ivy,”
“No. I’m sorry.” Even though the guilt sits heavily in my chest, I don’t feel regret for my feelings towards Solas. I only feel ashamed at the tear in my heart between two men. But I can’t help but rationalize that one of them is gone.
Solas lifts his arm from his face and takes in my profile. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I'll never repent for my feelings. I know you can feel my love for you when we touch. I can’t keep it from you, and I don't want to. I’ve had to live with myself for letting love slip through my fingers before, without her knowing how I truly felt. I won’t let it happen again.”
I turn on my side, placing my hands together under my cheek and assure him, “I don’t want you to think I’m using you to replace Jack. While I'll always love him, my heart feels torn in two with my feelings for you.”
“I know how you feel about me. It flowed over me when we kissed. I don’t know if you were doing it intentionally or not, but it was unmistakable.”
“So, you understand?”
“I do.”
“And you’re not disappointed with me?”
“Come here,” he says and pulls me back into his arms. “I could never be disappointed with you, Ivy. Never.” A wisp of hair falls over his eyes, and I brush it back, running my fingers through its silkiness. Solas leans in and kisses me again. Relief, hope, passion. These emotions are not only his. They're mine.
Urgent need for him engulfs me like an addiction. My hands begin to roam beneath his shirt to graze his body of chiseled marble. His mouth claims the tender crevasse of my neck, and I gasp at the pleasure of it. Solas pulls me on top of him, and I straddle his waist. He sits up, and I lift his thin cotton shirt over his head. Our lips meet again in a fever pitch. His hands squeeze my ribs firmly as they move to my back and remove my bra before tossing it over the edge of the bed. The warm skin of his chest pushes against mine as he rocks into me. Color and sound meld together in an amalgamation of intoxication and delirium. My wings shiver and pop inside of me until I can’t confine them anymore. They shoot out of my shoulder blades with a ferocious crack and Solas’ respond equivalently. We lose ourselves in ecstasy, fading into each other until the grace of the moon’s radiance disappears behind the horizon.
I'm a new being shrouded in the darkness of Solas’ wings. No longer does my mind wander to the terrifying memory of Trey as Mr. Rawlings drudges on about the meaning of C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce. No longer do I fear the threat of Lucian hovering over me. There's a connection that's come full circle like a fate within my destiny. I'm safe within the eclipse of his raven downy. Nothing can touch me but him.
Chapter 23
Escaping the confines of the English building, I find Alice waiting for me outside. Her back's turned to me with her arms folded over her chest. She goes rigid when I call out to her, “Alice!”
She faces me, and I read the anger and disappointment in her countenance before she feigns a more relaxed expression. “Hey. You ready?”
“Yeah.” I'm uncomfortable as we traverse to the Math building. The space between us feels like miles. I can’t take it. “Alice? About last night—”
“Yeah. So, did you discover any more info from your vision?” She's evading the conversation she knows is coming.
“Yes, but that’s not what I’m referring to, and you know it,” I correct as I give her a sidelong glance.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Ivy. It’s your life,” she dejects, attempting to hide her anger.
“Is it, though?” I retort. “We both know my life's never been my own. And as much as I love Jack, he’s not coming back, and Solas feels like he's meant to be a part of the destiny calling me.”
Alice freezes in her tracks, and her shoulders round forward. “You don’t even know him, Ivy.”
“I do,” I say with confidence.
She turns to me with pity, “He has secrets he’s not telling you. You really don’t know him.”
“What secrets?” Alice is my best friend. Besides not being able to reveal who I really was, she's never kept anything from me.
If she knows about a secret Solas is hiding, why has she not told me?
“It’s not my place. You’ll have to ask him,” she reinforces and runs off, leaving me to walk the rest of the way unguarded.
“Alice!” I yell to make her come back, though I know she can hear me even if I whisper her name. She continues to ignore me, vanishing around the corner. I think about chasing her down and making her explain herself, but I can’t afford to miss another class.
After turning in all of my missed Math assignments at the end of class, my stomach remains in knots about Solas’ secrets. I know Solas. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Even if he’s hiding something, it can’t be that bad. I know deep down he's good. I’m not going to ask him for answers. If it’s important, he’ll tell me of his own volition. I don’t need to push him.
I discover Eric waiting for me when Alice was supposed to remain outside the building instead of running off. “I guess you’re backup?” I tease with a grin.
“Something like that,” he smirks, squinting into the sunlight behind me.
We take our time finding my car down the hill, and I ask, “Is she still mad at me?”
“No. She was never mad at you. She's worried about you. She only sent me because she doesn’t want you to ask her about it. She wouldn’t be able to refuse to answer you.”
“So you know what’s going on too?” I wince as we skirt around either side of my car.
Eric holds his hands up in defense, “Hey, I’m staying out of this too.”
I growl in frustration, and we get in the car. I start the engine and pause in thought. “Is it bad?” I wonder.
“It depends on how you look at it, but I don’t think it’s as bad as you think.”
Our drive back to the estate is uneventful until we pull into the cul-de-sac and witness the oddest stampede run down the left side of the manor, disappearing behind it, reappearing on the right side, and continuing around the house. The Griffins are running circles in their birthday suits, followed by Max and Andromeda, then Evelyn. A shirtless Solas flies above us with his wings spread wide and beating slowly to keep him aloft while he laughs out of control. “What the fuck?” Eric and I gawk in unison. We gape at each other and exit the car with angelic speed.
“Hey! What’s going on?” I call up to Solas, shading my eyes from the sun. He floats down gracefully and lands before us. His smile warms the very air around me and stirs a longing for him to touch me again.
“The horses didn’t like the brothers turning into their Griffin forms,” he chuckles. “They felt threatened. The Griffins were just having some fun, and the horses charged. They've been chasing them in circles ever since they landed. They tried to change back into human form, but the horses still feel threatened. They're protecting their territory. Evelyn's trying to catch them so she can calm them down.”
“Why are they naked?” I muse.
Solas chuckles, “They can’t regenerate clothing after their shapeshift as I can.” He winks.
I laugh with him and Eric as we watch the stampede continue for another rotation. I take my red leather jacket off and toss it on the hood of the car before I let my wings out. “Alright. I think that’s enough.”
I take off into the sky and catch up to Maximus first. I glide over his pristine white coat and land on his bare back. Grasping his mane, I pull my wings against my back as I lean forward. I'm surprised I can read his anger through our contact. I reach out and smooth the coat on his neck as I whisper to him, “Easy. Easy, Max.” I push a feeling of calmness into him and say, “They’re friends. They would never hurt us. Easy.” Maximus whinnies with understanding and begins to slow.
Evelyn catches up to us as I steer him towards the barn. “Maximus,” sh
e warns with a scowl as she stands in front of him with her hands on her hips. Max bows his head low in shame. “You can’t attack our guests, Maximus.” I dismount Max, and Evelyn addresses me, “Thank you. Do you think you can catch Andromeda? She usually doesn’t listen to anyone but Jack.”
I nod my head and take off after the powerful war horse. The Griffins are still sprinting in circles as Solas and Eric just watch with amusement. I call down to her with force behind my tone, “Andromeda, stop.” She ignores me and continues to chase her enemies. I feel wrong about riding her, so I swoop in close to her and place my hand firm on her neck. I push the same feeling of calmness to her that I used with Maximus. “Easy. They’re friends.” She remains unrelenting in her pursuit. I don’t like how angry she is and feel there's only one way I’ll be able to stop her. I grip the long hair at the base of her mane and straddle her back. This makes her even more heated. She rears up and kicks the air. As I hold on tight to her powerful body with my legs, sadness trickles under the surface of her anger. I pull her away from the house and steer her to the open field. She's fast and merciless as her hooves pound the earth beneath us.
I let her run for a long time to let off some steam before I lean into her and stroke her neck. “You’re ok.” Andromeda slows down and comes to a stop at the edge of the field under the shade of two trees. Her breathing's labored, and the heat of it steams out of her nose against the chill in the air. I slide off her back and step in front of her stoic stance. Hesitant, I approach her shoulder and hug her around her neck. “I miss him too,” I utter as I hold her. She's unmoving for a few moments but surprises me by lowering her head to nuzzle me closer, hugging me back. I pat her shoulder and sigh when she releases me. She's lonely without Jack, and it makes me ache for him. I lean against the trunk of the tree and slide down its length, pulling my knees to my chest. And I cry. I cry like I've lost him all over again.
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 29
