My head snaps up with a sharp intake of breath, pulling the headphones of the now-dead iPod from my ears with a soft pop. I release my breath slowly as I roll onto my back. What was that? It had to be a vision. I’ve never been there before. It felt like Sheol, but I can’t be sure. I sit up, grab my cigarettes, and walk out to the balcony to smoke. The house is quiet, and I imagine everyone’s finally asleep.
As quietly as I can, I sneak the presents I’ve hidden in my closet to place them beneath the Christmas tree in the entertainment room. Finding the fire still blazing in the hearth, I avert my eyes and walk into the kitchen for some warm apple cider. I feel ridiculous at my aversion to fire now and decide that it’s time to get over it. Mustering up the courage, I tune the stereo in to more Christmas music and find a comfortable spot on the sofa next to the window where I have a clear view of the beautiful Christmas tree in the corner and the fireplace next to it.
I sit with a mug of cider in my hands and stretch my legs across the sofa. At first, I’m only able to look at the tree, but I discover my eyes traveling to the movements of the fire. This is stupid. If I’m going to find Solas—and I’m pretty sure he’s in Sheol—I’ll have to get over my fear of fire and heat. I allow the warmth of the fire to slither up my body. It reminds me of when Solas helped me meditate to induce my visions.
Forcing a vision is dangerous. We don’t understand why, but if I’m wounded in a forced vision, it manifests in reality. I want to focus harder on the fire and let it consume me, yet I don’t know what to expect from a vision and could hurt myself in the process. Pain is subjective. Temporary. My pupils dilate as my sight converges on the flames, blacking out my surroundings. Just as I’m sure of an approaching vision, my bond to Jack pulls me out of my meditation. It’s unusually strong. And instead of pulling in one direction, it seems to be bouncing all around me. Moments later, I hear his footfalls coming from the third floor, and feign content before he enters the entertainment room.
“Thought I heard you down here,” he notes as he leans against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets.
I offer him a tired smile. “Had to get everyone’s presents down here before morning.”
“It is morning.”
I shake my head and roll my eyes. “Smartass.”
He steps into the room and eases himself to the floor at my side, sharing my view of the fire. Our bond eases, converging into a soft tether between us. We sit in silence for quite some time, enjoying the closeness of each other’s presence.
As dawn breaks on Christmas morning, Evelyn slips into the room, fluffs Jack’s hair, and kisses his head. “Merry Christmas, Jack.”
“Merry Christmas, Mother.”
Her eyes soften when they meet mine, “Merry Christmas, Ivy.”
“Merry Christmas, Evelyn.”
The pitter-patter of Alice running down the stairs is followed by groans of the remaining sleepers not wanting to wake up yet. Alice bounces into the room, “Merry Christmas!”
Evelyn turns for the kitchen, “I’ll make some breakfast and coffee while everyone wakes up.”
Jack rises to his feet, “I’ll help you.”
I move my legs beneath me to make room for Alice to sit down, but she’s more excited to start passing out gifts. She positions herself at the base of the tree and digs for presents, separating them as she goes.
The Griffins shuffle into the room, plopping down on the floor before the fire. Beck takes a big whiff of air through his nose. “Mmm… She’s making bacon.”
I stand up and hold my hand out for Alice, “Come on, let’s get some food and caffeine in our stomachs before we start.”
With a huff, Alice takes my hand. We lead the Griffins to the kitchen where we’re assailed with the comforting aroma of bacon, fried eggs, cinnamon, and coffee. Breakfast is quiet as we shuffle around each other, making plates and coffee for ourselves. We sit around the marble island, scarfing down breakfast while enjoying the Christmas tunes coming from the other room. Alice finishes first. Hopping down from her stool, she kisses Eric on the cheek and urges us to hurry.
Gifts are passed around until mid-morning. The Griffins each receive a new crossbow with their names engraved in gold. Alice is gifted with assortments of jewelry and accessories. A set of titanium throwing knives is given to Eric. Cass and Beck surprise me with nun-chucks, giving everyone a good laugh, and Thea promises to train me with them later in the week. Alice and Eric give me tactical clothing and harnesses to sheath my weapons, which I’m sure Eric talked Alice into; I love them.
Evelyn hands me a small present wrapped in red and gold filigree paper. As I tear the paper away, I pull out a dark, wooden framed picture of Maximus and me. The lighting in the photo catches at the right angle, creating a warm glow between us as I kiss his nose. I smile, “Evelyn, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”
“Well, I wanted you to have the photo, but the real gift is him,” she gestures to the frame in my hands.
“What?” I question.
“Maximus… He’s yours now, dear.”
“What! You can’t do that. He’s yours.” Tears threaten my widened eyes.
“He’s been yours since your first ride,” she claims. I jump to my feet and embrace her, letting my love, joy, and appreciation for her flow from me. Her breath hitches as her arms tighten around me. “Oh, dear… I love you too.”
Taking my gifts back to my room, I dig beneath my bed, hurrying to find the present I’ve been hiding for Jack. He wanted us to give our gifts in private, but I’ve felt uneasy about it because he’s been unusually quiet today. I hear his steps cross the hall from his bedroom to mine and open my door before he can knock.
Present in hand and excitement in my voice, I smile from ear to ear, “Hey.” Jack grins as he steps through the door empty handed. I shut the door and follow him to the balcony where he lights a cigarette. “Here,” I say, handing him a rectangular box wrapped in shiny green paper. “This is for you.”
He takes the box from my hands and shakes it, “What is it?”
“Don’t laugh. I had a really hard time finding something for you. I mean, what do you get a guy that basically has everything?” He gives me a look that says all he wants is right in front of him. I urge him on with the roll of my eyes, “Just open it.”
Tearing the paper away, Jack’s eye quirks in confusion at the black box he reveals. He opens the lid and chuckles, “Converse.”
Pushing my hands into my back pockets and digging a toe in the ground, I shrug. “Everyone deserves a good pair of comfortable shoes. Chucks are the best.”
Jack places the box on the table and pulls me into his arms, his bulky biceps enveloping me as I rest my head against his chest. “Thanks, Sunshine,” he whispers before kissing the top of my head.
Here, in his arms, the world falls away. My worries of what my destiny may hold are insignificant. In this place, I’m safe and warm, and nothing exists but us. I have to bite my tongue from objecting as he pulls away.
“You’re welcome,” I reply.
Jack clears his throat. “So, I have something for you as well, but what do you say we get out of here for a while?”
“Where do you want to go?”
Jack takes his shirt off and tucks it into his back pocket before stepping up to the ledge of the balcony. No matter how many times I see him shirtless, my heartbeat kicks up a notch... Every time. Extending a hand down to me, he releases his massive, dark verdant wings with his charming million dollar smile—beautifully irritating. My own wings threaten to erupt from beneath my shoulder blades, and I pull my sweater over my head to reveal my ever present racer back shirt as my bones crack and shift in my back. I take his hand and join him on the ledge of the balcony.
Sliding my fingers from his, I give him a cunning grin as I back dive off the balcony. My midnight wings burst from my shoulder blades as I twist in the air to shoot straight into the sky. We race into the clouds for cover from prying eyes. As we break through the clouds, the
sun glows over their caps in bright oranges and yellows. The world is silent here. No birds chirping. No cars driving. No constant chatter of the populace. Silence.
Jack veers to my side and takes my hand again, his touch sending tingles through my body as the butterflies in my stomach stir into a frenzy. He leads us to the cliffs of Red Meadow Lookout, and we land on the edge, retracting our wings. I haven’t been here since I stormed away from Alice and Thea the day I overheard them talking about me being the reason for Solas’ fall. Then, the view was full of fall colors decorating the town below. Today, it feels as if I’m looking at a different town in a different time. The snow blankets the landscape like a Thomas Kinkade painting as families enjoy each other’s company in the spirit of the holidays.
Jack hooks an arm over my shoulders and draws me into his side. “I think this has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
I glance up to his strong features, squinting against the glare of the sun, “Me too.”
He reaches into his front pocket with his free hand, pulls out a small, black, velvet box, and holds it out in front of me. “This is for you.”
With hesitant hands, I take the box from his palm and open it with diligence. Inside rests a white gold pendant with a round stone in an elongated oval setting. Four teardrop diamonds rest in each cardinal direction around the gorgeous gem with colors of a dark fire. Lying in the center is a round, brilliant diamond. The dark stone catches the light, its colors appearing to swirl in black, green, red, orange, and yellow—like the most entrancing iris in the palm of my hand. “Jack, it’s beautiful!” I gawk as I remove the necklace from its soft bed of black velvet.
He reaches out for the pendant. “Allow me,” he offers.
I place the delicate chain over his fingers and turn my back towards him as I move my hair over my shoulder. He raises the necklace over my head, stepping close behind me, and latches the pendant in place. I pivot back to face him. “Thank you.”
Jack lifts the stone from my chest, letting it lay gently across his fingertips. “It’s a very special black opal.”
“Special?”
“It’s not your average Australian opal.” He wavers as he lets the precious stone fall back to my chest and shoves his hands into his front pockets. “It’s Enochian.”
My eyes widen, “As in…”
He nods. “It’s angelic—from Paradise.”
“Jack, I can’t take this. It’s too—”
“—I want you to have it. This stone represents justice and harmony, and being from Paradise, it will protect the wearer in dangerous situations.”
I crash into his hulking frame, squeezing his solid body to me. “Thank you.” And for the first time in a month, I let my empathic walls fall down for him. Jack’s emotions surge into me with a viscous force. Love, duty, protection, longing, lust. I jerk away and turn my back to him, too consumed with feelings I’m not ready to face yet. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”
“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
The silence is deafening between us as I force the tears in my eyes at bay.
“Ivy.”
“How can you say that?” I whisper, my throat burning with emotions pressuring to explode. Jack doesn’t respond. “How can you say that? You were gone for fifteen days, and I fell into his arms.” He remains silent, but I hear his heartbeat quicken. “I can’t forgive myself for giving up hope so quickly. You were gone,” I choke on my words. My voice cracks as my tears fall freely, “I was devastated. He was there for me. He was my rock. If it wasn’t for him… I never thought you were coming back.”
Before I realize what’s happening, Jack’s lips are on mine. He pulls me closer with a hand at my lower back, and another weaved through my hair. He kisses me with hard, passionate urgency. I cling to him for a moment, losing myself in his touch. I’ve missed Jack, but I don’t deserve his forgiveness.
My wings erupt from my back, and Jack rests his forehead on mine. “Don’t go,” he utters with his eyes closed.
“I know you want to be together again, Jack. But even if you forgive me, I can’t forgive myself.” I twist away from him, shoot into the sky above to break through the cloud line again, and head back to the estate.
Chapter 2
The sun begins to descend from the sky as I soar high above Red Meadow towards the estate. Ever since Jack’s return, I’ve sensed a weight of awkward tension from everyone. I’m not the type of person to give a shit what others think of me, but this is my family. It’s different. I detect their questioning gazes. They wonder if Jack and I are back together again. Do they see me as a traitor for stumbling into the arms of a Fallen? Do they judge me as someone who can’t make up her mind? Do they think I’m playing Jack and Solas? It hurts to imagine what they must think of me now.
I dive through a parting of fluffy clouds above my balcony and land on the terrace, retracting my wings. Feelings of Jack and Solas swarm my mind. All I want to do is run. Run until I can’t run any further. Yet, that’s not an option for me. I have a responsibility to keep preparing myself for the inevitable return of Fallen that will keep coming after me. I have a self-obligated duty to find Solas and save him from the Darkness he never belonged in.
Angry with myself for not knowing how to find Solas and not being able to forgive myself for betraying Jack’s love, I make a decision to start inducing my visions. I want to uncover what the future holds, not only for myself but for the well-being of my family. I’m tired of sitting idly by, waiting for war to descend upon us. I won’t let them be hurt for the sake of protecting me. My heart won’t be able to handle it.
Creating a fire in the hearth and filling my bathtub with pure cold water, I begin making preparations. It’s time to take my fate into my own hands again. I’m exhausted with the timid person I’ve become since my torture in Sheol. As Solas once told me, I’m Ivy Harris. I’m Pestilence to Darkness. I am Death. And it’s about time I start acting like it.
I close and secure the French doors to the balcony, shut the thick curtains to block the outside world, and lock my bedroom door. I want my body as hot as I can get it before submerging myself in the frigid water I’ve prepared in the bathtub. My only option—apart from setting myself on fire—is to sit as close to the flames as possible for as long as it takes to heat my body temperature. I strip all clothing from my body, then remove the pendant Jack gave me to rest it on the shelving above the hearth before sitting on the rug as close as I can to the flames.
My skin warms quickly, becoming an uncomfortable burn within minutes. I want to pull away, but I’ve been through worse in Sheol. I remind myself like a chant, Pain is subjective. Temporary. I embrace the pain for the necessary results. My skin’s bright red and the most excruciating twinge burns over my body, threatening to blister. Still, I force myself to keep sitting. Pain is subjective. Temporary. I’m immortal now. The immensity of time I will be alive is unfathomable. This short time is nothing in comparison.
Seconds. Minutes. Hours. I have no concept of time as I finally decide my body temperature is high enough. I want to cry out as I unfold my naked body from the floor to stand, but hold it deep inside. Agony blazes over my skin, my heart pounds, my eyes throb, and all sound becomes muffled. My feet inch slowly from the rug, over the threshold of the bathroom to the cold, white tile, and finally, make it to the edge of the tub.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I stifle a scream as I slide into the cold water. I know I have to act quickly. The heat of my body will warm the water in an instant, and all my efforts will be rendered useless. I lay back, taking a deep breath, and plunge my entire body under the water. I close my eyes and visualize myself as liquid. My mind begins to fade. I let go of the pain and tension throughout my body, surrendering myself over to the darkness suffocating me.
A dark cavern corridor stretches on as far as I can see. I reason it can be part of The Keep I haven’t seen before, except it’s hot and damp where The Keep is always cold. I keep alert
to my surroundings as I slink further into the passageway. The smell of sulfur and iron mixes in the air. I can’t deny the familiar stench of Sheol. I trail a hand over the cave wall, and it comes away with blood. A thundering growl vibrates through the corridor, sending quakes of tremors beneath my feet. I squint into the darkness, trying to sense what lies ahead. There’s a soft glow in the distance. Eyes. Red eyes. Three consecutive broken barks pierce my ears. My vision grows wide. I’m quite acquainted with the sound. In a flash, my sight is obstructed with nothing but two giant, glowing red eyes.
I tear myself from my vision, water spraying to the ceiling in an explosion. I gasp and cough for air to return to my lungs. I wrench myself over the edge of the tub to the cold tile floor, still coughing because I must have swallowed some of the water. Lifting my head from the floor, I stare at the back of the bathroom door, trying to stabilize my focus. Multiple angles of the bathroom become a single stationary sight. My eyes droop from the exhaustion the vision has exerted on me. My cheek falls back to the cold tile floor as I mutter, “Sasha.”
Over the next three days, I keep myself locked inside my room, brooding over what my life’s become. Hate and self-loathing boil inside of me, becoming a cannonball in my core. I contemplate if I should escape the manor and avoid my responsibilities. I consider going back to California, finding some mundane job and lying low. I ponder over what’s expected of me from Jack, Alice, Eric, Evelyn, and the Griffin triplets. I miss having a normal life, and I want nothing more than a do-over.
Each of my friends come to my door and attempt to pull me from my depressive state. Everyone but Jack. I think he understands the space I need and is allowing me to come around on my own. I’m grateful.
If I never made the decision to move to Red Meadow, I never would have met Jack. I never would have felt the comforting support of the family I now have protecting me. I can’t let them down. They’ve done so much for me, and I know how much it would hurt them if I left. Taking some old advice, in the end, I bury my emotions again and force myself to face the world falling down on me.
The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3 Page 41
